under another sun

So, farewell January. Lorraine and I up early. Bleak mood this morning, back now seized up as I haven't been moving enough. Getting dressed difficult. Then I peed over my jeans in a freak micturition incident, and had to get dressed again. A new fridge freezer and dishwasher were about to be delivered, and the old ones taken away.   Cue sweaty grappling with white goods and wooden doors and kneeling on the floor twisting things at ankle level with a mulgrip. I also broke a screwdriver.  Poor Lorraine clearly unwell. A Covid test: positive. Too late to cancel the delivery, Lorraine stayed in the sitting room, and I aired the kitchen a bit, before two blokes arrived carried the goods in an out, one taciturn, the other with the client facing skills calling me 'boss'.  Lorraine spoke to Maureen during the day. Pat is 'Covis' positive too and Maureen unwell. Lorraine was going to go with Maureen to her rehabilitation meeting this week, but they have had to cancel this. I

Texted Robin to let her know I wouldn't be recording for a bit. Also spoke to Keith -- who pointed out the job we had agreed to, showing an unsuspected mastery of being able to read emails properly, wasn't going to start till Wednesday or Thursday.  This took the pressure off, as I was expecting myself to start tomorrow. Lorraine busily sorting things out. We are having a new fridge freezer and dishwasher delivered tomorrow. Lorraine took stuff in our freezer off to store temporarily at Steve's place. She also pottered about in the garden for a happy hour. Watching Star Trek together this evening. But by bedtime Lorraine clearly not feeling great either.

Still feeling wretched, possibly more wretched than yesterday. Worrying that I will have to biff the work I accepted on Friday, mere hours before I started feeling horrid. Trouble is if I biff it, then Keith will lose money too.  Lorraine home today, thank goodness. So nice to see her, although feeling frustrated after she has spent most of the month looking after people, instead of coming home to a nice welcome, she returns to a miserably hacking sack of offal.  She had cooked a roast for Pat and Maureen, and brought me home a plated dinner. Lovely. Just felt really nice to have her back on the gold sofa, even if I had little energy to speak to her. She found the covid tests too. I took a test which was negative.

Bloody hell. Ambushed by illness. Lungs like painful bagpipes and immediately productive cough -- washed out and rubbish. My first thought was that I had seen Mum and Mas yesterday, and hope I hadn't given them anything. Sprawled wanly on the gold sofa all day and binge watched the TV show Traitors, fast forwarding through the meaningless padding in the middle. Spoke to Mum, hoping that I hadn't given her anything. Lorraine will be here tomorrow, which is one thing to look forward to. But I don't want to give her whatever this is. Chatted with Toby too. Lorraine told me to take out a meal from the freezer. I took out a meal, which turned out to be a block of turkey stock. So I slung some assorted vegetables into it -- and it made a nice meal.

Maureen thankfully released back into the wild this evening. Lorraine will be coming home on Sunday, which is making me feel very happy. Up early and off to Elstree. Skipping via Lewes, East Croydon, and St Pancras, then a walk from Elstree station to the Waggon & Horses. Arrived on time, Mum and Mas stationed by the fire, which was a bit weedy, requiring Mum, against the pub rules, to chuck another log on it. They had arrived a little earlier, to secure their spot, and Mason had a glass of wine, which was sending him to sleep. We ordered food, and I stuck to the trusty all day breakfast -- Mum had what I had and then tried to make me eat half of it.  Mason was served a plate of the chef's own devising, featuring lots of hummus and healthy looking bits. Later one of their friends there, regular called Michael, joined us for a while, Mas introducing me as his son. He had a cigar ready to smoke outside. He was waiting for the results of his court case with one or two of his ex wi

Up early to do some writing, but immediately put off my stroke by Calliope. She had not moved from the bed and instead of being woken by her, she stayed silent and did not move. She also did not come down for breakfast, instead of herding me downstairs. For the second time in the last week or so, suddenly convinced she was going to die. However, after an hour or so she came into my study, and sat on my lap and looked bright as a button, before falling immediately asleep on me. I spoke to Lorraine and we thought the trip to the vets would be too stressful for her, as she wasn't in any distress. After having been out from noon till seven, she seemed completely fine this evening, and her and Brian greeted me on arrival as normal. The mysteries of cats.  Otherwise, off to Kew to get my teeth looked at. I have had to cancel my last two appointments. To make sure I got there on time, I left early. I had a dream journey -- all trains where they should be on the way up, and I found myself

Up before seven this morning. I wake early when Lorraine isn't here. A chat with Keith over my morning cuppa and then I did writing of mine own. Finding it hard to concentrate -- despite having some ideas. Gym at lunchtime - listening to Victor Klemperer's diaries. So reminiscent of the rise of Trump and populism -- the flagrant tearing up of the rules and everybody either enthusiastic or numb.   I miss certain equipment that was in my old gym. Few people go there, but I am finding the right machines are hard to get to, covered in teenage gym limpets. Took a longer route home, Seaford misty and cold. A small doze this afternoon, then more writing till getting on for eight. Made a fast curry and watched Star Trek. Bed a bit earlier today, reading a bit from CG Jung's book Memories, Dreams, Reflections about his meetings with Freud. They do sound (unintentionally) hilarious. Below still learning Seaford. Down a twitten today which forked.

Japanese tea in bed, followed by English tea with milk and honey. Eventually we got up for breakfast and with a large side dish of grown up conversations about which plumber to use to replace our boiler. Then to the concrete bit at the bottom of the garden to bolt together things inside the glasshouse -- the bench and the metal frame to be used as a bed inside the structure. Still just above freezing, so lots of clothes layers needed. After an avocado based lunch,  Lorraine drove back to Ashford. Sorry to see her going again. I kissed her goodbye then went into the kitchen. The Alexa speaker suddenly came on of its own accord, with a voice talking about gut health. I opened the front door to say she was haunting me, but she had already left.   A walk along the seafront. Mixed feelings. A bit fed up that our January has not gone according to plan, and Lorraine and I have spent much of it apart. However, I decided to focus on the good things, such as being  grateful for being able to be

Up at dawn and preparing to interview Robert Hamberger for Planet Poetry. When I interviewed him, I made every gaffe possible. I felt unfocussed and weirdly anxious. I may have been a bit dehydrated or something. Thank god for editing. Robert a bit nervous, but was warm and interesting. His writing is so human. Started a general planning mind map. I want to take a helicopter view on all my activities and Mari Kondo everything -- what sparks joy & what needs to be sent to the dustbin of history.  I interviewed Robert -- whose writing I like lots, but I made every gaffe possible. My brain was not working at all well. In retrospect I think I may have been a bit dehydrated. Thank God for editing. Robert interesting and warm.  Immediately after, I called Lorraine who was driving back from Ashford. Lovely to have her back, if only for 24 hours. We had a short walk by the sea, and stopped off at Morrisons to buy a chicken for a roast dinner tonight. I cooked while she relaxed on the gold

Another Lorraineless day. Maureen stable in hospital but Lorraine there to join all the dots. It meant I could simply go to my desk early, and think about my poetry MS. Also cooked loaf that had been in the airing cupboard overnight.  Decided to go off to the gym, but when I arrived there, the emergency alarms were all going. The receptionist let me in anyway, but as the alarms did not stop, and eventually the building was cleared, and we hung about outside I decided to cut my losses and go for a longish walk instead. I began exploring some of the paths climbing up Seaford Head. Because of my reluctance to go where there is no cover, I must thread up near trees and so on. Stupid anxiety makes me feel weird in wide exposed spaces, especially on the tops of hills. So I have to learn how to climb Seaford Head my own way. But I did eventually get to the top, but immediately began scrambled down again. I was comforted by the fact there is a golf course there, because it reminded me of the h

Up in the middle of the night thanks to Brian traipsing around the house meowing like a broken alarm clock with a catnip fish in his mouth. I read a note that Lorraine had eventually got home at 2am. Maureen stayed in hospital today. They want to capture her next episode of not feeling well to find out what is going on. Lorraine staying with Pat, and ferrying him into hospital, and making sure everyone is okay. Feel a bit useless here, but someone has to take care of the cats. Sam kindly volunteered to come down to Seaford if that would help.  Otherwise I was up at sunrise. Steve and his friendly young neighbour came around to collect a fridge from the workhouse. Let them in from the back alley, and Laurel and Hardy'd it into the van. Steve returned with the useful trolley a bit later and had a cup of tea. Lorraine had made quite a few plans for social things, but will have to cancel. She spoke to Dawn -- as we were supposed to go to a classical concert tonight with her and Paul.  

Lorraine off to Ashford to see Maureen. When she arrived, having bought fish and chips, she discovered Maureen unwell, and took her off to the hospital. They spent the rest of the day there, but ECG and other readings were okay -- but eventually she was kept in overnight. A long day for Lorraine -- and Maureen disappointed not to be released back into the wild. I pottered about at home, had a chat with Mum, and then mooched off to Adele's house, via Morrisons to buy soft drinks, and the jewellers who replaced my watch battery for a mere £5.  At Adele's there was quite a collection of glass mates who had all brought food and so on - and as the event was a Secret Santa with people swapping gifts they had made -- Adele had put some Christmas music on. Adele, Sally, Rick (no longer) around the corner, Frances, Deana, and Jane. I found myself at the end of the long table, and the secret santa presents were distributed. Rick was on my left and started first and Deana who was on my ri

Uploaded the podcast this morning after Robin had made a few tweaks. Then Lorraine and I spent quite a bit of time in the glasshouse, building a bench-like affair for potting and other horticultural tasks. Lots of nuts and bolts. Broke off when Rosie popped in for a hug, on the way to a nearby school. Among other things we talking about the photo of Innis in his coastguard gear that appeared in the local newspaper -- there had been a wide response to look for a missing boy, who was luckily unharmed. Lorraine loving working in the glasshouse, and really excited by the possibilities. Calliope had been briefly out in the garden, and hurrying back to the house after us, she stopped in her tracks and emitted a couple of deep loud howls and did not move. I was certain she was about to die. Lorraine told me to bring her in, and she sat on my lap unmoving for a couple of minutes, but before long she was fine again, got off me, snacked on some kibbles and seemed no worse for wear.   Lorraine an

Cold frosty morning. Re-read parts of the TS Eliot prize winning collection Sonnets for Albert,  by Anthony Joseph, which I liked more this morning than I had done the night before.  Then at 11 plunged into more recording with Robin, followed by a good deal of editing. Got the first complete edit sent off to Robin for her to listen to first thing tomorrow.  Also thinking about how to execute my Secret Santa present for Friday. I have the concept, it is just the execution which is challenging.  In the afternoon Lorraine and I went out for a very enjoyable walk by the sea. Here is Lorraine standing close to happiness. Also an icy birdbath in our back garden this morning.

Lorraine off to Ashford again today. Going with Pat to a medical appointment and spending time with Maureen.   The sky amazing on the way back from the gym.  

The big news of the day was that Maureen has been released back into the wild again and was home at noon. Lorraine off to see her again tomorrow.  As for me, woke after anxious dreams, and determined to improve my attempts to establish a working routine, which hasn't gone well this year. But this morning I tried to get a grip, leaving Lorraine to catch up on some sleep and I got up early to work on the podcast, and then met Robin on screen for a chat and a bit of recording. Like me, Robin also at a bit of a low ebb on the poetry front (it happens to the best of us). I want to return to some sort of flow state, but this seems very hard. One major obstacle being my own inertia and lack of gusto.  Lorraine in the garden as it wasn't raining for once, and she was pottering about in her new glasshouse -- repotting succulents, and taking geraniums out of harms way as a hard frost is predicted tonight. Lorraine and I enjoyed chatting about what colour we are going to have our walls, i

Had breakfast and chatted with Mum, who was asking me about Maureen. Then Lorraine and I drove off to Ashford to visit Maureen in hospital. An enjoyable drive across country listening to Radio 6. Pat and Maureen's home first for a cup of tea, and to pick up Pat, and off we went to the William Harvey hospital.  Delighted to find Maureen looking a good deal better than I had seen her on screen lately, and sitting up in bed with her eyes twinkling again. They are gradually getting her meds right -- and she has responded. She was very chatty and we all sat about talking for a while. Hoping for the doctor to come to get an idea of what was going on. However Maureen in good spirits, enjoying watching me feel sick as she recounted a tale about seeing the clean white bones of her father's legs, and another one about how she had bandaged up a boy's hand whose finger was hanging on by a string.  Back to Pat's house, where Ken had cooked a roast chicken with all the fixings, inclu

Beth and James and Julie, James's mum, around for dinner this evening. Julie arriving with a large potted peace lily.  Lorraine cooked her special chicken dish with grapes and lettuce added to the stew at the end. Lorraine and I like Julie lots. A lovely, chatty and friendly person. James calls her 'The Goose' which is quite sweet. She and Beth get on really well too. All's well. Toby called during the evening. He and Romy are still a bit jet lagged as he said the sun shone today for the first time in Toronto today since mid december. Without the sun, reacclimatising is hard. 

Bright sunshine this morning. Made a huge difference. Lorraine and I got up and travelled off to the other side of town... In reality not far, but we walked down some back alleys and then caught a 12A which dropped us off near the cemetery. A bit of an adventure as we didn't know where the bus went. Picked up Lorraine's car, with its replacement door and drove back home. A pleasant sunny sort of day, mainly spent tidying the house. This house takes a lot of tidying. Lorraine talking to all sorts of family, and the hospital ward and so on. Maureen sounding more chirpy today, thankfully. In the evening we went to The Old Boot, where we met Steve for a quick bite of a decent, and decently priced burger, and then Lorraine and I went to the Seaford Film Club, where we met Adele and Patrick, Yvonne and Brian and watched Elvis by Baz Luhrmann. Where we sat with our pals on the back row. The theatre is called The Barn, and was completely full with about 100 people in the audience. Adel

After a few bits of pieces of admin, and a quick chat with Keith, to Brighton at noon as staring at the formless mass of at my hair on screen recently has become abominable. While in Brighton sourced some Japanese roasted green tea teabags and a desk diary. Stacy looked startled by my arrival, and it turned out he had double booked. The bonus of this was that Stacy, who normally spends the last ten minutes of any haircut, snipping at hairs that can only be seen on some metaphysical plane inhabited only by barbers, was faster. The journey to and fro arriving a few minutes after Lorraine arrived.  Very happy to see my wifey again. Maureen thankfully feeling more comfortable today, after what had been a scary week. Lorraine happy to be home again -- although feeling a bit torn. Ken is staying with Pat at the moment luckily. In the evening I went to the Needlewriters and was delighted that Lorraine felt up for coming too.  Amusingly, Lewes seemed abuzz compared to Seaford. Went there prima

Ken phoned Lorraine just after seven this morning from hospital, saying he'd driven Maureen there at 4am. Lorraine got up and went straight to Ashford. Maureen stayed all day and was kept in overnight, and Lorraine reached there by mid morning, having bussed to Eastbourne, then caught the train to Ashford and a taxi to the station -- she spent the day with Maureen, who is naturally a bit shattered and was very pleased to have her there, and left late at night and stayed with her Dad and Ken. Everyone concerned about Maureen -- and I spent the day in readiness to drop everything.  Otherwise, worked with Keith this morning to finish things off, but the job dragged on somewhat, which given the circumstances, made me somewhat restless. Had an idea to amend a poem, but concentration these days is a rare commodity.  Otherwise I went for two walks, one just as it was getting dark. It bad been thundering further along the coast, and at one point, turning off the shoreline at the Esplanade,

Up and working with Keith at 8:30.  Both of us on better form, and work at the conceptual coalface easier.  But nevertheless a sort of dangling day, never feeling quite settled in anything.  Lorraine's new raincoat arrived today, which was good because she deployed it immediately. She drove her car to the other side of town to get its door replaced. Walking back, she stopped for coffee at Adele's house, and they walked into town together.   Maureen having a little more peace of mind after Pauline's funeral yesterday. Lorraine spoke often to her mum and Ken, who called Lorraine for advice from time to time.  Lorraine naturally preoccupied with how Maureen is feeling at the moment. She will go next week to be with them for various appointments. A presentation to the FB, Pat and Perky this afternoon of the stuff Keith and I had been working on. Michel has the gift for infectious enthusiasm and our ideas went down fine. It seems, however, that we will have to work tomorrow morn

Raining most of the day. And I felt unnaturally cold. A joyless sort of working day, even though nothing bad happened and I should be pleased to have some work. Had to change clothes halfway through the day, and felt unnaturally attracted to the radiator in my room.    An air of unreality about Lorraine watching her auntie Pauline's funeral on her iPad, while I worked.  Maureen was able to see it too in Ashford. Lorraine had been chatting with Maureen quite a bit during the day, as she hadn't been feeling very bright this morning, but was pleased that the funeral was done and felt a bit brighter in the evening. After work I went for a walk by the shore. Really clears your head after staring at Keith on a screen all day. Went through a shadowy bit where there was little light, and a black dog poked its nose into my groin, and a man dressed in black dragged it off. No harm done, but not my favourite sort of encounter. Lorraine and I listened to a chapter of Don Quixote tonight.

Happy to have Lorraine home this morning. We had a stroll by the sea and caught up with assorted bits and tidying before having what was for Lorraine a much needed rest. 

Up early and doing yet more editing on the podcast. Cheery that Lorraine was hopefully coming home today. Steve said that he would drop by this morning, as he was on the way to the fish market in Newhaven. This proved to just a generously sized fish shop, with lots of fresh fish. I contented myself with some kippers, and Steve predated on at least two species of marine life.  Then we drove up towards the harbour, a few seconds away. I have never seen such rough sea inside a harbour before. The waves were breaking over into the carpark showering hard gobs of seawater on the windscreen. A short drive afterwards with Sherpa Steve showing me a few local sights, and we ended up in the Plough and Harrow in Littlington, where Lorraine and I went late last year with Rosie, Innis and Gus. Simply had a pint of Long Man bitter there, as it seemed rude not to as the brewery was literally down the road. Dropped off shortly afterwards, my pocket full of kippers. Finished my editing, called Mum, and

Woke up at thirstily at five, with Brian meeping from room to room with a catnip fish in his mouth. Distinctly sadder and wiser this morning with a hangover. Up sometime later, and had a decent breakfast, talked to my lovely Lorraine in Ashford, where Maureen is needing plenty of rest. While I am pleased Lorraine can be there to help Maureen recover, I am missing my wifey very much. Texted Steve to see that he had survived the night to confirm he had survived the night. Then I cleaned cat litter trays, and straightened the kitchen up after emergency cheese on toast last night. Anton called too for a chat. Then Keith and I took a briefing from the French Bloke, Pat and Perky on a new job which we spent the day doing. It has something to do with colonoscopies so I at least I had some first hand experience. Enjoyed chatting with Keith and the others today. Had veggie soup at lunchtime. A man called James called by to pick up Lorraine's car door. After work, I chatted with Mum, and the

Chatting with Keith for an hour or so this morning. Pat got in touch to ask if I was free to pick up a job with Keith, starting tomorrow, so that was good. Did more editing on the podcast. Seemed to spend hours doing tidying the house, and doing things like carrying Lorraine's car door into the house so that people can collect it. The people never came. Also pulled out the large Christmas tree out through the porch into the front garden and then pulled it around to the side of the house. It shed a bazillion needles in the porch and in the house. Hoovered them. The needles blocked the hoover so I had to dismantle this, sweep the front garden and so on. One of those thirty second jobs that actually took well over an hour.  Actually tweaked a poem for a few minutes too. Chatting to Lorraine. Maureen at home and okay, but very tired today. I don't like waking up without Lorraine there.  A bizarre evening. Forged off to The Old Boot early, in drenching muzzle. Good to see Steve afte

Antsy and finding anything requiring application or concentration hard. Every time I thought about doing my own work, I had the image of two magnets having their wrong ends pushed towards each other. Although I spent a few hours editing the podcast. Happily, Maureen was released back into the wild today, but will need Lorraine to the be there at least until the weekend. It has shaken up everyone of course. All I can do is be supportive from a distance.  The rail strike means I can't pop over to Ashford -- or up to London or even Brighton. I need a haircut, but am not yet ready to trust Seaford with my lustrous mane of follicles.   The cats are missing Lorraine, and sometimes the pair of them follow me from room to room like disgruntled dogs.  Blew the cobwebs off by taking my camera for a walk alongside the sea and on the lower bits of Seaford Head. But the wind so strong there it was literally hard to stand up. Very white sea. Few people about, but some were standing close to the

A proper January day, grey and raining and despite the unseasonal warmth, it felt cold too. Woke up just before seven and realised I was alone. Calliope having melted away in the night, having reasserted her rightful place when I fell asleep. Spoke to Lorraine through the day. Maureen has a takotsubo heart condition, and the crisis was brought about by stress, not blockages. However the event has reduced her heart function and she has been told she will need lots of rest. She is in fairly good spirits however, and is pleased with the care she is getting. Lorraine also said the ward sister was excellent. Obviously this will mean changes in future, but she seems not to be in danger. Lorraine will continue to stay with Pat and take him into the hospital -- and is now the centre of a family WhatsApp group.   As for me, a low excitement day. I did some podcast editing, housework, and in the afternoon I made off to the gym, and picked up my prescription. Also spoke to Mum who had talked to M

Phoned by a cheery Tobster at four something in the morning... He was with Romy, Raine and Eitaro and if I remember correctly despite middle of the night bleariness, they were going to travel to Kyoto. Up a few hours later, to feed the cats, made two cups of roasted Japanese tea and put the oven as requested by Lorraine to make some bread. We were up and breakfasted cheerily, and ran about the house hoovering and cleaning up, and then sat down to have a top-level conference about finances. At this point Maureen called, and said she had been feeling unwell. We were worried about her, and Lorraine drove over to Ashford and took her to hospital when she got there. They spent the afternoon and evening there and Maureen is to be kept in overnight. Lorraine left the hospital late, and will stay with Pat. Everyone concerned for Maureen.  I've been keeping in touch by text mostly with Lorraine and it has been a difficult day for her. This took the wind out of my sails somewhat. Finished so

First day of the year, began in fine style, with a cup of black smoked Japanese tea in bed. Lorraine has embarked, on our behalf, on a gut health twenty days, where we are going to eat lots of different kinds of plants and so on, to reset our gut biomes. We had oyster mushrooms on sourdough toast. Plus what we are calling 'the seeds' Lorraine's custom mix of: flax, hemp and chia, black sesame, dried goji berries, to a bowl of yoghurt sprinkled with oats, sunflower and pumpkin seeds. It all tastes nice and nutty, and certainly, ahem, gets my gut moving.   A certain amount of light pottering about today, a degree of alphabetising of books and so on, and Lorraine making a walnut and treacle tart -- but happiness pervading our Seaford niche. Quite a few messages from friends, and I chatted with Mum and Mas and showed them about the house again. Off in the car, just as it started raining, to drive to Anton's this afternoon for a new year's meal (armed with Lorraine's