under another sun

A hot night with poor sleep for both of us. The gulls on the roof hammering, scuffling and screaming raucously at the dawn. And at six thirty I was wide awake. Lorraine's sleep was poor too, and she couldn't get to sleep last night.  Robin and I uploaded the Will Harris episode of the podcast . A good one I think. Robin's judicious final snips making it all the better. I hope Will likes it. Otherwise we had Enzo from breakfast time. He is growing his collection of consonants, adding a soft g sound. He is absolutely besotted with Lorraine, of course, but it seemed to be a grandpa day, with the  little lad repeatedly reaching up to me to be held and carried about, bounced on the knee and so on.  Lorraine and I were playing with him in the living room, and I had to pop into the kitchen to take something out of the freezer, and he actually burst into tears when I left. He is usually happy and smiling, but looking into his little tragic face if you don't pick him up immed...

Told Charlotte and SJB and Stephen about my news first thing, to make it even realer. They were happy for me, which was very sweet. Sarah: When's the piss up?!! This morning I was talking to Lorraine about how decades of being published meant I knew my poems were good, but how on some irrational level I thought there was something about me, my character or who I am, that meant I would never succeed. The thought of perhaps being able to shrug off this shoulder monkey is exhilarating. Otherwise recording and editing most of the day. Recorded a few more bits with Robin, and sent what I have to her for another no-nonsense edit.  At tea time off with Lorraine to call in at Debbie's house, which I'd never been too. Lovely place, overlooking the sea. Lorraine was sorting a computer problem for Debbie on a Mac. Nobody interested in the fact I use a Mac every day, of course. Debbie showed us the room she does glass work in, overlooking the sea, and said as it was a full moon she was...

Up and feeling excited, made off to my desk by 7.00am and wrote a grown up reply to Wolfgang, accepting his kind offer. It all felt a little realer after I replied.   Lorraine and I had breakfast and she made off to her personal trainer. I got down to some editing of the podcast, and at lunchtime made off to the gym. Walking past Blatchington Pond, I bumped into Guy. He is on the committee of volunteers who look after the pond.  He had been woken up this morning by someone sending him a photo in the early hours. It was of one of the pond's carp with the O of its mouth breaking surface, apparently gasping for air. He and another man then worked to aerate the water with a pump for a few hours, and was just finishing when I walked past. Something about him being sent a carp mouth photo tickled my sense of the ridiculous, but this is important work. Another symptom of the effects of climate breakdown.  Lorraine and I heard the sad news from Adele today that her mother had die...

So off to Hampstead to see Mum and Toby. Bimbling as usual on the train and reading a couple of stories by the Canadian painter Emily Carr. Imagine my surprise when I looked at my phone when the train emerged from the the tunnel at  St Pancras, to see an email from Wolfgang accepting my full poetry MS One Day Forever for publication. I called Lorraine walking up from West Hampstead, she was really happy for me. It did not feel real at all, and still doesn't. I felt cautiously pleased, but was strangely unable to be entirely gleeful after achieving such a long-held ambition. For me the news is so momentous, it's taking me a while to get my head around it. Sauntered up the hill in good spirits to find Mum and Toby at Hampstead tube station, and we crept round to The White Bear, where I shared my good news. Lovely that I could do that with them. Otherwise, Mum pleased that we were both there to chat to, and she had her usual pea and lovage soup in what is now her favourite pub. ...

A short hiatus during a late Sunday breakfast. Lorraine drove us, and I popped into Pat and Maureen's place. Opened their door to a gale, as one of the windows was wide open and they couldn't close it, a cheery chat before I pushed off as Lorraine was waiting in the car, and there was more coffee to drink.   To the gym at lunch time. Its emptiness was, like, totally awesome. Not having to scowl at teenagers was a plus. Spoke to Mum and confirmed seeing her and the Tobster, now back from Aberystwyth, tomorrow in Hampstead.  Not much happened, except this cucumber Lorraine harvested from our greenhouse. The first of the year. I like how it still has the remnant of its flower. It tasted highly-cucumbery too.

A day of lurking in the garden.Yet another scorcher. Beth and Enzo popped in this morning after going to the market. Lorraine made bubbles which Enzo enjoyed. Then a spot of gardening. We picked the beans from the bean rows. Big beauties, that tasted sweet and lovely when we ate some later. Later Rosie and Pippi came to sit out with us and eat a salady lunch, and have a long, relaxed chat. Rosie on great form, and in a not too hotly contested category, Pippi is top pooch.  In the evening Brian kindly drove around to collect us and take us back home for a cheery evening  evening with him and Yvonne. Sat in their summer house,  ate a lovely three course meal Brian had made, with a main course of Marry Me chicken, which was delicious. Brian telling me again about his work with the YMCA in Eastbourne. I might go along with him on one of his visits. He has his knee operation in a month, which is great because he has been in pain with it ever since I've known him. Yvonne her us...

Sylwia this morning, increasingly part of the family these days. Lorraine and her talking about Maureen and Pat, who she cleans for, and often sits with. Meanwhile I toyed with some editing, and spoke to Mum then, when  Lorraine left to see Pat and Maureen, I went tot he gym, and from there on to the mosquito nurse for a routine blood test. Top tip: veins easy to locate after the gym. A 12 bus to Brighton just after 4. But a terrible thing has happened to the 12 bus. The 12A, has been discontinued, and now the 12 does all the crappy little stops the 12A made. It took us ages to get to Brighton.  Rendezvous with the Hoibaks and Hartleys in the Walrus for a cheeky drink. Not been to the Walrus for years, and have been three times in the last month. Then the six of us crossed the road to Petit Pois for an excellent dinner. Strange to say this but the broccoli I had with my main course was perfection. I have never tasted nicer broccoli in my life. A revelation. Everyone getting on...

An Enzo day today. Lorraine collected the little lad, and he had a hobbit's second breakfast with us. I then made off upstairs and did some recording with Robin for an hour, I talked about Tess Jolly and also Martha Sprackland's new translation of John of the Cross.  Lorraine on the phone lots, as Maureen has been talking about having a few day's respite from caring for Pat, and Lorraine is trying to manage that.  In the afternoon off to a beautiful and not too busy Sheffield Park with Enzo and Maureen, while Delores looked after Pat. The baby and Maureen were let in free. I pushed Maureen around in a wheelchair, a bone shaker, she said, as the paths were quite rough and gravelly in places. A gorgeous day by normal standards, if you overlook the drought, and the wilting leaves. I loved the great waterlily islands in the  ponds, and the dragonflies and Enzo admiring the geese and ducks. Maureen seemed to really relax too. I bought some sherbet lemons in the shop afterwards...

Podcast editing this morning, but simply count not make myself work at it for longer than ten minutes at a time. Eventually, after a couple of hours, I went out for a walk on the edge of corn stubble fields the other side of Seaford golf course. Maybe my brain has been harvested  Home and generally antsy. I read more of Martha Sprackland's translation of St John of the Cross, to discuss on the podcast. Interesting stuff, and I learned more about the Via Negativa , a term I have been bandying about for decades without full understanding it. Lorraine had a difficult day after doing Rhymetime. Pat and Maureen needing lots of help. Poor Pat needed lots of cleaning up today, and Maureen saying she needs a bit of respite for a few days, and Lorraine is looking at ways of doing this. Enzo round with them briefly, which was cheering. I started cooking dinner, then stopped halfway and collected Lorraine.  We stopped at Steamworks, where we treated ourselves to a cold lager and a talk b...

Mum thankfully okay when I spoke to her this morning.  Toby and I had a slow breakfast and coffee in the garden. Lorraine had left early to attend the Bolney School leaver's service, where she enjoyed seeing former pupils and their families, and old colleagues. She had many a hug and affectionate conversations. Then to her personal trainer. I walked Toby to Seaford station, and he returned to  Edgware. Sad to see him go, even though I'll be seeing him next Monday. But it was good to have time to shoot the breeze properly over the past few days.  In the evening Lorraine went to do her pottery class in Eastbourne. She dropped me off at the gym, where I had a decent session. Home and cooked a small one-person curry. A bit strange to have the house to myself.  Apart from a call from Maureen, who needed Lorraine to call in at Stratheden Court before heading home, I listened to music and read quietly.

A chilled day with Toby. Up and chilling in the back garden with coffee and breakfast. Then after Lorraine left for Pat and Maureen's place, Toby and I got ourselves together for a walk, down to the sea where we found Lorraine and Delores pushing Pat and Maureen.   I tormented Maureen by pushing her too fast and in tight circles, etc. on the way to the Sailing Club. She told me she had swapped one of her anxiety pills recently, and it hadn't agreed with her, making her feel sick as well as sad. Lorraine had already been in touch with the surgery this morning. Pat sporting an excellent sunhat sad little of course, but was enjoying being with people and sitting in the sun. Some of us had little baskets of scampi and fries, while others ate sandwiches, and drank some shandy. We pushed them back, Toby and Delores talking lots, she was keen to learn about Toby living next to a mass murderer in Sacramento. Delores also started a Substack, writing a very authentic piece about stopping...

Beth and James returned at midday having got up at the crack of dawn in Wales, after what was a brilliant wedding. Lorraine bathing Enzo in the bath this morning. A very splashy business indeed. Enzo had been clearly missing Beth and James, and perhaps because we were talking about them, he kept looking at the door. They crept in just as Enzo was waking from a late morning snooze, he burst into tears with happiness, and Beth picked him up crying too. A lovely reunion. Soon they drove off to be home. The house suddenly quieter.  Lorraine much improved today so all well.  Called the Tobster and spoke to him and Mike, and Toby came here in late afternoon. Roast Chicken, and salad, and the World Cup Final. A bizarre game with Spain utterly dominant, and Argentina resisting and defending and playing their dirty game. Spain won in extra time, which was pleasing. The Argentinians then began physically attacking some of the Spanish players. Very poor behaviour. A long drawn out game, ...

Saturday morning, and Lorraine had the spewy bug, but rallied magnificently to take care of Enzo. Obviously Toby hadn't bargained for staying in a plague house. Luckily we have outside furniture so he and I sat outside for breakfast and a long conversation in the garden. Lorraine calling for a bit of  help when needed, and came outside to give Enzo lunch.   I sat with Enzo outside for a bit, while Tobs was indoors. He just sat with me happily looking at the seagulls and a butterfly and the trees and sky with rapt attention. I think we can learn a lot from babies. In the afternoon Toby sensibly opted to see Mike and Zina, and I walked him to the bus stop early in the afternoon.The bus got stuck at Newhaven, and he texted yearning for Japanese levels of efficiency.  Lorraine shattered this afternoon. I took the baby boy for a long walk by the sea, me humming The Happy Song , by Imogen Heap to him. But he was perfectly happy, and wriggling with excitement looking at everythi...

Morning at home with Enzo, being rather adorable. Beth and James off to North Wales for Amy Freeman's wedding. Then off to Morrisons just after lunch to do some shopping. Toby called to say he was just leaving Lewes. Lorraine completed the shopping, I got my drugs, and then met Tobs in Steamworks. We had a half, and came home and Toby got to meet Enzo and say howdy to Lorraine.  Sadly Meatball, Romy and Toby's long-lived cat had to be put down today, which they were sad about. It seems a lifetime ago when I first met her, having let myself into Toby and Romy's place while they were at work, she cautiously came over, after several attempts, and bit me in a welcoming way.   Toby and I made off to the Boot. No rebooters there, as all involved elsewhere tonight, but this was actually fine as we had a chance to talk, and a bite to eat, before mooching off to The Cinq Ports for another pint. Like a time warp in there with people going to a jukebox type of wall mounted machine and...

Enzo here this morning, and Lorraine looked after him all day. We had him on Thursday night as Beth and James had developed the spews in the morning. I made off to Hampstead. Bought a ticket at Seaford Station, and realised I'd left my phone at home, so missed the train. Otherwise a smooth journey, and met Mum and Toby at Hampstead station. We sloped down to The White Bear for some lunch. I wanted a photograph, but they both flinched like vampires. A cheery lunch, and great to see the Tobster of course. Toby had a pie, and mum had pea and lovage soup, this time sans the 'weeds', the pea shoots that were added last time. Mum was talking earlier about the man she calls the Parson. Sure enough he came and sat near us. Unfortunately Mum did not count this as a sighting, as he wore some kind of Hawaiian shirt, instead of a dog collar. His cowboyish hat on the table beside him gave it away. I had to return early, however, as I needed to get to The Walrus in Brighton, to host Tess...

Lorraine went early to pick up Beth and Enzo from hospital. Turns out there is a spewing bug going around the nursery, but the hospital properly checked him out because of his head bump. Lorraine stayed with Enzo and Beth, whose day off it was. But slid off to get an eyelash tint at lunchtime, she's never had one of those before. Another scorcher of course, it goes without saying.  Lorraine came back home before going back to see Beth and Enzo, she dropped me off at the gym, and I did another sweaty workout.  In the evening, England v Argentina in the semifinal of the World Cup. England were overwhelmed after taking a lead, and it ended up losing 2-1. Lots of politics, and the Malvinas playing a huge part. Argentina deserved to win, despite playing like thugs in the first half. I had not expected England to beat Argentina, but still felt a bit disappointed. Bah. 

Recording with Robin this morning, nice to see her, virtually at least. She is about to lead her own Steps class, starting tomorrow night, and is fully booked. I find this deeply impressive, but she's always had that streak in her. Then, having found an appropriate folder, having just given up looking for it, I sauntered off to the post office to send off my manuscript. One Day Forever is about examining memory and was inevitably focused on the past and time and so on.  I want to turn a page. My next project to be more forward looking and perhaps a bit lighter. Nature abhors a vacuum, and half formed ideas are nudging forwards for attention. It's actually quite exciting. If only it weren't so energy-snappingly hot I'd bloody get on with it.  Popped into the photo shop, and sent pictures from my phone to a printer in the shop to be collected later in the week, via a screen in the shop with QR codes and so on.  Lorraine busy and took Maureen out to a hospital appointment...

My full collection is done. I reverted to an earlier title, One Day Forever . Today I read through the thing for the 1000th time, making a few last minute tweaks before printing it. It is a good collection. It is an examination of how memory, with is often unreliable and prone to confabulations, affects and sometimes undermines who we think we are, its tone is serious but there are one or two laughs. It's in five sections: Origin Stories, Gordon Road, The Moth Display, Interlude with Mirrors, and One Day Forever. I wrote a covering letter for it and as the place I first intend to send it demands hard copies, printed everting up. All I need now is a binder. I literally had dozens of these but threw them all out a couple of years ago, in an anti hoarding putsch. The result is in the lap of the gods, but when it comes to the poetry part, I know have done my best. Lorraine the luxury of a pottery day today. She was working really hard on a pot which she thought not good enough at the e...

A cooler night. A relaxed day, not able to do too much due to the heatwave. Sitting companionably outside with Lorraine, before I went off to the air conditioned gym early in the afternoon. I seem to be losing a bit of weight and toning up, but the gut is making a magnificent last stand, and if anything has become even more prominent as the rest of be gets back into shape. Sigh.  Late afternoon L and I drove off to Squirrel's End, and had dinner in the garden with Beth, James and Enzo and Micky the cat under the gazebo, which is still standing despite the wind, in their lovely garden. Nice summery salads and chicken, washed down with, for me, a cold lager. Enzo splashing delightedly in his little pool. All well. Getting the little boy off to sleep is a bit challenging however, and the answer seems to be take him for a drive, which Beth and James did after we'd left. 

A phone call at 3:30am and Lorraine had to drive to Stratheden Court. There was no point me going too, but then I couldn't sleep, so I was up till when Lorraine got home an hour later.  Another heatwave scorcher, though the air was slightly cooler this afternoon and at night. An omen of the coming catastrophe. Feeling powerless to change anything is the disease of the age. In W.B.Yeats's lines 'The best lack all conviction, while the worst / are full of passionate intensity'. Still, mustn't grumble, eh? Otherwise a perfectly nice day for us, after we got up late. Heat lethargy and disrupted sleep meant we didn't do much. Breakfast, and sitting outside in the shade and breeze. I tried to do some writing, but I find it very hard to concentrate for very long. Mum and Toby went to Hampstead today, though the train line to Hampstead wasn't working for some reason. Probably to do with the heat. They are busy next week till Thursday, so I will go up, and I will ret...