under another sun

Up alone, apart from the cats. Simply got on with working all day and early evening on the concepts for Val. A peaceful working experience. I do well left to come up with concepts on my own. Spoke to Mum a couple of times, and had a short walk in the teeming rain at one point by way of an interlude. Lorraine arrived safely home this evening. All well. Received a poetry acceptance from  The Wee Sparrow Poetry Press, another one based in Scotland. 

Up at dawn, and went to my desk. Everyone else still abed. Looking at my poems, and one of those days where you look at every poem you have in progress and see only drivel.  Meanwhile Robin did yet more edits on the episode. This episode has taken ages to edit.   Received an email in French this morning, inviting me to a briefing this afternoon. Pleased that some actual work had solidified out of the miasma. I went for a walk along the seaside briefly at lunchtime. Then hurriedly in half an hour wrote the copy for the podcast episode, just as I was completing it Robin uploaded a photo and I lost the lot.  Then took a fragmentary and confused brief, with at points, people talking very loudly over each other in French.  They want me to sort it out for them. It might take some time. The sensation of being paid quite nice though. Planet Poetry's new episode finally uploaded at 4 o'clock on schedule. It features me interviewing Martyn Crucefix, who I liked a lot.  Ke...

Lorraine off to Ashford, via personal trainer and seeing two of her Bolney pals.  Robin and I had a recording session this morning. I wanted to get most of it done, as I was supposed to be taking a brief from a client this afternoon. This did not materialise: tomorrow maybe, or Thursday I was told.  For once this actually really useful, as I could do a good day's editing. Lots to be done. This episode has needed lots of work for some reason.  In the afternoon, I took a long walk along the sea, speaking to Lorraine, by now driving to Ashford. Then via the supermarket, and then lots more editing.  In the evening I had a long chat with Anton who is wearing himself out, hosting events around the country.  I watched a the first episode of Inside our Autistic Minds presented by Chris Packham on the BBC, which I found moving and was able to binge on Family Guy, before talking to Lorraine and going to bed. Loving the skies here.   

Spent much of the day doing some freelance work, which although fairly straightforward I managed to turn into a bit of an ordeal for myself. This particular client, although a lovely bloke, is a goalpost mover, which means you never feel certain what you are doing is right.   Paused for meditation which I enjoyed. Every time we meditation, a huge fly seems to enter the room, which of course being in a meditative frame of mind we just accept. Read about a book about turning anxiety into power, which I downloaded as an audiobook.  And then went late to the gym with Lorraine. Returned and did some writing of my own. Between the gym and the meditation and being with Lorraine, my head felt in a creative space.

For one reason or another work -- and one job in particular that won't go away -- is really stressing me out. I can't quite work out why it is driving me quite so mad. But I felt like I had reached the end of my tether today.  I don't feel like I am in control of my own workflow or even life at the moment. Better, however, was working on the other job for mes amis in Paris about dogs' ears.   I went for a walk after work, having been manacled to my desk all day, listening to The Trees by Percival Everett, which I am really liking. I ate some more veggie chilli and then Lorraine came home and instantly made everything feel better.

So a day manacled to my desk working with Keith to get everything ready for a presentation. Otherwise Lorraine brought me up a sustaining lunch snack with had germinating seeds, nuts, cheese, fruit and homemade sourdough bread, which felt a bit like being loved on a plate. The presentation didn't happen in the end. Bastards.  After work, I went for a walk at the end of the day. I popped into Morrisons and got some provisions including two bottles of Mann's brown, a drink I had a bit when I was a yoof. Not seen it for decades, and discover it is a mere 2.8%ABV. A pint of bitter is around 4% and lager 5%, so it's almost a health drink. Really nice taste.  Feeling very happy it is the weekend. I hated work this week. A quiet night feeling unstressed with my wifey just what was needed. Below looking towards Newhaven at sunset.  

A wall of work. The stuff Keith and I were working on needs to be redone, we found at the evening presentation -- so we will be back on it on Friday trying to fix the problems of our own creation. Meanwhile Val, my lovely French client, contacted me with another job for the beginning of next week. Working for her is always a pleasure however, and I can do it on my own. Out of energy and finding it hard to assert myself.   Lorraine off to Ashford to spend some time with Pat and Maureen at lunchtime. Mum called me just as I finished work. She is finding it difficult to work out how to use her new car.  I went for a short walk by the sea, fresh and lovely although it immediately started raining. Home via Trawlers where I scored fish and chips and mushy peas. Served by the nice woman who works there and always chats.  At home the cats moping about and both trying to sit on me at the same time as Lorraine isn't here. In the evening I tweaked and uploaded the podcast, after Rob...

Dreary Monday. Three hours waiting for folks in France to forward me a single email containing a few files they promised on Friday. Then, gallingly presented at the end of the day but then the goalposts were moved, so more tomorrow. However I have to look on the bright side. No travelling needed, and I could do everything from home -- and have chats with Lorraine from time to time. All is well, for a Monday. Funny how whatever you are doing, Monday's still have a residual work pall about them. Anton called. Chris the plumber stopped by to measure things. Texts from Keith.  Lorraine went to her physical trainer in Bolney, and even popped into school by arrangement and Rebecca's class read some stuff out to her. A big step to go back, and she said it felt perfectly natural and weird at the same time. The new head sweet with her.  We roasted a chicken this evening (held over from yesterday) with roast parsnips and potatoes and assorted veggies. Lorraine and I are eating less meat...

Struggling. The current job feels really hard and it really shouldn't. I will have to get up pre-sparrows tomorrow to fix things. I feel horrible, and my brain just isn't working and it is stressing me. My lovely Lorraine cheery however. And is, under the guidance of Zoe program, noting her blood sugar after various breakfasts. Yesterday was oats. Today the same amount of calories but in cheese and so on. Her blood sugar seems very steady though generally, which is good. This afternoon she planted another tree, the black tulip magnolia, in our front garden.  Lots of to-ings and fro-ings today. A man called Paul came to fit the new fridge freezer and dishwasher into our kitchen, but had to leave with only the dishwasher installed. Lorraine said he was a really nice guy, who will be back tomorrow.  Rosie called around late this afternoon, after working at a school nearby. When I was finished work, I joined the ladies for a chat.  Lovely to see Rosie as ever. Mum called too,...

I spent much of the Bank Holiday doing the freelance job. One of those days driving with the handbrake on the opposite to a flow state. 

Tricky day with myself increasingly irritated. Keith ill but soldiering on with a hacking cough in an uncommunicative way, but still somehow producing the odd flash of creative gold in between non verbal bouts.  Lorraine working from home today because her school was interviewing head teachers and they get them to do stuff in situ. She didn't see me at my best today as I was grouchy. We did have half an hour at lunch to walk down to the Viaduct together and pick up her car, which was the most relaxing part of the day. She also bought us treats to eat and it was normalising to talk to her. Beth has covid. Lorraine spent Sunday afternoon with her. I just want to be able to get through this week if I can. Work culminated in a presentation, which did not go especially well. I was presenting and felt rather ambushed by the CD who decided to become suddenly challenging. I need a holiday. I am stale and not doing a particularly good job. All done a bit before six, and then I had to prep l...

Started work at 7:30 and Keith and I slogged through the day culminating in a tea time presentation to folks in the US.  For some reason I found the whole thing gruelling, stressful and I felt generally down on myself. Not exactly the ideal presentational springboard. But I managed to get through it on autopilot.   But it is nice when it stops, and happy to be preparing dinner and happy to find a fantasy series on Amazon Prime called Wheel of Time which was enjoyable. Nice to slip away into a fantasy place, eating ice cream with Lorraine and sipping a chilled bottle of beer.

Lorraine's alarm going off at 6:15 this morning. Back to reality, and my wifey back to school. Rain and rainbows this morning the day becoming more seasonally appropriate as it progressed. Keith and I met up at nine and spent most of the day dangling, waiting to hear from the US about the job we are to work on. Keith trying to be proactive. We reread the brief and discussed ways of interpreting it. I was reluctant to start, however, as this is the same job abruptly cancelled in December. The nice Germans I was working with before Christmas got back in touch, however, and I spent some of the afternoon doing a bit of a tedious job for them.  A call from Anton, already traumatised by the return to work. Work is a toad. Spartan Month started today: three walks, taking me up to 10k paces. Calorie counted Spartan rations meant when I weighed myself just before bed, I'd lost 1kg in 24 hours.   At noon Sam and I discussed how cold things we were and I realised the heating wasn't on...

Up at two thirty in the morning having a panic attack which had started in my sleep. Once conscious I was able to get a grip, and listened to a meditation tape, but it took several hours before I actually slept again. Soon resigned myself to the fact that work was not going to end at a decent hour, so had to cancel plans to meet Robin and support Jeremy Page in his book launch. Two 10 minute breaks in the 12 hours of desk work today. Telephone call with New York where the stressed head creative invited me to write instant copy and read it immediately in a meeting with twenty people. I refused, point blank. Infuriated, I vented with pompous indignation to the London team afterwards about how we had given them clearly the best work and the strategy for their pitch, and were still treated like children. The whole red-faced don't they realise who I am  crap.  Despite this they were all very sweet and Nanda said she loves working with me. Felt an arse afterwards and apologised. Be...

Monday brought the promise of more freelance work later this week, quick chat with Keith. Feel stressed, by the pressing stuff of my own. Continued to buff up the the first draft of new poem I wrote on Friday. It's about reading. Off to the gym. More energy after yesterday's idleness. Listened to more of my history of English podcasts as I trundled and lifted weights for bird-boned waifs. I rediscovered the machine, which they had put in a different place, that does the big muscle in your stomach and did that more persistently due to my ongoing battle with ventripotence. 

Monday, then. Lorraine busy today working from home, then going off to visit Penny and have a workout with her personal trainer. She is feeling trepidatious about starting work again, but went to her office today and felt okay. Sam being very kind and thoughtful to her. Up in St Andrew's Jade received the birthday speaker we'd sent her, saying the bass was good.  In Kenny Towers, I was manacled to my desk, with Keith on my screen. Today's going was slow and sticky with not much to show for our efforts at the end of it all. A brief conversation about foraging. Keith says he makes cider with crab apples.  At five I left the frustrations of work behind, and took a stroll over the hill to clear my head. Lorraine cooked too on return, and we had dinner with Sam in the kitchen.  A quiet evening. I watched Frasier episodes, and Lorraine played on her Nintendo Switch.  More black and white skies around the hillfort. Top west towards Seaford, and east towards Moulsecoomb....

Dreaming about my own death last night. Not great. Crept out of bed to try not to disturb Lorraine. She drove off to see Pat and Maureen and had a good time with them and Ken.  A torrid day's work which began before eight. Presented eight ideas to the CD at lunchtime in what was supposed to be a work in progress meeting.  The CD, who is generally a good egg but is rather under pressure on this job, began judging them as if we had had a two week to work on them rather than a day and a half. He was hostile to a beautiful  idea that we had come up with and Keith had created gorgeous image for. A bit preciously, I lost patience at this point because the stated demand at the beginning of the brief was for originality, freshness and creativity. I said I was sick of coming up with original work to meet the brief, and when what is actually wanted is just more of the same. In retrospect, I quite enjoyed the fact that Keith had to step in to play good cop for once.   We slogge...

Up early, several meetings with the German team including a nice medical man called Herman in Cologne -- and the afternoon bashing out copy and then chatting to the creative team. Hot, bothered and tired by late afternoon, another walk up to the hill fort, bought some salad bits, and then did more German work. Slogging along. The people are absolutely lovely, but I am feeling drained.  As I wrote to SJB (Sarah Barnsley) all I really want to do at the moment is a) nothing, and b) write poetry. She said she was gripped by such excitement about writing her forthcoming poetry collection she couldn't sleep.  Then I made a complex salad with lots of ingredients, grilling halloumi and making couscous and then mixing that with few bits of gently fried green beans, garlic and chilli. Worked fine I thought. Lorraine home late, and we all ate. Jade having emerged from a long and thorough rest up in their rooms seeming cheery. I drank a single cold beer, watched a little TV 9 (Lorraine mu...

Work from eight. A bit later, presented to strategists, creative director and  two suits, a plonkingly negative and unimaginative woman who hated the creative work we had done, as it wasn't the kind of work they usually do for the client (the same client they are about to lose because of soulless predictable creative). How this person is employed by a creative agency is a genuine mystery. As we began presenting Keith texted me to say that he 'could not be fucked to talk to these idiots', so I had to do it. The other was a charming geezer who had apparently stepped out of a time machine having entered it in 1992, and had not yet had a chance to catch up on how marketing and advertising has moved on since then.  I told them they were making me feel like the UK in the Eurovision song contest, and amazingly they liked one of our ideas as 'a wild card' to take into the pitch.  After the rest of this delightful day, walked up to the Hillfort, then came home and cooked. We...

A brief this morning from some folks in Germany, whose copywriter had fallen ill. Spent the day mostly manacled to my desk working on writing copy for pre-existing concepts and pulling them into focus.   They seemed delighted by what I had done, and we had an hour meeting till about 6:40pm discussing everything. All well. A bit of tidying to do tomorrow, but the back broken on the job. Nipped out for a couple of short walks during the day.  Chatted with Mum, who had gone to the Royal Free today for a check up on her ticker, and was told her heart was okay, which is excellent news. She said she made the doctor laugh a couple of times too, which is always a bonus.