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At my desk again

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Woke up at eight, Maureen calling as Pat was unwell. Lorraine due to go to Ashford today anyway, made an appointment for a doctor's phone call later in the day and, after breakfast, left. After chatting to Mum, and Betty who had called around to make and take away lots of coffee, as her hob wasn't working. Then settled down to five hours editing of my last podcast interview, recorded in January.  Enjoyed sitting at my new desk. It was time consuming, as ever, and my energy was low. But I was pleased when I finished it. Went for a bit of a walk at three, along the seafront.  Then after a quick listen again, sent it to Robin. Then a few emails. I've a lot to catch up on. Dinner on the gold sofa with both cats sitting on me. Then I called Mum, and then went for another slightly longer walk, this time in the dark to get up to 10k paces for the day. The Wellington Hotel looked very tempting as I walked past it, but I resisted. Home and rewatched the movie, Arrival . I like this

Cat tidy

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A relaxed day. Got up late, having written a long note to Brad, and had brunch, spoke to Mum, then made off with Lorraine to the supermarket. Felt fun to be doing something so normal together. Home and I fell into watching Chelsea versus Leicester in the FA cup quarter final which was on BBC 1. Chelsea were 2-0 up at half time, then after the worst own goal I have ever seen,  the team had a collective nervous breakdown, and allowed Leicester to draw level. Raheem Stirling, who I like greatly, had a terrible game and was being booed by the crowd. Somehow Chelsea contrived to win 4-2, but unconvincingly. A stressful watch. They play Manchester City in the semifinal, and will be slaughtered on this form. Mum went out to have some wine with neighbours tonight, and I spoke to Toby, who'd had a stressful week establishing the apartment in Washington. Lorraine and I watched lots of cheery TV and forked down roast chicken and lots of veggies. A happy evening. Below, underneath my new desk

Regrouping

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Awake early, mainly due to cats climbing on the bed. Lorraine and I got up, seeing as it was a bright sunny day. I called Mum who was planning to see Robert in the Waggon and Horses for lunch.   I was in decidedly antisocial mood, and just wanted Lorraine's company to regroup.  Then we went into the garden. Lovely to be outside and do things like digging a hole for the wildlife pond, and mowing the lawn and sorting the mess in the garage and so on. Physically tired by this, and generally drained anyway. In the afternoon, we listened to some music, and ate and I had a sleep on the gold sofa and chatted with Mum again in the evening, who had a pleasant afternoon. And I generally felt better for a rest.  In the evening we watched an undemanding romcom called Falling for Figaro about opera singers with the unlikely tutor being played by Johanna Lumley in Grande Dame mode and a bit of football.  Below a garden creature who had been eating our winter salad leaves. 

Back to Seaford

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Up fairly early. I have been having bad dreams, general assorted catastrophes. Just before I woke up I dreamed I had been having an affair. I woke up thinking oh God, what have I done? An immense flood of relief when I realised it was only a dream. Breakfast and teas and coffees with Mum. Neither of us terribly chatty. Mum receiving nice notes from Brad. I will write to him over the weekend, all being well. I am returning to see Mum next Thursday evening, but left her with instructions to call me at any time. Also a list of all the stuff we are doing, and where we are with it.  I feel tired and drained and left mum at about 11.30 am, bumping into Ben outside. A chat with him, then he went in to seem Mum, while I walked to Edgware and caught a bus to Mill Hill Broadway. In great contrast to last Friday, when I trained back to Seaford, the trains were excellent today, and the journey home passed in a blur. Nice to see the sea again, and felt cheery as my train pulled into Seaford station

Aftermath

I woke up early and got up and made coffee. Mum and I sat drinking coffee, and talking about yesterday. She is very pleased with how things went, and we are both pleased Mason had a fitting send off. Something like this takes a long time to sink in properly. I took a cup of coffee up for Lorraine, and soon we all had breakfast together. Lorraine left for Seaford and the cats, who had been confined to the kitchen for a couple of days, being fed and medicined by Beth and James. She got home with wonderful swiftness, driving on clear roads on a sunny day.  Mum had a very upset stomach this morning, I think as a consequence of yesterday's emotion and so on. Soon after se had improved enough to be able to bus off with me to Burnt Oak and pay the balance to the Funeral Directors. We arranged that I shall collect the ashes at the end of next week. We went back to Edgware, Mum went to the pharmacy, and was again treated wonderfully by the two ladies there. After looking at some of the opti

Mason's funeral

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The day of the funeral. Breakfast with Mam and Lorraine, followed by what seemed like lots of nervous waiting. Lorraine had accidentally left my black shoes at home, so I wore my tan ones, and took one of Mason's ties, a grey with a touch of gold. Otherwise I wore black and white and grey. Mum and Lorraine in dark colours.  Mum's friend Margaret arrived, and then Mum's friends Monika and Ocktay, who had offered to drive us all to the crematorium.  I sat in the front with Ocktay, who I'd never met before, but seemed an interesting and thoughtful man. He drove us to Golders Green Crematorium, where we found the right waiting room, a little room with black and white photos of the crematorium in it which Monika said she liked. People began arriving. Lots of neighbours, Ben dressed smartly all in black, Wynford, Maheena and Satish represented by her son and daughter, neighbours Emma, Gail and Annie, Steve and Paul from The Waggon and Horses, even Eileen and Sarah from next d

Limbo day

A day of limbo, this being the day before the funeral. There was nothing much to be done for the time being. It also poured steadily, most of the day. Mum and I sitting about restlessly. Eventually we went to the Waggon and Horses where we were going to meet Lorraine.   Another bloody fine on the car, but when you tear the package open it says there is £0.00 pounds to pay. It's the sort of Kafkaesque nonsense that we could do without. A huge puddle that had spread over half the road near the pub. Lorraine had a bit of a tiresome journey up in the rain, and had to waiting in a carpark en route for a nurse from our local surgery to call. We ate chicken shish and I had a couple of pints of Guinness which along with Lorraine being there took the edge off the general twitchiness. Surprised to learn that Waleed, the chef was coming to the funeral. We drove home. I nipped out at Tescos and I met mum and lorraine at home. The evening built around  M*A*S*H which is a great escape for Mum. I

Written on a stout's head

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Getting myself organised to go back up to Edgware first thing, including picking out some clothes for the funeral. Then, my rucksack packed, and kissing my sweet wife goodbye, off again to Edgware. A simple journey which gave me the opportunity to tweak my speech for Wednesday. When I arrived at Mum's I sent it to the celebrant who had asked to see it.  Mum had been to the podiatrist this morning, and was hungry and drove us to Elstree and the Waggon and Horses for a late lunch. I also drank two pints of Guinness, which had designs printed on the foam having been put in a strange machine by the manager. People chatting to Mum a bit and being friendly.  Home and I popped out to get some food and then cooked this evening, and we settled down to watch MASH. Toby called, telling us his early impressions of life in Washington. After talking to Lorraine, who was yawning, I made my way into bed, worn out before eleven.   Below a picture of Mum telling me not to photograph her, and the two

Squirrel's End

A lazy morning, and breakfast. Chatted with Mum, before making off to Squirrel's End, what we have decided to call Beth and James's house. Sure enough as we arrived and looked out at the expanse of their back garden, a squirrel was obligingly sitting on its haunches in the middle of the lawn. Naturally lots of organising still to be done, but they are definitely installed now.  Lots of spiders in the conservatory, and Beth is no fan of our arachnid friends. I offered to wrangle the spiders next week if it was still a problem. James rallied, having felt peaky all week.  He was watching cycling in the background on TV as he got things ready. I must say I was quite getting into it. As today was Mother's Day, it was another Mum summit and treat for Lorraine and Julie, who arrived with Lorenzo and Andy. Beth had cooked up roast chicken and ham, and salads and roast small potatoes and so on. We toasted their new house and Julie and Lorraine with Prosecco. A cheery afternoon. I li

Retail therapy

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Woke up feeling stressed. But sitting talking to Lorraine made me feel much better, however. Up for an unhurried breakfast, called Mum and eventually Lorraine and I made off to Brighton. I went to Clippers to have my hair cut by Stacy, who had squeezed me into his Saturday schedule. I asked him about his nosebleeds (he was bleeding last time I saw him) and he told me that he went to A&E and had to have his nose cauterised, twice, as the first time it didn't work. Apart from a sore nose, he's all good now. Met Lorraine and then a rather wild bout of retail therapy. Went to Jones and bought a pair of tan ankle boots for loafing about in. Lorraine and I popped into Joe Malone, where Lorraine bought some perfume off a very sweet man with lots of makeup. Another man working there in lots of makeup and bell bottoms took tiny little steps like a geisha. Rather fascinating. Then off to Clarkes in Churchill Square. Strange in there, very little stock on show, but what there was artf

Rerouted

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Up early, made coffee and tidied up a bit. Hideous apocalyptic dreams -- nuclear weapons exploding and other such restful stuff. A cheery morning with Mum. Sorted out her nectar card problems, did some tidying in the kitchen on hand and knees in a food cupboard, and so on. Mum fairly cheery, people being steadily supportive. She also had emails from her friend Jana who is planning to visit her which she is looking forward to. Fond farewells with mum, and I mooched off not long after noon by foot and bus to Mill Hill Broadway. Bought a ticket, bought a cup of tea, and jumped on a train. As my posterior touched the seat, the driver announced there had been a fatality on the line ahead, and the train and the ones further down the line were going nowhere. He advised us to get off and find another way into London. A slow bus to Kingsbury Circle, talking to Anton and Lorraine on board, then trained down to Victoria where I struck lucky and caught a train to Lewes which was almost ready to le

Spicy wings

Up and feeling freer this morning. Most things crossed of the list of things that must be done. Mum chose another piece of music for the funeral and I emailed the choices to the celebrant. We went into Edgware and mum paid her credit card bill which she does in person. Into the Broadway centre. Mum spoke to the pharmacist, and told them about Mason. The pharmacist was sympathetic and kind, and said she had just begun to make up Mason's prescription. She knew who Mason was even though Mum had not said his name, because they had been going there for years.  I looked briefly at some wrong shoes and we popped into Sainsbury's where I bought a few bits for dinner tonight. Walking back from the bus stop met Nick, a neighbour a few doors away. He was originally from the US too. There was a mobile coffee waggon parked up in his drive, which when his son, I think, was backing it in, looked like a trailer for a small pony. Very friendly and nice man. I sat with Mum as she called one of t

Three feet of flowers

I got up at sevenish,  made coffee and tinkered with a poem before starting the day. Made breakfast for me and mum. Mum went off to Edgware to talk to banks about removing Mas from their joint bank accounts. I went off to Burnt Oak, paid an apologetic Paula at the Undertakers the balance of what was owed, and walked around the corner to Aspens florist and ordered a casket spray from a very nice woman, who explained that the flowers for the top of the coffin are charged for by the foot. I ordered three foot of flowers, mainly white but with notes of yellow and blue.  Home again. Mum had only been partially successful. Lloyds had given her a leaflet, and Barclays was so busy she had to leave to get home to meet Emma our celebrant who was due at noon.  I liked Emma and we spoke to her for about 45 minutes. I decided I am going to give a speech at the funeral.  After she left, I made cheese on toast, and emailed Barnet  highways to say  Mason no longer needs disabled bay outside.  Mum then

Back to Edgware

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Up early, and making ready to go to Edgware. Beth and James off early and cheerily off to their new house. Lorraine getting ready to go to her personal trainer. Later she temporarily locked herself out of the house, then couldn't find her car keys. I made off to Seaford station and caught the 9:24 and train hopped to Mill Hill Broadway and was at Mum's at around 12:20.  She was a bit stressed and feeling overwhelmed. I drew up a list of what needed be done, none of it particularly urgent, but she wanted to go to the pub instead.  Before we did that I went down to Paula the funeral director in Burnt Oak with the replacement cheque for the one she had written in the wrong payee in what she said was a menopausal moment. Helpfully, she had written in the amount on the stub of mum's chequebook. Mum copied this for the replacement cheque. Turns out the wrong amount had been written down in the stub. A wasted journey.  To the Waggon and Horses. People asking after her and being fr

The new Seafordians

Today Beth and James moved to Seaford. Lorraine and I very happy.  All going well this morning, but Lorraine drafted in at the last moment to drive to their flat as they didn't have quite enough room for clothes. Lorraine picked up a few bags of clothes and made it back to our house shortly before the van driven by Danny, who we met before and is a lovely man, with his son and another colleague.  They waited at our place, and were fed bacon and egg baps and cups of tea after Beth and James arrived a bit later.  Both a bit wired, obviously. They'd been up since 4am.  And they had to wait about at our house till 3pm before they were called to say everything had gone through. They zoomed off to get their keys and head to the house. Lorraine and I turned up at Seafield Close little later, with unloading in progress and ;ottered about helping where we could, carrying a few things and doing a spot of cleaning.  Stood outside in the garden, hearing birds singing up in the tall trees.

Snow of sorts

A cup of tea in bed brought by Lorraine, and a leisurely breakfast and a the first of two chats with Mum. She was okay, but I am looking forward to seeing her on Tuesday.  Then I had a conversation with Robin, and she sensibly suggested that we take a couple of weeks break on the podcast rather than try to rush things through. Felt like a load had been taken off my shoulders, as I didn't want to let her down. She was worried that because I had been sounding doomy that I wanted to stop doing the podcast altogether.  When we cleared all this up, a cheery chat. The little black book, pamphlet competition winners were announced today by Hedgehog Press. Two winners,  Snow by Palo and I, and another called None of this makes any sense by Keith and Carol McKay. I like that title lots. Mainly I had time to be with Lorraine, doing things about the house, and going shopping and normal things which are so precious like having a roast chicken dinner with a glass of wine and Antiques Roadshow

Recharging

Awake early, having slept fairly well. Thoroughly tired today, but loved having a healthy breakfast with Mrs Kenny. Phoned Mum who is doing okay. Beth and James are moving on Monday, and Lorraine went off to Southwick to spend a few hours helping them get sorted. I was excused, being a bit of a zombie. In my absence Lorraine had been sorting out my Study, and it is now beginning to look really nice. I sat in this for a while, and did some editing on my latest podcast interview. Anton called, and we had a long chat too.  Eventually I slunk downstairs to the gold sofa, and ended up sleeping for two hours. Lorraine home and cooked us a delicious fish curry, and having called Mum, I unashamedly loafed about watching TV. Quite happy to be vacant. Toby called too, and had called Mum.  A day to recharge my batteries. 

Seaford, and an unexpected win

Up and Mum and I had breakfast and coffee, thus fortified, we contacted an administrative part of the US embassy with the notification of Mason's US social security ID and so on to turn off his pension. Mum, we think, will still get something from the US as his widow. Then we pottered about doing some sorting out in the kitchen. Wynford from next door popped in for a chat. At lunchtime, mum drove me to the Jolly Badger from where I walked to Mill Hill Broadway station. I watched mum zoom around the roundabout there with some elan.  Long journey home, feeling a bit braindead. No trains to Lewes, so had to go via Brighton. However the trip enlivened by discovering I had won a small pamphlet competition run by Hedgehog Press. It is a collaboration with Palo Almond -- four of her snowy images, and four poems from me in tanka style that were provoked by her work. I called it, perhaps in the spirit of calling a spade a spade, Snow . It's excellent as these little tanka poems don'

A date is made

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Up early this morning, and when mum got up I made coffee with oat milk, and avocado toast.  Then, after a certain amount of faffing off on a 142 down to Burnt Oak to go to WH Putnam funeral directors. We were early and had coffee in a Portuguese deli next door but one. Mum after tasting the coffee and pulling a face suggested they were drumming up business for the undertakers. Soon we were with a fast talking woman called Paula, with slightly surprised eyebrow lines, who we'd met yesterday. We booked Mason's cremation for 13 March at 1:30 in the small chapel at Golders Green Crematorium. Stressful business making the decisions, but it was good to get it nailed down. Funerals are not cheap.  Home again for a cup of tea. An older Irish neighbour that Mum did not really know called asking for Ben's phone number. Mum told her that she had lost her husband on Sunday, and the woman replied, 'and the weather's been terrible too.   To The Wagon and Horses where a pleasant g

Carl to the rescue

I walked up to the garage Tescos at the top of Stonegrove, first thing to buy some coffee speaking to Lorraine there and back. Then breakfast, and a shower and getting to grips with funeral directors. I had the brilliant idea of calling Carl because of course he knows all the stuff backwards, and we had a three way chat. Turns out the Undertakers that had been recommended by a neighbour, and has strong reviews online, was one Carl had once used.  Greatly reassuring to talk him through where we were to sense check everything. Carl making Mum laugh telling her to get the Carl Basket ready for a visit. The Carl Basket was a big wicker basket filled with pillows and a sleeping bag for use when Carl spent the night.   After a judicious shower, Mum and I caught a bus to Burnt Oak, and spoke to the undertakers. We have an appointment tomorrow at 11, but I got the impression that as we have an interim death certificate, we may be able to go ahead with the funeral.  Mum had a kind and thoughtfu