under another sun

A fairly relaxed day, though after chatting with Mum this morning, Lorraine and I ventured off to Paradise Park, with the life size velociraptors outside, so a particular favourite. There we bought some pond liner, cucumber seeds, a some propagation trays. A sunny afternoon, and I retrieved the summer garden furniture from the garage, and after assembling it and seeing some rather fat shiny abdomen spiders make off, Lorraine and I sat outside for an hour or so, on a lovely warm afternoon, listening to the irritable seagulls overhead.   In the evening, now light because of the clocks springing forward, Lorraine mooched off to her book group. It has been an absolute boon in helping her meet some lovely people in Seaford. I walked her to a house on Marine Parade, opposite the sea, carrying an aromatic tray of date and apple treats Lorraine had baked. In her bag was a bottle of wine, the book, and a swimming costume, as there was a pool.  I went for a bit of a walk by the sea, and...

Breakfast, and a few bits of writing and chatting to Mum, then collected my new specs from Specsavers Particularly liking the slightly longer focus ones, which means I can see everything on my desk sharply and I don't have to press my face against the computer screen.  Lorraine was sitting outside in the car, and we sped off the four or five minutes to Beth and James's house. A glorious sunny day at last, and arriving at about twenty past noon, we spent all afternoon in the garden, I cleared some overgrown stairs in the garden, and emptied the conservatory gutters and a few other bits. James mowing his lawn for the first time with a new electric mower. Beth doing stuff too. All good fun, and I really enjoyed the day. Walking back to the car to stow some bits with Lorraine, looking at the sunshine on the big square of grass in the middle of Seafield Close, I felt really happy for them, and that they would enjoy life there.  We had sandwiches outside halfway through, sitting in ...

In the garden today, standing in a hole and digging to Australia to create a wildlife pond. Excited too by the blossom on our plum trees. Off to the Wellington for a change where we met Patrick and Adele. Reading a notice in the public bar saying the hotel was originally named The New Inn but was renamed after the Duke of Wellington stayed there once. A few beers and some fish and chips, and plenty of chat of course. Adele showing us photo of a face she made out of metals on her course. Amazing. Patrick talking about retrieving royalties from musical performances past. A cheery evening, with lots of talk and fairly early home.    

Still feeling a bit sluggish, but up fairly early and fiddling about with some of my writing with a view to sending off some poems before the end of the month. Chatting with Mum too. Lorraine on the epic job of repotting the bazillion indoor plants in the kitchen. A stormy day, with high winds and rain.  In the afternoon, I caught the train to Brighton. The sea, seen over The Salts, full of big white waves, which crashed on the shore. The lighthouse at Newhaven as ever, dramatic with big waves breaking on it. To Brighton then, and I met Anton in The Evening Star. Seems ages since I saw him last, had a few beers,  lots of chat, and a few games of bones. His work has been draining to say the least. I told him about the funeral and so on. It's good to have a beer about such things. Despite its reputation as a 'sausage bar' (a bar that blokes go to and not women) we had to leave as there was a noisy hen party on the table next door. Then to the Batty, which has a new owner. The...

Lorraine went off to Rhyme Time this morning. I did some writing and spoke to Mum who had some of Mason's mobility aids collected which was great. I was due to meet up with Palo this afternoon, but as the rain was hosing it down we had a video call instead. Our pamphlet Snow is going to be officially published on 22nd May. Otherwise I felt very lifeless today and slept for an hour and a half this afternoon. If sleep is what I need, I definitely seem to be catching up with it now.

Up at seven and full of cheer to be at my desk in my tidy office. Calliope slotting into her shelf below the desktop for a sleep. Did some writing on and off all day, both prose and poetry. Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and then to Ashford to see Pat and Maureen and take Pat to the memory clinic. I spoke to Mum, and then went to my first dental appointment with a new dentist in 30 years. Felt slightly apprehensive in the waiting room that Lucinda wasn't waiting for me on the other side of the door. My new dentist, however, is a lovely Irish woman called Cóilín -- who, when I said my age, told me I could have been in my 40s, which naturally went down a treat. She was very thorough and pleasant, and visiting her was far better than repeating the big schlep off to Strand on the Green now that I rarely have cause to visit west London. She said my teeth were fine, but I had a little inflammation in my gums. We had been talking before she started digging around, and she said that...

Woke up at 5:30 to a spangly migraine, luckily I fell back to sleep and eventually got out of bed at nine thirty-ish. A not too busy day. I looked at the proofs of the little Snow pamphlet by Palo and I, sent by Mark at Hedgehog press, and made a few tweaks to punctuation in one of the poems. He's done a lovely job, and it looks beautiful. Palo's pictures are lovely too.  The wordle answer today was Sally, and we had a new neighbour called Sally call around for coffee with Lorriane this morning. She seemed nice, and she and Lorraine chatted lots. After a delicious soup, made with a kenny farm celeriac Lorraine got to work in the garden, emoving a stubborn root where we want our wildlife pond to be. Lorraine and I also mooched about in my study, slowly gaining control of my new space. Loving it. Seem to be doing everything at half speed though, possibly because of the migraine this morning. Spoke to Anton today, who had a week off to decompress and then has had to plunge back i...

Lorraine and I up, and after breakfast made a big mind map of house and garden projects. Lorraine lapped this up of course, but I forbade her to write on it because her writing is too big. Beth popped around at noon for a chat, and then in the afternoon Lorraine and I drove off to the top of Stanmer woods, where I used to walk lots, to meet Rosie and Innis. Rosie hasn't been out much as she lost her mother recently, and then followed this with a bout of shingles. I hugged her and she yelped as I had touched part of her back which was very painful. Good to see them, as it has been a while, and so nice to be in the great outdoors. Rosie very sad of course, and Innis has been extremely supportive. Lots of chatting, and then we drove off to The Bull in Ditchling, where we had a Sunday roast. Very busy there, and more like a restaurant than a pub. I had a pint of Harveys which was not particularly well kept. Innis full of book talk as usual, which is delightful for me.  Home and boofed ...

Awake at sixish, luckily went back to sleep at seven thirty, and didn't get up to make tea till nine. Got up properly some time after ten, and called Mum, who is expecting Jana today, and made a late breakfast. Calliope off at noon to get more thyroid medication from her new vet at the just opened Seafront clinic, just five minutes walk away, though Lorraine drove us. Calliope only had a chance for a few experimental howls, before we arrived. In fact we were back home inside twenty five minutes. Far less stressful than for me and Calliope driving her to and from Patcham. Her weight is good, and she seems healthy, she was relaxed in the vet's office mooching about the room, and scorning the little treats the vet gave her after he'd weighed her, listened to her heart and so on.   Home and I had a slightly galling hour of failing to put a screw into the wall. First, finding the drill in the garage, hidden in a bag under some wood. Then after selecting the right drill bit, rawl...

Up early and making coffee. Chatting over breakfast with Mum, avocado on toast, then we set about some chores. I called the funeral directors to double check they had Mason's ashes as I'd previously agreed. But  Paula, who works there, had forgotten. If I'd made this trip solely to pick up the ashes I would have been fairly cross about this, and so now we won't be able to collect them till the first week of April. However, Mum and I did some other stuff like buying a new carpet washer online, and setting a date for Mason's mobility equipment to be collected, and we took some of Mason's old clothes down to a Barnardos charity shop in Edgware. Mum had done well this week sorting some admin out.  Then we drove to the Waggon & Horses for an early lunch. It was a bit empty, but I enjoyed the chicken shish and the Guinness. Mum is doing okay, but of course greatly misses Mason being around.  Fond farewells with Mum there, and I walked back to Elstree station, and ...

Up early, feeling weirdly tense. Did a few bits of work on the podcast during the day. Robin had improved the episode greatly when I got it back from her. I had sent her a bit of an agricultural version. She said I used garden shears rather than nail scissors on the editing, which made me laugh. The new episode went up this afternoon. Lovely poet on it, Seán Hewitt, who lives Dublin and steeped in the Irish literary tradition. Lorraine off with her walking heads today, and did a fair pace. I made off to Specsavers, where I had my eyes tested and scanned. When my background anxiety levels are high, I can get about twitchy about what they find. A guy I think from Hong Kong did the final assessment showing me my retina, and the absence of glaucoma and so on. He was lightning fast, and not big on small talk.  I said he was very efficient, and he said he was the Optical Terminator.  I need new reading glasses but is otherwise okay. Quite relieved, having pictured eyeball removal su...

Up early, at my desk by eight editing yesterday's recording,  recording with Robin in the morning, and then editing the rest of the afternoon, barring a two hour session of The Understory Conversation over zoom, which is a kind of poetry seminar run by Charlotte, looking at the personal, often hidden, stories that drive the writing of our poetry. I really enjoyed today's session. Then back to editing, till my ears were too tired and I sent it off to Robin for her to have a go at tomorrow morning. No time for anything else today, apart from chatting to Mum a couple of times. She made excellent progress with the banks today, and also my note to the American Embassy means her pension as Mason's wife has now been adjusted.  Had soup in the back garden with Lorraine at lunchtime as, away from the screen glow, it was a glorious day and Lorriane was busy outside.  Lorraine had done her rhyme time at the library, and had also... Brilliantly, got me a new dentist in Seaford. I go ...

Lorraine with Pat and Maureen till this evening. Spoke with Mum a couple of times, and did some recording with Robin and then spent hours editing it. Feeling drained and had a brisk walk by the sea to liven myself up a bit. Breaking in one of my new pairs of shoes. Read a book to review called Living In Language , international reflections for the practising poet, edited by Erica Hesketh. It collects essays by contemporary international poets about poetry -- also for the podcast. Wonderful essay in it by a south Korean poet called Lee Hyemi. When Lorraine arrived I fed her casserole and we had a quiet night chatting, reading and listening to music. Yawning my head off tonight, and in bed before ten.

Woke up at eight, Maureen calling as Pat was unwell. Lorraine due to go to Ashford today anyway, made an appointment for a doctor's phone call later in the day and, after breakfast, left. After chatting to Mum, and Betty who had called around to make and take away lots of coffee, as her hob wasn't working. Then settled down to five hours editing of my last podcast interview, recorded in January.  Enjoyed sitting at my new desk. It was time consuming, as ever, and my energy was low. But I was pleased when I finished it. Went for a bit of a walk at three, along the seafront.  Then after a quick listen again, sent it to Robin. Then a few emails. I've a lot to catch up on. Dinner on the gold sofa with both cats sitting on me. Then I called Mum, and then went for another slightly longer walk, this time in the dark to get up to 10k paces for the day. The Wellington Hotel looked very tempting as I walked past it, but I resisted. Home and rewatched the movie, Arrival . I like this ...

A relaxed day. Got up late, having written a long note to Brad, and had brunch, spoke to Mum, then made off with Lorraine to the supermarket. Felt fun to be doing something so normal together. Home and I fell into watching Chelsea versus Leicester in the FA cup quarter final which was on BBC 1. Chelsea were 2-0 up at half time, then after the worst own goal I have ever seen,  the team had a collective nervous breakdown, and allowed Leicester to draw level. Raheem Stirling, who I like greatly, had a terrible game and was being booed by the crowd. Somehow Chelsea contrived to win 4-2, but unconvincingly. A stressful watch. They play Manchester City in the semifinal, and will be slaughtered on this form. Mum went out to have some wine with neighbours tonight, and I spoke to Toby, who'd had a stressful week establishing the apartment in Washington. Lorraine and I watched lots of cheery TV and forked down roast chicken and lots of veggies. A happy evening. Below, underneath my new desk ...

Awake early, mainly due to cats climbing on the bed. Lorraine and I got up, seeing as it was a bright sunny day. I called Mum who was planning to see Robert in the Waggon and Horses for lunch.   I was in decidedly antisocial mood, and just wanted Lorraine's company to regroup.  Then we went into the garden. Lovely to be outside and do things like digging a hole for the wildlife pond, and mowing the lawn and sorting the mess in the garage and so on. Physically tired by this, and generally drained anyway. In the afternoon, we listened to some music, and ate and I had a sleep on the gold sofa and chatted with Mum again in the evening, who had a pleasant afternoon. And I generally felt better for a rest.  In the evening we watched an undemanding romcom called Falling for Figaro about opera singers with the unlikely tutor being played by Johanna Lumley in Grande Dame mode and a bit of football.  Below a garden creature who had been eating our winter salad leaves....

Up fairly early. I have been having bad dreams, general assorted catastrophes. Just before I woke up I dreamed I had been having an affair. I woke up thinking oh God, what have I done? An immense flood of relief when I realised it was only a dream. Breakfast and teas and coffees with Mum. Neither of us terribly chatty. Mum receiving nice notes from Brad. I will write to him over the weekend, all being well. I am returning to see Mum next Thursday evening, but left her with instructions to call me at any time. Also a list of all the stuff we are doing, and where we are with it.  I feel tired and drained and left mum at about 11.30 am, bumping into Ben outside. A chat with him, then he went in to seem Mum, while I walked to Edgware and caught a bus to Mill Hill Broadway. In great contrast to last Friday, when I trained back to Seaford, the trains were excellent today, and the journey home passed in a blur. Nice to see the sea again, and felt cheery as my train pulled into Seaford sta...

I woke up early and got up and made coffee. Mum and I sat drinking coffee, and talking about yesterday. She is very pleased with how things went, and we are both pleased Mason had a fitting send off. Something like this takes a long time to sink in properly. I took a cup of coffee up for Lorraine, and soon we all had breakfast together. Lorraine left for Seaford and the cats, who had been confined to the kitchen for a couple of days, being fed and medicined by Beth and James. She got home with wonderful swiftness, driving on clear roads on a sunny day.  Mum had a very upset stomach this morning, I think as a consequence of yesterday's emotion and so on. Soon after se had improved enough to be able to bus off with me to Burnt Oak and pay the balance to the Funeral Directors. We arranged that I shall collect the ashes at the end of next week. We went back to Edgware, Mum went to the pharmacy, and was again treated wonderfully by the two ladies there. After looking at some of the opti...

The day of the funeral. Breakfast with Mam and Lorraine, followed by what seemed like lots of nervous waiting. Lorraine had accidentally left my black shoes at home, so I wore my tan ones, and took one of Mason's ties, a grey with a touch of gold. Otherwise I wore black and white and grey. Mum and Lorraine in dark colours.  Mum's friend Margaret arrived, and then Mum's friends Monika and Ocktay, who had offered to drive us all to the crematorium.  I sat in the front with Ocktay, who I'd never met before, but seemed an interesting and thoughtful man. He drove us to Golders Green Crematorium, where we found the right waiting room, a little room with black and white photos of the crematorium in it which Monika said she liked. People began arriving. Lots of neighbours, Ben dressed smartly all in black, Wynford, Maheena and Satish represented by her son and daughter, neighbours Emma, Gail and Annie, Steve and Paul from The Waggon and Horses, even Eileen and Sarah from next d...

A day of limbo, this being the day before the funeral. There was nothing much to be done for the time being. It also poured steadily, most of the day. Mum and I sitting about restlessly. Eventually we went to the Waggon and Horses where we were going to meet Lorraine.   Another bloody fine on the car, but when you tear the package open it says there is £0.00 pounds to pay. It's the sort of Kafkaesque nonsense that we could do without. A huge puddle that had spread over half the road near the pub. Lorraine had a bit of a tiresome journey up in the rain, and had to waiting in a carpark en route for a nurse from our local surgery to call. We ate chicken shish and I had a couple of pints of Guinness which along with Lorraine being there took the edge off the general twitchiness. Surprised to learn that Waleed, the chef was coming to the funeral. We drove home. I nipped out at Tescos and I met mum and lorraine at home. The evening built around  M*A*S*H which is a great escape for M...

Getting myself organised to go back up to Edgware first thing, including picking out some clothes for the funeral. Then, my rucksack packed, and kissing my sweet wife goodbye, off again to Edgware. A simple journey which gave me the opportunity to tweak my speech for Wednesday. When I arrived at Mum's I sent it to the celebrant who had asked to see it.  Mum had been to the podiatrist this morning, and was hungry and drove us to Elstree and the Waggon and Horses for a late lunch. I also drank two pints of Guinness, which had designs printed on the foam having been put in a strange machine by the manager. People chatting to Mum a bit and being friendly.  Home and I popped out to get some food and then cooked this evening, and we settled down to watch MASH. Toby called, telling us his early impressions of life in Washington. After talking to Lorraine, who was yawning, I made my way into bed, worn out before eleven.   Below a picture of Mum telling me not to photograph her, a...

A lazy morning, and breakfast. Chatted with Mum, before making off to Squirrel's End, what we have decided to call Beth and James's house. Sure enough as we arrived and looked out at the expanse of their back garden, a squirrel was obligingly sitting on its haunches in the middle of the lawn. Naturally lots of organising still to be done, but they are definitely installed now.  Lots of spiders in the conservatory, and Beth is no fan of our arachnid friends. I offered to wrangle the spiders next week if it was still a problem. James rallied, having felt peaky all week.  He was watching cycling in the background on TV as he got things ready. I must say I was quite getting into it. As today was Mother's Day, it was another Mum summit and treat for Lorraine and Julie, who arrived with Lorenzo and Andy. Beth had cooked up roast chicken and ham, and salads and roast small potatoes and so on. We toasted their new house and Julie and Lorraine with Prosecco. A cheery afternoon. I li...

Woke up feeling stressed. But sitting talking to Lorraine made me feel much better, however. Up for an unhurried breakfast, called Mum and eventually Lorraine and I made off to Brighton. I went to Clippers to have my hair cut by Stacy, who had squeezed me into his Saturday schedule. I asked him about his nosebleeds (he was bleeding last time I saw him) and he told me that he went to A&E and had to have his nose cauterised, twice, as the first time it didn't work. Apart from a sore nose, he's all good now. Met Lorraine and then a rather wild bout of retail therapy. Went to Jones and bought a pair of tan ankle boots for loafing about in. Lorraine and I popped into Joe Malone, where Lorraine bought some perfume off a very sweet man with lots of makeup. Another man working there in lots of makeup and bell bottoms took tiny little steps like a geisha. Rather fascinating. Then off to Clarkes in Churchill Square. Strange in there, very little stock on show, but what there was artf...

Up early, made coffee and tidied up a bit. Hideous apocalyptic dreams -- nuclear weapons exploding and other such restful stuff. A cheery morning with Mum. Sorted out her nectar card problems, did some tidying in the kitchen on hand and knees in a food cupboard, and so on. Mum fairly cheery, people being steadily supportive. She also had emails from her friend Jana who is planning to visit her which she is looking forward to. Fond farewells with mum, and I mooched off not long after noon by foot and bus to Mill Hill Broadway. Bought a ticket, bought a cup of tea, and jumped on a train. As my posterior touched the seat, the driver announced there had been a fatality on the line ahead, and the train and the ones further down the line were going nowhere. He advised us to get off and find another way into London. A slow bus to Kingsbury Circle, talking to Anton and Lorraine on board, then trained down to Victoria where I struck lucky and caught a train to Lewes which was almost ready to le...

Up and feeling freer this morning. Most things crossed of the list of things that must be done. Mum chose another piece of music for the funeral and I emailed the choices to the celebrant. We went into Edgware and mum paid her credit card bill which she does in person. Into the Broadway centre. Mum spoke to the pharmacist, and told them about Mason. The pharmacist was sympathetic and kind, and said she had just begun to make up Mason's prescription. She knew who Mason was even though Mum had not said his name, because they had been going there for years.  I looked briefly at some wrong shoes and we popped into Sainsbury's where I bought a few bits for dinner tonight. Walking back from the bus stop met Nick, a neighbour a few doors away. He was originally from the US too. There was a mobile coffee waggon parked up in his drive, which when his son, I think, was backing it in, looked like a trailer for a small pony. Very friendly and nice man. I sat with Mum as she called one of t...

I got up at sevenish,  made coffee and tinkered with a poem before starting the day. Made breakfast for me and mum. Mum went off to Edgware to talk to banks about removing Mas from their joint bank accounts. I went off to Burnt Oak, paid an apologetic Paula at the Undertakers the balance of what was owed, and walked around the corner to Aspens florist and ordered a casket spray from a very nice woman, who explained that the flowers for the top of the coffin are charged for by the foot. I ordered three foot of flowers, mainly white but with notes of yellow and blue.  Home again. Mum had only been partially successful. Lloyds had given her a leaflet, and Barclays was so busy she had to leave to get home to meet Emma our celebrant who was due at noon.  I liked Emma and we spoke to her for about 45 minutes. I decided I am going to give a speech at the funeral.  After she left, I made cheese on toast, and emailed Barnet  highways to say  Mason no longer needs di...

Up early, and making ready to go to Edgware. Beth and James off early and cheerily off to their new house. Lorraine getting ready to go to her personal trainer. Later she temporarily locked herself out of the house, then couldn't find her car keys. I made off to Seaford station and caught the 9:24 and train hopped to Mill Hill Broadway and was at Mum's at around 12:20.  She was a bit stressed and feeling overwhelmed. I drew up a list of what needed be done, none of it particularly urgent, but she wanted to go to the pub instead.  Before we did that I went down to Paula the funeral director in Burnt Oak with the replacement cheque for the one she had written in the wrong payee in what she said was a menopausal moment. Helpfully, she had written in the amount on the stub of mum's chequebook. Mum copied this for the replacement cheque. Turns out the wrong amount had been written down in the stub. A wasted journey.  To the Waggon and Horses. People asking after her and being ...

Today Beth and James moved to Seaford. Lorraine and I very happy.  All going well this morning, but Lorraine drafted in at the last moment to drive to their flat as they didn't have quite enough room for clothes. Lorraine picked up a few bags of clothes and made it back to our house shortly before the van driven by Danny, who we met before and is a lovely man, with his son and another colleague.  They waited at our place, and were fed bacon and egg baps and cups of tea after Beth and James arrived a bit later.  Both a bit wired, obviously. They'd been up since 4am.  And they had to wait about at our house till 3pm before they were called to say everything had gone through. They zoomed off to get their keys and head to the house. Lorraine and I turned up at Seafield Close little later, with unloading in progress and ;ottered about helping where we could, carrying a few things and doing a spot of cleaning.  Stood outside in the garden, hearing birds singing up in ...

A cup of tea in bed brought by Lorraine, and a leisurely breakfast and a the first of two chats with Mum. She was okay, but I am looking forward to seeing her on Tuesday.  Then I had a conversation with Robin, and she sensibly suggested that we take a couple of weeks break on the podcast rather than try to rush things through. Felt like a load had been taken off my shoulders, as I didn't want to let her down. She was worried that because I had been sounding doomy that I wanted to stop doing the podcast altogether.  When we cleared all this up, a cheery chat. The little black book, pamphlet competition winners were announced today by Hedgehog Press. Two winners,  Snow by Palo and I, and another called None of this makes any sense by Keith and Carol McKay. I like that title lots. Mainly I had time to be with Lorraine, doing things about the house, and going shopping and normal things which are so precious like having a roast chicken dinner with a glass of wine and Antique...

Awake early, having slept fairly well. Thoroughly tired today, but loved having a healthy breakfast with Mrs Kenny. Phoned Mum who is doing okay. Beth and James are moving on Monday, and Lorraine went off to Southwick to spend a few hours helping them get sorted. I was excused, being a bit of a zombie. In my absence Lorraine had been sorting out my Study, and it is now beginning to look really nice. I sat in this for a while, and did some editing on my latest podcast interview. Anton called, and we had a long chat too.  Eventually I slunk downstairs to the gold sofa, and ended up sleeping for two hours. Lorraine home and cooked us a delicious fish curry, and having called Mum, I unashamedly loafed about watching TV. Quite happy to be vacant. Toby called too, and had called Mum.  A day to recharge my batteries. 

Up and Mum and I had breakfast and coffee, thus fortified, we contacted an administrative part of the US embassy with the notification of Mason's US social security ID and so on to turn off his pension. Mum, we think, will still get something from the US as his widow. Then we pottered about doing some sorting out in the kitchen. Wynford from next door popped in for a chat. At lunchtime, mum drove me to the Jolly Badger from where I walked to Mill Hill Broadway station. I watched mum zoom around the roundabout there with some elan.  Long journey home, feeling a bit braindead. No trains to Lewes, so had to go via Brighton. However the trip enlivened by discovering I had won a small pamphlet competition run by Hedgehog Press. It is a collaboration with Palo Almond -- four of her snowy images, and four poems from me in tanka style that were provoked by her work. I called it, perhaps in the spirit of calling a spade a spade, Snow . It's excellent as these little tanka poems don'...