under another sun

Again, more positive for most of this last day of January. Working on a small poem I'd started a few days ago about snow, and spent the morning sending out queries for my children's novel to five new agents. Afterwards I saw on Instagram one of the people I had attended the Children's event with at Bloomsbury and saying that every rejection felt like a step closer to acceptance. Love the optimism there. In the afternoon a watched the second half of a brilliant documentary featuring Antony Gormley looking at How Art Began, featuring cave paintings by Neanderthals all the way to Australian rock art. A beautiful and eye opening documentary. This subject matter really excites my imagination, which has been keen on this ever since I read a book called The Mind in the Cave. Went out for a walk up to the golf course on the edge of the downs. Bitingly cold up there, and the snow clinging on, and getting ready to be refreshed. Lorraine home early to beat the snow, and I decide

A much better frame of mind today. Janet's obituary was published in the paper version of the Guardian, which I bought from the cornershop, and then Madeline asked me to buy some more for her and Sue as she was isolated by snow-caused traffic jams. Sent out a note to some of Janet's pals to let them know about the paper. I then brushed up some work on the Waiting photo project, which I sent to Innis we are going to meet up later in the week to chat about it. Also started work on the Centaur project, which I had not been in the right mental space for. The last few days have been a kind of logjam, but things are moving again now, and this makes me feel much happier. Off to the gym again today, which helped get my grrrs out. In the evening, Anton took me out for a drink, which was kind. Had a few drinks and mooched around town popping into various pubs and generally having a bit of a laugh, which was exactly what I needed.

Morning started with a cup of tea from my lovely Lorraine, followed by Calliope vomiting up her breakfast near me as I got dressed. Felt a sudden wave of stress this morning, so bad I had to make a plan to get to grips with it. First item was go for a brisk walk first thing, which helped a great deal. Home, and found a tax demand on the mat, the one from last year which only came to light when I called the tax folks the other day. I am due a couple of payments from clients in the next few days, so hopefully I can pay that down. This morning my apple devices were suddenly no longer receiving email. I then spent over an hour having a screen chat with a man at BT who deleted my email accounts my computer and iPhone, but was unable to reinstall them. He then announced it was an apple problem and bailed. Had lunch, spoke to Mum who was stressed about the land registry papers connected with her house. I phoned the solicitor in Brighton and briefly talked this through with them. They we

Went to the gym. Otherwise I was out or sorts today. A neighbour from a few doors up asked to climb over our garden fence as she was locked out, with her child alone. She was remarkably calm. And luckily when she had climbed over, she was able to get in through the back door. Lorraine home late, and I very pleased to see her.

A domestic day, generally tidying, under the influence of Marie Kondo , and smiling somewhat at her idea that socks don't like to be balled. The idea of sentient socks is an odd one, although it is a fact that some socks slip away never to be seen again. Dropped in on the now 15 year old Klaudia to hand her a belated birthday card, and discuss her Golden Weasel trip which this year is likely to be ABBA themed. Anton and Oskar seemed about to settle to an afternoon of gaming. Then home via Sainsbury's and looking at the budgeting software with Lorraine, under the influence of Catherine. I'm beginning to see the purpose of micromanaging money, especially as I am broke at the moment. Actually sitting down and talking about it all, and seeing what is going where is useful too. It is all part of Iron Discipline. A chat with Mum, and then some roast chicken and a glass of wine to round off a nice weekend.

Iron Discipline this morning, up fairly early, and Lorraine and I took Sam to the station. A happy surprise to have him visit. Lorraine then drove to her gym, and I sauntered down to mine for the third time this week. Another cross trainer trundle. I am gradually nudging up the difficulty, but not too abruptly as I am not as springy and spring green as I used to be. A spot of food shopping on the walk  home. Lorraine and I then had a restful afternoon reading the vampirey  Let the right one in and even snoozing on the gold sofa. I cooked a veggie chilli and in the evening we went out to The Station pub in Hove where John's band was playing, picking up Betty in the taxi there. Nice to see Beth as ever. A fun evening, and Innis and Rosie popped in later too. John and Matt playing with a different bassist tonight, but it was the usual funky fun. And a fair amount of dancing in the pub after a while. Below John at the drums... Lorraine kissing Betty to complement the snap I took y

An early breakfast, Lorraine phoning Sam and discovering that he was on his way down to Brighton, which made her very happy. I pottered about this morning, sending more poems off. Then I met Madeline for lunch  at Fourth and Church again, really good food in there, and quite sedate. It is were hipsters in their seventies seem to go, and they must know a thing or two about food. Delicious tapas style grub. One dish really great, a black bean mole sauce chorizo dish, with chocolate and nutmeg in it. Madeline paid, which was sweet of her. Hopefully I can buy her the next one when I am not pinching every penny. We went into Janet and Ken's house. Even though they are not there now, it still smells like their house. I am pleased we were together, which normalised it.  Madeline had a few bits to collect, and we looked at Janet's academic papers, I had not realised she had authored or co-authored so many of them. While we mentioned each other's writing, our conversations were so

Drew up a list of achievable to-dos but then sidetracked by another smidge of work from Valérie in Paris, which was very welcome. It really is a pleasure to work with Val, which I have done for many years now. She definitely is my favourite client. God knows what will happen after Brexit. Plus the omnishambles of Brexit means people are already dithering over their budgets, which means jobs are not being firmed up. Despite mantras of Iron Discipline and so on, allowed myself to get pretty cheesed off today by an email from my accountant confirming I did indeed owe a small amount of tax money from last year. They referred me to page three of a letter they sent me a year ago. The small amount of progress I have made this month neatly wiped out and back to square one. Sigh. My own fault, but not feeling well disposed to my accountants at the moment. Otherwise I went to the gym where I got rid of some of my grrrrrs. Later I spoke to mum briefly, billed my French friends, and then cooke

Forwarding more notes to Janet and Ken's friends today. Then a bit of a nasty interlude when I got a letter from HMRC forwarded from my accountant saying that no tax had been paid. I phoned the tax folks and sorted it out, but had to wait almost twenty minutes before I could speak to a human. I had paid it into the wrong account. A very nice taxman on the end of the line however. Not so impressed with my accountants, who failed to give me the right information in the first place and then forwarded the HMRC thing over without comment. Otherwise a fairly nice day. Chuffed up to Richmond where I had not mooched in many a year. Went to the White Cross where I met Keith for a beer and a chat. He was telling me a horrific diving story where he got lost without a torch in the murky black under a shipping lane in Weymouth and feeling panicky and running out of air, having been separated from his dive partner and disoriented he headed  towards a light underwater, which was another diving

Sad news from Madeline from Ken's family that he is very unwell. Only to be expected I suppose, as he was in poor shape before he lost Janet. Feel very fond of Ken and sad about the whole thing. To the gym late afternoon for a trundle on the cross trainer, listening to The Wine Dark Sea, a story by Robert Aickman. Writing my own stuff... A tweak to the end of  Where the beauty is which has much improved it, and I revisited a short piece I have had published before called Flytrap . A call from my pals in Chiswick over a two words. A chat with Mum. A note to Jane about her work, which is very promising. Note from Trace today, saying she might apply for a job in Guernsey. In the evening Lorraine came home early, and Dawn came to stay which, as ever, was great fun. Lorraine and I used Dawn as an excuse to drink school night wine, which was naughty.

Bending the vast Kenny will to things, making lists, sending things off, and generally reminding people of my existence but nothing much happening. Looked at some website text for Lorraine's school, read some work by Jane in Guernsey on what I think is a potentially sellable new writing project she has started.  Went for a longish walk to get my ten thousand paces done for the day. Worked on a story I was brushing up, called Where the beauty is .  Thought about the waiting rooms project, and generally held my nerve and carried on. Up early and saw a partial eclipse of the moon, which I took the world's worst photographs of for posterity. Also some views of a frosty Preston Park

Off this morning to Edgware to see Mum and Mas. A stress free drive to Edgware for once, and we crammed into Lorraine's car and went off to The Waggon and Horses in Elstree to strap on the nosebags for Sunday Lunch. We moved before we ate, and sat near the fire in the old pub. Bought mum some wine and sat chatting. Mason unhappy about his son Rick, and wishing he could do something to help him. Home for a cups of tea and several biscuits. As there was talk of wintery weather we set off quite early and made another unusually easy journey home. The full moon loomed which was going to become overnight the super wolf blood moon, and be eclipsed by the earth. An hour or so after we'd gone to bed, I got up as there was banging from downstairs (cats) but the moon was shining really brightly.

Preparing our future craft room, by dismantling the bed in it and generally sorting out everything in the room. Then an evening of relaxation. Lorraine cooked a curry and we watched a film, The Revenant set in the brutal frontier of 19th century America. All very cold, and featuring an extended bear attack on its hero played by Leonardo DiCaprio.

A happy Friday. Working fairly productively this morning. Also had a couple of hours working on stuff for my agency pals in Chiswick, and sauntered into town for a haircut, as it was all getting a bit Art Garfunkley. In the evening off to Lewes to meet up with the Telltale & Friends posse, Robin, Sarah, Charlotte, Catherine Smith and Stephen Bone. A hugely enjoyable and altogethery evening in the lovely Lewes Arms catching up on everyone's news. It did lots to make me feel less alone and weird in this mad pursuit of writing.  A fair amount of drinking done too. Also reminded me that people had lots to cope with lately. Both Charlotte and Sarah's mothers had died last year, and life is full of challenges. I just felt I drew great strength from my fellow writers. Fond farewells, and Sarah and I hopped on the Brighton train, and I got off at London Road. Spoke to Lorraine, and scored a curry. Home at around 9:30 although it seemed much later due to being in the dead of win

A bit sluggish and not able to concentrate this morning.  Iron discipline made me give myself a sharp pep talk, and made a list and ticked off all the things on it and felt a good deal better afterwards. Planning to meet up with Keith next week. Saw on facebook that the French Bloke was in hospital for an op, but seems to be in good spirits. I also went to the gym again, and while trundling and walking there and back finished The Unsettled Dust , the third collection of stories by Robert Aickman I've read. The last story was called The Stains and was brilliantly unpleasant. Mackerel and corn on the cob tonight. Got sent a smidge more work to do tomorrow morning for my pals in Chiswick. Lorraine doing a crossword tonight, to stop herself staring at screens. We listened to some music and I joined in, actually piecing things together is quite therapeutic. I feel I am being drawn into Lorraine and Beth's jigsaw cult. Calliope got involved as usual.

No freelance this morning so spent time thinking about the waiting project, after Innis sent me a Brain Pickings article about the positive aspects waiting can have on human communications -- a message you have waited for can be more meaningful than one you have not. I am working on a foreword to the idea, as a way of condensing what it is in fact all about. A new book called Delayed Response, by Jason Farman, seems interesting, and the one of the quotes nutshells what I am interested in... 'Waiting can be a tool of the powerful to maintain the status quo by forcing people to invest their time in ways that inhibit their ability to transform their situation.'  Brain Pickings is excellent and I have bought books from reading articles on it. After lunch I went to the gym fro a half an hour's trundle and a shower, then walked to what is becoming my usual Caffè Nero to meet Chris. Among other things I learned from him that he is toying with abseiling from the Eyesore i360 a

A sleepless night. I eventually gave up at 4am got up and started reading Let the right one in , a horror story. Took Lorraine tea and made her breakfast seeing as I was up and dressed. A brain befuddling fug of tiredness all day. Tried to fall asleep again at eight, but then Lorraine called from school saying she had left her phone, and I gave up then. Unfortunately I had to do work for my French pals today on swine flu. Feeling a bit anxious about this afterwards, as no sleep seems to deprive me of twenty IQ points. I had a nice chat with Val though. Anton phoned me about going to a business event run by an old work mucker Terry Brissenden on Storytelling in Business next month. Today Theresa May's Brexit dead duck deal was crushed in Parliament -- apparently the biggest ever government defeat. I cannot see any outcome from here that will not harm the UK. A second referendum, as finally the UK has a better idea of what it is voting for, may be a good idea. But what happens i

Patchy sleep last night, but up early. Another short story manuscript sent off. Contacted by Guernsey Literary festival as two of the poems I had entered their competition were too long -- and luckily I could resend. I negotiated a small smidge of work for my pals in Paris to start tomorrow, and had a bracing afternoon walk while listening to another Robert Aickman story. Looking from the hills at the grey sea, and clouds rolling over from the north. Chatted with Anton about how great his food was, and with Mum about coming up next weekend. Cooked for Lorraine. All good.

Up and about this morning. Both of us went to our respective gyms, despite both of us feeling sluggish. I managed to trundle on the cross trainer for 25 minutes before feeling washed out. Walked there and back, so much better than nothing. Lorraine went to her gym too. Met back at home, and then got ready to go to Anton's house to celebrate Ann's birthday, which had been on Monday.  Oskar had been to a Chinese society in the morning, with one of his best pals. His pal, from a Chinese family, got bored and left Oskar there. His pal's dad, who was running the class, translated everything for Oskar. Klaudia there too, of course, but was feeling under the weather. Anton had excelled himself in the Chef department, cooking steamed pork and poussin and ribs in a Chinese themed meal. Lovely stuff. As usual, a very cheery evening. Anton under new advice to cope with the raging tinnitus he experiences, which involves meditation and going to bed at midnight for the first two weeks,

Lorraine starting an experiment when she doesn't work on Sundays like she has been. This made the weekend feel new and improved and more weekendish even on a Saturday morning. We set off for a drive to meet Lorraine's intrepid pal Carolyn for coffee. She is off again to Nicaragua again this week, where she has set up projects to help local people and is now pretty fluent in Spanish too.  Bureaucracy infuriating there however. She tried to ship over a box of essentials for a local school but the box has languished in customs for over half a year on a variety of bogus reasons, infuriating that its contents is simply to help Nicaraguan children. I fell asleep this afternoon, and slept heavily for an hour, and felt a good deal livelier for it afterwards, for this pesky cold never seems quite to leave you. Lorraine and I walked down the hill into town, and picked up the book, Buddhism for Busy People , she had ordered from Waterstones. Then we mooched off to Beth and John's

Friday, then and maintaining positivity. Up early, did some writing. Sent email off to my French agency pals, about my availability, and sent some more poems out for the Guernsey Literary Competition. A pleasant afternoon, and I went to the Jubilee Library and rejoined it, coming away with a horror book by John Ajvide Lindqvist. I went across the road to the Starbucks and sat there for much of the afternoon, continuing my survey of the horror genre, reading The Chalk Man , by C.J. Tudor another horror novel that has sold very well. I almost finished it. A mixed bag, tightly plotted and full of lot twists. On the other hand the language was a bit cliched, and I found the characters were unconvincing. But, while never actually horrified, I certainly found it an enjoyable page turner -- and it was her first published novel so really well done. I will read the Lindqvist next. I have been looking at lists of the greatest horror novels, and Let the right one in , which I have just borrowed

My essay on waiting was unplaced in London Magazine's essay competition. Not too sore about this as I had to rush for the deadline, and having reread it lately I thought the conclusion was weak. But you have to give things your best shot at the time. Contacted my pals in Chiswick, and it seems the prospect of any more work this month has melted away due to general quietness. It seems the poos and kidneys work was just a flash in the pan. I recontacted the folks in Paddington who had offered me some work last week. I did not hear back today either. All this did was prove the requirement for steady nerves and iron discipline. I remained buoyant. Wrote to my accountant, retaining his services for the year, and sent some poems into the rejectosphere. Downloaded the updated Scrivener, as it was unsupported on Apple's updated OS. I had bought Scrivener through the App store, a schoolboy error, as the billionaires at Apple will make you pay the full price again, despite them m

For the first time this year I managed to complete my normal daily target of 10k paces. Off this morning to meet Innis in the Costa Cafe at the top of Preston Street, the one where I meet my stained glass buddies. Nice to see Innis, and we discussed a collaboration around the Waiting project, and I showed Innis the powerpoint presentation, which I have been adding to, and we chatted about the sorts of ways that we can visually interpret that. I walked home through Seven Dials, and Preston Park. A snack for lunch, watching an Irish comedy set in Cork called  The Young Offenders , which I really like. Then I did a smidge more on the poos and kidneys work for my Chiswick pals. Then another short walk around the block a couple of times, listening to another Robert Aickman story, The Next Glade to get me up to 10k. Felt tired at the end of it, but am definitely improving. That was a particularly draining cold. Cooked a curry, with some parsnip in whose sweetness works surprisingly well

A better day. Got up and started work on my Waiting Rooms project, then was given work by my pals in Chiswick, picking up comments on the poos and kidneys work I did before Christmas. Client ver prescriptive about what they wanted, but then when we provided it, they discovered they want something different. I simply did the job and was grateful for it. Facetimed with Mum today, her paranoid next door neighbour has set up an array of state of the art security cameras, for fear of foreigners stealing his concrete dogs. Went for three walks through Blaker's Park today, gradually edging up the amount of exercise I am doing. Felt happy to be outside, and on my last walk saw the sliver of the new moon. Still not what I would call well yet and had a headache all day. Pretty bushed by the evening, but cooked for Lorraine and I for the first time in a while. Went to bed, and I found some supposed lessons from Confucius on the internet. This bit spoke to us about events over the last few

Up after Lorraine brought me a cup of tea in bed. Wanted to spring up and surge on with things, however after a while of actually being up I still felt drained and lifeless. A bit of a damp squib for the first working Monday of my year. There was the possibility of work from two directions today, but neither of them coughed up. I did a bit of year planning, and then simply read afterwards. I started reading a contemporary horror book called The Chalk Man, which I downloaded for 99p onto my kindle. It was a best seller and has the likes of Stephen King saying how horrific it is. I went for two short walks around the block. It was good to suck in some fresh air. Lorraine home in need of a glass of wine. I read her some more of The Box of Delights tonight. It has been years since I read it, and there are parts of it I had completely forgotten. It is an almost lost classic. It is a good deal more disjointed than many of the Children's books that followed it, such as the Hobbit, or th

Slightly better this morning, and had a good night's sleep. A little more active today, and I even ventured outside into the great outside. Lorraine and I walked the tree down the road to the recycling area just in the park. This and a bit of pottering about in the house made me tired again. This is not flu, but it is the most draining cold I have had for a long time. Lorraine went to see Dawn and some other this morning, and I watched The Larry Sanders Show till I had finished it. I really like that show, which was very funny and way ahead of its time, and leaves you with great affection for the characters, despite most of them having huge flaws.  Did not fall asleep today, and am definitely slowly improving.  Lorraine feeling a bit down today, with only a wretched sofa slug for company, and the prospect of work tomorrow. However I was able to resume reading duties tonight, and we pressed on reading from my new copy of A Box of Delights. Hurrah! My first trip into the outsi

Up fairly early for Saturday. However I was soon feeling rubbish again. I spoke to Mum and then had a sleep on the sofa. Lorraine taking down the decorations around me. She was feeling antsy and went to the gym, and I watched my Larry Sanders DVDs and slept again. Another sofa day. But by the evening I was feeling slightly better, and clearer headed. All a bit boring.

A bit of a non-day. Feeling ill with the same bad cold Lorraine had. I waited for the briefing I had been told about yesterday, with tissue stuffed into my nostrils as my nose was streaming so badly. Did various bits of work, until at about midday I felt too tired to do anything. The briefing, however, never arrived nor was there any explanation about why it might not appear. But by the afternoon I was glad at this, as all I wanted to do was sprawl on the sofa and watch Larry Sanders. Spoke to Sonia, who showed me views from a mountain property in Bulgaria her son wants to buy.  Tom chatty and cheerful as ever. Lorraine home again fairly early from school, and cooked for us. A quiet night in.

Attempting Iron Discipline this morning, despite very little sleep the night before. Getting a grip with various bits of correspondence, some dealing with Janet, plus other bits more forward looking. Went for a walk through Blaker's Park and then down into Preston Park. In Lucerne Road I saw a congregation of Corvids, an angry jay shrieking at a pair of magpies, who were then joined by a rook, all in a bare roadside tree. A turn around Preston Park, and then home again feeling wan and lifeless. Good news from Anton, who had returned from his cardiac checkup with the news that he has been released back into the world, not needing another checkup in five years, nor does he require any medication. Wonderful news, which did not stop Anton moaning about having paid for two hours of parking, when the consultation took ten minutes. As the day wore on, I began the properly streaming cold that Lorraine had. Then, as always seems to happen when I am feeling rubbish, I was then offered

Lorraine working from home. I tidied up my office and caught up with this blog and started writing lists of things to be done. A trip to Sainsbury's, using a list which seemed to take us longer than when we just do it on autopilot. Annoyingly my sinuses and throat chose today to hurt lots, and I felt washed out. Slept on the sofa for an hour in the afternoon, which definitely does not accord with principles of Iron Discipline. However rallied somewhat after sleeping. Lorraine said I was fighting off a cold, which is made it feel more rigorous. Lorraine cooked a lovely dahl this evening, with curried cauliflower and we ate this watching more episodes of Bleak House . This was a brilliant series, which I missed when it was first broadcast. Makes me want to read the novel again.

Woke up with my head buzzing with ideas, as Calliope and Brian walked on me. They are no respecters of hangovers. Fed the wretched weasels at about eight thirty and then made tea and crept back into bed. Cheery and optimistic today. I am usually dubious about January, and use the turn of the year to brood on my own shortcomings. This year I am simply not going to do that nonsense. Lorraine and I discussing in bed the iron discipline that we will employ to make a success of this year. I feel the need to heft myself up by my bootlaces. I am not fit, I am overweight (as ever at this time of year) and need to generate cash, and push on with my projects. Today, however, was about gently starting the year. Drank no booze today, for which my liver and kidneys are profoundly grateful. Lorraine cooked a rather marvellous turkey pie, as we were chatting to Mum on FaceTime.  Spoke also to Anton, who had watched all the Indiana Jones movies last night at home with a cold. Lorraine and I then f