under another sun

Felt inspired and optimistic this morning, after my recent conversations. I began with the idea of reinventing what I am doing business wise, and had many ideas. Felt good and suddenly as if I were on the front foot again -- had lots of ideas and spent the morning hammering them down. Down to Preston Park this morning and off to Hassocks, a wretched delay meant I had to hurry from Hassocks station to arrive at Clayton Woods natural burial site, where Janet and Ken's ashes were going to be laid side by side. I met Madeline, Hus, Reem, May, Bren, Sonia and Ray there. Rod and Clare, Caroline, Nick and Sandie and a few other grandchildren and grand nieces. We had squelched our way to the small square grave, when it was clear Anne Lamacraft had been very much delayed, so it being a very informal affair, Madeline and I zoomed off in Madeline's car to collect her. Not seen Anne for many years. The ceremony was self conducted, but quite pleasant, those who wanted put earth on the s...

Helped by Lorraine I had to work on getting my head straight for this afternoon's celebration of Janet's life, which we held upstairs at Grand Central, where I had done my last poetry reading in Brighton.  We arrived at the venue first, and Heather and Kim and Rasmini arrived, who put frankincense on a few people, including myself. We got a couple of tables and the nieces and Lorraine put examples of Janet's embroidery on, plus another decked out with photos of Janet and Ken. It proved to be a good venue, and quite a few dozen showed up, which was impressive considering how tight the timescales were. The afternoon was very warm and successful. There was a mic and I ended up being a bit of an MC for a short while reading out the lovely messages people had sent Madeline and I about Janet. Caroline came too, and played a tape of Ken singing. A few people spoke, including memorably Reem, who wrote and delivered an excellent speech. I also had the opportunity to make an impr...

So with all the agency work behind me, Janet in the hospice, Ken being looked after by his family, I was free to go to my stained glass class with a clear conscience this morning. Nice to be there, although it was a case of two steps forward and one step backwards, as I broke the corner off an irregular piece I'd spent ages nibbling. In the middle of happily doing the glass, I had a wave of anxiety, and went out of the room and had a panic attack, and felt very shaky for a couple of minutes. This follows the typical pattern for me, of dealing with a crisis and then feeling the anxiety later on. Luckily these days panic attacks are extremely rare for me, and I know how to deal with them. In a few minutes I was back in the class getting on with things and everything was fine. Chatting to Ben afterwards. I really like him. Then on the bus to Martlet's hospice to see Janet. Met Hus and Kim there, and Hus's brother. Good chat there just making sure that we were all on the same...