under another sun

A call at 6:30 from Steve in the Waggon and Horses sounding a bit shaken and telling me that Paul had died in the night, and if I could let mum know as he thought she'd find the news upsetting. Steve and Paul had come to Mason's funeral and both are regulars and friends of Mum's at the Waggon. Too early to call Mum, so I waited till 9ish to tell her the news, then called Steve back. He'd received a call early this morning from Paul, and had rushed around to see him, but found him. He gave him CPR for 15 minutes, till the ambulance turned up, but poor Paul was already dead. Mum was obviously saddened by it, and said she was going to the pub this afternoon.   I found the whole thing somewhat triggering. Something about a sudden death, involving Mum, the day after Mason's birthday and I felt very stressed over breakfast. Lorraine gave me a hug, but it was a shadow over the day, and I only felt happier when I talked again to Mum in the evening. She'd been to the pub...

To London, after confirming with Mum that it was okay due to the extreme heat. Flitting between shadows on the uphill walk from West Hampstead Thameslink to Hampstead station where I arrived early, but just couple of minutes before Mum. We slunk down Flask Walk where Mum really likes the houses as they are beautiful, and also remind her of her grandparent's home in Folkestone. Then into The Olde White Bear, which is proving a perfect little pub there, as there's always space and friendly and covered in pictures and prints featuring white bears in vintage advertising and so on. We lapped up some cold drinks, lager shandy seemed to be the ideal drink for me today, and some food. Mum in good spirits. So lucky that we are still able to meet up in Hampstead. Among other things, she told me her miracle herbal pills seem to be really helping her knee. After a couple of hours we sun dodged back to Hampstead station.  Trespassers on the track somewhere in south London had created train ...

I am now going through every section of a full collection of all my poems around the theme of how uncertainty about memory affects identity. There are five sections, with I hope five poems in each section - one of the sections is Gordon Road, so it will make enough for a poetry book. I'm now going through it section by section - there are a few gaps in what I want to say that I am now writing new material to fill. Obviously I have no publisher, so it is all speculative at this point. But I am pleased with the results so far. Lorraine off to her personal trainer this morning. I spoke to Mum who was off with her pals Gail and Emma to celebrate a birthday in the Waggon at lunchtime. I'm going up next Monday. Dawn called around this afternoon, and she and Lorraine went off to see Beth and baby Enzo.  I went on a longish walk. Very windy at times, and much cooler than it has been, I went nosing around Tide Mills and grazing on the occasional blackberry when I found one. Home and joi...

To Hampstead with Mum today. Finished Epitaph for a Spy by Eric Ambler. Outside my usual reading ambit, but fun nevertheless. A really easy journey for me, though Mum's train had to be taken out of service. I met her at Hampstead station and toddled all the way down Flask Walk, round the back of a school full of children in the playground demonstrating their healthy lungs. Into The Old White Bear which is one of our new haunts. In the Old White Bear a table full of posh theological students nearby, the most valuable wearing red trousers and a wide brimmed hat. Being God focused clearly not irreconcilable with being a dandified fop -- which I liked. Mum and I were talking about art, and I was reminding her of painting and artwork she did when she was younger and we were living in Neasden, for example a tall totem pole made out of vertebrae, a nail picture of the sun and moon and swirling stars. I remember her hammering many nails into an old door and spraying gold and silver onto i...

A decent night's sleep in Edgware and as Mum had some avocados we had avocados on toast for breakfast. Then we decided to head for Hampstead. Not been on that train ride for some time. We got off at Golder's Green and we caught a bus a few stops up the hill to Golder's Hill Park, where we'd spent lots of time when I was young. Mum didn't remember much about it, but we walked a little about the little walled garden, and met a squirrel who I pretended to have food to give it so it came very close. It was almost tame, and was irritated I had nothing and was leaping up onto the fence very close to me, then ran about near us, to the point we almost felt bullied by it. A quick wander over to see some red deer, and look into a cage where there were a pair of kookabarras, who were noisily doing their call which I'd never heard in real life before. Then a bus up to Whitestone pond, and we wandered down to The Old White Bear again, to enjoy a cold drink, as it had got ver...

To Edgware this morning. Feeling at a low ebb of energy, but hopping from crowded train to crowded train, reading a bit more of  A Memoir of my Former Self by Hilary Mantel. A rich, highly intelligent, and slightly cantankerous personality shows through. I enjoyed her Reith Lectures, contained in this volume. The spit of rain in Seaford got heavier the further north, and was full on pelting by Mill Hill.  To mum's had a cup of tea, then off in the rain to The Waggon and Horses. The pub quiet and post weekendish, but Steve and Paul frowning over a laptop in their corner of the bar.  We ate our usual foods, All day breakfast to share with the birds and foxes for Mum, and chicken shish for me. Home again, and a quiet couple of hours in which I looked at some SF books I had bought in the seventies, I even remembered where I'd bought one of them from. Then had some dinner and watched M*A*S*H, episodes I'd never seen and quite enjoyed. Mum creeping out after dark to feed the fo...

A bit more rain overnight, then this morning, Lorraine and I both woke at 7:30. I got up and we had breakfast before I hurried off to Seaford station, and I zoomed up to West Hampstead, then walked up to Hampstead station to meet Mum. A gorgeous warm day. We went for a little walk about and happened on the White Bear pub, which I had been to a bazillion years ago. It contained lots of pictures of white bears, and was empty when we got there apart from a nice barmaid from Calgary in Canada. I told her I'd been there. Mum and I settled into a corner and had a couple of drinks and shared a bit of food. Just lovely to be in there, with the sun coming through the windows and plenty to talk about as we'd only seen each other online for some time. I showed her some pics of Beth's baby shower, and about my reading and Scotland and so on. She liked Carolyn's dress lots. She also gave me some jewellery for Lorraine -- two rings -- which Lorraine absolutely loved.  Fond farewells ...

Up fairly early, and a proper breakfast with Lorraine. Then Lorraine went off to do Rhyme time and I interviewed the poet Richard Scott. I really liked him and his work. Toby called shortly before this from Japan. Later I spoke to Mum and arranged to see her next Monday. Also Carl called, having got home at 1.00am last night. I did a few bits of tidying, and putting suitcases back in the loft but was generally quite shattered and confined myself to listening to a podcast about my favourite horror-type writer Robert Aickman. Very happy to be at home today, and potter about getting stuff done. Lorraine zoomed off at tea time to Eastbourne and collected the pottery she'd made. Lovely stuff and I was proud of her. Lorraine experimenting with new highly healthy recipes with beans and pulses and veggies and feta and so on. A few episodes of Frasier and an early night. We're almost on the final series now. Boo. Lorraine's first ever pots...  

Off to Edgware this morning. It had rained overnight, which was quite exciting. The omega pattern jet stream over the UK meant weeks of settled high pressure and no rain. An early breakfast and off. The train journey not too bad, but because I have to hop from train to train it's hard to settle to doing any work even though I had my computer. Good to see Mum, who I'd not seen in person since I met her with Toby in Hampstead. We had a cuppa and looked at the will she's had drawn out with the help of Steve and Paul at the pub, looks watertight to me. Eventually I drove off to the pub, where I was able to thank Steve and Paul. We had a nice time there, although Waleed the chef has suddenly left without really saying goodbye. He always used to call Mum and Mas mummy and daddy and kiss mum's hand. My chicken shish wasn't quite as good as before. Home again with Mum and after more tea and chat, I left at around 4pm, it had been good to see her.  Home at 7:30 as the trains...

To Hampstead this morning. A smooth journey, did a little writing on the train, and read a couple of entertaining chapters of Headlong Hall by Thomas Love Peacock. A star spot: Romy Madley Croft (of the group The XX) getting up from a seat near me as the train pulled into St Pancras.  Walked up from West Hampstead tube to to meet Toby and Mum in the cafe in Waterstones in Hampstead proper. After a coffee we decided to hop up the hill to The Holly Bush, a pub I've not been to since deep in the twentieth century. We had some lunch there and a drink, and it was all very pleasant. First time we three had been together since August 23. Toby bought us lunch there which was kind of him. We walked back to Hampstead Station, but the trains were kaput, so we had to bus to Swiss Cottage where Mum went north to Stanmore, and Toby went south to see Mike Sassarini. I had a smooth journey from West Hampstead to Seaford -- with no wait between trains longer than five minutes. Home and Lorrain...

Cold nights, and beautiful sunny days. Wrote this morning, and having one of those days when I am feeling very positive about Gordon Road. Also sent off for Mason's death certificate, now finally available after the inquest, which took almost a year to get around to conducting. The registrar sent me a link for this after I wrote to them.  You have to pay for them: £12.50. Spoke to Mum this morning while I was finalising this. World news continues to be unutterably horrible, and I feel very pessimistic. The likelihood of Russia invading Europe, China invading Taiwan and Trump doing yet more evil seem more likely by the day. I am consciously reducing my news consumption, rather like I did at the beginning of Covid. Doomscrolling only makes you feel utterly impotent.   To the gym at lunchtime, where I pushed myself a bit. Walking home I was phoned by the doctor's office saying they needed to tweak my blood pressure pills as my latest readings were still high. This made me feel an...

Woke up after a good night's sleep at Mum's, and had breakfast. Mum had bought some avocados so I had a cheeky avocado on toast. Once teas were drunk and chats were had, then we had a photo session trying to find the idea spot to take a photo of Mum. This surprisingly difficult, and we tried several locations and arrangements of lights and so on. Once done we filled out the online forms for her to renew her passport. Mum said she was looking her age. But I think she looks fantastic for her age. Then we made off at lunchtime to the Jolly Badger, and its lovely kind waitress who remembers exactly what Mum wants, and prompted me to use my app to get money off too.    The weather showery and overcast. And we sat looking out of the window trying to imagine what sunshine might look like.  Fond farewells to Mum, and then I mooched to Mill Hill Broadway, and was home a few hours later. Nice to be back on the gold sofa with Lorraine, with Brian affectionately pulling a hole in my ...

To London today, on a mission to kill two birds with one stone. Trains to Mill Hill Broadway station, reading Greek Lessons by Han Kang on the train a bit. Hopped on the 221 and got off the stop after Mill Hill East. Reaching Gordon Road paused by a fence looking into the allotment and fiddled with my camera. A deep and violent baying from an unseen Arthur Conan Doyle style hound from inside a van right behind me made me jump out of my skin. Then mooched about a bit and this time went down the alleyway at the back of the house my paternal grandparents lived in when I was a little child. A bit eerie and overgrown, with mostly disused garages. Snapped a couple of shots and left again. Somehow having a camera lessened the feeling people would take me for a mature burglar.  This obscure mission completed, off to meet Mum in the Jolly Badger, pausing at Costa coffee for a much needed perk.  Mum had just arrived at the Jolly Badger when I got there and had had a wretched morning. A...

Getting back to my preferred pattern. Up at eight and at my desk. It felt good and I began to make some small progress. Reading the first three sections of the Kenniad, and being fairly pleased with them after not having sat with them properly for a while. At around noon  Lorraine and I dismantled our plastic Christmas trees and decorations. After a bite to eat, I went for a walk by the sea, in a strong buffeting wind till I had walked my 10k paces. Finished The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge by Rainer Maria Rilke.   I found it confusing but occasionally the writing was exceptionally brilliant. I am making it my mission to finish all the books I have started in the last year or so but not completed. Read it sitting on the sofa with Lorraine, listening to relaxing music and while Lorraine was industrious or played her game. She spent much of the afternoon with Pat and Maureen. I cooked a delicious chicken curry. In other news Toby and Romy arrived back in a snowy Washington ...

First day of the new year. Lorraine and I woke up feeling clear and sprightly having drunk very little on new years eve. Lorraine and I then did stretches on mats.  Over breakfast, we swapped texts with Anton,  Brian (whose birthday it is today), and Yvonne among other pals.  I went down to the sea at noon, which was almost exactly high tide. The strength of the wind had raised the sea level meaning there was a risk of flooding. The sky was overcast, while the sea was an expanse of rough grey waves and white foam. Clouds of drenching spray rushed inland. All quite invigorating. I took some photos, though my camera lens got quite wet pointing into the wind. Quite pleased to be home and drinking hot coffee not long after. I called Mum, who seemed in good spirits. Then a luxurious afternoon, raining heavily outside, while Lorraine crocheting a small baby hat, after having completed a baby jacket last night.  I finished reading The Sea by John Banville -- a quite brilli...

To Edgware by car with Lorraine today to see Mum on her birthday. A decent drive up there. We stopped for a cup of tea, and to give her some presents. The throw and pillows had already arrived, and we gave her some new pots and pans, to replace the venerable ones she uses. Lorraine drove us to The Waggon and Horses where we got a seat by the fire. Curtis, behind the bar, and Mum's crew, who call her a geezerbird, all cheerily greeting her and Steve shaking my hand and wishing me merry Christmas and happy new year. Just after we'd eaten Toby called  from Bali fresh from a yoga session-- thinking that we'd be together. So Mum got to speak to him on her birthday too. Very cheery in the Waggon, and Lorraine had a chicken shish like me, and was surprised at how genuinely excellent they are there. Home again and we sat by her fire in the living room. Neighours Emma and Gail dropped off some presents for her, and Wynford dropped in too with a gift. He sat chatting with us for a wh...

Boxing Day. A more relaxed start. Up and preparing turkey stock this morning, and then Lorraine put in the Turkey crown. At lunchtime, Mum arrived, having been driven down my Monika and Octay. A really cheery afternoon with them. Finally able to show mum around new Kenny towers, even into the garden despite the slippery paths. Monika and Octay brought lots of food, homemade Czech Christmas cookies, stollen bread, wine, open sandwiches and so on. They are lovely people, and very kind. We sat chatting int he kitchen. Pat and Maureen in the other room. Today's excitement. At one point there was a cry from the living room, and Lorraine went in and called me. Lorraine was putting Patrick into recovery position having found him on the floor with his eyes closed, and Maureen crying out about her leg. Turns out Patrick had a bit of a light headed moment standing up from the sofa and fell down, fall partly broken by Maureen. We picked him up and he was right as rain, and Maureen's leg w...

Christmas Day a tad lively. It started calmly enough with Beth phoning, and me taking teas into Pat and Maureen and Lorraine. There had been a problem with Pat's catheter overnight, which meant some sorting. Then Maureen got a bit het up and needed her heart spray. Everyone soon right as rain, and we got on with a perfectly nice day. Lorraine and I started cooking, and then opened some presents. I got a brown corduroy jacket and a collected George Seferis from Lorraine. Lorraine liked the necklaces I bought her.  Anton got us a bonsai tree, which Lorraine loved.  Chatted a couple of times with Mum. I was pleased she had been invited to her friends Emma and Gail down the road to have a Christmas meal in the evening.   Steve came around a bit after mid day, bearing a bottles of wine, and a game tureen and gravlax salmon with delicious sauces of his own invention. Really nice to have him with us. He is very good with Pat and Maureen, and he was very cheery company. Our Chris...

Another bright morning. Bumped into Chris at Seaford station, who was off to Nottingham, and chatted with him as far as Lewes. Then trained up to Mill Hill, and bussed to Edgware reading A Natural History of Ghosts by Roger Clarke. I put it down for a few months, halfway through. Enjoying the second half much more than the first.  Tired by the time I reached Mum's house a little after noon. I found Mum in vampire mode, unable to stand light, and with irritated sore eyes. She has conjunctivitis, and she had eyedrops for it, but had only taken one dose. She insisted she was okay to drive to the pub, and when we arrived in the pub she made for the darkest corner and I went to the car to retrieve the shades she had found in the car en route. Briefly she sat there in exactly the way a vampire would. However, after half a cider things improved and her eyes no longer stung so much. We left the dark corner and she sat happily with her back to the fire, and much more cheerful. We had lunch,...

So a note from mes amis in France saying that my final payment, a paltry one day's work, has been issued to me. Before their company was bought out, they used to pay me on the same day I invoiced them. Unheard of everywhere else. But since they've been bought out, I had to wait over four months. I can only feel for my former colleagues, having now to work in a ponderous corporate environment.   A bit of editing this morning for the podcast, and Robin and I did some recording this afternoon. We had Joy and Jim from next door around for coffee this morning. Lots of chats. The erudite Jim revealing a love of the QPR football team, and the fact he watches YouTube videos about 'the hoops'. Absolutely delighted that Mum said that she might come down on Boxing Day, given a lift by Monika and Ocktay. This is great news, as she has not been to Seaford before. Perhaps I can be excused for feeling a bit exasperated because Lorraine and I had offered to collect her on many occasion...