under another sun

I slept really well, last night, and it made  a huge difference. Awake fairly early so cheerful that I bought some tee-shirts on my phone.   Breakfast, then Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and then see her pal Sarah, who she used to work with at Bolney. I hopped on a bus, and made off to Brighton on this beautiful bright morning where I bought Lorraine a book on making pottery with a wheel from Waterstones. Back in Seaford a short walk by the sea and an interlude in Morrisons.  Home, and L and I popped round to see a relaxed post Spanish holiday Patrick and Adele and look at the pottery wheel we want to buy from them for Lorraine's birthday.  Lorraine sat at the wheel, and Patrick showed us how this particular wheel worked. Home, and I cooked salmon with a noodles and a stir fry. We watched some episodes of Foundation , which is a really great SF show. Below a sailboarder on the sea.

Only a few hours sleep, due to more coughing. Off to London to see Mum. Just as the train was pulling in at Seaford, I realised I had no phone with my rail pass etc. so had to go home again. Told Mum I would be half an hour late. Almost a month since I saw Mum last due to the virus. Felt pleasure in noticing how much fuller and greener the landscape was. Lots of French people climbing on the train at Newhaven, from the ferry, crowding onto the shabby little train and asking each other if they were in Première classe.  Climbing the hill in Hampstead, walked past a delivery many who was singing beautifully in what I imagined was an Indian language as he unloaded. I stopped to listen and he said hello to me at the end of a verse. Mum in good spirits when we met, and we zoomed off to the The Old White Bear. Flask Walk looking very pretty, and wisteria flowering and Spanish bluebells in front gardens.  Mum delighted that the man she calls the parson was in the pub. A youngish talli...

It was Innis's stag do today. I missed out on a cool stone carving session led by Graham. However, Lorraine drove me to the Old Albion in the evening where Innis was having drinks. All his stags brought him books, so I gave him one, and had written a kind of poem which I tucked into it, and which I think touched him. Enjoyed getting to know Innis's brothers Finlay and Campbell, and chats with Tim and other pals of Innis. The Albion is a pub where you can bring your own food or have it delivered. Eve, Innis's lovely daughter, ordered some pizza, and also had arrived with loads of crips and peanuts. I thoroughly enjoyed myself for a couple of hours before losing energy. Luckily Lorraine was just around the corner at Rosie's flat, drove me home.   Home to watch Chelsea lose on Match of the Day to Manchester United. The new manager, unfairly dubbed 'LinkedIn Liam' may not last much longer on these results. A snap of Enzo with his grandparents squinting in the sun.  

Tried to get on with something like normal life. Dipped my toe into the water, by going to life drawing, just around the corner. Nice to chat with Melissa and Debbie and a new man called John. A male model I've drawn before. I was struggling to get any likeness today,  and after a couple of hours I felt extremely tired.   Baby Enzo with us when I got home, as Beth has restarted work today.  Enzo sleeping after a disrupted night, and I sparked out on the gold sofa too after the rigours of drawing. He was a bit alarmed when Lorraine gave him to me, as he hasn't seen me for a few weeks.  The afternoon I joined join the understory group from my study. I was able to vent a little in a supportive space with Charlotte, Emma, Marilyn and Linda, felt better for it, and also understood. Also interested by other people's interesting work and thoughts.   Exhausted after this, I did not go to the needle writers reading in Lewes, where I was hoping to see Robin and other pals...

Much better night's sleep, but still a shadow of a man. Trying not to infect Lorraine with glumness. I set myself small targets, while reminding myself how lucky I am despite feeling at a very low ebb.  Lorraine off for an invigorating session with her personal trainer. I ordered some books and contacted a poet about being interviewed by me for the podcast, went for a walk, taking a photograph for six Frenchmen standing by their two old mini cars parked up by the sea. I should have taken one for myself. They were clearly on some obscure car related jaunt, and were living their best lives. Lorraine gardening steadily, when I got home. I brought out the garden furniture from the garage. Spoke to Mum at tea time, I'm intending to see her next Monday, hopefully I shall be recovered enough by then. Then cooked for the first time in a week. A nice chicken and lentil curry. Lorraine crocheting a finger puppet pig on the cold sofa. More of the excellent Foundation , which we are really...

To the pharmacy first thing as I have an inflamed eye.  I stepped into the pharmacy, and immediately began a coughing fit to spread dismay. Walked home by the sea, which look, clean and beautiful. In the afternoon spoke to James our financial advisor. I never thought I'd have one of those but there you go. James, reflecting on the good performance of our investment, said saying the markets have learned how to accommodate Trump with the 'taco' doctrine. (taco=Trump Always Chickens Out as I learned in the Rest is Politics US. A second walk down by the restoring sea. Bumped into Beth outside the nursery at three.   Otherwise heard from Robin about arranging some recording. Felt guilty that all I've been dormant for the last three weeks. Chatted to Mum a couple of times who is worried about correspondence from the local authority, but can't find it to read it to me. Not much I can do about that at the moment. Lorraine spends the day with Maureen. We watched more of Foun...

Lorraine had a hen day. Off with Beth to Hotel Du Vin, where Rosie and her hens had a splendid time.  One moment where there were hints of a stripper, but the door opened to reveal a cardboard cutout of Innis in his life guard gear. The ladies also had a session learning how to mixing assorted fragrant oils.  I had a rooster day. Main event a walk by the sea for thirty mins, which is a record for the week. Fish and chips later. Once Lorraine was home, we watched   Foundation on Apple TV. Enjoyably doomy and complex. And some footie too. Compelling Arsenal psychodrama. Arsenal swept all before them, amid talk of an unprecedented quadruple. After a disastrous couple of weeks, I find it painful to watch Mikel Arteta, Arsenal's manager, rigid with anxiety, as he stalks the touchline as glory slips through his fingers yet again.  An actual payment came through today, via PayPal, for the poem Gardening With My Wife , just appearing in Ireland's Channel magazine.  Bel...

Still coughing till I'm ragged at night. Lorraine off to Paul her hairdresser, then she went to see Pat and Maureen. I read more Raymond Chandler, managed a ten minute walk which felt like plenty.  Watched a couple of couple of episodes of Foundation, a big budget TV series on Apple TV based on Isaac Asimov stories. Sometimes even doomy SF takes you out of yourself.  Lorraine bought a chicken and leek pie at Canham's in Hove today. It was gorgeous. Saw the meme below today. It spoke to me.  

Improving albeit at a glacial pace, and hacking and sweating at night still. L and I drifted about the garden, while Lorraine did a bit of weeding, discussing flower business for half an hour before heading back to the gold sofa. Finished The Long Good-bye , brilliant stuff right to the end.  There was a drawing class, which I had to miss.  I will look back on this last few weeks and think of it as my Chandler phase. Starting with The Little Sister now. I also downloaded an audiobook comprised of BBC radio dramas of the stories.  Mum thinks the fox is pregnant. She had Ben around fixing curtains for her. In the evening Lorraine and I watched an episodes of Grace, an ITV cop show starring John Simm, set and filmed in Brighton.  One scene in The Cricketers was shot at the tables Lorraine and I used to sit in when first dating. Can't quite name the feeling this engenders. As for Grace , glimpses of Brighton steal the show but to me the writing feels clunky.

Only an hour of coughing in the night, so a much better sleep. During the day felt more optimistic, as if the first faint lights of Covid recovery can be glimpsed in the east. The deadline for Trump to begin committing war crimes passed in the night. Perhaps delusional, I had not feared Trump would do it. Instead some ten point plan presented via Pakistan, was accepted as the basis of a negotiation. Israel is already balking, and the list looks unachievable. The US has not looked so weak and risible in my lifetime.  Lorraine on full throttle. Off to deliver Rhyme Time first thing, then went round to be with Beth and Enzo, who were joined by Rosie and Emily, and one of the twins, and Beth's friend Lucy to discuss hair. Then Lorraine went off to Eastbourne to do pottery and was pleased with her results.  Mostly alone today, but feeling brighter. Getting to the end of  The Long Goodbye now.  I'd say it was the most literary of the novels so far, the narrator becoming u...

At last an improved sleep. Not many coughing fits, so managed whole hours of sleep. I wish I felt better once up. Started the day with a massive coughing fit for an hour or so, and felt fed up and tired for most of the day.  Popped outside with Lorraine into the garden for a bit. Gorgeous day, which was lovely. Maureen's birthday today, obviously had to avoid this. But Lorraine, Beth and Enzo sat with them outside by the sea for a few hours. Spoke to Mum. Anton called me, now back at work after a weekend of decorating. Enjoying The Long Goodbye  which I am reading in short bursts. Lorraine becoming steadily stronger. Lorraine in our back garden. 

Lorraine definitely brightening now, despite retaining a cough. She saw Beth and Enzo from a distance in their garden, and popped around to see Pat and Maureen. No easter eggs for Lorraine or I.  Another execrable night's sleep for me, I'm exhausted by coughing and now have a feeble croak for a voice. Much of the day on the gold sofa, reading more of The Long Goodbye , by Chandler in between short sleeps.  Mum spent the afternoon with Monica and Oktay. I had a good chat with Tobs. Otherwise little to report. To bed early, and trying to stay positive. So much Easter Monday. 

Another horrible night. Feeling properly ill now, on Easter Sunday. My chest is making accordion noises. Spoke to Mum who is mercifully okay.  Lorraine taking care of me, and ventured out shopping after popping in on Pat and Maureen. Roast chicken. What a waste of time being ill is. I can't focus enough to do writing at the moment. Gah.

My ability to smell seems to have gone, another Covid indicator. A sleepless night wracked with continual coughing and sore throat. The opposite to the night before slept for a few hours, with waking up to cough every few minutes, then bleakly awake after 4am. Did have a couple of hours before I got up.  A tauntingly beautiful day. I went into the garden for a nice cough, but otherwise sat wanly on the Gold Sofa watching TV. My brain barely able to function. Watched a French documentary on the Chauvet Cave art. Wonderful. Then I watched Chelsea stroll seven goals past Port Vale in the quarter finals of the FA Cup which happened to be on TV.  Chatted to Mum too.  Lorraine ordered us in a curry tonight. Curiously tasteless because of being unable to smell anything. I had a sip of Lorraine's beer, not wanting to drink, but gave it back as it tasted nasty. A truly disconcerting development. Watched Extraordinary Portraits on TV.  Then to bed. Dreading it.  Beautiful...

Wretched night. Throat and coughing abominable. Lorraine making inching progress, but well enough to drive to  M&S to buy some ready meals for Pat and Maureen. Maureen has a cold and we're hoping it's not going to develop into whatever plague we've got.  A long chat with Anton, who is using the Easter hols to continue decorating his house. Spoke to Mum too, who had her brother Alex's wife Eileen visiting this afternoon. Finished  The Lady in the Lake  by Raymond Chandler. He is such as skilful writer. Generally adhered to the gold sofa and tried, sometimes successfully, not to be whiny. Lorraine is an excellent wife.

Feeling worse today, coughing like a barking seal. Throat feels as if there is a cactus lodged in it.  This bug has really outstayed its welcome and now look set to ruin Easter.  Lorraine says she thinks it is covid, despite it not showing up in the test we did for her last weekend.  She's taking a long time to recover. She went for a blood test this morning, and saw Pat and Maureen, but she still is very washed out and has an evil cough. I slept in the afternoon, and Lorraine cooked. Boring, but mindful of the fact that I am ill in my own comfy home and all is well. Cups of tea and paracetamol for the win. Bah.

Another day aboard the plague ship. A horrible night's sleep with a raw throat, my cough now a nasty bark, I seem to be getting worse. Lorraine, still slowly improving but still not great either. I had to cancelled an evening out with Anton.  Instead I watched all four episodes of Adolescence on Netflix. It is one of the best things I have ever seen on TV. Fantastically good performances, wonderful direction, a beautifully written tragedy about a 13 year old boy who, influenced by online bullying and incel culture, commits a horrific crime. Also listened to a podcast from the Rest Is History People, but about books. It is called The Book Club. They were discussing 1984 in the episode I listened to. It's a well made podcast, hosted by Dominic Sandbrook and Tabitha Syrett.  Looked at the Kansas story again, but my brain is a but mushy to do too much.   Spoke to Mum, who had Ben around fixing up the curtain in the living room. She seemed in decent spirits, and Eileen, ...

Lorraine still unwell but making slow progress. Still needing breakfast in bed and generally taking care of. I was up early and sent off Snowfall , the short story I'd been revising recently, to a magazine called Superlative -- The Literary Journal. Then I pressed on with editing the Kansas story, which I will probably rename before I release it into the wild. I went for a short walk by the sea this afternoon, and popped into the supermarket.  Once home, my throat flared up and I felt quite ill. Cooked a decent chicken stew, and sat about feebly. Enjoying The Lady in the Lake by Raymond Chandler. A proper page turner.  Snaps by the sea, which looked really green in real life, proving that I did actually make it out today. Also the chaenomeles Dawn gave us in our front garden, a gorgeous flower.   

Up and feeling like getting on with things. Did some writing, then took Lorraine breakfast. She is still unwell, but better than she was. In between looking after her, had a quietly industrious day trimming and tightening a little story called Snowfall   I'd written a while ago. Also published another substack post. Otherwise, drearily, I have a sore throat and a bit of a cough.  Grateful that neither of us has to go to work. 

Sunday. Started The Lady in the Lake by Raymond Chandler. Love the way you become instantly  immersed in the story. This reminds me of P.G. Wodehouse: a brilliant skill to hook the reader  immediately.  Later, I spoke to Mum who was fine and just about to go next door. Lorraine recovering but still with a way to go, and a nasty cough. I'm taking care of her as best as I can.  Some fiddling about with words, and doing another Substack. I aim to do three a month. A last-minute Morrisons. Cooked a roast dinner, sprawled on the gold sofa.  Found out at last about the Live Canon shortlisting asking the new Google AI:   B ased on search results, there is a significant, urgent update regarding Live Canon Poetry. Live Canon Poetry (11714976) was marked as "Dissolved" at Companies House on March 17, 2026. This dissolution explains the lack of communication, the failure to announce competition results, and the silence reported by applicants since January 2026. M y s...

A necessarily quiet day. We had to cry off from a night out at Sally and Marek's in Brighton tonight. Took Lorraine breakfast in bed, she is improved, though still in need of lots of rest. Wasn't worried about her like I was yesterday.  I spoke to Mum, who was off to meet Robert in the pub. Then I made off to see Pat and Maureen to take them some medications and a delivery of two summer blouses that had arrived at our place. Maureen full of dangerous ideas about panelling one of the walls in the living room, and she enlarged on her theory that Lorraine does too much, which is why she is ill.  Home after a short stroll by the greenish sea. Lorraine fed and watered, I did some writing for a substack post, and in the afternoon, popped out to buy tamari sauce for the stir fry I made later. Lorraine a tad brighter as the day wore on.  I finished reading The High Window , by Raymond Chandler, and we watched the last couple of episodes of Small Prophets , which was quirky and or...

Lorraine definitely unwell this morning, and her cough is really bad and breathing was hard. I made her do a covid test: negative. During covid I bought a blood oxygen meter and Lorraine wanted to check this level, and we got a slightly alarming reading from it. I phoned 111 and not long after the local surgery called. Lorraine went in wearing two face masks, Beth, with Enzo in the baby seat, drove us to the surgery. We were seen very quickly. They did a blood oxygen test which was normal, so all well. Vitals all okay, it's just has a nasty virus that needs plenty of liquids and rest and so on. Good to get it checked out though. Home again in the Betty's lipstick red car.  Then I simply looked after Lorraine, popped out for shopping, cooked and tidied. Lorraine improving over the day but being made to rest. Former ward sisters are not necessarily optimal patients.

Lorraine unwell, with the shivers and cold symptoms overnight. Made her a hot water bottle and found the wooly Canadian socks that Joan had given me ages ago and put them on her feet. These seemed to make a big difference. In the morning I took Lorraine breakfast in bed, and did my best to look after her today. Having seen Mum yesterday I began to worry I'd passed this new lurgy on to her. But she was philosophical about it when we spoke. The CBT work I'm doing says there are worries you can do something about and others that you can't. Worrying about things you can't change is futile. A useful  reminder for me. It's funny how the most useful things to be told are often the most blindingly obvious.  Met Robin online this morning to discuss the next two episodes of Planet Poetry, which will be new ones. I always feel braced and more purposeful after we talk. Then to Brighton, as the train pulled in I glimpsed John McCullough standing alone on the platform so distinct...

Lorraine slightly sniffy this morning, but she went to do Rhyme Time, and I made off up to Hampstead to meet mum at the station at 12:30. As usual I stopped off at the Runaway Cafe in Lewes station for a cup of Ceylon tea. Today none of the electronic card readers worked just as I was buying my drink. There was a busy queue, so they gave me mine free. Few people carry cash these days.  Met Mum and we toddled down Flask Walk turning the corner by the school and up to The White Bear, where we were met in a friendly and very shouty way by the landlady. We sat in our usual corner, Mum looking in vain for the Parson. We had a couple of drinks, and soups and apple crumbles with coffee later. All very pleasant. And a new guy starting today, keen to make a good impression. Mum told me about going to John's funeral the day before. Her friends Margaret and John, just lived around the corner, and neighbours attended. After the service, there was a reception at a gold club for cups of tea and ...

Lorraine off to her personal trainer. For me, a good morning's writing. I published a new piece on substack about impostor syndrome  and pressed on with the Kansas story. Otherwise had longish walk by the sea off to Splash Point which was properly living up to its name. A cold wintery day, but I felt in a positive mood. Lorraine a bit snuffly tonight.

A positive start to the week doing lots of writing and thinking this morning. To the osteopath this afternoon in Seaford. A helpful guy called Jonathan, who gave me some exercises to do, which were simple and practical. From there I simply went for a walk down to the sea at Seaford head, and then along the seafront and gradually circled back home. I was listening to a Rest is History podcast about The Ku Klux Klan, of which there have been three iterations. All abominable obviously.  Below may blossom lining a road oddly called Grand Avenue, and looking down at Seaford Beach. Sea mist obscuring Newhaven lighthouse. 

A beautiful day. Up and we went to the Crypt gallery. There was the sketchbook challenge exhibition. Actually very fascinating, and possibly the most interesting exhibition I'd seen there. Some lovely work on show. The challenge was to complete a sketchbook and there were dozens of them there. In fact far too many to look through properly. Some of them were from schoolchildren, and some from excellent local artists. While there, we bumped into Debbie and Adele who both have sketchbooks there. I think I'm going to have a go at it next year. Then to Morrisons and I dropped off a pizza at Pat and Maureen's place.  Pat in the sunshine by the window looking at the sea. Maureen saying darkly that people on the beach queuing for coffee at the kiosk were peering into her flat behind their sunglasses.  Once home, Lorraine and I spent time gardening in the front garden. I simply got to work deadheading hydrangeas now that the new growth is come. Lorraine planted up a camellia, a pink...

Very nice not to be on a train this morning. Felt full of beans and cheerfulness all day, it was a beautiful sunny spring day and I'm beginning to wonder if the months of rain and overcast skies had undermined my mood more than I thought.   I woke up at six and got up at seven, sat at my desk writing for an hour or so, then returned to bed with cups of tea. Lorraine off to Storytime, and then see Pat and Maureen. I went back to my desk and at last finished the first draft of Kansas . It was only this morning that the end, which had eluded me til now, fell into place. The draft is in a fairly finished state. It's just under seven thousand words but will soon be tightened.   This done, I went for a walk around Tide Mills, trying another new path. Home again at a little after two, and Lorraine and Beth were at home. Enzo having been left at the nursery for half an hour without problems, and Beth feeling steady about it. Lovely to see her, and the baby a bit later.   Arranged...

Glasgow to Seaford today. Up early so I could immediately smash the jar holding teabags into a thousand pieces of glass in the kitchen, which made Lorraine spring out of bed. Breakfasted and packed we trundled down Laurel Street at about 10:20 to Partick station then to Glasgow Central which was mainly closed, apart from the trains on the platforms and lots of rail staff standing about.  We were advised to to board our train as it was already in the station, and sat in it half an hour before departure. 4 hours 40 mins to Euston. I did some CBT stuff, and tinkered with Kansas for a while on my laptop. A glorious day, and the countryside green and springlike. We grazed on leftovers from yesterday and sandwiches Lorraine made.  Arrived in London, quite a sensory overload fighting out of Euston station in rush hour. We reached Seaford at about seven, tired but happy. Being away in Scotland, and before it in Ireland, has been really helpful. I feel freer, and seem to have a slightl...

A relaxed morning. I chatted with Mum. Then Lorraine and I zoomed down Laurel Road to buy some grub from M&S. Sam and Amy came around for a light lunch. Sam on much better form today, which was lucky as he had to go to work. Needless to say Lorraine enjoyed spending some quality time with her boy.   They left, and we had a quiet late afternoon just enjoying the flat. Met Amy at Partick station, and travelled the short hop to  Charing Cross station. Sam's pub is called The State, which is just around the corner from Amy's restaurant. A substantial proper pub, its atmosphere managing not ruined by the half a dozen  TV screens showing Premier League teams being thrashed by continental opponents. Sam recommended a bloody marvellous stout, which Lorraine and I both enjoyed. Interesting clientele -- a group of artists, the odd football watcher, a couple on what looked like a first date and an older group from Tampa, Florida, one of whom was wearing a hat with a feather in i...

A decent night's sleep. Eventually I walked down Laurel Street to the Sainsburys and bought some fixings for breakfast. Luckily Lorraine had brought a loaf of Kenny farm bread, and a bag of our breakfast mix of seeds, nuts etc. which mixed up with blueberries and live yoghurt was fibrous and fun. Later we went to Sam and Amy's place, and left there flat with the dramatic exit sign over the door. For some reason I experienced an ambush of panic as we walked along the street, but it was over in a minute. Because I am doing this CBT thing it also a useful case study. From that point I had a really nice day. We made off to meet Amy's mother Alison and grandmother Elizabeth, both of whom we  immediately liked. A nice snacky lunch washed down with some Guinness (it seemed rude not to on St Patrick's day). I was sitting next to Elizabeth, who was a lively conversationalist. Alison and Amy are like peas in a pod, and as like each other as Beth and Lorraine. Just lovely people....

To Glasgow, a long journey, made slightly more difficult due to a numpty unregulated vape seller near Glasgow Central Central Station, whose vapes started a massive fire, and have closed the station for days. This meant we travelled to Edinburgh Haymarket, and then had to catch a train there. The train we caught, however, stopped at Partick station, and so was close to Sam's flat, and the airbnb  where we are staying. We were supposed to have bought an extension ticket, from Glasgow to Partick, but the ticket collector let us off. We had caught the 10:25 train at Seaford, and arrived at Partick at 7:30, which is a lot of trains.  However some lovely views en route, and we passed along the edge of the Lake District heading north, and loved the glimpses of the wild and wet landscape. Lovely too to get a glimpse of high Scottish hills and mountains.  To Sam and Amy's flat. Sam has been a bit ill with a stomach bug, and had not been eating, and looked a bit pale. Plan A was t...

Up fairly early, as there were things to be done. At my desk for a bit this morning, and speaking to Mum on Mother's Day. Then off to Pat and Maureen's place to trundle them in wheelchairs off to meet Delores in The Plough, where we had a table booked for a late lunch. I like pushing Maureen and begin most journeys by laughing malevolently and telling her that she's in my power. Lorraine got lovely messages and cards from Beth and -- remarkably -- even Enzo. We made it to the Plough, where they had forgotten that there were wheelchairs involved despite being told twice in advance. Found our place, and found Delores. Unfortunately the service was excruciatingly slow, so that our mains didn't arrive for an hour and forty minutes. I complained about this twice and ended up feeling very angry, I felt a bit bad about this afterwards, but Delores said it was exciting, which made me laugh. However otherwise we had a nice enough time. I won't be going back. The weather impr...

A bright cheery morning, and after breakfast Lorraine and I surged out into the garden for a few hours gardening. I weeded several raised beds and planted some garlic. The garlic came in a packet of two cloves, one of which was made up of only two sections. Meanwhile Lorraine planting all kinds of seeds and repotting industriously in the glasshouse while listening to Classic FM. I peered into the pond, but I but I saw no tadpoles. Quite nice to sip tea outside like a horny handed man of the soil. Quite meditative really, and I resisted listening to a podcast. Thinking how the poem coming out shortly in the Irish magazine Channel, is called Gardening with my wife. Gardening with Lorraine from time to time, feels very fundamental. Chatted to Mum who had met Robert in the pub for lunch.  The rest of the day on Kenny farm spent companionably with Lorraine doing little. Did a bit more of my CBT stuff. Chelsea lost again disgracefully today, so went to bed early to read more of  The...

Up to Hampstead this morning to meet mum. Working on my computer a little before I got there. Early in Hampstead, but so was Mum, so I was pleased she didn't have to hang about. We tottered down Flask walk, and around to The White Bear where had a good laugh in our usual corner. We ordered two soups and had a couple of drinks then switched to coffee with which we washed down a shared lemon treacle tart. Mum was on good form, and looking for the parson, a now an almost legendary figure for us, who we spot in there from time to time. He was absent, or not wearing his almost cowboyish hat. I gave Mum a mother's day card and a new calendar of AI cats playing guitar, riding rollercoasters, having a facial with cucumber slices over their eyes etc. having belatedly noticed recently that she hadn't found a calendar to replace the cute cats from last year.  Mum to the station, from where she got home safely, I had downloaded the uber app just in case, but she was happy to walk to th...

Up early. Got a bean jar into the oven on low heat, and the house full of beany goodness all day. Then after breakfast I made off to my drawing class, the last one of the term. A model called Lorraine Yu  who I've drawn before. Again I simply enjoyed the session, with no self recriminations about not drawing well enough.. Nice to see Adele back from Ireland. Melissa going back to the States. Kate, who I often sit next to, doing some excellent work. Back home, and Beth and Enzo there having a rest before popping around to the Nursery for another familiarisation day. Enzo relaxed about being left there for a few minutes already. Lorraine and I went to the garden centre at Paradise Park, home of the dinosaurs, and bought sacks of compost, a pink camellia, and some pansies.  Then home as big splashy cold rain began.  Home and as we were carrying stuff into the garden, Lorraine reported some free swimming tadpoles in our wildlife pond.  Robin in touch, and hopefully will ...

A morning at my desk, as Sylwia did her magic, surveying my fallow field and perhaps noticing one or two green shoots. In the afternoon some walking around and about in Tide Mills. I'm challenging myself to go to places that feel a bit triggering and then using CBT to try to work out what's going on. In the evening off to The Evening Star, where I met Messrs H & H. Mark newly a grandfather to young Ivor, Melissa's new baby. Ivor was born in Glasgow, where Melissa now lives. Saw photos of the wee bairn who looked very much like a baby, and of proud parents and a very cheery Carol. An enjoyable evening, stopping in at Fatto a Mano.  Told the cheery young Italian woman who was front of house how good she was at her job, which pleased her lots. Then to The Brighton Tavern for an absolute bloody final. As you do there, I found myself talking to a sculptor, having admired a Paul Nash picture on the wall. Altogether a cheery evening and not too boozy. Home with my top hat cent...

I decided I'm in a fallow period, like a field left alone to rejuvenate, naturally recover and settle. Despite low energy and mental sluggishness, some inching progress: I learned a little more about Substack, investigated where I might send Gordon Road  now that Live Cannon, due to announce the winners six weeks ago, have maintained radio silence and not replied to my email. I'm hoping there's not some horrible calamity behind the scenes, as this is not how they operate. There are more important things in this world than poetry pamphlets.  Spoke to Mum, who was just about to dye her hair and was in decent spirits.  Enzo and Beth around today. Enzo slightly coldy, but still radiating sunshine. Beth doing a bit of preliminary work before restarting her job next month. Enzo hiccuping today, which I have never heard.  Ate lunch and could have slept, instead I mooching about the lost village of Tide Mills. With my CBT head on, I decided to examine what happens to me when...

Sea fret today, a murky morning of mist. Lorraine busy today, so a day of quietly getting a grip. Spoke to Mum this morning for half an hour or so and arranged to see her later this week. Put out washing on the line to dry in sunshine, then sea fret followed by a rapid deluge.  I have begun with Silvercloud, a CBT based program for managing anxiety. Several modules to work through, I've learned nothing much yet from it, but it is making me revisit the CBT ideas of how thoughts, behaviours, emotions and physical sensations are all linked, and changing one can improve others and so on. Not new to me, but re-engaging with it is helpful in itself. A time out to focus on your own wellbeing feels good too.   A gorgeous walk this afternoon along the seafront, listening to The Rest is History podcast, the fifth and sixth episodes on the fall of the Incas. A fascinating and bloody business. Lorraine and I to bed early tonight, reading. I've almost finished Farewell, My Lovely  by ...

To Morrisons with Lorraine, and then food prep before Innis and Rosie visited with Pippi. Lots to talk about, especially with them getting married this year. Off to Friston Forest for a short walk among trees, Innis telling me about plans for his not a stag stag do. I had privately vowed never to go to a stag do again, but what Innis proposes sounds creative and interesting. Then home to have a couple of drinks and some casserole and bread and butter pudding made with hot cross buns. A fine way to spend an afternoon with a good deal of talking. Telling Innis about reading Raymond Chandler, and he said I should watch The Big Lebowski as it sort of based on The Big Sleep .  In the evening to Seaford Rugby club (they're known as The Scarlets) as it was Debbie's birthday, and she had a big bash there. Among people I knew Kate and Andrew, Andy and Delores who got Andrew  to film them in their TV pitch. A fun evening, with a cracking ska inflected band with a female horn section. T...

Lorraine and I plunged into the garden. Today's mission clean the inside of the glasshouse, a general jet washing of spiders, their grizzly hoards and tattered cobwebs. It involves removing everything from the glasshouse, spraying it (and ourselves) and took a couple of hours. A feeling of accomplishment and generally having spent good amounts of time outdoors.   Mum successfully went to The Royal Free today, and was released back into the wild.  I spent much of the day idly watching sport on TV. The BBC televised Wrexham versus Chelsea in the fifth round of the FA cup. Wrexham's recent history transformed by it having been purchased by two Hollywood actors, who proceeded to make documentaries about it, and the regeneration of the town it has engendered. Chelsea did not cover themselves in glory, but won after extra time.  I also watched Scotland vs France in the Rugby, an amazing 50-40 scoreline and a little of England suffering their historic first ever defeat to Italy ...

An unusual morning. Lorraine and I travelled up to Blackfriars this morning to meet Romy. She was staying at Seacontainers, now a hotel and block full of agencies, some of whom I'd had dealings with over the years, and also it was just along the river from the IBM building I worked at in the nineties. It still feels very familiar there.  Lovely to be able to see Romy albeit briefly. We met in the lobby of the hotel, and sauntered along the river, and stopped for a coffee in the NFT then a small pizza in Gabriel's wharf. For the last few days she's been working between London and Frankfurt. Lots to discuss and catching up on family things, hearing about Dick's baseball oriented trip to the US, Joan, Raine, Toby and the house being gradually reassembled. She'd enjoyed seeing Mum the other day in the White Bear, and was looking forward to collecting the venerable Meatball, now a US resident, on her return. Nice to sit with Romy by the dreary grandeur of the Thames. Sad...

After a cheeky breakfast with Lorraine, off to life drawing. A male model called Haley, who warmed up doing advanced yoga, and was able twist his body into what Melissa calls pretzel shapes. Really enjoyed the drawing today. Enjoyed seeing all the drawers, and found myself next to Debbie who Lorraine and Adele know through the book group. Melissa told me I had been missed which is always nice to hear. Beth and Enzo at home when I got back. Enzo a delight of course, and fascinating how you can see new developments in the space of a week.  This afternoon Beth took Enzo to the Nursery for half an hour. There is a process where you gradually habituate the baby into going there. Both seemed fine afterwards.   Inexplicably washed out this afternoon. Had a doze, and a quiet read of my Raymond Chandler book Farewell, My Lovely. I rallied for a brief trip off to Morrisons. Photographing this watery looking sun which spoke to me of today's energy levels. Early to bed. Below, the sun, an...

Lorraine sprang up and did Rhyme Time, which Maureen went to, Pat had a dementia review this afternoon too. Sylwia here this morning. Spoke to Mum, all well. Lorraine and I spent some time this afternoon before she zoomed off to do her pottery. For me I felt more positive day than I've have done for a long time. I joined  Substack  and wrote my first piece for it about being in Ireland, and I will post two or three times a month with a tone that I hope will be amusing and thoughtful. I am going to streamline my online presence, and have already shed the noxious X and the pointless Threads.  Two walks, one in the evening. My new bone conduction sport headphones work brilliantly. At last I can listen to podcasts etc without having anything intruding in my ear. The last ones I had were never loud enough, and even walking down a side street, if a single car went past I would not be able to hear it. Lorraine home again, after a cheery pottery class. All well. My shadow in stre...