Went out with Paul and Matty Boy on Thursday night where Paul made public the fact of his immanent fatherhood. Naturally we needed several beers to discuss this. He also is in touch with my ex-girlfriend and said he’d also seen her mother, who was a very nice woman. A kindred spirit in fact. He’d told me this on the phone when I was in Germany, and it has been niggling me somewhat. My ex-girlfriend has been, quite understandably, avoiding me somewhat in the last few months.

After some thought I sent her a note suggesting we meet up. I’ve not seen her for about six months, and not spoken to her for about two. What I wanted to do was to say goodbye, as we don’t seem at all to be able to follow our plan of remaining friends, and I will be moving from London soon. This was rebuffed. I was made to feel like some kind of stalker for even suggesting this. I resolved to not contact her ever again, and found myself acting out something from a novel I’d written (which did not see the light of day). She’d given me a box full of pressed flowers, one for every day when I was away. I’d kept this token till now, but decided to throw it into the river from Hammersmith Bridge as a symbolic act of closure. But instead of it sinking or being carried out the damn thing floated merrily upstream towards where we’d first met. However it did feel good. I also deleted her from my mobile phone, this struck me as quite funny, quite childish and quite modern.

This contrasting with me seeing my ex-wife at a party on Saturday. It was down at Anton’s again (as part of his never-ending season of birthday celebration). My ex-wife and I are on very good terms and it was really nice to be chatting to her. I showed her the details of the house I am hopefully going to move into. It always feels a bit painful and strange seeing her though. We were in a party in the afternoon and surrounded by babies and friends who were feeling a bit awkward as many of them hadn’t seen us since we’d split up, and there we were chatting like old friends.

Meanwhile the dreaded sea monster is still pursuing me. She now no longer works with me, but and sent me an email saying that she has been lurking in Brighton. This is making me feel seriously hunted and I would rather gnaw my own hands off than reply to the note.

I am desperate to get to Brighton however, which will help me in my feelings of a having a new start. Have spent a long time licking my emotional wounds and am frankly tired of it now.

Meanwhile have been surrounded by affection and friendship elsewhere. I have such excellent friends. I had a good time on Friday going to a leaving do, where Paula and I Nick, who was leaving, and Tracey were left at the end having a good old goss.

Last night went out with Maddog. Gave him his birthday present of a hardback Rilke which he seemed to like. It’s great going for beers with Bob, on occasions we both splurge out our concerns and then feel a great deal better. Had a great night, despite the misfortune of ending up in one of those dreadful west end curry houses called the Spice Bazaar.

I had to send two of the dishes back. They simply had no food in them. The small side dish of okra was literally half empty, with more onion than okra in what was left.. Likewise with the lamb madras, a thin content free gravy with literally four or five exceedingly small bits of meat. Repellent restaurant, repellent staff and almost inedible food even when, with encouragement, they produced something like a fair portion.

Monday morning. Time to go to work. It is raining heavily outside. Oh joy!