under another sun

Tried to get on with something like normal life. Dipped my toe into the water, by going to life drawing, just around the corner. Nice to chat with Melissa and Debbie and a new man called John. A male model I've drawn before. I was struggling to get any likeness today,  and after a couple of hours I felt extremely tired.   Baby Enzo with us when I got home, as Beth has restarted work today.  Enzo sleeping after a disrupted night, and I sparked out on the gold sofa too after the rigours of drawing. He was a bit alarmed when Lorraine gave him to me, as he hasn't seen me for a few weeks.  The afternoon I joined join the understory group from my study. I was able to vent a little in a supportive space with Charlotte, Emma, Marilyn and Linda, felt better for it, and also understood. Also interested by other people's interesting work and thoughts.   Exhausted after this, I did not go to the needle writers reading in Lewes, where I was hoping to see Robin and other pals...

Improving albeit at a glacial pace, and hacking and sweating at night still. L and I drifted about the garden, while Lorraine did a bit of weeding, discussing flower business for half an hour before heading back to the gold sofa. Finished The Long Good-bye , brilliant stuff right to the end.  There was a drawing class, which I had to miss.  I will look back on this last few weeks and think of it as my Chandler phase. Starting with The Little Sister now. I also downloaded an audiobook comprised of BBC radio dramas of the stories.  Mum thinks the fox is pregnant. She had Ben around fixing curtains for her. In the evening Lorraine and I watched an episodes of Grace, an ITV cop show starring John Simm, set and filmed in Brighton.  One scene in The Cricketers was shot at the tables Lorraine and I used to sit in when first dating. Can't quite name the feeling this engenders. As for Grace , glimpses of Brighton steal the show but to me the writing feels clunky.

Only an hour of coughing in the night, so a much better sleep. During the day felt more optimistic, as if the first faint lights of Covid recovery can be glimpsed in the east. The deadline for Trump to begin committing war crimes passed in the night. Perhaps delusional, I had not feared Trump would do it. Instead some ten point plan presented via Pakistan, was accepted as the basis of a negotiation. Israel is already balking, and the list looks unachievable. The US has not looked so weak and risible in my lifetime.  Lorraine on full throttle. Off to deliver Rhyme Time first thing, then went round to be with Beth and Enzo, who were joined by Rosie and Emily, and one of the twins, and Beth's friend Lucy to discuss hair. Then Lorraine went off to Eastbourne to do pottery and was pleased with her results.  Mostly alone today, but feeling brighter. Getting to the end of  The Long Goodbye now.  I'd say it was the most literary of the novels so far, the narrator becoming u...

Wretched night. Throat and coughing abominable. Lorraine making inching progress, but well enough to drive to  M&S to buy some ready meals for Pat and Maureen. Maureen has a cold and we're hoping it's not going to develop into whatever plague we've got.  A long chat with Anton, who is using the Easter hols to continue decorating his house. Spoke to Mum too, who had her brother Alex's wife Eileen visiting this afternoon. Finished  The Lady in the Lake  by Raymond Chandler. He is such as skilful writer. Generally adhered to the gold sofa and tried, sometimes successfully, not to be whiny. Lorraine is an excellent wife.

Sunday. Started The Lady in the Lake by Raymond Chandler. Love the way you become instantly  immersed in the story. This reminds me of P.G. Wodehouse: a brilliant skill to hook the reader  immediately.  Later, I spoke to Mum who was fine and just about to go next door. Lorraine recovering but still with a way to go, and a nasty cough. I'm taking care of her as best as I can.  Some fiddling about with words, and doing another Substack. I aim to do three a month. A last-minute Morrisons. Cooked a roast dinner, sprawled on the gold sofa.  Found out at last about the Live Canon shortlisting asking the new Google AI:   B ased on search results, there is a significant, urgent update regarding Live Canon Poetry. Live Canon Poetry (11714976) was marked as "Dissolved" at Companies House on March 17, 2026. This dissolution explains the lack of communication, the failure to announce competition results, and the silence reported by applicants since January 2026. M y s...

I decided I'm in a fallow period, like a field left alone to rejuvenate, naturally recover and settle. Despite low energy and mental sluggishness, some inching progress: I learned a little more about Substack, investigated where I might send Gordon Road  now that Live Cannon, due to announce the winners six weeks ago, have maintained radio silence and not replied to my email. I'm hoping there's not some horrible calamity behind the scenes, as this is not how they operate. There are more important things in this world than poetry pamphlets.  Spoke to Mum, who was just about to dye her hair and was in decent spirits.  Enzo and Beth around today. Enzo slightly coldy, but still radiating sunshine. Beth doing a bit of preliminary work before restarting her job next month. Enzo hiccuping today, which I have never heard.  Ate lunch and could have slept, instead I mooching about the lost village of Tide Mills. With my CBT head on, I decided to examine what happens to me when...

Sea fret today, a murky morning of mist. Lorraine busy today, so a day of quietly getting a grip. Spoke to Mum this morning for half an hour or so and arranged to see her later this week. Put out washing on the line to dry in sunshine, then sea fret followed by a rapid deluge.  I have begun with Silvercloud, a CBT based program for managing anxiety. Several modules to work through, I've learned nothing much yet from it, but it is making me revisit the CBT ideas of how thoughts, behaviours, emotions and physical sensations are all linked, and changing one can improve others and so on. Not new to me, but re-engaging with it is helpful in itself. A time out to focus on your own wellbeing feels good too.   A gorgeous walk this afternoon along the seafront, listening to The Rest is History podcast, the fifth and sixth episodes on the fall of the Incas. A fascinating and bloody business. Lorraine and I to bed early tonight, reading. I've almost finished Farewell, My Lovely  by ...