under another sun

Awake at three and barely slept afterwards. Heard cats fighting outside, Sam getting up, a mosquito in my ear, and had a brilliant idea which the morning light revealed to be a dud. Feeling a bit wan this morning, however walking still a priority and did 15.5K paces listening to Tolkien's letters, he is now older than me in it, and had fallen out with C.S.Lewis, which is a shame. In my mind, they were a bit like Lennon and McCartney, friends and who spurred each other onto be better. Otherwise a day with Sam, Beth and Enzo came around to see him. Sam meeting his nephew for the first time, and then going with Lorraine to see Pat and Maureen. Also Luke came around to work on our wall, removing a brick and hooking out bits of damp sand and stuff that had gathered there from the cavity. This was one theory about the damp we have in that corner. There wasn't too much of it, but the bricks are going to be repointed  When not walking, or making tea for Luke, I decided my proposed coll...

A Sundayish start to the morning, another heatwave day. Slow and luxuriating over breakfast. Listening to a voice note that Mike sent us, he has a great voice for radio or podcasts. A happy day to spend together mainly lurking in the Studio, me sorting through years of scribbles and taking ages sorting out my cache of coloured pencils. Found little line drawings of a room in Kingsbury, a room in Leamington I lived in for a year, and the fireplace when I lived in Kew, and lots of mostly unsuccessful watercolour daubs made on holiday. Lorraine sat opposite me and made a few little finger pots, and we listened to CDs on our old CD player and felt like we had escaped from the world.  Lunch on the patio, and spoke to Mum, before she went around to the neighbours next door. A mischief of magpies was making a good deal of noise at one point from Joy and Jim’s roof. There were eight of them. Lorraine happily gardening. I have been watching a documentary series on BBC called Couples Therapy...

Lorraine and I trying to keep busy this morning as Beth was going to have a c-section this morning. Lorraine went off to do Story Time in the Library, I did a few bits of writing and so on, while Simon the roofer came around and replaced the rotting roof on the summer house in the garden. He worked very hard and fast in the heat, and did a good job.  Before he finished however, we were summoned by James. Lorraine had returned from the Library, and both of us were getting antsy. The baby was born at 11:19, however, and everyone doing well. One job first: Lorraine and I bought a pensioner's double of fish and chips and took them around to Pat and Maureen -- then we drove to Brighton.  Found a place to park nearby, and made our way via two lifts to the ward. I felt quite anxious for some reason. It is novel going into hospital for a nice reason. We had to wait in the corridor for a bit. We could hear a crying baby, and then James emerged carrying his little baby on his shoulder, ...

A free day. Rainy but nice. Rain dodged in the garden this morning. And spent time in the garage, organising things and beginning the project to clear it out and store things properly. We ordered some racks and so on for the garage to bring efficiency and order to the chaos. Dog's abuse from the gull on the roof, who dives at me especially and shrieks at me from the moment I walk out into the garden. The gull also had a go at Brian, yarping horribly at him, and flying at him.   In the evening we rain dodged down to Gino's just around the corner. I had booked tickets for us at the Duke of York's cinema, but luckily Lorraine had discovered that I'd actually booked it for tomorrow instead like a numpty. A lovely pizza and salad at Gino's however. And it felt fun for just the two of us to be going out.  Below, Lorraine is the poster girl for volunteering locally.  Andrew contacted me the other day, saying that my wife was all over the internet. Also bees in a purple pop...

Up fairly early, and a proper breakfast with Lorraine. Then Lorraine went off to do Rhyme time and I interviewed the poet Richard Scott. I really liked him and his work. Toby called shortly before this from Japan. Later I spoke to Mum and arranged to see her next Monday. Also Carl called, having got home at 1.00am last night. I did a few bits of tidying, and putting suitcases back in the loft but was generally quite shattered and confined myself to listening to a podcast about my favourite horror-type writer Robert Aickman. Very happy to be at home today, and potter about getting stuff done. Lorraine zoomed off at tea time to Eastbourne and collected the pottery she'd made. Lovely stuff and I was proud of her. Lorraine experimenting with new highly healthy recipes with beans and pulses and veggies and feta and so on. A few episodes of Frasier and an early night. We're almost on the final series now. Boo. Lorraine's first ever pots...  

My lovely Lorraine's birthday. She opening her cards and a few pressies in bed, many of them pottery focused, and after breakfast zoomed off to Caroline's place with her gym gear on and did some exercises.  Then we went off to Mamoosh by Newhaven harbour for lunch. Had fun chatting and planning over a delicious plate of falafel and all kinds of salads and pickles and chilies and chickpeas and hummus and leaves, and flatbreads baked there. Marvellous and incredibly healthy. Then to Pat and Maureen's place for a cuppa, and Maureen suggested she look after Brian while L and I are in Scotland. A solution nobody had thought of. Maureen is so happy in their flat these days, and has made so many new friends and acquaintances it is lovely, Pat has settled in really well too. Home and after a sleep (I'm still tired and a bit brain foggy) we pottered about in the garden, watering the parched plants. (A few hours later it rained all night) and planting some new biggish plants for...

Off to the gym early afternoon. Walked with Lorraine to Annency Catholic Primary school where Lorraine met Beth and there was a nearly new sale of clothes and kit for babies and toddlers. Considering how few weeks they wear things before the grow out of things, they are barely worn.  They arrived home shortly after I got back from the gym, having had a coffee and lunch and armed with special baby related stuff, including tiny baby grows with dinosaur patterns and so on. A sort of vibrating device to gently rock the baby in its containers and a sort of contraption you can put in the bath to support the baby while you are bathing it. I suspect life is going to take a turn for the Kawaii   though both Lorraine and Beth suggesting with some force that I will need to change nappies. Poos aren't kawaii, so I saw this as a category error. Below turns out there is plenty of cute poop in cyberspace.

Writing a bit morning. But not having not heard anything from Robin, who is on a death doula course, I followed up and found she had sent me the edited episode on Tuesday night, which I had somehow deleted unopened and unseen. I found it later in my mail bin. Robin had edited it, and found something I had to re-record. Going live is bumped till tomorrow. Having slogged all day on Tuesday to get it ready early, and then Robin having done the work on Tuesday night, irritated that I still managed to create a last minute frenzy.  Popped out at lunchtime for some light shopping. Am in the mood to get to grips with medical things: some toenail paint for a fungal toenail, and also I strapped on the blood pressure measuring wristband, and will keep it on for a few days to be able to send results into the doctor. Wearing the wristband is a good solution, as I get horrendous white coat syndrome. And I outsource looking at the app to Mrs Kenny, who sort it all out, and emails the results to t...

First day of the new year. Lorraine and I woke up feeling clear and sprightly having drunk very little on new years eve. Lorraine and I then did stretches on mats.  Over breakfast, we swapped texts with Anton,  Brian (whose birthday it is today), and Yvonne among other pals.  I went down to the sea at noon, which was almost exactly high tide. The strength of the wind had raised the sea level meaning there was a risk of flooding. The sky was overcast, while the sea was an expanse of rough grey waves and white foam. Clouds of drenching spray rushed inland. All quite invigorating. I took some photos, though my camera lens got quite wet pointing into the wind. Quite pleased to be home and drinking hot coffee not long after. I called Mum, who seemed in good spirits. Then a luxurious afternoon, raining heavily outside, while Lorraine crocheting a small baby hat, after having completed a baby jacket last night.  I finished reading The Sea by John Banville -- a quite brilli...

To Edgware by car with Lorraine today to see Mum on her birthday. A decent drive up there. We stopped for a cup of tea, and to give her some presents. The throw and pillows had already arrived, and we gave her some new pots and pans, to replace the venerable ones she uses. Lorraine drove us to The Waggon and Horses where we got a seat by the fire. Curtis, behind the bar, and Mum's crew, who call her a geezerbird, all cheerily greeting her and Steve shaking my hand and wishing me merry Christmas and happy new year. Just after we'd eaten Toby called  from Bali fresh from a yoga session-- thinking that we'd be together. So Mum got to speak to him on her birthday too. Very cheery in the Waggon, and Lorraine had a chicken shish like me, and was surprised at how genuinely excellent they are there. Home again and we sat by her fire in the living room. Neighours Emma and Gail dropped off some presents for her, and Wynford dropped in too with a gift. He sat chatting with us for a wh...

Collected bright and early by Jade and Sam. A cold day and were driven north for two and a half hours to Aviemore in the Cairngorms. Quite amazing to be driven along through a great -- to Sassenach eyes -- empty landscape forested with bleak snow capped mountains. Loved it and I had never seen this part of Scotland before. We reached Aviemore where Jade had booked us all on a steam train ride. We clambered aboard and it was a Santa Special, so had Santa and a host of naughty elves cavorting through the coaches. There were lots of kids on the ride, for obvious reasons.  Our first elf was called Crackers, a male elf, a bit extra and ebullient, who took a shine to Sam. Then there were women elves hiding and leaping about running up and down the aisle while shouting, and exciting the children no end. Then there was a magician style elf, and finally a rather quiet Santa whispering to children about Christmas. Meanwhile the steam from the train hung low among the trees, and the whole thi...

Up to London with Lorraine, she was off to a reunion of her cohort of nurses from the London Hospital, and I went up to see Mum. After a bit of chatting we zoomed off to a very lively Waggon and Horses, where we drank some cider and had lunch. Mum loves it when it's like that. Steve and Paul and the other guys at the bar, laughing and there was a part of a wedding party with the young women dressed in gorgeous colourful south asian clothes, and blokes of those Indian silk shirts, matched with tattoos for an unusual look.  Home again for cups of tea, and then after a fond farewell I caught the bus Mill Hill Broadway station, but instead stayed on it till I reached Finchley. Here to do a bit of mooching about in Gordon Road, where my paternal grandparents lived, and where I was looked after during the day when mum was at work. I have some patchy memories of this time, and I was hoping that by visiting the street, I would have my memory triggered. A nearby footpath felt lined by trees...

I got up early and went to my desk. I am not in a flow state. When I am, I can look up and realise an hour or several has evaporated. With Lorraine away, and nothing pressing to do, I have the perfect few days for writing. My focus and enthusiasm is lacking, but I went through the motions and made a small improvement to one poem.   I missed Lorraine, who is staying in Ashford and busy helping Pat and Maureen get ready for their move.  For years I was perfectly happy in my own company, but now not having Lorraine around feels weird and unnatural. I have been brainwashed. Lorraine says she spoke to the jewellers who were aghast that the stone had fallen out of her new ring that I'd bought her as a belated birthday present, and to bring it back.  I went for a longish walk this afternoon, which helped my general antsy feeling. The beautiful weather meant there were a few more people there. A large group of south asian folks near the bottom of Edinburgh road, appeared to broug...

Monday and still feeling a bit meh, adding a touch of a cough to the general throaty tiredness. Lorraine very much on mute first thing, croaky and whispery with the sore throat.  The Tobster's birthday. I'd had a good chat with him yesterday, and wished him happy birthday then.  Mum, and she said she had spoken to him too. Both sympathetic about all the balls he is juggling. Mum told me that Ben across the road is depressed because of this wretched garage he had built several years ago. There is now an open forum on the local government website - as the building has retrospectively been contested - where one or two neighbours, like George the genius that lives next door -  are saying horrid things. We decided me going up tomorrow probably not the best idea, I will aim for later in the week because I don't want to saddle mum with my wussy throat.  Excellently, although I didn't have enough brainpower to write, but I did have enough to do my books and send them off to ...

Feeling slightly under the weather still without being sure what ails me. Uploaded the podcast today, a day late, after Robin had made some final tweaks. Generally quite happy with the episode however. A late night email from Rory Waterman, the poet I spoke to, thanking Robin and I.  A bit of other time spent making some tweaks to my latest horror story. Not quite settled on the name for it yet, probably What's inside. I just need to increase the horror quotient in it, as some of the dialogue is quite funny. Lorraine did story time, then made off to spend the afternoon with Rosie, and also pick up her birthday ring from the jewellers.  Spoke to Mum at lunchtime, then later went for a walk this afternoon. Feeling a bit tired and achey, but it was a bright fresh day, despite being very chilly compared to recent years. This evening in London a reunion of folks from my old agency, which I swerved. Although there are lots of people there I like, even if I had been full of energy, t...

I got up early, and learned that I had been highly commended in one of the a pamphlet competitions, but had not won. A bit like getting to the FA cup final and losing. Gah. But at least I will not have to explain myself now, should the other one win.  I put all this behind me as it was Lorraine's birthday turned my attention to having fun instead.  In Roger Road, Lorraine and I had tea in bed and Lorraine opened lots of cards and had some presents and had several messages coming in. After a leisurely breakfast, we jumped on a bus to St Andrews and Sam hopped on the same one down the road at Kilrenny. Jade of course, on her way to New York today. We had a gorgeous journey sitting upstairs at the front of the bus, next to us were a couple from New Mexico, who were entranced. The woman said she felt energised by the grey days, and everything was like a Disney film. Lovely countryside there, and I loved how the coastline looked so blue in the distance.  In St Andrews Sam came...

Preparing for our trip to Scotland, lots of jobs done by Lorraine especially. Feeling okay, apart from my heavy cold. I popped out to the shops and got flour from the shops, and nosed about, and queued for Lorraine's prescription, which was not in yet. Into Gallery Uno, where I had a chat with two artists who were manning the shop. Palo and my Snow pamphlets stored there at floor level which is not ideal, but at least they are there. On the way home, spoke to a neighbour Jenny, and talk quickly turned to how to remove cat excrement and pee from carpets. Pee conversations seem inescapable at the moment. Had a nice chat with Mum, and Lorraine talked to Pat and Maureen recovering from the nasty stomach bug they probably got from Lorraine.  I saw I am on the shortlist for a pamphlet competition, but have decided not try not get excitable about it as I have been down this road many times before. It's hard not to have the odd gleam of optimism though. I also spent a couple of hours ...

Lorraine and Beth went to somewhere called The Range for shopping --  Beth buying some picture frames. Lorraine came back with cat food, and barbecue wood lighters. Nothing as eccentric as a whole cod, fortunately. I lay low, and did a bit of writing, but have little or no stamina. I'm having ideas but little actual drive. My mouth still painful. Chesty cold still in full flow. Lorraine and I went to Morrisons, a wild adventure for me, as I'd not been out in several days. I am the human embodiment of draggy.  Beth and James came around for a roast Sunday dinner. Afterwards we played the card game called golf at which I by chance triumphed. James exasperated and competitive which was amusing. Nice to do something a bit fun. Fun is in great demand.  Below a tulip, bluebells and honesty in our front garden. 

Maureen's birthday today. I got up early and began organising some notes towards another interview. Breakfast, with Maureen opening cards and presents. Lorraine had to rush off and be horribly sick, and spent the rest of the day and night in bed, probably with some kind of vomiting bug, or maybe food poisoning. Possibly from her home made kombucha we drank yesterday which was a bit pokey. I think it is a bug, and she was not at all well today.  Spoke to Mum who had been out to a neighbour's party last night. She'd also been to the pub in the afternoon, and chatted with some of her mates there. Love the idea that she had some fun. Rearranged the day, instead of us all going to Betty and James's place for cake and coffee, and having dinner here, Beth came around to collect the food we had bought, including lamb, and she cooked for Pat and Maureen at her place this afternoon. I stayed at home to monitor Lorraine, but instead fell asleep on the bed with her and woke up with...

Up fairly early. I have been having bad dreams, general assorted catastrophes. Just before I woke up I dreamed I had been having an affair. I woke up thinking oh God, what have I done? An immense flood of relief when I realised it was only a dream. Breakfast and teas and coffees with Mum. Neither of us terribly chatty. Mum receiving nice notes from Brad. I will write to him over the weekend, all being well. I am returning to see Mum next Thursday evening, but left her with instructions to call me at any time. Also a list of all the stuff we are doing, and where we are with it.  I feel tired and drained and left mum at about 11.30 am, bumping into Ben outside. A chat with him, then he went in to seem Mum, while I walked to Edgware and caught a bus to Mill Hill Broadway. In great contrast to last Friday, when I trained back to Seaford, the trains were excellent today, and the journey home passed in a blur. Nice to see the sea again, and felt cheery as my train pulled into Seaford sta...