An investigation

Up early to arrive at Victoria Hospital in Lewes for 7:30 to have an internal camera investigation of my bladder and prostate, and a prostatic massage -- i.e. send things up my penis and rectum like the worst kind of alien abduction. Beautiful green drive, the dew steaming in the morning sun helping me avoid picturing the day's events.

Before we set off I had a word with myself, and imagined seeing a tiny me in a black and white picture taken from an aircraft, just one thing in a billion things going on this morning. Curiously this really helped. Even better, Lorraine had taken a day's compassionate leave to come with me. She was in the best possible way a walking tranqilliser, and made me feel safe. Plus the hospital was clean, the staff were, to a person, calm, friendly and efficient. And at no point did I seriously think that my operation would end up on YouTube.

I couldn't help thinking of our friend John was to have a cataract operation yesterday, but was sent home as his blood pressure was too high. Thanks to L, my blood pressure was okay all through, and my only truly nervous moment was for the few seconds I felt the anaesthetic course into me. When I came around I felt a immense feeling of relief, and soon I was back in the ward with Lorraine, drinking sweet tea and eating biscuits, both of which tasted curiously delicious.

Before I was released back into the wild, the surgeon told me that the prostate and bladder looked fine, that they were doing some further checks, and I have a follow up appointment in three months.

The rest of the day dozing on the gold sofa, feeling wan but happy, getting up occasionally to pee pieces of needles and broken glass through my battered old chap. A bad throat too from the oxygen tube. I insisted on Lorraine being compassionate all day, and had many cups of tea and snacks from her. She is a simply wonderful person. Also watched some Frazier episodes and a pay for view movie called Perfect Pitch, which was an enjoyable feelgood movie about college a capella groups in the US -some excellent dialogue.

Really relieved to have got the day done with, for this had been brooding on the horizon for some time. Made me count my blessings and confirmed yet again that Lorraine is the best of women.