under another sun

Slept through the night for the first time in ages. Lorraine brought be tea in bed before going to work.  Went for a quick walk to the corner shop to buy some bread, and found that quite enough exercise for one day. Cancelled a drink with Anton tonight. Had a FaceTime with Mum, who said it had been snowing in Edgware I was due to see her tomorrow, but have biffed that till next week. About ten minutes after we stopped talking, there was a flurry here too. Lorraine had a brief half an hour blizzard of sleety snow in Bolney too. Slept heavily in the afternoon. A covid test this evening was negative, so I am none the wiser. Probably I am just tired and allowing myself to relax. Feeling a bit frustrated that this was the week I could really get down to my own work, and also keep going with the gym. Enjoyed reading my horoscope today, however, which said I would be full of athletic energy and enthusiasm.   A big plus, however, was I wrote the first few hundred words of a new short ...

It became clear today that I was nowhere near ready enough to send a manuscript off. I just was not able to see the wood for the trees in the time that I had. I spoke to Lorraine about it, who was working from home this morning, and simply stopped trying. I felt exhausted, physically and mentally. Taking this pressure from myself allowed me to spend, the rest of the day productively, if not creatively, organising all my poetry files, and de-duping scrivener files and so on which I found quite therapeutic. A bit fed up about not being able to meet my objective, but I will fight another day. Cooked for everyone, and then slunk onto the sofa for the evening for an early night.

Hours of getting nowhere fast with my manuscript. But can't find a way to fit any of the dozens of poems I have fit together in a way that works.  Maddening. Went for a long walk, but no better when I got back.  Anton says he has joined a gym as his bathroom is being redone and he needs to have a shower. Also a photo below from the Tobster in Mexico City, who is lurking in museums.   Cooked fish curry tonight. Watching a netflix drama Inventing Anna which I am quite enjoying. It's a true story based on a con woman who duped the rich and wealthy of New York.  Anna Sorokin, who calls herself Anna Delvey, was imprisoned for a few years, but is now out and making a name for herself.  

The clocks having sprung forward, it felt like a very early start getting up with Lorraine. Felt happy not to have to do agency work, and sad for Lorraine as she drove off to work. I immediately started thinking about hard about the poems I want to get into a competition by the end of the week. But found I can't see the wood for the trees. My brain is shot.  Went to the gym for another reduced workout, then into Sainsbury's for a few bits. Back again: when in doubt: tidy up. Spent some time sorting study, filing and doing assorted admin and billing recent clients, and turning down a two-day pitch next week.  A note from Mum saying she got her Mother's day card. Pesky postmen. Chatting to Beth who is recovering still from Covid. She texted me with the news that Maureen had to put Basil down this morning, having taken a turn for the worse. Everyone a bit sad about this.  Basil was Brian's sister, and a lovely cat. She has lived with Pat and Maureen for ten years. She was ...

I got to bed late last night, but Lorraine and I up with a sense of purpose despite being robbed of an hour as the clocks had sprung forwards. Working together we painted some walls snowy white in the garden for a couple of hours. Certain insects attracted by the white, which was a bit sad.  Gave us a sense of achievement. Mother's day so I called Mum, and was disappointed her card hadn't arrived despite being posted in good time. I shall zoom up to see her next week. Lorraine calling Maureen. Beth, sounding a good deal better, calling Lorraine.  The Tobster sending her a message just as he and Romy were jetting off to Mexico. Otherwise not too much to report. Looking forward to picking up the threads of my own stuff tomorrow. 

Lorraine and I a bit of a day of recovery. A great weight lifting from my shoulders, but Lorraine finding it hard to relax. We went for a walk in Preston Park and had a coffee in the Rotunda cafe. Lorraine broke the shocking news that in her Stardew Valley game she has been having a relationship with a character in the game called called Eliott, a writer who lives on a beach and has lustrous ginger hair. They plan to get married.  Home and slouched about for a bit. From the kitchen saw a fox lurking happily in the back garden, and Calliope watching it fairly nonchalantly. Funny how both cats detest dogs, but they seem to rub along with foxes. I had a snooze in the afternoon and woke up to discover that we had been invited to have a quick drink at sundown on the beach at Hove.  Lorraine and I bussed over to Rosie and Innis and sauntered down to watch the sunset with a drink. Innis making based on stencils from his photographs at the moment, and they look really good. Back to th...

Friday another slog, tormented by the gorgeous day outside. Keith, however, much better after feeling wretched all week, and suddenly was in the mood to work like a fiend. We wanted to end a difficult week on a good note. All's well that ended well after a nine hour slog. Lorraine arrived home a bit of a zombie, lots of problems at school suddenly. Instead of joy at reaching the chequered flag, I just felt a sense of numbed relief at the prospect of a few Peter Kenny weeks ahead. I feel really burnt out, and I can't wait to pick up the threads of things that are important to me and try to recharge my creative batteries. I went for a walk, before collecting our curry. Lorraine and I enjoyed them on the sofa. Yawning my head off before 10 and Lorraine shattered too. Blinking lightweights, we slunk off to bed. 

Started work early as ever, and not done till six. Feeling stressed and worn out first thing, after a terrible night's sleep. Goalposts moved at work, new ideas demanded. Keith iller than an ill thing still. Somehow he managed to work a bit, and I did what I could to cover us. A real slog and despite this we got some good ideas together -- and my presentation was met with underwhelmed disparagement at the end of the day which was galling. One day on this job left thank God. I turned down a tempting offer to work with Pat next week. I need to stop before I explode, and there is manuscript deadline next week I must meet. Lorraine back to school today. A young guy came to look at our path to the front door that we need re doing. Brian came out with me, and instantly fell in love with him. Smoothing on him, rolling over and miaowing happily. Never seen Brian do this with any stranger. Only very short opportunities to do any walking. Really unfit at the moment.  

A less stressful day for me, although all about work. Keith still very unwell although we began slogging early as usual. A big meeting this morning where we presented the ideas from last night to the wider team, went well enough. By the end of the day it became clear that the potential client had moved all the goalposts and the brief and dates were all changing. So not sure yet what tomorrow looks like.  Lorraine working from home again as her school completed its interview process to find her successor.  Apparently all the candidates were saying how lovely and well run the school was which made Lorraine feel pleased.   I slunk off for a short walk after work, having spent too much time this week manacled to my desk, mooching about near the hillfort. Tobs called while I was walking. Had a nice chat, as I looked at the gorgeous low sun. Home to a lovely meal Lorraine had cooked. Things looking a bit brighter. I can't wait till this week ends.  A glimpse down a side st...

Tricky day with myself increasingly irritated. Keith ill but soldiering on with a hacking cough in an uncommunicative way, but still somehow producing the odd flash of creative gold in between non verbal bouts.  Lorraine working from home today because her school was interviewing head teachers and they get them to do stuff in situ. She didn't see me at my best today as I was grouchy. We did have half an hour at lunch to walk down to the Viaduct together and pick up her car, which was the most relaxing part of the day. She also bought us treats to eat and it was normalising to talk to her. Beth has covid. Lorraine spent Sunday afternoon with her. I just want to be able to get through this week if I can. Work culminated in a presentation, which did not go especially well. I was presenting and felt rather ambushed by the CD who decided to become suddenly challenging. I need a holiday. I am stale and not doing a particularly good job. All done a bit before six, and then I had to prep l...

Up for a meeting with Keith and to start a new job. Keith unwell, coughing and looking rough, but determined to push on. We have one week to work on a pitch, but the brief wasn't ready. When it came over lunch, naturally, it was weak and everyone defensive. However a former colleague called Christina exclaimed, 'Oh my God Peter Kenny,' when she saw me on-screen.   My spidey sense tingling during the meeting, and not in a good way. Keith functioning in flickers this afternoon. I already have a sinking feeling about this job. A few brief meanders around the block today, by way of walking. Also found out that JO Morgan was available for interview, so after work I spent some hours prepping for that. To bed tired. 

Cheerful Sunday morning, and purposeful too, clearing out some stuff and taking it to storage with an eye on our eventual move.  Lorraine spent the afternoon with Beth, Sam was in Scotland so I had time to myself today. I had pictured myself in a frenzy of creative activity, but the truth was rather different. I just wasn't in the mood, and simply had a long walk this afternoon instead and lazed in noble solitude. When Lorraine got back we ate shepherd's pie. All well. In a nearby thin strip of woods there is this one tree which is always decorated. I don't know the story behind this, but it seems pagan. I wonder if it is special because it breaks into three trunks.

Had planned something of an idle Friday, but first had to finish some work for mes amis in Paris, which took a bit longer than I'd hoped. Val came back and said it was perfect as usual, which made it all good. No NDI or contract from new agency by the end of the day, so Keith and I not sure what's happening next week. All agencies are the same on stuff like this. Otherwise I read and thought about all the things I could be writing and reading if I had any energy or will power. Sometimes the amount that needs to be read, and the amount that I should be doing.   Lorraine home early and I bought her a bar of chocolate and left her snuggled on the sofa, and then went out for a drink with Anton, meeting in the Batty, merrily busy, and then to the French Horn before returning to his house to eat some of his excellent pizzas and listen to tunes and putting the world to rights. Lurched home after midnight, top hat somewhat askew due to aquavit at the end of the night, which was a bit ...

A day of cheery busyness: up early with Lorraine and waking Sam up x3 prior to his trip up to Scotland, tweaking the podcast and sending it to Robin for further tweakage. Then billing, timesheets, booking a dental appointment, a teams meeting with Keith and a nice woman called Amber we are working for next week, laundry, gym (baby steps still), talking to Val in Paris and then doing some work for her.  Also had  two poems published in Black Nore Review  and uploaded  the new podcast  episode. Matthew G. Rees new book arrived. I am a bit over-pleased that he quotes me on the back cover.  Carl called me. Lovely chat. Telling me about his poor little dog that was attacked by a savage dog and had to have one of its injured back legs removed. It gets about pretty well on three legs apparently, and is much improved, although Carl said it fell over when trying to cock a leg the other day. One of the things I like most about Carl is how he can laugh at bleakness....

Up early prepping for my recordings with Robin. All kinds of technical shenanigans at Robins end this morning, but eventually we were up and running.  Recording and chatting for an hour or so, then much of the rest of the day given up to editing. A note from Charlotte this morning saying she has covid, and as we were chatting last Thursday she kindly let me know. I said I would much prefer to get it from a friend than a complete stranger. I did a test this morning anyhow, as I hadn't done one for ages. Was fine.  Clarity that Keith and I are not working for the rest of the week finally arrived today. But it seems a new job somewhere new has just emerged. Booked the Barbarie for Lorraine and I to have a few days away in Guernsey in the late spring. Trying not to get too excited by this prospect. I also braved the gym. As I walked to the gym I realised the new trainers I bought yesterday look a bit ridiculous. They have the word PUMA on them in huge white letters, and they are o...

A limbo day again, waiting for feedback that never arrived. I decided not to worry about it, and instead walked into town and bought myself a pair of trainers as I have a cunning plan to return to the gym.  In the afternoon went for another walk to get up to my ten thousand paces, mooching in Preston Park. Went into the St Peter's churchyard by Preston Manor and took some photos. Noticed lots of squirrels and even more rats. Some snaps...   

So up in a sprightly fashion this morning, and started work at 7:30, did an hour, had a conversation with Keith, and then walked Lorraine down to the breast clinic as she had a lump which needed checking out. I wasn't able to go in with her because of Covid, so simply returned home to resume work.  Luckily they do all the tests there and then. Very nice and reassuring in there apparently, and Lorraine was told the lump was nothing to worry about. Lorraine and I much relieved. It had been playing on my mind lots, and having one less thing to stress over made the rest of the day seemed considerably easier. Seems that my hypochondria now extends to Lorraine as if she were me. In fact it is worse. After finishing the day's work with a presentation to folks in the US.  I completed some editing to send to Robin for the podcast, and finished a job I was doing for mes amis in Paris. Then a brisk walk, cooked rice, and had dinner with Sam and Lorraine then another walk to get up to 10k...

To Pat and Maureen's in Ashford. Lorraine had not seen them with her own eyes since before Christmas. They were okay, although poor Basil cat may have to be put down, as she is unwell and requires constant medication and tests which are costing a fortune.  Lorraine took one of her excellent chicken and leek pies down, and Pat and Maureen had prepared vegetables. Maureen had also made me an apple and blueberry pie. She spoils me via the medium of  apple pies.  Sad news that Ken's mother in law in Ireland needs an operation for a brain tumour. Ken is back with the family at the moment. Words are slippery things however, and when Maureen talked about a brain tuna I had to laugh.  Peaceful afternoon. I even fell asleep in an armchair for a bit, after my big lunch and a glass or two of wine. Rallied a bit, and then did a bit of work on my phone. I had to name an event, so I just had to come up with a few candidates which I typed in as a note.  Maureen advising Lorrai...

Up and sauntered around the corner to buy bread for breakfast. A mainly restful day, although I had a couple of hours editing on the podcast to do. We watched with Sam a recording Lorraine had access to during the course of her work which was about autism. And Sam gave us his perspective on it, with the benefit of having a late diagnosis. Hearing him talk about it, with this context, was good. His kind, considerate nature and intelligence means I forget to take his different perspective into account sometimes.    After a spot of decluttering of the house, Lorraine I went with Sam to the Cleveland for a burger and a couple of pints of Harveys beer. Both very nice. Beginning to feel just like old times in the pub now, despite covid rates climbing again, although the notices about forthcoming price rises was a bum note. Having to ration my intake of Ukraine news, a technique I learned during Covid. Putin, always a bit of a thug, is clearly now mentally ill. The way this world is ...

Desk manacle day. Keith and I hard at work again, followed by a bit of a mooch up to the Hillfort. Happy that it was Friday. I collected a curry from Red Chillies, drank some beer and sat with Lozza on the sofa. Below, the trig point (or triangulation station) on the Western wall of the hillfort at ten to six.