Well. The retreat is over, and I feel that it was an amazingly good use of my time, despite it being a bit of a trial by heat and airlessness. Fortunately not so sweltering today in the room where Sogyal Rinpoche was teaching. I have learnt a lot, and have felt very moved.

Spent three days in a big room with yellow walls decorated with pictures depicting the life of the Buddha, and a big red shrine decorated with dragons and numerous pictures of the Buddha, and Lamas past. There was one face among them, one of Sogyal Rinpoche's old masters, that I couldn't seem to take my eyes off. At first the face seemed almost imperious, but my eyes were continuously drawn to it as the picture was in front of me. After a while the more I looked at it, the more I became fascinated. I ended up really loving the expression on that man's face, which is very odd.

In this tradition, meditation is conducted with eyes open. At first I found this very difficult but I began to tune into it. Looking at one thing is helpful, and mostly I chose the face of the "imperious" Lama.

Another attractive thing about Buddhism is that you are not ever asked to suspend your disbelief, or accept unlikely stories as being absolute facts. As Sogyal Rinpoche said, it is impossible to have a Buddhist fundamentalist. So much of what is being taught not only is beautiful, and expressed in beautiful images, but is very logical too. Nobody there made any attempt to recruit me or talk me into anything.

Much of teaching done at the retreat was about meditation. Sogyal Rinpoche (Rinpoche is a term of respect for the Lamas meaning "precious one") frequently used the beautiful image of taking muddy water in a glass. "Just as water, if you don't stir it, will become clear, so the mind if left unaltered will find its true nature: peace". Meditation was also described as bringing the mind home which I also loved.

A fundamental difference of Buddhism is that it does not have the idea of original sin. It suggests that the true nature of people is good. Emptying your mind is a way of returning to that goodness.

There is far too much to write about: but there was one moment of intense silent meditation on the third day. The man next to me was in tears, and I felt something shift in myself, like a big key turning in its wards. I felt strangely absent, and focused on feelings of goodness towards people in my life I wanted to help. There is something about meditating with lots of other people which slides a magnifying lens over your practice, and makes it less easy to see yourself as the centre of the universe.

The final day wrapped up with each of us having an individual blessing from Rinpoche. I was rather suspicious of the set up at first, but left convinced that I had been in the presence of an extraordinary person. His book, with a foreword by the Dalai Lama is called The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, and I have read a bit of it and it is ace.

Sophie and me walked back down to the station, along the dodgy Caledonian Road and back to so-called reality. It made Sophie feel a bit gloomy so we stopped off for a drink and a chat outside a pub. We go back 26 years now, and the fact we are friends again after ten years or so makes me feel like I have got a long-lost sister back. It is really nice. It seems apposite that we are doing this Buddhism thing, after having studied Philosophy together at University.

Arrived back home at 11:55 after what felt like another long train ride from Kings Cross.

Enjoyed speaking to Romy and Toby for a while before heading for bed very late and very tired.

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