under another sun

Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and then met up with the walking heads, a group of ex-heads who meet up and walk. For me a productive day. Up and after breakfast finished the two books, Rendang and Brother Poem , by Will Harris, and began to form questions for him in my mind. For me it's all about setting small targets and achieving them.  Then off on a walk around Tide Mills, pushing back against the anxiety of open spaces, and did a circular walk today I'd not managed before. The thing I've learned recently from revisiting CBT is that avoiding what unnerves you is the worst thing you can do. As long as I feel in control and stepping up in gradual increments I will get there. Home and a bit of writing, and chatted to Mum. Lorraine back having done loads of exercise. We had an early dinner, I fixed a hinge in the glasshouse, then we went around the corner to see a local art exhibition in the Crypt, where saw arty friends such as Adele and Mandy and Eileen, and bought...

Still bleary after sleeping on my pile of pillows, and of course doing some coughing, which filled me with despair at 1:30am but I got to sleep soon after. A better night's sleep. Up and editing an interview Robin had done. Also emails with Will Harris, an excellent poet I will interview next week. And a chat with Mum, and arranging to go to see her at the end of the week. Lorraine up early and spent the day with Maureen, and arrived home later with three chilli plants and a big lamp stand bought in a charity shop for £10. Just what we needed. Off early this afternoon to get my eyes tested. Luckily my eyes are healthy, and the close work hasn't deteriorated. Distance is a smidge worse, and I have bought some distance glasses for watching TV and films etc. I also bought super-readers, these combine my close reading lenses with my arms-length focus, so when I'm working I can look at the screen and scraps of paper and books with the same glasses.  A walk along the sea back, fe...

A day to spark up the first barbecue of the year. I cooked a whole chicken and some sausages, and the barbecue behaved itself excellently. Beth and James and Enzo arrived first, then Rosie and Innis. Rosie had bought salad, and Beth potato wedges and Lorraine made a lovely roulade. Sat outside eating and enjoying several drinks in the sun.  Rosie's car however had problems and the alarm kept going off and the electrics had malfunctioned. Luckily Rosie eventually realised she had RAC membership and a man came around to fix it. They also bought Pippi the dog, and a bubble machine.  I enjoyed myself, but again feeling a veil of weariness between myself and events. Good to see everyone. A relaxed evening. Chelsea won the FA Cup semifinal, so are in the FA cup final again this year. Having deposed their 'supply teacher' manager, they remembered to play today, edging it against dirty Leeds. Below Rosie and Pippi and Beth and Enzo and lots of bubbles. Enjoyed playing with Enzo. H...

Off to see the Sassarini at Brighton Marina today. Plan A was to bus there, but the buses were oddly doomed today, so we had to drive. We met Mike outside Asda and went on a ramble around the Marina with him, walking through area's I'd never noticed before. Mike in good shape, apart from having had sciatica in his leg, which precipitated a fall on his knee, so he was hobbling about somewhat. Mike recovering from a ghastly period of work difficulties, and people reneging on payments and so on.  They had a really nice apartment, and it was lovely to see Zina again. Back from Russia after her first visit to see relatives in many years. I asked her about the Russian perspective on Ukrainians, given that her family is partly Ukrainian. She said the Russians think they are cheeky, which made me laugh. While we were together, Toby called me, and of course he wished he was with us. Zina laid on an amazing spread of food, and cooked delicious chicken wings, coated in special rubs with e...

Exhausted morning after coughing all night. Lorraine filled out a triage form for me first thing, and I ended up going to the doctor this afternoon. My chest has no alarming sounds. The doctor suggested it was acid reflux. I was dubious about this, but could see that this makes you cough which then triggers your sore lungs, and you're away. On reflection think she may be right.  A lovely sunny pleasant day. I did some writing this morning. Lorraine with Maureen and Pat. I met Lorraine on the seafront with Pat and sat in the sun, with a cloud of little flies settling on us. Pat enjoying the warmth. Then Lorraine and pushed him to the fish and chip shop to buy Pat and Maureen's lunch. After pushing him to Stratheden, I made off to the doctors.  In the evening we went to The Old Boot Inn. Lots of people to celebrate Lorraine's birthday and to have the usual Friday beer and pub grub.  Yvonne and Brian, Andy and Helen, Adele and Patrick, Steve, Mandy, Andy, Guy and Barbara. A ...

A busy day. Off to my drawing class this morning. I feel marginally better than I did this time last week, which is helping me monitor my progress. I enjoyed the morning. Once or twice I felt I was getting into a flow, just as Melissa asked me to compare parts of my drawing and I'd see some hideous error. Gah. I feel I'm going backwards in all directions. Melissa is lovely, however, and I enjoyed seeing Adele and Debbie, and Kate and my other drawing pals. Young Enzo at home. Beth came to collect him at tea time, and Lorraine and I made off to Seaford Station where we met Delores. To Lewes Depot to watch Project Hail Mary, an enjoyable SF movie starring Ryan Gosling. A very light touch to the film, with some comedic moments and enjoyable plot twists. We all really enjoyed it. Really nice escapism. Home again, after L and I drank a pint of mild in the Lewes Depot, instead of waiting on the platform. Delores gave up alcohol completely almost three months ago. From there to Seafor...

Lorraine's birthday, which she enjoyed lots. Tea in bed, and opening assorted pressies and cards, then made off to do Rhyme Time at the Library. After this, and she popped in to see Pat and Maureen, Beth, Lorraine and Enzo collected me and made off to Mamoosh for lunch for some absolutely delicious falafel based goodness. A few people coming over to adore the wee boy.  Home again, then Lorraine went to Eastbourne to do her pottery course, returned having had undivided attention from the tutor, as all other attendees couldn't make it. This gave her plenty of time to discuss wheels. She arrived home again exhilarated by throwing pots, and having had a cheery day.  My lovely Lorraine this morning. 

I slept really well, last night, and it made  a huge difference. Awake fairly early so cheerful that I bought some tee-shirts on my phone.   Breakfast, then Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and then see her pal Sarah, who she used to work with at Bolney. I hopped on a bus, and made off to Brighton on this beautiful bright morning where I bought Lorraine a book on making pottery with a wheel from Waterstones. Back in Seaford a short walk by the sea and an interlude in Morrisons.  Home, and L and I popped round to see a relaxed post Spanish holiday Patrick and Adele and look at the pottery wheel we want to buy from them for Lorraine's birthday.  Lorraine sat at the wheel, and Patrick showed us how this particular wheel worked. Home, and I cooked salmon with a noodles and a stir fry. We watched some episodes of Foundation , which is a really great SF show. Below a sailboarder on the sea.

Only a few hours sleep, due to more coughing. Off to London to see Mum. Just as the train was pulling in at Seaford, I realised I had no phone with my rail pass etc. so had to go home again. Told Mum I would be half an hour late. Almost a month since I saw Mum last due to the virus. Felt pleasure in noticing how much fuller and greener the landscape was. Lots of French people climbing on the train at Newhaven, from the ferry, crowding onto the shabby little train and asking each other if they were in Première classe.  Climbing the hill in Hampstead, walked past a delivery many who was singing beautifully in what I imagined was an Indian language as he unloaded. I stopped to listen and he said hello to me at the end of a verse. Mum in good spirits when we met, and we zoomed off to the The Old White Bear. Flask Walk looking very pretty, and wisteria flowering and Spanish bluebells in front gardens.  Mum delighted that the man she calls the parson was in the pub. A youngish talli...

It was Innis's stag do today. I missed out on a cool stone carving session led by Graham. However, Lorraine drove me to the Old Albion in the evening where Innis was having drinks. All his stags brought him books, so I gave him one, and had written a kind of poem which I tucked into it, and which I think touched him. Enjoyed getting to know Innis's brothers Finlay and Campbell, and chats with Tim and other pals of Innis. The Albion is a pub where you can bring your own food or have it delivered. Eve, Innis's lovely daughter, ordered some pizza, and also had arrived with loads of crips and peanuts. I thoroughly enjoyed myself for a couple of hours before losing energy. Luckily Lorraine was just around the corner at Rosie's flat, drove me home.   Home to watch Chelsea lose on Match of the Day to Manchester United. The new manager, unfairly dubbed 'LinkedIn Liam' may not last much longer on these results. A snap of Enzo with his grandparents squinting in the sun.  

Tried to get on with something like normal life. Dipped my toe into the water, by going to life drawing, just around the corner. Nice to chat with Melissa and Debbie and a new man called John. A male model I've drawn before. I was struggling to get any likeness today,  and after a couple of hours I felt extremely tired.   Baby Enzo with us when I got home, as Beth has restarted work today.  Enzo sleeping after a disrupted night, and I sparked out on the gold sofa too after the rigours of drawing. He was a bit alarmed when Lorraine gave him to me, as he hasn't seen me for a few weeks.  The afternoon I joined join the understory group from my study. I was able to vent a little in a supportive space with Charlotte, Emma, Marilyn and Linda, felt better for it, and also understood. Also interested by other people's interesting work and thoughts.   Exhausted after this, I did not go to the needle writers reading in Lewes, where I was hoping to see Robin and other pals...

Much better night's sleep, but still a shadow of a man. Trying not to infect Lorraine with glumness. I set myself small targets, while reminding myself how lucky I am despite feeling at a very low ebb.  Lorraine off for an invigorating session with her personal trainer. I ordered some books and contacted a poet about being interviewed by me for the podcast, went for a walk, taking a photograph for six Frenchmen standing by their two old mini cars parked up by the sea. I should have taken one for myself. They were clearly on some obscure car related jaunt, and were living their best lives. Lorraine gardening steadily, when I got home. I brought out the garden furniture from the garage. Spoke to Mum at tea time, I'm intending to see her next Monday, hopefully I shall be recovered enough by then. Then cooked for the first time in a week. A nice chicken and lentil curry. Lorraine crocheting a finger puppet pig on the cold sofa. More of the excellent Foundation , which we are really...

To the pharmacy first thing as I have an inflamed eye.  I stepped into the pharmacy, and immediately began a coughing fit to spread dismay. Walked home by the sea, which look, clean and beautiful. In the afternoon spoke to James our financial advisor. I never thought I'd have one of those but there you go. James, reflecting on the good performance of our investment, said saying the markets have learned how to accommodate Trump with the 'taco' doctrine. (taco=Trump Always Chickens Out as I learned in the Rest is Politics US. A second walk down by the restoring sea. Bumped into Beth outside the nursery at three.   Otherwise heard from Robin about arranging some recording. Felt guilty that all I've been dormant for the last three weeks. Chatted to Mum a couple of times who is worried about correspondence from the local authority, but can't find it to read it to me. Not much I can do about that at the moment. Lorraine spends the day with Maureen. We watched more of Foun...

Lorraine had a hen day. Off with Beth to Hotel Du Vin, where Rosie and her hens had a splendid time.  One moment where there were hints of a stripper, but the door opened to reveal a cardboard cutout of Innis in his life guard gear. The ladies also had a session learning how to mixing assorted fragrant oils.  I had a rooster day. Main event a walk by the sea for thirty mins, which is a record for the week. Fish and chips later. Once Lorraine was home, we watched   Foundation on Apple TV. Enjoyably doomy and complex. And some footie too. Compelling Arsenal psychodrama. Arsenal swept all before them, amid talk of an unprecedented quadruple. After a disastrous couple of weeks, I find it painful to watch Mikel Arteta, Arsenal's manager, rigid with anxiety, as he stalks the touchline as glory slips through his fingers yet again.  An actual payment came through today, via PayPal, for the poem Gardening With My Wife , just appearing in Ireland's Channel magazine.  Bel...

Still coughing till I'm ragged at night. Lorraine off to Paul her hairdresser, then she went to see Pat and Maureen. I read more Raymond Chandler, managed a ten minute walk which felt like plenty.  Watched a couple of couple of episodes of Foundation, a big budget TV series on Apple TV based on Isaac Asimov stories. Sometimes even doomy SF takes you out of yourself.  Lorraine bought a chicken and leek pie at Canham's in Hove today. It was gorgeous. Saw the meme below today. It spoke to me.  

Improving albeit at a glacial pace, and hacking and sweating at night still. L and I drifted about the garden, while Lorraine did a bit of weeding, discussing flower business for half an hour before heading back to the gold sofa. Finished The Long Good-bye , brilliant stuff right to the end.  There was a drawing class, which I had to miss.  I will look back on this last few weeks and think of it as my Chandler phase. Starting with The Little Sister now. I also downloaded an audiobook comprised of BBC radio dramas of the stories.  Mum thinks the fox is pregnant. She had Ben around fixing curtains for her. In the evening Lorraine and I watched an episodes of Grace, an ITV cop show starring John Simm, set and filmed in Brighton.  One scene in The Cricketers was shot at the tables Lorraine and I used to sit in when first dating. Can't quite name the feeling this engenders. As for Grace , glimpses of Brighton steal the show but to me the writing feels clunky.

Only an hour of coughing in the night, so a much better sleep. During the day felt more optimistic, as if the first faint lights of Covid recovery can be glimpsed in the east. The deadline for Trump to begin committing war crimes passed in the night. Perhaps delusional, I had not feared Trump would do it. Instead some ten point plan presented via Pakistan, was accepted as the basis of a negotiation. Israel is already balking, and the list looks unachievable. The US has not looked so weak and risible in my lifetime.  Lorraine on full throttle. Off to deliver Rhyme Time first thing, then went round to be with Beth and Enzo, who were joined by Rosie and Emily, and one of the twins, and Beth's friend Lucy to discuss hair. Then Lorraine went off to Eastbourne to do pottery and was pleased with her results.  Mostly alone today, but feeling brighter. Getting to the end of  The Long Goodbye now.  I'd say it was the most literary of the novels so far, the narrator becoming u...

At last an improved sleep. Not many coughing fits, so managed whole hours of sleep. I wish I felt better once up. Started the day with a massive coughing fit for an hour or so, and felt fed up and tired for most of the day.  Popped outside with Lorraine into the garden for a bit. Gorgeous day, which was lovely. Maureen's birthday today, obviously had to avoid this. But Lorraine, Beth and Enzo sat with them outside by the sea for a few hours. Spoke to Mum. Anton called me, now back at work after a weekend of decorating. Enjoying The Long Goodbye  which I am reading in short bursts. Lorraine becoming steadily stronger. Lorraine in our back garden. 

Lorraine definitely brightening now, despite retaining a cough. She saw Beth and Enzo from a distance in their garden, and popped around to see Pat and Maureen. No easter eggs for Lorraine or I.  Another execrable night's sleep for me, I'm exhausted by coughing and now have a feeble croak for a voice. Much of the day on the gold sofa, reading more of The Long Goodbye , by Chandler in between short sleeps.  Mum spent the afternoon with Monica and Oktay. I had a good chat with Tobs. Otherwise little to report. To bed early, and trying to stay positive. So much Easter Monday.