under another sun

A couple of hours first thing on the play, which was productive and enjoyable, and then the rest of the day working on yet another pesky rewrite of something I'd written for the charity, carefully excising interest and personality from the work. Watching stuff on TV with Lorraine and Beth tonight. Joking that it must be a leap year day as I got to choose what we watched. Listened to half a radio play during a break, set on Beachy Head and dealing with leapers. Cheery.

Sunday and Lorraine finding it hard to relax, and having to work in the evening.We did have a mooch around the park together at least, which helped. Travellers there though, and the secret walled garden locked up. I don't like seeing her like this and I'm trying to be as supportive as possible. As expected, the new job is quite tough and it will take a while to settle. While she was working I cooked a roast chicken and roast potatoes and a slew of veggies and finished  Loop of Jade at last. A few poems I'll want to read again, which is all that can be asked for. I personally feeling fairly cheery about the new week, as it will give me an opportunity to work on the play. Early to bed.

Up fairly early, for a Saturday, Lorraine off to get her hair cut in Hove. And I met her afterwards, having arrived early hanging out in a cafe and listening to an audiobook of Plain Tales from the Hills , having seen a documentary on Kipling and what he was doing when he wrote these stories. Met Lorraine, and we went to an award winning Children's bookshop in Hove, called The Book Nook, which was full of inspiring children's books and smelled pleasantly of toast, as there were coffees and snacks on sale. The woman who was working there very knowledgeable, and Lorraine asking her advice and buying books for her school. I looked at what I call high concept books (e.g. a book which calls itself The Book With No Pictures)  and read some of the poetry books. It did take me back to the sheer excitement I felt as a kid, going to Smiths in Swiss Cottage, armed with Christmas or Birthday  book tokens and buying books. Then, after a stroll into Cameron Contemporary Art shop, w...

Oddly fragile and demotivated this morning. I blame Anton. I made myself a cup of tea and poured myself a glass of water in the kitchen this morning. As they were side by side, I added milk to the water, which I took as a bad sign. I'm not sure of what it was, exactly. I worked a little on the play, and was phoned by the agency to give a short amount of time to considering an client idea that even the dogs in the street could see was a wrong 'un. Meanwhile various friends have been doing highly interesting things. Richard Gibson is out in Kavala with Glen and Eleni in yet another manifestation of the Shakespeare Heptet. I saw this link to a local TV appearance . I love the bit where Richard starts talking and overdubbed Greek emerges.  Meanwhile Jane's been at her Royal impersonations again as you can see here . I read an excellent essay by David Foster Wallace here , a humorous account of a seven day Caribbean cruise, which I heard being discussed on R4's A Good...

Another fruitful writing day, and also tweaking the script a bit with Beth. Gingerly off to the gym for another a small sesh. Am getting back into it very gingerly, and am feeling very unfit. A man came this afternoon to assess the damage caused by our flood. Went round the house talking into his phone, and said that of course the insurance doesn't actually cover the thing that leaked only the damage caused by the thing that leaked. A nice chap, but I have a deep distrust of the insurance business, and tend not to bother with it, figuring that when something does happen, it will never repay the amount of money you pump into the insurance in the first place. Didn't see much of my wife today, who had a lively day in school with one of the children taken off in an ambulance (but was okay later). All grist to the mill for a head teacher I suppose. In the evening went down to The Joker to meet Anton and consume copious amounts of woof woof wings and a surprising amount of beer...

Another precious day of just being able to write on the play. It is coming fast, and I find that when I'm working on a play once I get going it comes out in a big blurt. It has a very definite three-part structure which helps a lot too.  So happy to be able to work on my own things again and to have escaped from under the Nazgûl's wing of January depression and not having to think about Chad for a while. Beth cheerful about it all too -- and our first listing appeared online too. A little before lunchtime I went off for a very gentle session in the gym, the first for ages. I am less fit that I have been for a good while, and this has to change. My thigh where I'd torn it last year gave me quite a bit of gyp. But otherwise good to be back there, even though the new owners have made the place even more soulless, and have taken away the water fountains and so on. I don't feel relaxed there yet, and my padlock does not fit the new lockers. Wanting to look after Lorraine...

I was able to spend most of the day thinking about and writing the play, which is a real luxury, not to mention a necessity as the thing is being staged in 12 weeks. Beth and I made off to Neighbourhood this evening and did a couple of auditions, and we now have chosen our two actors. We saw Kitty for the second time -- both Beth and I liked her when we saw her the other week, and she comes across as a live wire, with natural comedy talent. Finding the right male actor was difficult, but we have selected a lovely young actor called Dylan, who Beth already knew but auditioned really well. Who has a warmth and natural likability. Beth and I had a conversation about it alone, before letting Dylan know. Kitty had already gone, but Beth called her. Both of them really happy to be involved, which is excellent. Dylan had a quick beer with us, and Beth and I stayed there to consume had a cheap Tuesday night burger and another beer to celebrate. Although Beth slightly 'bum-clenchy' (h...

Lorraine up at six again, and brought up some tea and porridge which we ate together in the bedroom. I got up and soon heard Dawn, who had let herself in in the middle of the night, as her plane back from Rome was delayed. She then left for work, and we arranged to meet up at school on Friday as Dawn and I are going to do another more able children session. Nothing through from the agency, which was fab. I was able instead to work on the play and tweak some poems plus a few other admin bits. Felt more relaxed and cheerful this Monday than I have done for several months of Mondays. I worked happily all day, apart from a walk down to the pier to get a breath of air. Bumped into Di briefly who told me off about not selecting an Adrian photo yet. A grey day, and nothing much happening down at the pier, but I felt free and happy nevertheless. Listening to an audiobook Joni Mitchell in her own Words , which is interesting. I've always thought Joni was the bee's knees and her lyri...

A slow start, as fitting for a Sunday. Lorraine and I having a nice lie-in and then Lorraine went off to collect Sophie and Andros, and I popped down to Sainsbury's and we had brunch at home, and chatted more, and showed them around the house as they'd not been before. Then a slow afternoon, poor Lorraine having to do some work for school tomorrow again, and I simply watched Chelsea (beginning to resemble the team they were last year) beat Manchester City 5-1 in an FA Cup game, which was fun. Although I tried to sit down and work, I'm simply decided to relax instead. A good thing has happened this week, however, as I feel far more self-aware and less depressed and stressed than I have been all year. I am making efforts to reframe everything. Seeing friends and being less self-oriented really helps. Feeling down in the dumps makes you very self-centred, which is one of the reasons it is so boring too. I am officially bouncing back now. Seeing Andros so positive after suc...

After another plumber had come to look at our bathroom, Lorraine and Beth off to Eastbourne to see Sarah's production of Beauty and the Beast.  I bussed into town and met Sophie and Andros by the seafront. We walked to the Marwood Cafe for a long chat. Both cheerful despite Andros having a bad heart attack on the side of Mt Athos in Greece last year, and having spent weeks in a Greek hospital. Christof was with him at the time and had to deal with the emergency (which he did brilliantly) and led to Andros being dramatically winched up from the side of the mountain and airlifted to hospital. He made me laugh lots when we were discussing Brighton hen parties, and how the next morning they return to London like jaded boilers. Sophie, despite all the colossal amounts of stress over the past few months, pretty good too. Andros has moments when he can't breath as his heart is not working very well, but they pass. He is facing his obstacles with courage and humour, and is just getti...

Up and another tasty breakfast. Sun streaming through the windows first off. Enjoying the antler coat racks here and there in the pub's restaurant area. Then after packing, Lorraine having a strategic snooze, and dealign with a bit of work stuff we drove up to Harting Down where we had some magnificent views down to South Harting, and also of rainclouds drifting along to the north of us. A gorgeous moving vista of sunlight and cloud shadows that no photo can do justice to, especially when I forgot my camera and used my iPhone instead. For some reason my walking boots, which were top of the range exemplary boots I have used for about eight years, decided to fall apart after getting wet yesterday. The soles were by now flip-flopping along, and I was getting a bit twitchy as is my wont on the side of big bald hills, we had a lovely walk. Skylarks particularly at song and we saw a pair of them either competing in song or about some kind of mating business. Gorgeous liquid trilling an...

Up after not the greatest night's sleep despite the comfortableness of the beds. Lorraine and I sauntered into the pub from our room and had a good breakfast, which included black pudding which I'd not had for some time, and remembered why.  Lorraine had sourced a circular walk for us up into the wooded downs and we had an absolutely lovely walk for about three hours. Very squelchy underfoot, but lovely to be among trees and crossing fields in little valleys and climbing up to a long straight forested path, and down again through fields. Good to see Lorraine's pink cheeks as we puffed up the hills. The excellent thing about going for such a long walk is that it renews your appetite. We had a substantial lunch and a pint of Tipster and a bit of a read in the pub before retiring back to the room for an afternoon snooze. Gradually stirred ourselves and drove off to see Lorraine's work pal Fiona and meet her husband Simon. I'd not met either before, and they were a we...

A morning feeling hassled and tidying up bits of work and chatting with Matty about work stuff and getting ready for L & my mini-break. Loaded up the car, and gnawed baguette bits with ham and salad that Beth had made for us and drove off to South Harting in the West Sussex. Lovely little village nestled in the middle of the South Downs National Park, which is officially an area of outstanding natural beauty. We stopped before we got to the village getting uncomfortably changed in the car, and then went for a walk on Harting Down in the mizzle. The Vandalian Tower, an 18th Century Folly looking particularly mysterious rain-blurred sky. Also got a message from Carl saying his brother Rory has lung cancer, which brought a bit of a sad note to things. The thing about mobile phones is that you can never get away from it all, because you take it all with you in your pocket. Then rather dripping, we changed again and then drove down to The White Hart, where we were given a lovely lit...

Slowly feeling better about work and life. Although very tired this evening, and yawning my head off rudely when Dawn come around for supper. Wondering how I am going to fare on holiday feeling so shattered. But Dawn energetic and cheery after a long walk on the downs. She is all cheerful about a trip to Rome later this week and brightened the evening up for Lorraine and I. Good how friends can do that.

Monday, and expected work load did not happen. So a fairly quiet day. I cooked my first Guernsey beanjar in ages, and with beef too. Sauntered out to get fresh parsley and onions and added patented PK ingredients and the house filled all day with the smell of beany goodness. Walked down into town too, a cold and bright day. Brain still a bit mushy and feeling buggy. I found I was perfectly able to fritter time away quite well without accomplishing much. Lorraine into school today on her own to sort out one or two things, but didn't get up till late. Good to feel fairly relaxed on a Monday. Also news last night that Matt and Isy got engaged. And a text this morning from the old FB.

Sunday a much-needed recuperation day on the gold sofa. As I have been feeling unwell it was a real boon. Lorraine at last with a Sunday that she didn't have to spend working. Instead she stubbed her little toe so hard that it audibly cracked and her foot is bruised, and she has almost certainly fractured it. An event which brought out the stoic ex-nurse in her, who said all that could be done for it was to be buddy strapped. Found myself reading about string theory online, I can't say I'm much the wiser. It seems to be one of those things where the Venn diagram of physics and what seems common sense do not overlap. I am considering the purchase of String Theory for Dummies.  Also reading more of A Loop of Jade by Sarah Howe. A curate's egg, but when she's good she is very good.

Lorraine and I didn't get up out of bed till two o'clock. Slept a good deal, and feeling slightly better than yesterday. However, cups of tea and paracetamol, and off in a cab to the station in the rain to meet Betty, who was going off to London to do an audition. Lorraine and I up to see Eddie Izzard at the Palace Theatre. We walked through Covent Garden, and Chinatown, which was still celebrating its monkey business, and busy with people trudging about in the rain. Nice wandering about in London with Lorraine. We picked up our tickets, and then went to the nearby Punjab Restaurant  for a spot of knife and fork action. A good meal and we were given two lollipops, which we ate in the theatre. Nice to be going on a date with my lovely wife. Eddie Izzard was the full Eddie Izzard, surreal and carried the audience with him on fantastic imaginative journeys. Particularly liked the death of Caesar scene. Stabbed twice by a Roman called Tenacious and his dying gasp misinterpr...

A good sleep at Mum and Mason's place. Up latish drawn down by the smell of coffee. I had toast and tea, with a paracetamol side-dish. Conversation with Mas about desalination plants. Mum and I then went off to Diane's funeral service.  We caught the bus across country to Borehamwood, and then trained it up to Bedford. A town neither Mum or I had visited before. We were early so had tea at the anonymous Starbucks in Bedford Station then caught a taxi driven by a taciturn sikh to the crematorium. Interesting old buildings, and lots of Eagle references, we passed the football team which seemed to be called the Bedford Eagles. There was also a place called Eagle Court (where raptors go to be sentenced) as well as a Harvey Road, which we passed while talking about my Grandmother (it was her maiden name) a Lorraine Court, shortly followed by a Toby Carvery. We arrived early but fortunately there was a pleasant waiting room at the crematorium, and rather a lovely chapel. Outsid...

Woke up feeling hot and weird in the night but went back to sleep. Once up, and finding myself in between bits of work,  I strolled into town. Lovely warm morning, dropped off a prescription at the quack's office, where the nice nurse called Lorraine told me I was looking well, and chatted about Chad, as we'd had a good laugh about my various neuroses about it before I'd gone there. Off to buy some files, then started to feel a bit rough. Home and slept heavily, then up and paracetamoled and met Betty on St James street where we auditioned some actors. Getting to read part of the script, and do some improvising with Beth. Interesting to meet them, sitting in the moody basement of a place called Neighbourhood. We found at least one cracking actor who was fully prepared, really energetic and on it. But a few were no shows. I can't understand people simply not turning up. Sometimes people don't have the gumption to take an opportunity that's under their nose. I...

Working for the agency again, including the obligatory urgent work after you've packed up for the day. But had a little time off this afternoon and was able to speak to Mum, who had thought today was Thursday and gone into central London for her dental appointment only to find she was a day early. Went for an extra-long circular walk just after lunch, listing to various improving podcasts, buying a few vegetables. I would be more worried about my life shrinking into these little circles, but I know I will have the opportunity to stretch out again. Half the joy of owning a dog must be in walking it. I see other people walking in circles, but some of them are attached to lead. I thought of Richard who had until recently had walked Rufus and Holly. Walking as a solitary human must be strange if you're used to being part of a pack. Lorraine looking forward to half-term next week to regroup from the onslaught. I cooked her chicken noodles. Below two interludes of light. One out...

Joined a blogging 101 course around new year, which kicked off yesterday. First assignment was to write this post for my other site. I've never really been happy with that site, and am determined to up its game this year. In other news: well there wasn't much. A quiet day's work, accompanied by cats. Beth went with Lorraine to school, and they did some drama at lunchtime. I worked and I walked. And bought vegetables and made a chicken casserole for the ladies when they returned. Definitely light at the end of the tunnel of this current assignment, and I feel far less oppressed than I did a few weeks ago. I also have the prospect of taking this Friday off to stay with mum, albeit for us to go to Diane's funeral. Two days the following week there's a minibreak with Lorraine. All work and precious little play is making me a very dull indeed. While Lorraine went out to do Pilates I did another walk listening to podcasts. All home, and Beth cooked us some immacula...

Monday and blearily awake early, the house rattling in the teeth of storm Imogen. I like the fact they have names. A house along the coast had its roof blown off. I went for several walks just around the block. I have a little circular route, through Blakers park and around the streets. A few small branches among the debris, and the rattle and boom of the area's empty wheeled rubbish bins falling over every now and then. I pulled one that had just blown into the centre of the road. Occasional stinging rain. If I'd had more time I would have ventured down to the sea.These circular walks interludes in a day of agency work. Listening to an interview with John Irving, author of A Prayer for Owen Meany which is a wonderful book. I cooked a curry, which we ate when Lorraine got home. Evening spent carrying things again, moving furniture about in the house, and trying and failing to fit bits Tetris-like into Beth's room. Watched the first of a brand new series of The X-Files ,...

Lorraine and I off to Sheffield Park today for a stroll about. First we stopped by Trading Boundaries and almost bought a single curtain, but when we found it cost £160 we declined. Off then to  Sheffield Park and a nice interlude in the fresh air and a chance to walk and talk. A few early daffs, and snowdrops out, and one or two camillas. But mostly as the rain started, a reassuring English grey. In the afternoon home again, and Beth and I had a first script read-through the first early draft of A Glass of Nothing , and extracted a section for use in the auditions we are starting this week. Good feeling to get going on it -- and Beth pleased at where we're heading. A chat with Mum this evening, then I cooked a chicken and roast veggies, while Lorraine did Headteacher stuff on our new table. A reassuringly expensive free range blighter bought round the corner. Tasted good though. Remembered eating chicken out in Oum Hadjer, where the chicken, which we heard being slaughtered ea...

An entirely relaxed day today. Lorraine and I spending much of the day in house proud discussions. Spending quite a long time finding the exact coordinates for our new table. And later discovering the tablecloth we bought in Greece last Summer fits our colour scheme perfectly. I don't understand quite what is happening to me, as I found it disproportionately satisfying. L and I in a brutal triage off objects we own. Some of them are going to Lorraine's school, some being given to Beth for a car boot sale she is planning. I am not very good at letting go of stuff. I have the soul of a hoarder. Lorraine is the same. We had plans to go out tonight, but instead I simply fell asleep on the sofa, and we instead spent a cozy night indoors. Domesticity distilled.

A rather blissful Friday, with a couple of smidges of agency work to be done -- and postponed some other stuff till monday so I could do some urgent stuff to get A Glass of Nothing rolling. Had an exceptionally productive few hours sat in Starbucks. I just wanted to escape the house and it worked a treat. I find the anonymity of Starbucks strangely helps. All the not being able to work on in meant that once I did that a huge amount of it seemed to slot into place right away. Suddenly I saw how I could underpin the three sections of the play with an overarching dark theme and got writing. I have had the set up for a long time, but I can only compare it to being some kind of detective. You keep looking at the opening scene hard enough, and the clues begin to reveal themselves. Wonderful to be writing freely again at something that cheers the soul. A glimpse of light. Home and once Lorraine returned from a hard day at work we jumped on a bus and biffed into Trafalgar Street. Had a Diavo...

Another day of working fluently on the agency work.  Mood much improved. Regularly breaking off for walks too seems to help. Finally finished Life by Keith Richards and now listening to the Stones  in a mini-craze.  Lorraine and I went crazy and had a single glass of wine this evening. Rock and Roll. Both of us rather looking forward to the weekend. Reading Brian Eno again before bed.

Woke refreshed, with more movement in the infernal neck. Optimism and joie de vivre which had been AWOL for the last week or so were back. Worked steadily and with a sense of there actually being light at the end of the tunnel. Basic Peter Kenny survival skills flooding back, like focusing on the job at hand and the ability to distance myself from the stuff I was doing. Why is it that I have relearn the same life lessons time and again? A productive, hard-working day, and took three walks. A chat with Matty this afternoon too - relieved to learn he is on the same page as I am about the work we've been doing. Also discussing with Betty how to do first auditions for the play next week. Last walk was just before I cooked supper, and was I oblivious to the fact a man was being arrested near the bottom of Beaky Villas a few hundred yards away for waving a gun around. No shots fired apparently. On my walks today listening to the last bits of Life by Keith Richards. Amused by the in...

Barely slept due to infernal neck. Ended up Keith Richards style taking various drugs including a diazepam early in the morning and as a consequence bleary but strangely calm this morning.  Lorraine crept out quietly without waking me, as she sloped off to work. Once I was up, working sporadically with a hot bean bag on my neck and sitting about as if having a plank up my jumper. Working all day again on Chad stuff. Men arrived bearing a new sideboard, chairs and a table. They asked me if I wanted them to assemble the table. I readily assented and it took them about half an hour to put four legs on. It all looks pretty smart though, and if I wasn't in pain, exhausted and stressed I would have probably enjoyed it a bit more. A nice email from my poet pal Charlotte Gann this morning. I sent her a moany email, which she later said she found therapeutic, and both enthused about Brian Eno. A walk in the afternoon to maintain sanity.  Beth chaperoning, and Lorraine pilates lat...

In the attempt to stave off gloom, attempting to get a grip. Principally by writing lists and taking every opportunity to go out for a walk, in-between bouts of work, while listening to my Keith Richards audiobook about drugs and music man. Managed somehow to do something to my neck which seized up during the course of the afternoon and evening to the point I could barely move it. Read a little of Loop of Jade poems by Sarah Howe just to make sure I did something that didn't suck. Monday. Bah.