Meltdown

Blew a fuse today. I found myself with eight files open on my desktop trying to cross reference between them all and feeling like weeping. I couldn't do the job. Then I remembered I was my own boss, and could simply say no. A tricky client conversations followed, but luckily my charming Spanish client Helena was philosophical about it. I had warned them repeatedly I had the wrong skill set for the job (which has been shunned by all-comers for months).

I had a disproportionate and very stressed reaction to the whole thing. My desire to please everyone and a profound need to wrest back control of my own life grinding against each other like tectonic plates.

Luckily I still have plenty of work but will be able to enjoy the luxury of a two day weekend. Amazing!

Escaped to the sea. Beautiful day with the sun shining. Talking to Mason as I walked. He is an upbeat mood. Then to Mum later, who'd said that they'd seen Black Swan and hated it. Off to Lorraine's house in the evening for supper, and an early night. Drained.