under another sun

Felt inspired and optimistic this morning, after my recent conversations. I began with the idea of reinventing what I am doing business wise, and had many ideas. Felt good and suddenly as if I were on the front foot again -- had lots of ideas and spent the morning hammering them down. Down to Preston Park this morning and off to Hassocks, a wretched delay meant I had to hurry from Hassocks station to arrive at Clayton Woods natural burial site, where Janet and Ken's ashes were going to be laid side by side. I met Madeline, Hus, Reem, May, Bren, Sonia and Ray there. Rod and Clare, Caroline, Nick and Sandie and a few other grandchildren and grand nieces. We had squelched our way to the small square grave, when it was clear Anne Lamacraft had been very much delayed, so it being a very informal affair, Madeline and I zoomed off in Madeline's car to collect her. Not seen Anne for many years. The ceremony was self conducted, but quite pleasant, those who wanted put earth on the s...

Feeling positive this morning, and as if I have all the components for a new phase at my fingertips. Now I have accepted the idea of putting things on kindle, I will also put my dormant marketing project on there too. It was sufficiently interesting for at least one publisher to call me in to talk about it, and the other rejections I had were because it was a bit niche. Amazon is the perfect medium for niche stuff, so I will give it a go too. The children's book is now with an editor. So damn the torpedoes! This buoyancy fine till one of the poetry MS I sent out yesterday was rejected in record time. Gah. Swings and roundabouts. Lorraine came home early, and we went off to Phoenix arts building for 4:30, where Sue Kay and Madeline had organised a tribute to Janet. There was all kinds of interesting work there from Janet's archives, a cookbook she had written, and letters and several publications and editorships, even her old PhD thesis which I read and am thanked in the intr...

Helped by Lorraine I had to work on getting my head straight for this afternoon's celebration of Janet's life, which we held upstairs at Grand Central, where I had done my last poetry reading in Brighton.  We arrived at the venue first, and Heather and Kim and Rasmini arrived, who put frankincense on a few people, including myself. We got a couple of tables and the nieces and Lorraine put examples of Janet's embroidery on, plus another decked out with photos of Janet and Ken. It proved to be a good venue, and quite a few dozen showed up, which was impressive considering how tight the timescales were. The afternoon was very warm and successful. There was a mic and I ended up being a bit of an MC for a short while reading out the lovely messages people had sent Madeline and I about Janet. Caroline came too, and played a tape of Ken singing. A few people spoke, including memorably Reem, who wrote and delivered an excellent speech. I also had the opportunity to make an impr...

Another terrible night's sleep, and Lorraine with a cough and cold. All kinds of bad dreams, one involving my shadow , a disgusting version of myself. Another recent dream was being in a plane that because it was not able to fly high enough was skimming the rooftops near the Fulham Palace Road and was about to crash into the agency I once worked at near there. Up and slogging this morning first thing, but at least I had only one job to get done. Worked at this all day almost unrelentingly, till it was sent off late in the afternoon to mes amis in Paris. So the slog, temporarily, ends and I can focus on getting the Janet and Ken situation better managed. A sigh of relief, then I walked to Hove, albeit rather slowly as I have had one of those exhausting sore throats all week, and went to sit with Ken. Reem was there, making me laugh being entirely natural with Ken, and a carer who had dropped in. Reem and the carer left and I sat with Ken and we had over one hundred identical c...

Somewhat stressful day. Up early after a poor night's sleep and working on concepts, but finding it a real struggle, while feeling pressurised to deliver fast as I have now negotiated a bit of work for the next few weeks, but much of it can be done from home, which is a great news.  Spoke to Mason who was talking about helicopters, and texted Mum to say that Google was working. Went for a couple of short walks in the attempt to become less antsy. Lorraine came home early like the cavalry, and helped me become less stressful very quickly.  Part of it was worrying about Janet, and so Lorraine drove me over where we met Hus and his daughter Reem whose 21st birthday it is tomorrow. I spoke to the Martlet's nurse who told em that the GP and district nurse were all in touch. Lorraine warmed up some food for Ken and diluted Janet's morphine in water so it was easier to take.  After this we popped into see Rosie and Innis, and swapped Euros for pounds as Rosie is off ...

So Beth's big moving day. John had been playing a gig last night, and didn't get home to his flat till 3am. Lorraine and Beth sorting things out early in Beth's room, and I made bacon sandwiches. Then John arrived, followed shortly by Ed the bassist in John's band who had the van they used last night. A good deal of carrying and loading of the van, including the large sofa. This packed into the van, and Lorraine and I drove over separately. Their flat is a lovely basement flat in Hove actually, but with plenty of light and air and not damp. We unloaded all the stuff, but were unable to get the sofa in, as it was getting wedged in the doorway, which is underneath the stairs leading to the rest of the house. Dispirited, Beth, John and Ed went back to our house for the next van load. We then wondered if we could take the sofa apart. I called Janet to see if she had any tools, as she lives just down the road. She did and Hus was there too, so he lent me some of his tool...