under another sun

Over breakfast this morning, I received a note from Poetry Salzburg to say they are going to publish, the first part of Gordon Road, Google Street View , plus three of my free verse sonnets about memory, Mnemosyne Speaks, Death of an Accompanist, and Daguerrotype . Massively bucked up by this, especially by the acceptance of the Google Street View poem. Perhaps I am not an abject failure after all.  This news also helped to alleviate impostor syndrome when Robin and I interviewed Niall Campbell at 10:30. Niall proved not only hugely talented, but highly likeable too, growing up in South Uist, and now living not too far from St Andrew's where we have been a few times recently. His collection The Island in the Sound is magical . Then I met Adele at Seaford Station, and we zoomed off to Lewes, Adele even doing a bit of glasswork on the train, where we went to The John Harvey Tavern, where we met Frances and Deana. Ben and Sally sadly unable to make it. Deana hilarious, telling u...

Wore moderately smart clothes this morning, as yesterday I saw myself in a mirror in The White Bear looking a bit rubbish. Feeling smarter makes a difference. After a lovely breakfast with Lorraine, went to my desk to finalise my speculative missive to Shearsman. A sunny lunchtime, so I went for a walk, and later had a chat with Robin about tomorrow's interview, which we are going to do as a double act. While walking I called Carl, and spoke to him and Jayne who was also in the car. I was planning to visit him last month, and December is already busy enough so I said January. Lots of laughing as Carl ridiculed me as only your oldest friends can. Lorraine had been shopping with Beth, and in the afternoon Beth here with Enzo, so I had a chance to hang out with them. At one point Lorraine and Beth were out of the room and I was watching Enzo getting exceedingly tetchy lying on his back trying to pull down the toys that dangle from a little plastic arch over where he lies on his mat. B...

A steady rain, and fierce sea visible from Seaford station this morning. Breakfast with Lorraine, then off up to meet Mum at Hampstead. A fairly easy journey. Took one of my yellow book and sketched out some   practical next steps, and trying to get a grip. Last train a little delayed so I had to yomp up Arkwright road up to Hampstead. Met Mum slightly late, but we mooched down Flask Walk and then around to The White Bear which is now serving food again. The place empty. The new menu fairly unappetising, and the woman who runs it despite being quite friendly, was very pushy. Mum ordered a high quality sausage roll with fennel, and I had some risotto, which I had to send back as the rice was still hard and grainy. I ordered something else which was a bit meh. Mum unimpressed by the sausage roll's short and stubby shape, but was delighted by the Spanish house wine, and had three glasses of it. We like The White Bear. People began arriving as we were leaving, and there was a merry fir...

A quiet day to ourselves. Felt the urge for a housework frenzy which felt morally cleansing. In the afternoon we repaired to the studio, where we used one of the little breathing heaters, and Lorraine did some painting of her pottery pieces, including little holly shaped leaves, and I did some scribbling quite literally. Indoors again, and we cooked a chicken and roast, and watched a film called Finch, with Tom Hanks, which was a cosy kind of dystopian film. Not much cop, but Hanks is always watchable. Also enjoyed Chelsea holding Arsenal to a draw, despite having one of their players sent off. Below earlier Lorraine made a squash soup. The colour of the peelings was like sunshine on a chopping board.     

Some work this morning first thing, getting another poetry proposal together. Less depressed now, and able to countenance at least trying again. Met Lorraine for coffee at the Church Lane eatery, where I also had a rather paltry looking tuna melt. We noticed a large centipede walking across the floor, only to see it meet its end underfoot. Wished I'd scooped it out and taken it across the road to the graveyard before it met its maker. Then across the road to The Crypt, which had its Christmas of local artists makers including Adele and Mandy. Bought some Christmas things, and one of the exhibitors liked Lorraine's bag so much, she had to have a ten minute conversation with her about it. Then made off to Pat and Maureen's place. I sat with Pat for a couple of hours looking at the sea and chatting with the carers. One of them in a hijab, who Maureen calls Vee was very sweet and told me to just rest myself, when I said let me know if they needed anything. I said she should spe...

Lorraine off to see Dawn in Lewes this morning. I did fiddling about with writing, and spoke to Mum. Then and enjoyable chat with Robin about the next pre-Christmas episode. Nice to hear her news, a poetry reading in Chichester last night, Nick had just sold his grand piano, she'd pranged her new car in a multi-storey carpark. Chatted about the poems of Niall Campbell, from The Island in the Sound which we both like. Niall was born on North Uist. We need to get some questions together rapidly. In the late afternoon off to meet Anton in The Evening Star. He was fresh from doing an event, and was carrying a bag crammed with stuff, but included his dominoes. He thrashed me a couple of times. The first game a complete whitewash. He can even beat Martin, arch counter of pieces, these days. He'd popped over to see Camino a few days ago. Minus two at night apparently. And a power cut which saw them eating baked potatoes, and bacon and eggs cooked on a pan over the fire. We sloped dow...

Up early this morning. Tom arrived this morning, a burst of cheeriness first thing. He is down to see Pat and Maureen. I had to make my excuses, however and zoom off with Brian to walk in Friston Forest, with Marley the dog sprinting about with a stick in her mouth most of the time. Another gorgeous day, walking through the autumnal forest and its carpet of yellow beech leaves. Excellent and rather profound chat with Brian. While we were walking along he found his black case for his earphones, lost two weeks ago. Amazing he could see them on the forest floor. He said I was his good luck charm. Then we drove briefly to East Dean, where there was a small and very middle class market. He bought some venison. I almost bought some venison sausages as the prices didn't look too dear (arf). Then we popped back to see Yvonne, who had her grandson Sebastian with her. Last time I saw him (last Christmas I think) he was a baby, but now he is a little boy. I feel I understand babies a bit bett...

Up this morning and off to Friston Forest with Guy, and his two small and elderly dogs sporting day glow coats with handles on the backs so you could pick them up like suitacases. I told Lorraine that I was off dogging with Guy. A glorious crisp cold morning. Nice to get to know Guy a little better. He's very friendly and easy to chat with and I enjoyed our walk. Thanks to things like a nice walk in the forest, noticing that I am feeling more motivated, and cheerier. Arranged to meet people, to go for a walk with Brian on Wednesday, to see Anton on Thursday, to arrange a date with Messrs Hoibak and Hartley.  Lorraine spent much of the day with Beth and went to a Christmas Wreath pottery workshop this evening, which they both enjoyed. I sat at home and watched some documentaries about the end of civilisations. 

A glance at my phone revealed I had my first full state pension payment. Trying not to look at it as money for nothing, but cheering anyway. Looked at tax stuff with Mum this morning, and printed things off to send to her in a stamped addressed envelope. A walk, post office, and a bit of shopping. Decided to subscribe to Poetry Salzburg, PayPal glitched and I ended up paying twice. Sigh. More walking, then it rained but Bob called which was very cheering and we have booked a day to meet up soon. Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and then went to her physio and a walk with Beth by the seaside. Not much going on but my mood is improving steadily. 

A bit more lively today. Lorraine at home this morning, and it was nice to hang out. Visited the Government Gateway and found out a simple way to pay, and talked to her about that first thing. A little bit of writing and organising, this morning and a walk in the winter sun for me this afternoon, after Lorraine and I had the bright idea of cashing in our unspent Euros in the post office. Lorraine home and too tired to go out tonight. The Rebooters, nine of us, off to Eastbourne this evening by bus, to a pub called The Lamb. A nice old place. Missing Lorraine, but I had a good time. Brian and Yvonne, Adele and Patrick, Guy and Barbara, Steve, myself and Matthew arrived with Rumi the dog. One of the three allowable dogs.   Feeling low again, this evening but excellent company a pint or three of Harveys and a decent fish and chips perked me up.. Bussed back to Seaford, fond farewells to everyone. Steve and I sneaked off to the Union Club a place I am now a member for an absolute blood...

Beth's birthday, a gorgeous very cold but sunny day. Enzo five months today too. We drove around to Beth's place with some presents, and then we all drove off to Drusillas where we spent a few hours wandering about looking at creatures, and having a bit of a laugh. Enzo good as gold. Beth did very well and was feeling fairly okay. She has been amazingly resilient. We are all yearly members of Drusillas now, which means we can go as often as we choose. There's a little restaurant there too, and we scarfed baked potatoes, which on a cold day were a winner Home to Seaford. Lorraine and I drove straight to Maureen and Pat's house, as Pat had slipped out of his armchair onto the floor. We lifted him up again after some careful planning. I managed to pull my arm somehow in the process. Maureen a bit upset that she had just nodded off for a doze and woke to find him at her feet.  Lorraine and I did some shopping in Morrisons, then cooked a simple pasta dish for Beth and James ...

Beth and James at hospital all morning, with Enzo. Beth had lots of tests but has been released back into the wild, thank goodness. Didn't do my 10k paces today, and frankly felt a bit better for it. A peaceful day for me. Sylwia here this morning. I fiddled about doing a bit of writing. I also uploaded the photos of the Stone Age tool I discovered on a Facebook page devoted to that sort of thing. One expert said it was simply a stone, another regular poster called that into question. Learnt a new phrase today... Bulb of Percussion, a telltale sign that a stone has been hit and worked.   In the evening off to Steve's house, for the reading of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew . A delightful evening, and a fun play to read, although deeply problematic from a feminist perspective. We read it through, and then ate the delicious venison casserole Steve had cooked. A cheery evening, that manages to be both a good laugh with some mates, but also improving at the same time. Lorrai...

A cold start, and off to Edgware this morning. I discovered on the train that when I plugged in my laptop to recharge overnight, I failed to turn the switch on. I needed it to sort some things out for Mum. Feeling drained and depressed on the train, and was irritable all day. Once in Edgware and was walking towards Mum's place, it made me think of being in Edgware in my twenties, when times were colder. A chat with Rupa and Wynford, and Wynford's sister Linda. They are taking Mum to the pub tomorrow.  Mum drove us off to The Waggon. We met Steve there, who had kindly helped mum understand her tax form last week, and has set her up on the Government Gateway. However, this means that the authentication code to enter the Government Gateway is sent to Steve. I was unable to change Steve's number to mine in Mum's profile, as when I accessed it on my phone, I selected stay signed in for seven days. So I will have to trouble Steve again. However I bought him a large wine to th...

A gorgeous, frosty sunny morning in Seaford. Coffee this morning with Yvonne at Grumpy's cafe. Lots to discuss, then I strolled along the sea afterwards; a gorgeous sunny day. Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and getting some acupuncture. It seems to be helping her lots with knee pain in the night. To the dentist is afternoon. Coílín her usual sweet self, asked how Brian was straight off the bat, and I had to tell her he was in cat heaven, apart from a bit of a scrape and clean however me 'ampsteads are serviceable. Coílín asking me if I clamp my teeth while concentrating. I said I'm more of a drooler than a tooth grinder while asleep. In a first for me, I almost fell asleep while my teeth were being scraped. Walked home along the seaside, as the sun as lowering.  When Lorraine home from Pat and Maureen's place, we ate up our plated up dinners from last night, and we are speeding through watching the Star Trek series  Strange New Worlds , which is on ITVX, which is...

Up late this morning, breakfast then Lorraine did a spot of gardening. I stowed and cleaned the barbecue, a messy business. Steve called from the Waggon and Horses, as mum had taken her most recent tax letter to him to translate. Will pop up next week to see Mum and see Steve.  Afternoon, I went for a walk, bumping into Kate from life drawing, who had just done a portrait painting of Adele this morning. By chance Adele had sent it to me this morning, a strong resemblance and Patrick thinks it has captured her essence. She wondered if I fancied having mine done by her too. People tell me I'm no oil painting, but what if I were? Have been listening to a Great Lectures audiobook about the Occult. A series of lectures. It is superficial and is full of mistakes. I gave it a couple of hours. When it completely missed the point about how the I Ching works, I checked out. A bit tired after my walk, and boofed onto the gold sofa feeling drained and a little joyless.  Then to Stratheden...

Up early, as Lorraine had to take Beth to hospital. Poor thing has had an infected gall bladder as well as gallstones. An eventful earlyish walk.  Picked up a dozen or so pine cones from Seaford cemetery. Two workmen nearby looking at me as if I were crazy. A glance at poems this morning choosing one to show and tell in the Understory Conversation this afternoon. Emma shared a deft and wonderful piece of writing, weaving something unusual out of old family photos. Reading it was effortless. I feel on the other end of the sale, but good to have a sympathetic forum to share feelings of writerly gloom. Lorraine and I did a quick scoot in Morrisons. Home and I cooked.  Below, on my walk I found what I think maybe an ancient stone tool by the side of a field. I will show it to someone sensible online, but it fit my left hand very well and seemed to have a serrated worked edge. Also a photo of rape seed flowers in a field, holding the camera at knee level. 

A poor night's sleep. Woke up in the middle of the night certain that I had wasted my whole life writing poetry; that I had invented a machine to invite continuous rejection and failure into my life. Got up and had a cup of chamomile and asked the I Ching if I should just give it up. The hexagrams of my reading were  Treading  changing to The Creative. Essentially that I should not be foolhardy in my conduct and suggesting a time of creativity is coming, which cheered me up. I don't consult the I Ching often, but given that there are 4,096 possible readings to every consultation the fact that it always seems to supply such a precise and pertinent answer seems statistically improbable. I always come away from reading it as if I have had a dose of wisdom and feel generally much more philosophical about life. Back to bed, then up early and Lorraine drove to the flat and I followed shortly after on foot. Various people round today to check on Pat. Paramedics where there, as ...

Woke up in the spare room this morning, with Lorraine coming in to say hello. The baby slept like a baby last night, and Beth did too, and had colour in her cheeks this morning. Enzo adorable this morning, Lorraine getting in some cuddles with him, before driving them home then went on to see Pat and Maureen, and work her way through a long list of to-dos.  I had intended to submit a completed manuscript for a poetry competition, as today is the deadline but last week's illness put the kibosh on that. In a selva oscura  with my writing, and thinking about it just makes me feel hopeless. So... If in doubt tidy up. So I tidied up for hours, did laundry, shopped, cooked, and swept up the muddy clods of moss which accumulate outside our front door have been chucked off our roof by the pesky returning seagulls.  Went for a walk in a break in the rain.  Carl called, as I am hoping to visit him soon, and was talking about a night out in Liverpool. What could go wrong? Also ...

James drove Beth off to A&E this morning, with really bad stomach pains. It's a thing Beth has had a couple of times since pregnancy, which may be gallstones. She was released later in the day having had lots of tests, lots of painkillers.  So we had a day with Enzo. Shortly after Maureen called to say Pat had slipped out of bed again, but luckily the carers were just about to come. They made him comfortable, but paramedics had to come later to lift him back into bed. The bed is adjustable, and is low, and Lorraine had put lots of our little flat cushions on the floor, so Pat is literally cushioned if he should slip out. Ezno, and seemed completely happy to be with us. Lorraine is absolutely brilliant with him, and I loved playing with him, and he seems quite relaxed with me too which is nice. Having had little exposure to babies, they are far more interesting and loveable than I imagined. He is responding to the world now, and chuckling and smiling, especially at Lorraine, esp...