All's well that ends well Off to work feeling very cheery today. Tinkering with poems and feeling happy on the train. Pitch day. And it was nice not to be presenting this time, but as the pitching team set off we gave them a round of applause as they left the agency. This gave me a timely reminder of how good working in my agency can actually be. Later in the day I got lots of reassurance that I had made a good contribution and my dark night of the soul on Wednesday seems rather silly now. It's a rollercoaster ride. After this, I spoke to the Lanie the radio lady, and slightly rearranged the time to meet on Monday. I went to the pub with the rest of my colleagues and I felt strangely Christmassy, knowing I had a holiday coming and everyone being together. Anton being a pest about a new Stowa watch he is gloating over on the Internet, and trying to involve me in discussions about whether to go for an Airman or a Marine. Having made me look at them I realise they are really nice...
Posts
No accounting for it Nine hours sleep certainly helps things. Felt happy and cheerful this morning and simply got on with things. One of the things I simply got on with was popping into see my accountant who has an office near my work. Seana is a splendid accountant, and gave me lots of free advice. I did feel slightly short changed that she wasn't wearing the leopard skin leggings, but then I haven't had a chat with her in some time. My Florida correspondent has taught me all about nail technicians lately, and looking at her nails, I suspect that Seana is intimate with one. She talked with passion and at some length about tax and the Chancellor's recent Budget, in such a way that it almost made me wonder why I hadn't opted for the fascinating life of an accountant instead of being a writer. Into work, and only a few bits to do today. Regained my equilibrium thankfully. I also called the radio station. Spoke to the producer, and Anton and I will pop in next week to see ...
A storm in a teacup As you know, I normally parade about being big and clever. Today, however, I was small and stupid. This despite waking up in the middle of the night and working on pitch stuff between 3-4am. Turns out I need not have bothered. All our stuff got sidelined or reworked. And the result of three weeks oppressive slog was zero. Felt humiliated and left the office to go to the graveyard where I satst brooding on the vast Abyss. After a while I realised that nobody had died, and that I have lots of holiday coming up (paid for by the agency) and so there are many reasons to be cheerful. But this storm in a teacup did not prevent me from going around with a face like a smacked arse for rest of the day. But the day wasn't all bad. I had a short walk with Trace during the day, telling me about her forthcoming trip to China to do martial arts which was nice. And getting home at a reasonable time was wonderful. But then I heard the results of the Front Row 100 word story com...
Heart of darkness Caught the train this morning with Anton. As usual he was in the station about twenty five minutes before the train left. Usefully though he buys coffees to drink on the train and we chatted nicely all the way up to London. Shortly after arriving at work the horror set in. I woke from a trance and realised that I was daubed with primitive body art and was rocking myself gently in a dark hut. The two orbs of the Gnome's brown eyes were staring balefully at me from somewhere in the dark. All our ideas have bitten the dust and we have a pitiful amount of work to show for it. And even this is deemed largely wrong due to the frenziedly moved goalposts. Fortunately our colleagues have had a more profitable time and are shining with youthful brilliance and talent. Bah. Explained to my boss that I wanted to hang myself, but he took me for a beer instead. Then I saw the French Bloke unaccountably quaffing in the bar, and it would have affronted gentlemanly conduct not to h...
Jabba Jabba Hey A rough hack slouching towards London to be scorned. My holiday like a golden carrot gleaming at the other end of the week. Bah to sore throats, bah to pitches, and double bah to trains. And work like pulling hen's teeth, but me and the Gnome laboriously assembling our scraps into shape. Left work late, and my train was cancelled at Victoria, so arrived home a little after 9:30pm. Nice IM with Sprinkles, who had sent me some more immaculately-coiffured, and gorgeous photos of herself for my private collection. Gnawing at foul food all day, including chocolate biscuits. The Gnome has a chocolate reflex when he is feeling stressed and he keeps buying them for me too. And I eat them in a gorging self-loathing way. And because I was late I scored a pizza from M&S to cook in the comfort of my own home too. By the time Sprinkles gets here I will resemble Jabba the Hut. Below your favourite blogger pictured earlier today.
Several Finns and a nice fish pie Off today to Wimbledon by train and tram to have Sunday lunch with Marja and her family. I'd not seen her daughter Matilda, and her son Lucas for many years, and the youngest boy Rupert never. The children are bilingual and bright and cheery. They live in an enormous house in Wimbledon Hill. Her husband Dimitri was there, as well as her cousin and his partner. The cousin was a Captain in the Finnish army and was serving in Afghanistan with the UN forces. Fascinating to hear about his experiences there. Massive extremes of temperature. It is freezing now and will be 50 degrees celcius and higher in a few weeks. He was telling us about the various roles of the UN forces, such as "Look and Cook" i.e. standing at an observation post in the blistering heat. He said the main priority for safety was to make sure that everyone in the locality knew that they weren't Americans. Apparently once this is established, they can go about their busine...
A Sprinkly Saturday Well thank God for the weekend. Feeling drained and sorethroaty, and slept for two blessed hours in the afternoon after attending to a few minor chores. Best part of the day was reserved for speaking to Sprinkles. She is expanding my database with new information about certain delicious sounding items of Philippine cuisine, and introducing me to some new words in Tagalog such as beer for er... beer. Spoke for hours and we are very much looking forward to her visit at the end of April. Saw Anton in the latter part of the evening. The family are home from skiing where everybody got ill. I didn't see Anna as she had gone straight to bed, and the bairns had been a bit poorly especially Oskar who had to have cold flannels put on him to reduce his temperature due to an ear infection. We ate a delivery curry and planned and schemed about the Dragon business. Anton cleverly wants to put in a list of the worst ten types of dog, which I think is an excellent idea. Slope...
The dragon wakes Regular readers will remember Anton and I planning a Dragon Quest, which will be on a route invented by Anton. Unfortunately we took time off work to start it, but both were ill. At the time I sent a proposal to the local BBC station about it. I got a response today, and the good news was that they love the idea. I called but missed the producer who gets in to work at 5.00am and leaves early, but spoke to a colleague and will follow up next week. I texted Anton and we are having a planning meeting tomorrow night on his return from skiing. Really excited by this - but of course it means me and Anton will have to do the walk now. Otherwise dead tired in the morning, and working on the pitch. However I had a nice oxygenating walk along the river at lunchtime for an hour with the Gnome. He was telling me again about being knocked over by tram in Wimbledon, and laughing at himself because it's not as if trams move in unpredictable ways. He said he was lucky not to be...
Pitch slog blog Snowflakes over Hammersmith as I slunk hungover into work surrounded by a air of alcohol-induced wrongness. Strange phony war style pitch lull ended today and the Gnome and me hard at it again. Tends to narrow down other activities. You end up working with a team of people all growing increasingly tired and emotional. The sense of release when it is all over is fantastic though. The prospect of working through the weekend has become a reality now though. I stole out at lunchtime, however, and bought a grey-blue v-necked jumper, which I discover (preening myself in the "gentlemen's lounge" as Sarah calls it) is the same colour as my eyes. Had to break off mid-preen when somebody burst in for a large wee. Afternoon drinking coffee and slaving over a hot layout pad with the Gnome. I then worked late writing the pitch blog. Missed my train at Victoria by about five seconds due to tube evil. Listening to BBC podcasts on the trains, about religion and humour, a...
Oblique strategies Managed to fling myself onto the train as the doors were closing and then had to stand all the way to London. Lovely morning however, and I was cheerful. Our big pitch at work has hit a temporary lull so I went for a walk at lunchtime along the river. There is a big building site next to the office and The Gnome and I have been locked away a lot in a room which overlooks it. Fascinating seeing cranes and diggers about their business like big yellow insects. There was even a flash of an explosion the other day from the site, which I took to he lightning at the time as it was raining heavily. This morning the shadows of aircraft were passing over it which I thought was strangely filmic. In the afternoon, during this lull I suggested the Gnome and I use some thoughts from Eno's Oblique Strategies to reframe our thinking on the pitch. We found it quite useful and interesting to think about stuff like: "Short Circuit (a man eating peas to improve virility shovel...
Ditto day Mostly a ditto day. Except I slept deeply at home, and then worked on poems on the train. Another pleasant day at work with the "big" idea we had yesterday being received well. Spurned offers to go to the pub to slope off for a walk at lunchtime. I am trying to get a bit fitter as I still feel woozy and throaty after the flu. Walked by the river, enjoying the blustery cold. Took photos but none of any interest. But it was great to escape and look at things. Sent an email to Lakshmi whose birthday it is today. Got emails from Mum about things like what font to use on the website. Read an interesting philosophy essay by the Gnome's son on Laughter. Left work promptly. Once in Brighton I walked up the hill to check on Anton's house as they are away skiing at the moment. Then home to eat cheese on toast again, and talk to the fabulous Sarah, before an early night. Below the excellent (and very hard to pass) The Dove. I have never succeeded in walking past the D...
Insomnia and Alcazar A single hour's sleep left me feeling a bit sorry for myself. But was pepped up by a fortifying breakfast of crumpets, toast and tea with Mum and Mase , before Mase drove me through the sleety rain to Stanmore station. Work pleasant and I contributed to a good idea with the Gnome and Nick which we were quite cheerful about. Worked on my poems on the train then hurried home out of the cold. Got an email from the editor of Skyline magazine about ordering copies. From this it appears that Skyline is nothing better than a vanity press, which at no point was made clear. This leaves me very irritated to have wasted my time on it. Best part of the day was talking to Sprinkles in sunny Florida as I lurked indoors away from the cold and dark. Saw this music video today while working on some concepts. I defy anyone not to have a smile on their face after watching Crying at the Discoteque by Alcazar . Turns out Sarah likes it too.
Affordable Art Fair Slept like a log, untroubled by undead felines, and went downstairs to eat crumpets and toast with Mum and Mase. Then I wrote a little bit of copy for her website and we set off for the Affordable Art Fair . Tubed it down to Sloane Square and stopped off at the Oriole for a glass of wine. Then off to the venue in the free bus. Spent several hours browsing about. Enjoyed the show a lot more than the last one I went to. Found myself drawn to a couple of forest pastels by Sarah Bee not my usual bag, but I found they reminded me slightly of Emily Carr (without the totem poles of course). Actually her name was Sarah Bee P.S. - the initials stand for her membership of the Pastel Society. I have no idea what they get up to in the Pastel Society, but I imagine several eminent figures ranting against primary colours. Okay I know it is really about using pastels... But I bet they have secret smudgy handshakes. Mason uses the AAF to talk to lots of people who can't escape...
Enter a cat ghost Thanks to late night curry and drinking too much I lay awake starey-eyed from 3.00am to 6.00am. I have been reading a book about Vikings, so I read about folks chopping each other up in the name of Odin before I finally managed to drop to sleep again. Shortly after, however, I was awoken by the sound of a cat running into the room, jumping on the bed and springing over me to head towards the window. Now this would have been fine and dandy if I actually had a cat. But I don't. After a fruitless search for the mystery invader, and feeling a bit odd, I went downstairs and had a glass of sparkling water with a squeeze of lemon which seemed to help. I then returned to get a couple of hours sleep. Up woozily and soon was having a delightful conversation with Sarah Sprinkles, the Eastern US being only 4 hours behind us at the moment and she gets up unspeakably early. She is coming to England at the end of April, which I am looking forward to immensely. We'd not talke...
Two days in a blur Thursday and Friday in pitch frenzy. The Gnome and me barricaded away going slightly mad. However lots of people steamed in to help and eventually me and the Gnome got things organised. I ended Friday seething with anger though about another work-related matter and I had one of my rare taking no prisoner half hours which ended up with me being roundly placated. Despite this there was some fun to be had. Spent Friday lunchtime with the Gnome and my boss Nick and Canadian Mark and a new nice team sat outside by the river in Spring-like sun. Suddenly there were people sporting shades and as Nick observed, almost 50% of people are ladies. Me on suddenly loquacious form, which I enjoyed anyway. Heard from Anton on Thursday sounding incredibly relieved, as he did not have the lung cancer he had become certain he had after chest x-ray. Anna has been away and he was explaining how it is when you are on your own and ill. He claimed the Doctor had told him that he was still il...
A day of no ideas Took my laptop on the train this morning to work on my poems and had a productive session. But at work the story was opposite. It was pretty hellish, with The Gnome and me finding ourselves unable to crack a concept for this latest pitch. I can't remember the last time I felt so stumped - and at one point simply left the office to walk by the river and think of reasons not to chuck myself into it. Stayed a late and ended up having an enjoyable glass of wine with the FB among others, which soon helped get things in perspective. Then phoned Sarah Sprinkles walking to the tube. She sounds strangely young and different on the phone. Then had an altercation on the Brighton train. I was sitting fiddling about on my computer and one of the two gay men behind me repeatedly kept kicking my chair. I asked the kicker to stop it, and he said annoyingly that he wasn't doing it consciously. I then asked him to ask his subconscious to stop kicking my chair. He said I was bei...
Not a bomb but a damp squib Somewhat stressful work day caused by work demands with the usual combination of urgency and lack of clarity. Relief provided by a bomb scare to the business next door, and we all had to shuffle out for some time past the three police cars that had arrived and stand by the river. Had an impromptu meeting over a pub table with our boss, and then returned to work for an ennui-inducing meeting that dragged on for hours. Made a break for home, and got the tube and sat on something unspeakable and very wet, which I don't think was urine. Just managed to catch the train listening to podcasts of BBC foreign correspondents, to be in time for home delivery of food. Chatted to the lovely Sarah, and found myself channelling the ghosts of dragonflies she had de-winged as a child. They forgave her. Worked on poems and went to bed.
A squeak in the blogosphere Fairly uneventful day. Bumped into Reuben this morning, and we had a good gossip standing all the way from Brighton to Victoria. A beautiful morning. And in between working, I was thinking about poetry, wrestling with the eternal problem of how to make my poems, which are so disparate, fit together in a coherent collection. Took a new pitch brief this morning, and struggling to get my head around that with The Gnome. Popped out at lunchtime for a half an hour's stroll, and the park was dotted with people sitting in the sun. Arriving home, I spoke to Anton who had been for his chest x-rays, and was now looking after the babies single handed. Discovered in the evening that yesterday's mention of Inland Empire got picked up by the Guardian online. Cyberfame at last! IM chat with Sarah at the end of the day. And then lost track of time writing, and didn't get to bed till late.
Inland Empire Pleasant Sunday. Something of a lie in. Then chatting with Sarah who introduced me to the delights of Hawaii's own Don Ho amongst other things. And looked at Hawaii recipes for pork "butt". Apparently standard US nomenclature. I learn lots of odd things from Sarah. Spoke to Mum who is finalising her website. I will have a link here as soon as it is up and running. Pottered about for a bit in the afternoon, with an eye to the Chelsea v Spurs FA cup match on TV, with the noble Chelsea recovering from a poor start to force a replay with the upstarts. Also applied for some ISBN numbers. Took myself off to see Inland Empire the new David Lynch film, at the Duke of York's Picturehouse in Brighton. Excellent venue, grand and slightly shabby. They seemed to have pumped all the oxygen from the cinema however, which made me almost nod off at one point. The film however was stunning, gruelling and mystifying all at the same time. It features Laura Dern as an ac...
Holding the babies A text from Anna this morning to say Anton was ill. Went up the hill a bit before noon to discover Anton in the grips of the lung-attacking flu I had last week. Anton assured me, however, that his was much worse, and he has to have an x-ray on Monday for pneumonia. This may trump coughing blood so I had to be sympathetic. Anna was off to run a charity clothes sale, so I was on hand to amuse the babies in a Godfatherly fashion. After feeding Oskar who is an unbelievably sweet natured and placid baby, I took Klaudia off to the park in her push chair. She loves the swings and enjoyed the small slide. She had her eyes fixed on the big slide however, which made me feel a bit twitchy but she managed it several times but she was fine with it as long as I held her hand as she went through netting and over little chain bridges and so on. I felt like thrashing a slightly larger child who barged her: it must be hard not to shout at other people's kids if you are a parent. ...
Friday, Skyline and more Lynching Up surprisingly easily this morning having been entirely sensible the night before. Off to work, and met Max the Mentor not far from the office, who linked arms with me and we walked companionably into work. Today was her twentieth year in the agency. Made me think how one of the things about working at the same place for seven years is that you do make some good friends. For me, not a bad day, worked on another pitch blog, and was taken out for some Italian grub by a nice suit called Nicoletta to discuss the overarching strategy for a new pitch. I like her and we had a nice chat. Her fiance is the pleasant opera singer I met a few weeks ago. I am going to get sucked into a world of pitching again for the next couple of weeks. Back to work and the Gnome and I were slightly bogged down. Felt enervated and so I focused more on coughing impressively. However I encountered an even more jaded-looking French Bloke in a meet during the afternoon. He is simpl...
Back to work Back to work and enjoying the company of humans after my recent flu-enforced solitude. Listened to my pies are bad brainwashing tape on the train, and enjoyed walking through a sunny and springlike Magravine Cemetery . In my absence the French Bloke, Matty boy and First Matie had arranged for us all to meet today. I agreed to go along for half an hour as it was the first time the four of us had been together for at least a year. And of course I ended up staying with them, and drinking a couple of fairly restrained wines. Soon we went in search of a curry. Finding the Indian restaurant closed, we opted for a restaurant of dubious provenance next door. Starters were a few tapas bits, and then Katie and me had Moroccan tagines , and the Michel and Matt had other things. There was much to discuss, for example Katie was proudly sporting her engagement ring. There was work to be moaned about, Michel's new house to described, Matty and my love lives to be dissected, and va...
Pies are BAD Walked today down by the sea at lunchtime, after stocking up on sore throat pastilles and Lemsips. The tide was high, and it was sunny and it felt better to be alive than it had done for a while. A man was playing with a yellow toy airplane with a little engine. This drew half a dozen onlookers as he made it do aerobatics against the blue sky and something about this was very cheerful. Bright clean light. I crunched down on the pebbles for a while just breathing in the sea air mixed with the honey and lemon of my sore throat sweets. Noticed half a dozen cuttlefish shells washed ashore, and an unusual amount of people taking photos of the sunlit sea. Went home via Waterstones and enjoyably lurked about about buying some books, including a Poetry Writers Handbook which mentions AnotherSun.co.uk my dormant e-zine. Makes me wonder if I should resurrect it. Also bought a book by Paul McKenna called I can make you thin . A while ago I bought one by him on changing your life in s...
More Lynch A good deal more lively today, and able to walk further without feeling unsteady on my pins like some sort of Victorian maiden. I decided I am going to go back to work on Thursday after what has been the worst flu I can remember having. The night before full of strange dreams. Of standing by an orchestra which was playing such a protracted deep note that it was making the air lumpy and tactile. Also dreams set in Guernsey which happen all the time. Watched the David Lynch film Mulholland Drive. Quite Twin Peaky in some ways. Difficult to interpret, very dark and dream-like and with conflicting narrative threads and just lots of stunning scenes and disturbing bits flecked here and there with humour. Looking forward to watching it again, which I don't often feel with films so soon after. I really admire the strangeness Lynch is able to inject into everything - just like no one else. Looking forward to being able to focus better. Feeling frustrated to have an agenda for ch...
Under pressure Crawled out of bed and arranged to see the doctor. Lovely Anna picked me up and took me there. Waited for an hour to be seen, while Anna bless her sat outside in the car. Was given precautionary antibiotics, and had my blood pressure taken, which was very high. This means I have to get their home testing kit next week and sit about taking my blood pressure to work out if it is white coat syndrome or if I actually have high blood pressure. I can hardly wait. You go into the doctors with flu and spitting blood, and come out with a morbidity. Bobby bargain. Actually felt a bit more compos mentis today which was about time. And went down to the shop later in the day without the repeat of yesterday's wussiness. I need to get back to work. I need to get my health sorted out. I need to get a grip.
The grapes of scoff Still ill. Went to the shop and suddenly felt submerged. I thought I was going to pass out like a Victorian maiden. I had to put my basket down in the shop and stand outside to gulp some air. Stuff like that can get you a reputation for strangeness. Rats to this flu. Otherwise a very low key day lounging on my gold sofa picking at a bunch of grapes like a chubby Caesar. Mum told me she has been asked to show her paintings to a dealer which is exciting. Also spoke to Sarah at length. She was similarly holed up at home. Skype is a great invention for invalids. And at the end of our last conversation she had the idea of creating a Wikipedia entry for me, which is something that would never have occurred to me. She is full of nice surprises. Anna called offering to give me a lift down to the quack's tomorrow. Trying not to think about the work implications.
Muffins for breakfast Aroused from bed by Anton and Klaudia knocking on the door, and bearing some tasty home made muffins with blueberries. Klaudia had drawn a card too -- an abstract design with lots of purple and plenty of tasteful white space. Anton explaining how the blueberries were healthy and packed full of vitamin C, and the virtues of Internet radio. Feeling disconnected today. More coughing blood, and more telephone reassurances from doctors. And if anything I feel less lively today than yesterday. Spent the day on my gold sofa, watching DVDs on my laptop. The last of my Twin Peaks episodes and the film Don't Look Now by Nick Roeg, which is a wonderful film. Hungry for beautiful images at the moment, although they made off season Venice seem very washed out and sinister. My only positive activity of the day in between dozing and feeling wussy was writing a one hundred word short story for a competition run by BBC Radio 4's Front Row programme. The hundred words have...
It's not the coughing that carries you off Felt a smidge brighter and breezier this morning and bumped into my nice next door neighbour and her nippers who had just returned from Australia where they had seen kangaroos. Felt good to be out and went as far as the patisserie to buy some chewy brown loaf. As the day wore on my joire de vivre wore off still feeling very ill and hot with an intermittent but painful cough. In the evening when I came over all John Keats and coughed some blood I phoned the medical types. I have been that there is nothing to worry about, but I may like to pop into outpatients tomorrow. I'll see how I feel in the morning. Otherwise I quite naturally laid low. I hugely enjoyed watching more Twin Peaks and did next to nothing. Quick conversations with The French Bloke, and Anton and long IM chats with Sarah who was hard at it at work. And I now await Sarah who is going to skype me. Then I shall head for bed and wait to be wrapped up by the soft embalmer ...
Escaping into Twin Peaks Still very rough, but was able to stand up long enough to have a shower and lurched down the fifty yards to the shop with a spinny head to get a few provisions. Told work I wouldn't be in till next week. Migrated from bed to sofa this evening to watch the Twin Peaks DVDs. It is perfect feverish viewing because it is so easy to drift into the bizzare and beautiful scenes. It remains one of my all time favourite shows because there are scenes and an atmosphere about it that you have never seen anywhere else.