Janet dies

Janet died this evening.

I had been to the hospice at lunchtime and I found Hus and Ken in his wheelchair in the car park. Ken had just been taken to see Janet, and was about to be driven off to Leamington in the car with Rod and Claire and Caroline. I heard later that Ken had said in a moment of clarity that she would not last the day. He seemed very sad then, but apparently was singing in the car most of the way north. I went into the hospice and said hello to Ken's family who were just leaving, and to Kim and Heather who were staying put. 

I spent a little time with Janet, who was not conscious, and breathing hard. I held her hand, Kim and Heather asked me if I wanted to be alone with her, but there is no unfinished business between us I didn't need this. 

When the nurses came to change her position, and then move her into a single room with a view of the garden. Hus and I left and drove back to Ken and Janet's house.  I thought I might pick up the power of attorney that the Hospice had asked to see, but this had been taken north along with some other papers. Felt funny to be in their house without them, despite having grown so used to being there over recent weeks.

Home and just after Lorraine and I had eaten dinner Hus called me to say Janet had died without regaining consciousness with Kim and Heather holding her hands. 

Lorraine and I drove to Martlets, and we sat in the back room with Hus, Kim and Heather, and later May and Reem, who were both upset. These girls have been excellent.

I felt happy that Janet had gone so quickly, and had been made to be very comfortable until such time as she died. Lorraine and I went in to view Janet's body and kiss her cool forehead. Bodies are just empty vessels. 

I felt rather numb and Kim and Heather were dealing with the situation by already getting to grips with practicalities. Fortunately there was some wine, so we had a glass. There was an assumption that I would organise everything, but I said I was happy to help but it wasn't going to be all down to me. 

Lorraine drove us home. I felt somewhat numb, which seems to be my standard reaction to death. I am extremely pleased that Janet didn't have to suffer however, and that Ken's family have made sure Ken is taken care of. My power of attorney has now also evaporated without every being used, and no longer having this responsibility is something of a relief to me. 

I wasn't ready to go to bed early as Lorraine needed to. I sat up numbly watching TV and had a couple of bottles of beer, and two episodes of Family Guy and then went to bed.