under another sun

Very nice not to be on a train this morning. Felt full of beans and cheerfulness all day, it was a beautiful sunny spring day and I'm beginning to wonder if the months of rain and overcast skies had undermined my mood more than I thought.   I woke up at six and got up at seven, sat at my desk writing for an hour or so, then returned to bed with cups of tea. Lorraine off to Storytime, and then see Pat and Maureen. I went back to my desk and at last finished the first draft of Kansas . It was only this morning that the end, which had eluded me til now, fell into place. The draft is in a fairly finished state. It's just under seven thousand words but will soon be tightened.   This done, I went for a walk around Tide Mills, trying another new path. Home again at a little after two, and Lorraine and Beth were at home. Enzo having been left at the nursery for half an hour without problems, and Beth feeling steady about it. Lovely to see her, and the baby a bit later.   Arranged...

Glasgow to Seaford today. Up early so I could immediately smash the jar holding teabags into a thousand pieces of glass in the kitchen, which made Lorraine spring out of bed. Breakfasted and packed we trundled down Laurel Street at about 10:20 to Partick station then to Glasgow Central which was mainly closed, apart from the trains on the platforms and lots of rail staff standing about.  We were advised to to board our train as it was already in the station, and sat in it half an hour before departure. 4 hours 40 mins to Euston. I did some CBT stuff, and tinkered with Kansas for a while on my laptop. A glorious day, and the countryside green and springlike. We grazed on leftovers from yesterday and sandwiches Lorraine made.  Arrived in London, quite a sensory overload fighting out of Euston station in rush hour. We reached Seaford at about seven, tired but happy. Being away in Scotland, and before it in Ireland, has been really helpful. I feel freer, and seem to have a slightl...

A relaxed morning. I chatted with Mum. Then Lorraine and I zoomed down Laurel Road to buy some grub from M&S. Sam and Amy came around for a light lunch. Sam on much better form today, which was lucky as he had to go to work. Needless to say Lorraine enjoyed spending some quality time with her boy.   They left, and we had a quiet late afternoon just enjoying the flat. Met Amy at Partick station, and travelled the short hop to  Charing Cross station. Sam's pub is called The State, which is just around the corner from Amy's restaurant. A substantial proper pub, its atmosphere managing not ruined by the half a dozen  TV screens showing Premier League teams being thrashed by continental opponents. Sam recommended a bloody marvellous stout, which Lorraine and I both enjoyed. Interesting clientele -- a group of artists, the odd football watcher, a couple on what looked like a first date and an older group from Tampa, Florida, one of whom was wearing a hat with a feather in i...

A decent night's sleep. Eventually I walked down Laurel Street to the Sainsburys and bought some fixings for breakfast. Luckily Lorraine had brought a loaf of Kenny farm bread, and a bag of our breakfast mix of seeds, nuts etc. which mixed up with blueberries and live yoghurt was fibrous and fun. Later we went to Sam and Amy's place, and left there flat with the dramatic exit sign over the door. For some reason I experienced an ambush of panic as we walked along the street, but it was over in a minute. Because I am doing this CBT thing it also a useful case study. From that point I had a really nice day. We made off to meet Amy's mother Alison and grandmother Elizabeth, both of whom we  immediately liked. A nice snacky lunch washed down with some Guinness (it seemed rude not to on St Patrick's day). I was sitting next to Elizabeth, who was a lively conversationalist. Alison and Amy are like peas in a pod, and as like each other as Beth and Lorraine. Just lovely people....

To Glasgow, a long journey, made slightly more difficult due to a numpty unregulated vape seller near Glasgow Central Central Station, whose vapes started a massive fire, and have closed the station for days. This meant we travelled to Edinburgh Haymarket, and then had to catch a train there. The train we caught, however, stopped at Partick station, and so was close to Sam's flat, and the airbnb  where we are staying. We were supposed to have bought an extension ticket, from Glasgow to Partick, but the ticket collector let us off. We had caught the 10:25 train at Seaford, and arrived at Partick at 7:30, which is a lot of trains.  However some lovely views en route, and we passed along the edge of the Lake District heading north, and loved the glimpses of the wild and wet landscape. Lovely too to get a glimpse of high Scottish hills and mountains.  To Sam and Amy's flat. Sam has been a bit ill with a stomach bug, and had not been eating, and looked a bit pale. Plan A was t...

Up fairly early, as there were things to be done. At my desk for a bit this morning, and speaking to Mum on Mother's Day. Then off to Pat and Maureen's place to trundle them in wheelchairs off to meet Delores in The Plough, where we had a table booked for a late lunch. I like pushing Maureen and begin most journeys by laughing malevolently and telling her that she's in my power. Lorraine got lovely messages and cards from Beth and -- remarkably -- even Enzo. We made it to the Plough, where they had forgotten that there were wheelchairs involved despite being told twice in advance. Found our place, and found Delores. Unfortunately the service was excruciatingly slow, so that our mains didn't arrive for an hour and forty minutes. I complained about this twice and ended up feeling very angry, I felt a bit bad about this afterwards, but Delores said it was exciting, which made me laugh. However otherwise we had a nice enough time. I won't be going back. The weather impr...

A bright cheery morning, and after breakfast Lorraine and I surged out into the garden for a few hours gardening. I weeded several raised beds and planted some garlic. The garlic came in a packet of two cloves, one of which was made up of only two sections. Meanwhile Lorraine planting all kinds of seeds and repotting industriously in the glasshouse while listening to Classic FM. I peered into the pond, but I but I saw no tadpoles. Quite nice to sip tea outside like a horny handed man of the soil. Quite meditative really, and I resisted listening to a podcast. Thinking how the poem coming out shortly in the Irish magazine Channel, is called Gardening with my wife. Gardening with Lorraine from time to time, feels very fundamental. Chatted to Mum who had met Robert in the pub for lunch.  The rest of the day on Kenny farm spent companionably with Lorraine doing little. Did a bit more of my CBT stuff. Chelsea lost again disgracefully today, so went to bed early to read more of  The...

Up to Hampstead this morning to meet mum. Working on my computer a little before I got there. Early in Hampstead, but so was Mum, so I was pleased she didn't have to hang about. We tottered down Flask walk, and around to The White Bear where had a good laugh in our usual corner. We ordered two soups and had a couple of drinks then switched to coffee with which we washed down a shared lemon treacle tart. Mum was on good form, and looking for the parson, a now an almost legendary figure for us, who we spot in there from time to time. He was absent, or not wearing his almost cowboyish hat. I gave Mum a mother's day card and a new calendar of AI cats playing guitar, riding rollercoasters, having a facial with cucumber slices over their eyes etc. having belatedly noticed recently that she hadn't found a calendar to replace the cute cats from last year.  Mum to the station, from where she got home safely, I had downloaded the uber app just in case, but she was happy to walk to th...

Up early. Got a bean jar into the oven on low heat, and the house full of beany goodness all day. Then after breakfast I made off to my drawing class, the last one of the term. A model called Lorraine Yu  who I've drawn before. Again I simply enjoyed the session, with no self recriminations about not drawing well enough.. Nice to see Adele back from Ireland. Melissa going back to the States. Kate, who I often sit next to, doing some excellent work. Back home, and Beth and Enzo there having a rest before popping around to the Nursery for another familiarisation day. Enzo relaxed about being left there for a few minutes already. Lorraine and I went to the garden centre at Paradise Park, home of the dinosaurs, and bought sacks of compost, a pink camellia, and some pansies.  Then home as big splashy cold rain began.  Home and as we were carrying stuff into the garden, Lorraine reported some free swimming tadpoles in our wildlife pond.  Robin in touch, and hopefully will ...

A morning at my desk, as Sylwia did her magic, surveying my fallow field and perhaps noticing one or two green shoots. In the afternoon some walking around and about in Tide Mills. I'm challenging myself to go to places that feel a bit triggering and then using CBT to try to work out what's going on. In the evening off to The Evening Star, where I met Messrs H & H. Mark newly a grandfather to young Ivor, Melissa's new baby. Ivor was born in Glasgow, where Melissa now lives. Saw photos of the wee bairn who looked very much like a baby, and of proud parents and a very cheery Carol. An enjoyable evening, stopping in at Fatto a Mano.  Told the cheery young Italian woman who was front of house how good she was at her job, which pleased her lots. Then to The Brighton Tavern for an absolute bloody final. As you do there, I found myself talking to a sculptor, having admired a Paul Nash picture on the wall. Altogether a cheery evening and not too boozy. Home with my top hat cent...

I decided I'm in a fallow period, like a field left alone to rejuvenate, naturally recover and settle. Despite low energy and mental sluggishness, some inching progress: I learned a little more about Substack, investigated where I might send Gordon Road  now that Live Cannon, due to announce the winners six weeks ago, have maintained radio silence and not replied to my email. I'm hoping there's not some horrible calamity behind the scenes, as this is not how they operate. There are more important things in this world than poetry pamphlets.  Spoke to Mum, who was just about to dye her hair and was in decent spirits.  Enzo and Beth around today. Enzo slightly coldy, but still radiating sunshine. Beth doing a bit of preliminary work before restarting her job next month. Enzo hiccuping today, which I have never heard.  Ate lunch and could have slept, instead I mooching about the lost village of Tide Mills. With my CBT head on, I decided to examine what happens to me when...

Sea fret today, a murky morning of mist. Lorraine busy today, so a day of quietly getting a grip. Spoke to Mum this morning for half an hour or so and arranged to see her later this week. Put out washing on the line to dry in sunshine, then sea fret followed by a rapid deluge.  I have begun with Silvercloud, a CBT based program for managing anxiety. Several modules to work through, I've learned nothing much yet from it, but it is making me revisit the CBT ideas of how thoughts, behaviours, emotions and physical sensations are all linked, and changing one can improve others and so on. Not new to me, but re-engaging with it is helpful in itself. A time out to focus on your own wellbeing feels good too.   A gorgeous walk this afternoon along the seafront, listening to The Rest is History podcast, the fifth and sixth episodes on the fall of the Incas. A fascinating and bloody business. Lorraine and I to bed early tonight, reading. I've almost finished Farewell, My Lovely  by ...

To Morrisons with Lorraine, and then food prep before Innis and Rosie visited with Pippi. Lots to talk about, especially with them getting married this year. Off to Friston Forest for a short walk among trees, Innis telling me about plans for his not a stag stag do. I had privately vowed never to go to a stag do again, but what Innis proposes sounds creative and interesting. Then home to have a couple of drinks and some casserole and bread and butter pudding made with hot cross buns. A fine way to spend an afternoon with a good deal of talking. Telling Innis about reading Raymond Chandler, and he said I should watch The Big Lebowski as it sort of based on The Big Sleep .  In the evening to Seaford Rugby club (they're known as The Scarlets) as it was Debbie's birthday, and she had a big bash there. Among people I knew Kate and Andrew, Andy and Delores who got Andrew  to film them in their TV pitch. A fun evening, with a cracking ska inflected band with a female horn section. T...

Lorraine and I plunged into the garden. Today's mission clean the inside of the glasshouse, a general jet washing of spiders, their grizzly hoards and tattered cobwebs. It involves removing everything from the glasshouse, spraying it (and ourselves) and took a couple of hours. A feeling of accomplishment and generally having spent good amounts of time outdoors.   Mum successfully went to The Royal Free today, and was released back into the wild.  I spent much of the day idly watching sport on TV. The BBC televised Wrexham versus Chelsea in the fifth round of the FA cup. Wrexham's recent history transformed by it having been purchased by two Hollywood actors, who proceeded to make documentaries about it, and the regeneration of the town it has engendered. Chelsea did not cover themselves in glory, but won after extra time.  I also watched Scotland vs France in the Rugby, an amazing 50-40 scoreline and a little of England suffering their historic first ever defeat to Italy ...

An unusual morning. Lorraine and I travelled up to Blackfriars this morning to meet Romy. She was staying at Seacontainers, now a hotel and block full of agencies, some of whom I'd had dealings with over the years, and also it was just along the river from the IBM building I worked at in the nineties. It still feels very familiar there.  Lovely to be able to see Romy albeit briefly. We met in the lobby of the hotel, and sauntered along the river, and stopped for a coffee in the NFT then a small pizza in Gabriel's wharf. For the last few days she's been working between London and Frankfurt. Lots to discuss and catching up on family things, hearing about Dick's baseball oriented trip to the US, Joan, Raine, Toby and the house being gradually reassembled. She'd enjoyed seeing Mum the other day in the White Bear, and was looking forward to collecting the venerable Meatball, now a US resident, on her return. Nice to sit with Romy by the dreary grandeur of the Thames. Sad...

After a cheeky breakfast with Lorraine, off to life drawing. A male model called Haley, who warmed up doing advanced yoga, and was able twist his body into what Melissa calls pretzel shapes. Really enjoyed the drawing today. Enjoyed seeing all the drawers, and found myself next to Debbie who Lorraine and Adele know through the book group. Melissa told me I had been missed which is always nice to hear. Beth and Enzo at home when I got back. Enzo a delight of course, and fascinating how you can see new developments in the space of a week.  This afternoon Beth took Enzo to the Nursery for half an hour. There is a process where you gradually habituate the baby into going there. Both seemed fine afterwards.   Inexplicably washed out this afternoon. Had a doze, and a quiet read of my Raymond Chandler book Farewell, My Lovely. I rallied for a brief trip off to Morrisons. Photographing this watery looking sun which spoke to me of today's energy levels. Early to bed. Below, the sun, an...

Lorraine sprang up and did Rhyme Time, which Maureen went to, Pat had a dementia review this afternoon too. Sylwia here this morning. Spoke to Mum, all well. Lorraine and I spent some time this afternoon before she zoomed off to do her pottery. For me I felt more positive day than I've have done for a long time. I joined  Substack  and wrote my first piece for it about being in Ireland, and I will post two or three times a month with a tone that I hope will be amusing and thoughtful. I am going to streamline my online presence, and have already shed the noxious X and the pointless Threads.  Two walks, one in the evening. My new bone conduction sport headphones work brilliantly. At last I can listen to podcasts etc without having anything intruding in my ear. The last ones I had were never loud enough, and even walking down a side street, if a single car went past I would not be able to hear it. Lorraine home again, after a cheery pottery class. All well. My shadow in stre...

Up and my first weekday at home for a while. It always takes me a while to get back into the routine. To start, I made an untangling list. I started as usual with Eno's If in doubt tidy up . Trivial things that make you feel better, organising my clothes cupboard, my desk, my study, outstanding emails. Finally being able to put back all the stuff that was displaced during the great carpeting. Being able to do these small things made me immediately feel more in control.  Nowhere near doing any writing or anything creative so far, but a tidy desk is a good start. Lorraine dressed for her personal trainer, but instead got an early appointment at the doctor, which she went to instead. In the afternoon, she spent time with Enzo, as Beth and James organised James's new workspace. The Bambino did his work and Lorraine returned cheery, with two tupperware containers of frogspawn which we put into our wee wildlife pond and two Italian pastries, which we put in our bellies. I went for a...

Up feeling quite rested though still a bit sluggish after yesterday's migraine. After breakfasting with Lorraine, I made off to Edgware. Lorraine and I normally do wordle over our boiled egg, but now we do connections too, thanks to Sue and John.  Beautiful to walk out on a beautiful sunny spring morning, and the mood of everything was different. Sussex looked gorgeous from the train. Even when I caught a bus from Mill Hill to Edgware the streets, last seen in the rain, looked attractive.   I found Mum in good spirits. We had cups of tea and ginger biscuits, and she told me about seeing Romy yesterday, and I sent the Romster a text to convey her thanks. Mum generally steadier than she was when very ill.  We drove off to the Waggon and Horses, and had a bite there in the afternoon, not to mention topping up the fox food reserves. Bumped into Steve and Paul the bailiff. The sunlight drew people out, and the Waggon quite busy which Mum enjoyed Mum's hearing seemed better too...