under another sun

I decided I'm in a fallow period, like a field left alone to rejuvenate, naturally recover and settle. Despite low energy and mental sluggishness, some inching progress: I learned a little more about Substack, investigated where I might send Gordon Road  now that Live Cannon, due to announce the winners six weeks ago, have maintained radio silence and not replied to my email. I'm hoping there's not some horrible calamity behind the scenes, as this is not how they operate. There are more important things in this world than poetry pamphlets.  Spoke to Mum, who was just about to dye her hair and was in decent spirits.  Enzo and Beth around today. Enzo slightly coldy, but still radiating sunshine. Beth doing a bit of preliminary work before restarting her job next month. Enzo hiccuping today, which I have never heard.  Ate lunch and could have slept, instead I mooching about the lost village of Tide Mills. With my CBT head on, I decided to examine what happens to me when...

A nice note from Charlotte about my shortlisting for Gordon Road, and then another forwarding some publicity from Bloodaxe, with a quote from me about one of their poets. I wish they'd chosen a quote that made sense, but you can't have everything.  So having sent off a story yesterday, I picked up another tale that I started about two and a half years ago, and now can see a way of resolving it. I was surprised when I reread it, how much I liked it. I need a few more short stories to complete a MS of short stories, the bulk of which have already been published. This one seems a good idea as it is historical, being set in 1822, so provides another dimension.

Baby Enzo with us this morning. Lorraine brought him in to sit with us in the bed first thing. Sitting in bed with the smiley little boy was completely heart melting.   Beth arrived early, she and James had missed Enzo all the time. I find how James is so besotted by Enzo to be very endearing.  I went for a long walk in the winter sun, along the sea and at the bottom of Edinburgh Road, passed workmen moving the sea-strewn pebbles off the road. I also got to the end of the Inklings book. Lorraine and I made Sunday lunch and afterward played a simple cycling based board game, which I enjoyed, as its rules were straightforward. At tea time I received an email saying that Gordon Road had been shortlisted for the Live Canon competition I entered it for last summer. This is good. But also triggering: I have had so many things shortlisted without winning that it actually made my heart sink a bit. Crazy really. Beth and James left, taking the wee bairn with them. The house seemed qui...

The day started with a spot of good writing from me while Lorraine off doing Rhyme Time.  A sociable day. I met Yvonne for a quick coffee and a chat, before going home to meet Jess and Andrew. We four walked into town and went to Amie's Kitchen for some noodles, and a drink of Vietnamese Lime soda of some sort. Nice to see them again heard among other things about a nightmarish journey to Turkey with grandchildren, six hour delays arriving late at night and driving to somewhere you didn't have the address for and so on.   Later on, Lorraine made off to see Beth and Enzo, Beth under the weather. A bug passing between us all at the moment. A rejection from Long Poem Magazine, for the first part of Gordon Road. I've never been able to place work there. Having resubscribed to the magazine, I found the last issue a bit stuffy and dull, so I'm probably not in tune with their aesthetic. Rejections are always dreary and drain me of joie de vivre and confidence. Some rain tonigh...

I am now going through every section of a full collection of all my poems around the theme of how uncertainty about memory affects identity. There are five sections, with I hope five poems in each section - one of the sections is Gordon Road, so it will make enough for a poetry book. I'm now going through it section by section - there are a few gaps in what I want to say that I am now writing new material to fill. Obviously I have no publisher, so it is all speculative at this point. But I am pleased with the results so far. Lorraine off to her personal trainer this morning. I spoke to Mum who was off with her pals Gail and Emma to celebrate a birthday in the Waggon at lunchtime. I'm going up next Monday. Dawn called around this afternoon, and she and Lorraine went off to see Beth and baby Enzo.  I went on a longish walk. Very windy at times, and much cooler than it has been, I went nosing around Tide Mills and grazing on the occasional blackberry when I found one. Home and joi...

Lorraine and I got up late. I did some editing this morning, and for the first time this year sent out a couple of poems and did a final brush down of Gordon Road. As Paul Valéry said, 'A poem is never finished, only abandoned'. I am more than ready now to leave it in a basket and sprint off. In the afternoon, which was very hot, Lorraine and I did some more stuff in the studio, Lorraine working on her pinch pot, and me trying to charcoal her while moving. Not so great. But we sat there listening to a classical music CD and sipping tea, and feeling pleased with ourselves.  A bit of gardening today too. Pulled up the garlic bulbs which lorraine wove together to dry. Also many beetroots and some radishes. The cucumbers are going gangbusters too, we're already had about six or seven of them. And the seagull barely screamed at me today, and didn't dive at me once. We keep an eye on each other, and it definitely crossed his mind to have a go when I was bringing the washing i...

Up early and wanting to write this morning. Lorraine scampering to be with Maureen when she took a medical call.  Writing some bits and pieces, and seeing if Gordon Road can be built into my bigger collection and so on. Wrote to Mariscat recently asking for more copies of the Sampler , but they are able to send me only two copies. This suggests the print run was minimal. It does mean that if I put some of the poems from that into a fuller MS most people won't have seen them. Then off to the gym, where I did quite an enthusiastic session on the cross trainer, but the weight machines were all clogged up with geezers, so I cut my losses and sloped home in the heat.  Lorraine and I had a rather idyllic afternoon, lounging outside under the big parasol.  Rebooting tonight. We met Helen and Andy, Matthew and Andy for a drink. Just as I was sitting down the Tobster called. He's secured a pied-à-terre in Toronto for when he resumes teaching.  After a couple of burgers and a...

Morning and lying in bed I could hear a clear peeping from a baby gull or two on the roof.   Beth update: she is feeling fine and the baby will come in its own time. A day of making further changes to Gordon Road , then I sent it off to Robin, who agreed to have a squint at it for me. A van parked in our drive and a man offloaded a pallet of self assembly metal shelving units. I said I wanted them out the back, and he said that he wasn't insured for that, and we were lucky he put it on our drive and not on the street. There was a brief free exchange of ideas, but there was not much I could do about it. Turned out once Lorraine looked at all the stuff that had been delivered, there was a bit missing, which will come at another time. I used my trolley and took it all through the garden to the garage in half an hour. The hateful gull fortunately not around to fly at me while I did so. Lorraine came back from going to her personal trainer and seeing Penny. She did some gardening, I lur...

Up early and at my desk. This morning I finally finished the second draft of Gordon Road . Almost done now. The next draft will only be a matter of polishing punctuation, the poem's form and upgrading the occasional word. Allowed myself a measure of cheer about it.   Had breakfast with Lorraine we often do Wordle over our boiled eggs in the morning. Sometimes, when there's more time Lorraine also does Murdle which is a logic game when you work out who a murderer was. I've been struggling with Wordle this week. Yesterday the word was DATUM and I didn't get it. Lorraine did. She is better at Worldle than me I think.  Silwia comes for three hours on Friday morning to clean and she is very sweet. She talks to Brian a lot, and she and Lorraine hug when she comes in, and she curtseys sometimes which I don't think I've seen anyone else do in real life. She seems a little bit nervous of me, probably I am typing in my study Jack Nicholson in The Shining when she's he...

A great night's sleep. Tidied the kitchen, made breakfast, then prepared for a recording with Robin, discussing poetry about vampires, John Keats, Hope Mirrlees, and Father's Day. All went well and we had some fun. The publisher's publicist wrote to me about the Vampire book, wondering if we could delay covering it till a bit later in the year, but it was already done by then.  I am going to be a last minute replacement reader, in a poetry reading in Arundel with Robin next Monday, which is Beth's due date. Then I sloped off to Pomegranate to meet Lorraine and Pat and Maureen for an early lunch. Maureen ended up giving me half hers, luckily she had the same,  sourdough bread with smashed avocado with smoked salmon sprinkled with seeds and chilli flakes. Actually a prefect little lunch. Maureen always takes her hearing aid out in the cafe, so we communicate with her by pulling faces and bellowing. Then back home to work on Gordon Road -- a really good session and made a ...

Up early to work on Gordon Road, then have breakfast with Lorraine. She zoomed off to do her pottery, and I sloped round the corner to life drawing. For some reason I did everything badly in the first half, producing my worst work yet. A lovely chat with Melissa who runs the sessions at half time, and decided it was okay to not excel, and ended up doing much better in the second half. Adele there with her own stool, a drum stool bought in the US with a Captain America style star on it. Stylish. Home and back onto Gordon Road for an hour or so. Made some decisions. Lorraine back from pottery but only long enough to grab a tupperwear of apples, nuts and cheese she'd asked for before taking Pat and Maureen back to Eastbourne for a medical appointment and some shopping. A bite to eat, then I went to the gym. My knee held up well, though a little swollen afterwards. On the way there I passed the pond, where there was a lively argument going on between a seagull and a heron. Usual seagul...

Working all morning on Gordon Road, tinkering, and pruning. Requiring brainwork.  A relaxed afternoon, Lorraine went off to see the poet Hollie McNish in Brighton with Rosie and two other pals and I snuck off to the Old Boot where there were Adele and Patrick, Chris and Matthew. A low key evening till Delores arrived. She told us about a horrible experience she had in the week involving a rescue cat. The cat became immediately ill with a cold, Delores phoned the cat rehoming people and told them about it, then took the cat to the vet the next morning, where the cat rehoming people decided to try to physically seize back the cat. There were unseemly scenes at the vets. Police were called.  Luckily Delores was shaken but okay, and her money was refunded but the cat is back with the dodgy cat people. This story told, and much sympathy shown by us all. Minus Matthew, who'd had a stent put in last week and now feels great. We repaired to the Cinque Ports where Delores enjoyed a cou...

A good day for me. Up fairly early and tinkering, before breakfast with Lorraine. Actually raining today in Seaford.  Strapped on my neoprene knee, and Brian collected me for a walk in Friston Forest. Brian had already been for a swim and had been up since six. Always lots to talk about, with Marley the dog zooming after sticks, and we tree bathed in the green light. The earth very dry, although there was some fine rain, and it had been raining overnight a little. I always enjoy how Brian is unafraid to talk about the big stuff, like death and religion and art and so on -- and of course we have a laugh too.  Collecting Yvonne and Sebastian, Brian then gave me a lift back, before they went off to look at dinosaurs in the afternoon. Lorraine back, and we snatched a bit of lunch together, between rhyme time, and her having to go round to be with Pat and Maureen, as they waited for the nurse to come and sort out his blocked catheter. Poor Patrick had been in some discomfort. I mad...

Monday and back to my desk. However a lot of stuff to be sorted out first, so didn't get down to anything that might be described as writing. Lorraine off to take Pat and Maureen to Eastbourne for medical stuff and a shopping trip.  Having cleared up my study, I took myself off to the gym at 11:30. Trundled on the cross trainer and did some of my normal mild mannered weights. Walking home thinking I need to put more time in at the gym, then at home, while eating a salad and chicken sarnie, I noticed my knee was a bit swollen and sore. I'd felt no twinges in the gym. However I can walk on it, and pushed off to see my dentist Coílín, friendly and lovely as ever. Lorraine, and Pat and Maureen use her and everyone likes her. Luckily my teeth just needed a short clean.  Home, and shortly after Steve came around to discuss Gordon Road over a cup of tea. Many of the things he said were spot on. He had been apprehensive about giving me feedback, but he did a considered and thoughtful ...

Writing this morning, fairly peppy after a late night training home. So much so that I finished Gordon Road's hopefully penultimate draft with a genuine sense of accomplishment. Officially pleased with myself. To finally be done with it, will be feeling of lightness and wonder. This afternoon, as part of family manoeuvres, I went to Stratheden Court to hang out with Pat while Lorraine drove herself off for a knee X-ray. Beth drove Maureen off for a heart check up. Pat and I sat watching afternoon TV, something I never do, which I found unusually fascinating despite feeling a bit brain dead: people buying antiques, people looking at houses in Wiltshire and (this one a revelation) people being helped to improve how they make and market their bespoke pottery and furniture. One thing struck me with force: they were making money. Make some token money from my artistic wits, sounds like an interesting challenge.  Maureen returned heart satisfactory, and Lorraine after dropping off some ...

Feeling brighter today. Up and looking forward to a large breakfast. A much nicer day, and we decided to take a walk in the trees in the hotel grounds. Lorraine had borrowed a wheelchair, which Maureen used, and the four of us toddled about, getting stuck in mud and so on, but having a good time. Maureen and Pat enjoying being in the woods, and hearing a gronk-ing sound made by a large raven on the top of a very tall tree. Pat mentioning being Patrick Woods as we walked into them. Back into the bar, to share a sandwich.  I went for a longer walk in the forest and the hotel grounds this afternoon. Pretty squelchy underfoot in places but beautiful to be surrounded by trees. You can sense the desire to Spring into new growth all around you. Then a bit of looking at Gordon Road, before a bit of quiet time. We opted to go to the restaurant tonight. I had an absolutely delicious pear tart with white chocolate ice cream and sorrel and stem ginger. Really complex and yummy. Jerry our waite...

Woke up in the Rhinefield House Hotel. Breakfast, with us trundling variously to the other side of the hotel. Incredibly polite and friendly staff. I was feeling a bit out of sorts first thing, with a slight temperature but perked up. After breakfast we went for a toddle around the grounds, letting ourselves in at the back through a side door at the back. Maureen enjoying this despite having to clamber up stairs and so on. Some beautiful rooms here.  We sat in the bar area drinking tea after this, and while the others read a bit or knitted, I managed to do some good work on Gordon Road. After a very light lunch, I went for a short walk into the forest. At one point a shaft of sunlight, it was mostly cloudy, fell on a mossy tree. It was the greenest thing in the forest and blazed out. It was as if I had watched the invention of green. I squelched across to the tree, but of course the light was never the same. Beautiful though.  In the afternoon Lorraine and Maureen attempted to...

Printed out a full first draft of the long poem Gordon Road now. Some of it still a bit sketchy and prosaic, but the overall shape is there. Now it is just a case of buffing away at the clunkily prosaic bits. Saw the cover of Supernatural Tales for the Spring issue.  What's Inside  is the first story in the issue, and so my name was top of the list. I felt rather smug about this.  I was also contacted by Chris from Seahaven poets wanting a photo etc. for promoting my reading in Seaford in April. Imposter syndrome unusually low today.  Meanwhile Lorraine got one of the gardeners back to deal with a few bits that were missed the other day.   She is so good at dealing with people.  Lorraine spent some time with Pat and Maureen. Then sent my blood pressure readings off to the surgery (being a wuss I have outsourced this to her). Next she and Beth and James drove off to Basingstoke, to stay overnight before Glenice's funeral tomorrow. Shortly after she left, B...

Friday and Lorraine and I got up early, because Lorraine had arranged for folks to clear the remains of the built in wardrobe, and other garden rubbish. This was done in a friendly, efficient manner after eight in the morning rain. Then after breakfast I retreated to my study and had a spectacular day's writing.  The last section of the long poem now called Gordon Road is falling into place. Feeling emotional as I'm writing it, and as if some long buried key is turning in my head, making me think about my own life differently. Even if the poem turns out to be a bowser, writing it is doing me good on some level.  Lorraine not at the library this morning, because Dawn came for a visit. She was looking well and I enjoyed seeing her for a cup of tea. Then Lorraine took Pat and Maureen to the podiatrist and bought them fish and chips, and I continued at my desk.    L and I off to the Cinque Ports this evening where we met Steve, Brian and Yvonne who popped in for one, Ade...

To London today, on a mission to kill two birds with one stone. Trains to Mill Hill Broadway station, reading Greek Lessons by Han Kang on the train a bit. Hopped on the 221 and got off the stop after Mill Hill East. Reaching Gordon Road paused by a fence looking into the allotment and fiddled with my camera. A deep and violent baying from an unseen Arthur Conan Doyle style hound from inside a van right behind me made me jump out of my skin. Then mooched about a bit and this time went down the alleyway at the back of the house my paternal grandparents lived in when I was a little child. A bit eerie and overgrown, with mostly disused garages. Snapped a couple of shots and left again. Somehow having a camera lessened the feeling people would take me for a mature burglar.  This obscure mission completed, off to meet Mum in the Jolly Badger, pausing at Costa coffee for a much needed perk.  Mum had just arrived at the Jolly Badger when I got there and had had a wretched morning. A...