under another sun

Had a nice journey into work today. I ran into a coach and found myself sitting opposite Reuben, had a great chat all the way up to London. He was making me laugh with descriptions of charities...As in " Great! A tsunami ". Work was quiet so I didn't have much else to do but brood and practice my stage school smile. Went for a solitary walk along the river today at lunchtime which helped keep things in perspective. Now I suppose my own conduct in the past will be reflected in how others treat me. So far people are being quite kind. When setbacks happen the best thing is to reflect and look to your own conduct, which is sometimes the only thing that one can control. Due to a fatality on the railway network my journey home took three hours door to door. Could have done without this. Cooked and then went for a walk for an hour till 11pm. The sea barely rumpled tonight. Have picked up an information pack from the medical people which was sent to my work. It came comp...

Mostly pottering about in the morning. Started writing a couple of lines in the morning over breakfast about my grandparent’s clock which I stored under the stairs in a cardboard box. This week I moved it and despite it not having been wound for over a year it struck continuously for several minutes, muffled away in its box, The sound took me back to being a child listening from the bedroom in Guernsey to the clock downstairs in the dining room as it pared away at the scary night hour by half-hour with its chimes. Saw Anton and Anna again this morning, Anton thoughtfully bringing me a stand for my stereo equipment and the turntable he has lent me so I will become hooked on vinyl again. Baby Clouds squeaking cheerfully and crawling around the floor. It is impossible not to have your heart melted by that little thing. They dropped in again after shopping and we had coffee. I really like being in a place where friends can just drop by. A bit later Janet and Ken came round to look at my...

Went into work this morning, gave a presentation to a client and left again. There was an all agency meeting at lunchtime and I wasn't about to be humilated in front of everyone. Had lunch and a few drinks with Paul who talked some sense into me about not quitting and leaving myself with my financial trousers around my ankles. Home to Brighton. Went down to the sea for a while trying to walk off the anger. Came home and drank tea and stewed in my own juice.

Am in poor spirits tonight. The agency is having one of its spasmodic and ill-considered reoganisations. This time I have fallen foul of it, and it seems I will have to resign or face complete humiliation. I wrote my resignation email today but have decided to sleep on it. I have creatively led the part of the agency that has grown the most over the last two years, however I was told today that it needs "real leadership" and have effectively been demoted. After enduring a conversation of breathtaking hypocrisy with my boss this morning, I was put off my stroke and went on to have a very poor day indeed. The evening though was a little more fun. Went out with some ex colleagues including Paula. It was very good to see her, something about Paula makes me feel very reassured and grounded. She was telling me about a recent and very powerful Reiki experience. I listened with interest having been on a Reiki course for a weekend several years ago and I found it good in that it...

When I returned to work yesterday I discovered a plot. I find that Hazel, a new young brainiac suit, had a brilliant idea that they should send me to private health clinic for the "Rolls Royce of checkups" so I can write an article about it. Naturally this is inspiring intense hypochondriacal dread. When I explain this to various colleagues they say things like "good, that will add interest to the article" and so on. Have begun to really enjoy my commute. Bizarre really. Have been re-reading Discourse on Method by Descartes for no good reason. Strikes me reading it for the first time in 25 years just what a strange project his policy of doubting everything was. Like this from Discourse 4 : "... considering that all the same thoughts that we have when we are awake can also come to us when we are asleep, without any one of them then being true, I resolved to pretend that nothing which had ever entered my mind was any more true that the illusions of my dre...

Took delivery of my washing machine only to discover that the plumbing is inadequate at home. Had John the plumber take a look and he will have to put in a new pipe, so I resorted to hand washing today. Also had another look at my Klimt picture. It has been scratched and broken through in one place. It doesn’t look too bad, but I know those defects are there and I don't think I can live with that. The good news is that it is perfect for my room. I may have to buy it again. However otherwise been busy in my guestroom/study with a new trade-sized bucket of white paint. Seem unable to write anything other than this blog at the moment. I had a look at the stuff I was working on over Christmas and I now think that is all trash. Not even reading properly. Have been a cat on a hot tin roof and unable to settle to anything. Paul called to with some gossip about my agency. It is amazing how people who don’t work in my agency know the news faster than me. Back there tomorrow.

Sunday night and feeling cheery as I have no work tomorrow. Tomorrow, if the gods of white goods are with me, I will take delivery of a washing machine which will quell the evolution of those things rustling in my laundry basket. Have been taking walks at lunchtime by the river, and the sea in the evening. There must be something about water. I read a book last year which suggested that humans went through an aquatic phase in our evolution. I can believe it. Have had a pleasant weekend. It was Baby Klaudia’s birthday today, and celebrated on Saturday going out for lunch with Brian, (who is also Cloud’s Godfather) Anna and Anton to a restaurant called The Strand. They attached a little chair to the side of the table for Clouds and we tucked into some lovely grub. Me and Anton both opted for scallops on a bed of vegetarian haggis which was exceptionally good. In between courses Clouds was passed around the table for squeezes. Then she was put back in her chair and focused her ener...

Three days of commuting and all is well. Yesterday returned home and went out with Anton to test a few more of the local pubs. In one I got mistaken by two women for a man called Brendan. I replied that Brendan must be a handsome devil but the ladies were both rather drunk and ridiculed me for having a plant growing out of my head. I happened to be sitting with a mother in law's tongue plant behind me. Bah. Nevertheless had a splendid night with Anton as usual, but it was cut short with being a school night. Enjoyed going to one slightly seedy pub and watching him perch uneasily on a stool eyeing a large dog which settled near his feet. Work not yet driving me crazy although people are beginning to suggest I do some actual work. An affront which I am of course resisting. Had a brainstorm today about naming a website which will concern itself with erection problems. French Bloke turned up for it and it soon descended into ribaldry and farce. Trace has organised for me to...

Not used to the train timetable yet, so the journey home was a lot more tedious than it should have been. Went out for a walk after 10pm. Walked down to the sea and crunched about a bit on the pebbles. I can’t help feeling I’m acting suspiciously doing this. Behind my back the good people of Brighton were mostly indoors, or to be glimpsed through windows of cosy pubs rather than eccentrically lurking. On this most crowded corner of a crowded island it was good to get my face blown coldly and watch the white tops of the waves race in out of the dark. A little scrap of wildness. I stood for a couple of minutes to look at the half moon on its back in a dark and cloudy sky and listen to catamaran masts and wires chinking urgently in the gale. Worth every hour of the commute I’d say.

Delighted to speak to Shaila today who is alive and well despite being in Phuket at the time of the Tsunami. Got back to work and there was an email in my in-basket from her. Otherwise the commute from Brighton this morning was splendid. Being back at work was fine and not traumatising. There was a photocopy of an article I'd had published in a junk mail magazine on my desk, which despite it being brutalized by their subeditor, was a good omen of something or other.

A day of rest for me today. Saturday evening spent being taught to play backgammon by Anna and Anton, and between accusations of cheating we all drank too much wine and ate Anton's excellent home made pizzas served on his pizza paddle. Sunday dawned beautifully. Seagulls yarping outside. Got up early and walked off my hangover by the sea. Spent several hours simply walking, and took in the Aquarium which I really enjoyed. Particularly absorbed by the cephalopods and the King crabs which the notice said were living fossils. I know how they feel. Then off into the lanes shopping for CDs. I did almost nothing all afternoon, till in the evening I went up the hill for supper with Janet and Ken and talked among other things, about Flaubert, US foreign policy and Brighton Council's policy on waste disposal. Home and am happy in the thought that I am surrounded by friends. Work tomorrow and the dreaded commute.

Brighton Palace pier today with my mother and Mason, who'd come down to look at my new house. After we went for a bite to eat and a walk. A little before sundown the sky was smoking with flocks of what looked like several thousand starlings. These eventually began roosting under the pier. As we walked along the pier towards the funfair at the end, there was noisy singing underfoot. Exquisite sunset, with the thin slither of the moon and the sky putting on a dazzling performance. Shortly before it got dark the sea turned an extraordinary lavender colour. After this excitement we slid off to a pub called The Black Lion on BLack Lion Lane and drank warm mulled wine.

Went with Anna down to Klaudia’s childminder, also called Anna, so I could meet her should I need to pick Klauds up in an emergency. Baby Klauds reacted in horror at being handed over to the childminder. I felt really sorry for Anna because it was clearly upsetting. Anna the childminder, however, I thought was a really nice woman, taking time to reassure Anna, and looking exactly like a childminder should and squeezing the babies reassuringly. As well as Klauds she was looking after another baby with a shock of red hair called, I think, Lily. Apparently everyone calls her Paul Scholes however because she is the replica of the Manchester United football player. Painting over the cerise and grey abomination of the bedroom; the green hallway, and over the green splashes I made on the white paint yesterday. A cooker and fridge were delivered today. And at lunchtime an amiable plumber and his mate came to connect it. Everyone pleasant and cheery and very helpful. When they’d gone I...

Really enjoyed today. Read the Guardian and had a nice breakfast in a café down in Trafalgar St. Then bought some nice green paint called Bramble Hedge to complement the wood and the white of my downstairs room. Wandered into a rug shop and had earnest conversations about rugs too for a while. People are friendly in this town and are much happier about taking time to talk than Londoners. Later walked down towards the sea to score some blinds and a shower curtain from Habitat. And then cheerfully employed myself painting and fixing stuff while listening to BBC Radio 4. Gradually some order is asserting itself from the ghastly mess, and I am liking what I am seeing. Got a call from Katie today who said she was thinking of writing a book about the Forest of Dean, and a pleasant text from the French Bloke. In the evening I did my now-traditional clamber up the hill to Anton and Anna’s house to eat and be merry. Although Anton has been ill for the last few days, so the wine drinking ...

Just freaked myself out a bit reading my entry for 22nd November.

Move to Brighton finally accomplished. Not without the theme of delays and frustrations continuing to the last moment. On Thursday, the day the house became mine at noon. The contemptible vendors were so disorganised that they didn’t quit the place until 5:20 pm. I got extremely stressed and angry that afternoon. However Anna distracted me by taking me for a walk in a local park with Baby Klauds. When I finally gained entry it came as big relief. Am really happy with my new little house. It is down a picturesque little alley called Camden Terrace. But there is lots of work to be done. The rooms were painted in bizarre colours. Turquoisey blue, brown and lemon yellow in the main room. Three clashing greens and one blue in the kitchen and so on. Next day the delivery people were moaning and unpleasant too. However it is now all over. So far I have spent most of my time painting things white to establish a blank canvas and let the colour of the wooden floors assert itself. This morn...

Grabbing a few minutes at work. I am feeling really excited now! Will be zipping down to Brighton tomorrow, and picking up the keys to my new house. As far as I can tell I have done everything I need to do, other than physically be there. Tonight I am meeting Maddog in the Blue Anchor by the river for a few quiet beers. I have eleven days off in a row now. All is well.

2005 finds me in very good spirits. I have been quite self-centred lately, and have really enjoyed a little quiet time. The tsunami of course is on everyone's mind. I was on honeymoon in Sri Lanka and knowing one of the places really brought it home to me. The destruction wrought on people's lives doesn't bear thinking about. But there are so many running sores in the world, especially in Africa. My friend Fraser has also been much on my mind, being in hospital due to a recurrence of the heart problem he had earlier this year which required him to have a valve fitted. When I was visiting him the other day it was impossible to ignore the photos of his beautiful one year old daughter. I am comforted by the fact he is a strong and positive person and is in good hands. I have been writing again, which has come as a great relief. Working on something called The Secret Life of the Mighty Thor , an early version of which is on my Sixth Fingers site. (A site I need to com...