under another sun

Felt inspired and optimistic this morning, after my recent conversations. I began with the idea of reinventing what I am doing business wise, and had many ideas. Felt good and suddenly as if I were on the front foot again -- had lots of ideas and spent the morning hammering them down. Down to Preston Park this morning and off to Hassocks, a wretched delay meant I had to hurry from Hassocks station to arrive at Clayton Woods natural burial site, where Janet and Ken's ashes were going to be laid side by side. I met Madeline, Hus, Reem, May, Bren, Sonia and Ray there. Rod and Clare, Caroline, Nick and Sandie and a few other grandchildren and grand nieces. We had squelched our way to the small square grave, when it was clear Anne Lamacraft had been very much delayed, so it being a very informal affair, Madeline and I zoomed off in Madeline's car to collect her. Not seen Anne for many years. The ceremony was self conducted, but quite pleasant, those who wanted put earth on the s...

Unpleasantly surprised by a bout of  bad diarrhoea and a generally queasiness this morning. Cancelled an afternoon coffee with Chris, and instead worked all day and most of the night as whatever it was righted itself.  A year today since Janet died -- and notes back and forth to Madeline, assorted Canadians and Goodwins. All in all though, a much better day than the one I had this time last year. Weird to wake up in the night, without Lorraine. She had been zip wiring, and the trip is going well.

A poor night's sleep, so happy not to have rush off anywhere. I caught up with various bits of my own work this morning, looking at the cover for my kindle painted by my secret squirrel cover artist on canvas-like paper. Flattening it now, as it arrived curled up in a tube and has been painted on a canvas like paper. Very pleased with it. At lunchtime off to meet Madeline at Fourth & Church in Hove, for a long chat over a glass of wine and a delicious bite to eat. Madeline was saying that the seasons always remind her of previous ones. Then we went into Janet and Ken's house to read the meters and tidy things up a bit. With the Brexit crisis the viewings have been thin on the ground and the price keeps dropping. Personally I have no skin in the game whether it sells or not, but we did decide to clear the fridge and freezer of stuff that was left over from Janet and Ken's time, as well as remove assorted medications that had been left in the bathroom. Year old food and...

A cheery day. L booked flights on her iPad this morning for our summer holiday. General fussiness much improved after a good nights sleep today. Lorraine and I drove off to Janet's flat where a sale of her fabrics, bits of embroidery and materials was going on. The money going to Martlets. We bought some fabric, and a couple of half started embroideries, and a pair of her books about Japanese brush technique. Madeline was there, and we had a good chat with her about various bits to do with the estate. She has worked tirelessly as executor. I like her very much, and so does Lorraine. After this, we popped around to Canhams and bought a couple of excellent pies, and went across to Caffe Nero and scored some takeaway coffees and sat in the car and scoffed them. Then off to Rottingdean. There was an exhibition of contemporary stained glass in the tradition of Burne-Jones, in the Grange, put on by the Rottingdean Preservation Society. Lots of nice windows with painted glass, but lit...

Feeling positive this morning, and as if I have all the components for a new phase at my fingertips. Now I have accepted the idea of putting things on kindle, I will also put my dormant marketing project on there too. It was sufficiently interesting for at least one publisher to call me in to talk about it, and the other rejections I had were because it was a bit niche. Amazon is the perfect medium for niche stuff, so I will give it a go too. The children's book is now with an editor. So damn the torpedoes! This buoyancy fine till one of the poetry MS I sent out yesterday was rejected in record time. Gah. Swings and roundabouts. Lorraine came home early, and we went off to Phoenix arts building for 4:30, where Sue Kay and Madeline had organised a tribute to Janet. There was all kinds of interesting work there from Janet's archives, a cookbook she had written, and letters and several publications and editorships, even her old PhD thesis which I read and am thanked in the intr...

Received a phone call from Madeline this morning to say that Rod had let her know that Ken had died yesterday. To be honest while obviously saddened at my old friend's passing, I think that living in a world without Janet was little joy for him.  With his vascular dementia I felt I had been saying goodbye to him by inches for the last few years anyway. Sitting with him while Janet was ill brought back memories of how he used to be, and the good times we had. I feel that I did not let him down, when things got difficult, and I helped him the best I could.  A man with a huge appetite for life, who loved song and languages, and loved Janet greatly. Madeline asked me to send out a note, and Sonia said that it was the end of an era. In other news, I simply stayed at home today, working on my own bits and pieces.  Shortly after I spoke to Madeline a noticed a strange bird in the tree outside. I snapped it with my lumix to get a better look at it. After I looked it up and it w...

Again, more positive for most of this last day of January. Working on a small poem I'd started a few days ago about snow, and spent the morning sending out queries for my children's novel to five new agents. Afterwards I saw on Instagram one of the people I had attended the Children's event with at Bloomsbury and saying that every rejection felt like a step closer to acceptance. Love the optimism there. In the afternoon a watched the second half of a brilliant documentary featuring Antony Gormley looking at How Art Began, featuring cave paintings by Neanderthals all the way to Australian rock art. A beautiful and eye opening documentary. This subject matter really excites my imagination, which has been keen on this ever since I read a book called The Mind in the Cave. Went out for a walk up to the golf course on the edge of the downs. Bitingly cold up there, and the snow clinging on, and getting ready to be refreshed. Lorraine home early to beat the snow, and I decide...

An early breakfast, Lorraine phoning Sam and discovering that he was on his way down to Brighton, which made her very happy. I pottered about this morning, sending more poems off. Then I met Madeline for lunch  at Fourth and Church again, really good food in there, and quite sedate. It is were hipsters in their seventies seem to go, and they must know a thing or two about food. Delicious tapas style grub. One dish really great, a black bean mole sauce chorizo dish, with chocolate and nutmeg in it. Madeline paid, which was sweet of her. Hopefully I can buy her the next one when I am not pinching every penny. We went into Janet and Ken's house. Even though they are not there now, it still smells like their house. I am pleased we were together, which normalised it.  Madeline had a few bits to collect, and we looked at Janet's academic papers, I had not realised she had authored or co-authored so many of them. While we mentioned each other's writing, our conversations were so...

Up early. Sent a long poem into Island Review. Did house stuff. Worked on book proposal. Then off to Hove to meet Madeline at Janet's house. We tidied the place up, and went through boxes of documents to see what was what. Lots of academic papers Janet had written, and lots of stuff for making embroidery. Tried to make the place look welcoming and inhabitable. Then Madeline brought me lunch nearby, in a lovely tapas-style meal in Fourth & Church. Nice to get to know her a bit better. Then back to the house, and pleased that it gave such a better feeling when we walked in. The man from Uden called around for a valuation, one of three Madeline is obliged to get. Anton had recommended him as being a gentleman. A bit more tidying and identifying things in boxes. Sad to be going through Janet's stuff like this and coming upon photos of her and Ken in happy times. Fond farewell with Madeline and then home to continue work. Spoke to Betty about possibly doing some cleaning in ...

Various bits of admin with Janet this morning. As the Canadians have to return home, they have swiftly organised a cremation on Friday and I booked the room upstairs at Grand Central for a celebration of her life, with a buffet and so on. I was sent two address book lists from Janet's computers with many contacts, and I had to sift through these to send the invite out this evening once the details were sorted. This a difficult process, not helped by the mail program freezing and me having to force quit it half way through and start again. However much more enjoyably I went up to London today to meet Mum, the first time in too long. We had a nice afternoon, meeting in the Waterstones bookshop in Bloomsbury, where I couldn't help but buy two books, and then visiting The Grant Museum of Zoology, an odd little place stuffed with bleached out pickled creatures, such as a jar of moles or a jar of lugworms, and various skeletons, including one of the rarest skeletons in the world, a...

A poor night's sleep. I came downstairs and had a chamomile tea at around 4am, with Calliope delightedly purring on me for half an hour. Being the day after Janet died, there were lots of calls this morning.  Pat phoned me to send his and Maureen's condolences and saying that him and Maureen were sad about Janet's death. Then I went to Janet and Ken's house, and met Madeline, Hus, May, Heather and Kim. After a protracted but ultimately successful search for Janet's passport, we all drove to Martlets for a short meeting and to be handed over relevant certificates. Madeline said that to proceed, she had to be sure she was the named executor in the will, so May drove me home as I had a copy of the will. We got stuck in traffic, I enjoyed chatting with May though, she is an intelligent and sensitive person. May and drove us back to Third Avenue and waited for the others, who had gone to the Town Hall to collect the death certificates, of which many were needed. Felt...