Slept soundly at the FB's house, and we set off early for work. In fact we set off three times as he had to double back for his bag, and then his pills. I felt hungover and wussy as we galloped off to the tube station to arrive at work offensively early. At least this meant I was able to whimper quietly to myself and bite weakly on a sausage sandwich before anyone else appeared. Thankfully work slack today but an email came around entitled "Calling all Pikeys " as someone had found a large stash of kitchen equipment in a cupboard which was then given away: scored myself a free cheese grater. This allowed me to walk with it behind my back and approach people saying I've got something great and then wave it at them. Trying to sell the bunk beds I bought for Jack and Kate, and put a notice on the agency intranet as I can't abide the idea of having to learn ebay. Was given a DVD of a quirky short film about crazy golf made by a writer at work called Paul. I was an e
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Off into Soho first thing this morning to be at the recording of the voice over for my cats and dogs advert. Into a small cobbled Mews where there was some odd photoshoot going on with scantily clad women in fishnets and men dressed as footballers. First time I'd seen the advert and I'm really pleased. It conformed exactly to what The Gnome and me had intended and looks fab. The dog actor did a great job at playing "Wilfy" the main character and the location (the FB's stairs) worked perfectly. The voiceover talent was excellently emotive, and we were done in less than an hour. Then went to work, in time for a long lunchtime swim and a pretty chilled first day. The Gnome is on holiday. After work had an impromptu beer with the FB, which ended up with us hooking up noisily with Matty and Taranjit in a pub called the Raven (which they'd been ravin' about for ages). As I was standing at the bar a man next to me accidentally knocked over a barstool which caught
Public holiday here in the UK so set off for a solitary walk. Down to the sea and turned west towards Hove and mooched along the seafront in my new boots. After twenty minutes or so I witnessed a mini whirlwind which lifted a heavy tarpaulin and flung it some fifty feet away, just as rain started to fall heavily. Then my phone rang and Anton and Anna were waving down at me from a flat overlooking the sea. Turns out that David and Stephanie are staying there, in an amusingly nautical apartment, and Anton had happened to see me sloping by. Was invited up for a cup of tea and a cake. Anton wondering if my new boots were chafing at all. Meanwhile Klaudia busily being adorable and saying Peter very clearly now. And then took a stroll along the seafront with them all. Enjoying chatting to David, before leaving them to their lunch to break off inland inspired by a green sunlit glimpse of the Downs. Walked north threading through the backstreets of Hove and eventually made my way beyond the to
Awoke late with a clear and distinct hangover. Busied myself with a few light domestic chores, and beginning my old university friend Andy's explosive novelised account of his experiences in mine clearance. Find that there are fictionalised versions of his friends in it too... I am wondering if I am the character called Steve who is a poet who writes pornography. If only I'd thought of that. Texted by Anton who was going to take in some more of the Open House art shows today. After he called around and I went upstairs to get my shoes, he pulled my new walking boots from their bag and discovered to his horror that in my ignorance I had bought the ones he had been coveting, only slightly better. Spent the afternoon with him and David, his nice father-in-law, snooping about Brighton looking at a variety of artworks, their originators, and their interesting houses. David also keen on painting and he and Anton found a woman whose art was very loose with a wet on wet style, that is e
Once the initial stun of jetlag had worn off, I devoted myself to a frenzy of cleaning as Toby and Romy have inspired me to sort out my house. And I took a decisive step later in the day by buying a wire frame thing to put in a draw so that the knives shall not lie with the forks, as God intended. Also some containers with tea, coffee and sugar written on them -- like Romy has. Anna, Anton their bairns and David and Stephanie, Anna's mum and dad, came by for a cup of tea. I gave them the baby teeshirts with bears on them I'd bought at Toronto airport for the nippers. Little Oskar has a worrying rash over his body, while Baby Klauds was asleep and grouchy faced when she woke up. Despite a few routine slurs on my Tilley hat's sexual orientation, Anton grew subdued as he tried it on and muttered something a bit later about getting a new one. Off shopping in the afternoon. Took my Emily Carr prints in to be framed, bought the house-organising items above, and a new pair of walk
Last day in Canada. Did little apart from go for a short walk, read and pack and play with Meaty (left with laser eyes). Toby and Romy home early and Romy cooked a quick feast before they took me to the airport. Spoke to Joan on the phone to say goodbye too. Felt a bit sad to be off, and not looking forward to the flight as usual. However a couple of glasses of wine helped greatly, and the knowledge that Tobs and Romy will be over soon. Forced them outside their home to take some photos. Neither like being photoed but I like the one below them sitting outside their house. They drove me off to the airport, finishing the feast with chocolates in the car. The journey was horrid. I was sat in the middle of the middle row. The seats are just too small for me and so I was crushed with my shoulders hunched all journey. Felt extremely miserable and wanting to get off for the first couple of hours. But I gradually made my pact with it. I will never use Air Transat again, however, unless I go cl
Meaty yowling outside my door till I got up after a refreshing nine hours sleep. As soon as I was up, however, it totally ignored me. Meanwhile I noticed a cheering text from The Gnome, saying that the first edit of the cats and dogs advert was looking great. This a relief and means that going back to work won't be hideous. Cats and dogs seem to be taking over my life. Went downtown again, popping into the Art Gallery of Ontario which is being rebuilt. There was a small amount of modern art on display, as well as the Henry Moores. I took in an exhibition of Peter Doig's watercolours which left me marvelling at the gallery's overheated, and entirely unsubstantiated, claims made for the work. In the gallery shop I picked up a couple of Emily Carr prints, however, which will look nice back home. Walking around Toronto again in the sun taking one or two photos. Noticing how relaxed people are eating their lunches in the square outside City Hall. Eventually I made my way home fo
A burst of laundry and out. A beautiful sunny day today in Toronto. With my Tilley hat to keep off the sun I caught the subway downtown, taking a walk through the pleasant University area. I stopped off at The Village Idiot, a bar around the corner from where Tobs used to live, for a village idiot burger and a beer. Thus refreshed, I spent the next three and a half hours walking through downtown Toronto rubbernecking in shops and just going where my feet took me. The CN tower makes it incredibly easy to locate yourself in the city, so you never get lost. And talking of the CN tower... I decided to take myself up the world's tallest building today. The lift, which has a glass side, takes you up in about a minute to the restaurant area. Wandered about for a few minutes looking down at the vertiginous views. However I didn't feel very secure, and was pleased to get down after a while, opting not to join the people dancing about on the glass floor. After this I caught the subway an
O soothest sleep! If so it please thee, close, in midst of this thine blog, my willing eyes... Have been stricken with narcolepsy. Feel like sleeping all the time, despite a decent nine hour sleep punctuated with nightmares, and a hour nap in the afternoon, I am ready for an early night. Bade a very fond farewell to Joan and Dick at the farm as the dogs Nico and Maggie sprinted around us playing at savaging each other's faces. I loved being at the farm, and Joan and Dick are most excellent people. Felt a bit sad as we drove off, wondering if I would ever see Deviation Road again as they have plans to move to be near the sea in Nova Scotia. The drive home was like being in a car ad where a single car drives through wonderful scenery on the open road. Passed a massive wind farm with dozens of the huge wind turbines ranked across the open landscape like a scene from the war of the worlds. Romy has a major work deadline this week and so had to return to the office despite this being a
Woke early to see snow falling over the yellow canola fields. I was the first to get up, and surprised the sleepy dogs. Nico, the larger one, nudged me towards the door and when I opened it four or five disgruntled and snowy cats filed in. As Joan got up, the house sparked into life. Cats and dogs were fed (having failed to brainwash me to comply) and coffee and toast appeared. Dick said that it was very unusual for snow to be falling at this time of year. Joan drove Romy, Toby and me off to nearby Walter's Falls where we took a short walk in a wood alongside the waterfall and marvelled at the ugliness of the new hotel that had been built overlooking it. My Tilly hat proving effective in keeping icy rain off my face. Then back to the farm for sandwiches and tea and then to commence another huge game of Settlers of Catan that stretched for hours over two sessions and several tantrums from Toby. Later Toby and I went for another walk skirting the canola, across the wet fields and ba
Slept like a baby then downstairs for coffee and toast, the great outdoors beckoning. Much enjoyable milling about of people, cats and dogs. Toby and Romy have commissioned some stained glass for their front door from a nearby award-winning business. Joan drove us off to the big converted barn on a ridge. Inside was a showroom and studio combined. Toby and Romy's windows, which they had designed to copy an old English pattern, looked great. Very friendly people and I was fascinated by the hundreds of sheets of various glass they have stored there. Then into the small town of Markdale where the ideal Tilley hat was waiting for me. Hemp Tilleys (not available in the UK) are naturally more breathable than the cotton one owned by Anton. This one has a wide brim and is worn by people who enjoy wrestling bears in the wilds. After this we popped into a cafe in a shop where everyone knew Joan. In a burst of knife and forkwork we ate enormous scones, soup and exemplary home made chicken pie
Into downtown Toronto this morning. A beautiful, sunny morning in which Toronto showed off. It is a good city, lively and it feels very safe. Went to look at city hall again, which is where Toby and Romy were married. Big curving bracket-like towers cupping the huge space between them. Then met Romy for an early lunch. She took me to the Convocation Hall restaurant in Osgoode Hall which is a historic legal building in the centre of town. An amusing scene getting in. I had my rucksack with me and due to the legal nature of the building we had to be x-rayed before we could enter. I had stowed a deadly pair of nailscissors. These were such a temptation to run amok stabbing everyone that the security guards didn't trust themselves to look after them. As my sarcasm levels were set to climb rapidly, Romy sensibly intervened and hid them outside and we were allowed to in. I'm pleased we were. It is a lovely building, and I had a really nice time with Romy in the restaurant. Great foo
Iron resolve to do nothing. And by thunder I'd forgotten how good I am at this. The morning's idling interrupted only by the occasional Meaty ambush. Several times she sprang up from under the chair to nip my hand, unable to endure the provocation of my holding a book any longer. I finished my random airplane read "A year in the merde" which was a bit less merde that I thought it might be. Then back to Tua Forsstrom's poems, and then embarked on reading an NLP book about overcoming fear. I want to reprogram myself to stop being so wretched on planes. Part of the process is to say things like I love planes, and I particularly enjoy it when it's bumpy! till the kind people in white coats come for you. This developed into a full blown "me, me me" fest. My mental and emotional inbasket is full, and today I began to separate some of the sheep from the goats. Later I enjoyed a blameless afternoon nap followed by two bowls of Romy's yummy lentil soup. T
Off to Canada. Frenzied and end-of-tetherish this morning but got to Gatwick in good time sporting the stocking-like flight socks. Wearing these made me picture crash investigators trying to identify the remains of a large transvestite. I never thought the influence of the Lord of the Rings would extend to aircraft design but it is an inescapable fact that Air Transat plane seats have been designed to accommodate hobbits. By a stroke of wonderful fortune, however, the seat next to me was empty, despite the plane being full. The crew, however, were efficient and cheery. Journey fairly turbulent. The woman the other side of the gap was quite chatty, however, which seemed to help. She had been a nurse and like Toby had studied at McGill, and said that Toby had got it made being a PhD high school teacher. Provoked no doubt by the passenger seating she suggested I see the musical of Lord of the Rings while I was in town. We had a lively conversation after I pointed out that musicals are th
Last day at work, largely wasted rewriting pieces of copy. Managed to slip away for a swim in the afternoon to rid myself of pent up grouchiness. Otherwise little to report. The Gnome off on the first day of the dog advert shoot. Very happy to be able to avoid all that standing about and looking at dogs for a day. Spoke to mum, who had two words to say to me: "flight" and "socks". Spoke to Janet whose birthday it is, and to Bob and to First Matie who called to wish me well. Surprised and pleased that Sarah has been reading Beer and Trembling , the novel I wrote a long time ago and is enjoying it. Interesting to get her perspective for many reasons, but also as someone who is just finishing a creative writing degree. Packing and running about ineffectually. Next blog will be from Canada, eh.
Wonderful going into work realising that there was only two days of it. Listened to Goreki's 3rd Symphony on my iPod. Such a moving piece of music that I found myself in tears as the train passed Battersea Power Station. At work, the Gnome back after a car crash he had on Friday. He and his son were driven into by a motorbike. Everyone okay, although the normally-placid Gnome was so protective of his son that he was screaming at the rider. Went for a short and blameless lunchtime stroll with the French Bloke along the river speculating about the function of various bits of twisted metal revealed among the birdprint patterns by the slimy tide. Afternoon and slipped off to go to the dentist to replace a filling. The dentist, however, began boring as if for a deeply buried gusher. Needed five loads of amalgam to fill the hole. Feel like half my head is composed of filling. Will I stick to some sort of magnet in the airport when I fly to Toronto on Wednesday? So numbed by anesthetic th
Off to meet Sophie and Andros and their nippers Christof and Electra (who I still think has the best name of all people I know). Usual Brighton liveliness. Heard this mad funky drumming and turned the corner and there were twenty silver haired ladies laying down a bangin' chune. Paused to photograph them but they were already melting away, as I did so spotted the orcs walking through the park. Waiting for Sophie by the pier was quite amused to see a loud protest outside the Seaworld centre. "Stop the seal and otter prison" was their message (repeated ad nauseam ) as the aquarium now has seals and otters in it. Torn between thinking it good that they were bothered, and that there were more important things going on in the world. But instead of debating the rights and wrongs of the issue as I waited, I amused myself by thinking it was otter madness, and questioning if their fate had been sealed etc. etc. If weak puns were ever under threat I would be taking to the streets t
Train this morning with Anton who is off to Paris by Eurostar to give a presentation, or Mordor as he was calling it. Showing off with his new phone, so that when I got off at Hammersmith I went straight into Orange and got my free upgrade. Phoned Anton to explain that the one I'd chosen was ever-so-slightly cooler and had the edge in terms of functionality. A few hours later got a text "I'm 25k south of Lille and I think I can see Baradur". Working with the Gnome this morning on internet banners for erection problems again. It is impossible to avoid ribaldry when working on that account. Then off to lunch with Liz. We'd been planning to do lunch for about 3 months, and we shot down to Riverside Studios and snickered childishly about work and its characters for an hour. Good fun. Very quiet at work this afternoon. I activated cloaking device and snuck off for a swim. A hot day meant it was quite full. In the pool I bumped into Ros, one of Janet & Ken's pal
A dog day today. Work quiet apart from a long pre-production meeting over lunch for the cats and dogs advert. Turns out part of it will be shot on the stairs of The French Bloke's house. The main dog actor is called Bernie and is one of those curs with long tufts of hairs over its eyes. I can't help but imagine it wearing a smoking jacket lurking in the FB's winnebago (aka the pimpmobile) reading The Stage . After, this I slipped off for a relaxed and invigorating swim. Can't help but feel exceedingly cheerful today. After work tubed into town to meet Mad Dog at Doggett's pub. Had a swifty there and then crossed over the river to go to The Punch on Fleet Street and on to Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese. Generally put the world to rights. Then sloped off to engorge a curry (my second in two days) before sleeping on the slow train to Brighton. Below. Mad Dog and Doggett's. And Bob in the Cheshire Cheese.
Glance at my magic box of owls before legging to the station. Got on the train next to an empty seat, and thought about how I needed to speak to Reuben. Within 30 seconds he was sitting next to me. Told him I'd manifested him. Had a good chat on the train. I definitely need new walking boots as four of my toenails are now blackened. Hoping they don't fall off and leave me scuttling around like a softshelled crab. Felt oddly stressed this morning walking in hard rain. Soon rallied, and had a swim, and snuck off early with the FB for a chat in the Dove, where I later met Sarah. Went for a cheeky curry in old favourite haunt The Light of Nepal on Chiswick High Road before heading home. Feeling really cheery about the prospect of a holiday in Canada and staying with Toby and Romy and spending time with Dick and Joan out in the Farm on Deviation Road. Looking forward to taking some proper snaps with my new camera.
Up early and off with Anton to the village of Little Beeding; near the source of the Ouse River. It is the first of a series of walks we plan to take along the river till we reach the sea at Seaford. Today the countryside was stunningly beautiful. Spring is well underway now and everything is green and lush and, despite ominously blue clouds, we were followed by sun. Set off boldly barely looking at the guidebook. Soon we were lost in squelchy bootsucking woodland which meant a long detour from our original route. Really enjoyed it today, however. Felt very relaxed even when lost or walking through a field of bullocks. Worst moments: for Anton was when a dog put its muddy paw on his craghopper trousers, for me was when Anton asked me for the fifteenth time how I could countenance walking without a Tilley hat. We ended the walk amid archetypical Englishness in the village of Staplefield. We sat outside a pub called The Victory quaffing a quick pint of Harveys before the taxi came to tak
Busy day. Was noodling about this morning and Anna and Anton came by be-babied and took me into town to drink coffee and watch the Children's parade through Brighton. The theme was foods of the world, so there were hundreds of children and their parents and teachers dressed with, for example, pizza pie hats, or as chips, jam sandwiches, fish or fruit and so on. These were peppered with big floats featuring often more abstract things like giant octopus or huge chefs. Found myself laughing a lot. Met some of Anton and Anna's baby posse who were all cheery and their children all liking the parade. Klaudia seemed to enjoy it and was passed about to sit on people's shoulders. Oskar did his patented non-peeping perfect baby business. Amazing watching Klaudia's development. When they stopped by at my place she was sulking a bit. After she got some attention she was pulling some trying-not-to-laugh faces. This is quite sophisiticated really. In the afternoon went out with Jane
Phew. Another scorcher in London etc. The day saw me full of cheerful and manly vigour but still balking at work. However, I have been approached to teach a poetry course in the agency, this will be great fun. Wandered off for a walk by the river with Trace and ended up at the Dove. Enjoyably compared our many notes on life and loves while she smoked fags and drank mineral water in a catlike fashion and I had a beer. Then on the way back we stumbled across a bicker of creatives basking in the sun outside the Blue Anchor. The FB was there too, but due to his vampire medication he was crouching in the shade employing only his powerful voice to be noticed. Lingered with them for a while, then back to the agency, and a cheeky swim in the afternoon. Quite odd swimming after a few lunchtime drinks. Felt like the man from Atlantis and wanted to be ottering through the water all the time. Brighton and met up with Mum and Mase who had taken Swiss Chris and Terri down there to look at the Pavili
Full of the joys of spring today. Hot glorious day in which I had an iron resolve about one thing: I was going to do sweet FA. Finally able to slope off to the pool for a long swim. Returned to collect the Gnome for lunch. We sat by the river outside The Riverside Studio in the hot sun eating a nice vegetable thali and drinking cold beer as we discussed the extent of our big and cleverness. Then off to Chiswick to have Nicki cut my hair for the last time before she leaves to have her baby. Told her it was making me feel panicky as she has been cutting my hair for donkey's years. She is going to call me if she takes up her scissors in anger again. Felt quite sad and we kissed each other goodbye. Then from Chiswick to Kew to see Sarah. Went down near the river for a cheeky beer and then off to Browns to strap on a burger-based nosebag, while conducting animated discussions on a wide range of big and clever things.
At last the car pitch is behind me. Went fairly well. Spent the latter part of the afternoon locked away (with four other guys from the agency and five from the client) in an airless grey room in Slough talking passionately about cars. The building gave me the dreadful ennui feeling again and the colours of the walls reminded me of when I worked as the world's least efficient Snivel Servant. Turned up armed with loads of work in portfolios and a five foot cardboard robot. I felt like I was talking in tongues droning on about cars having never driven one. After pitch we retired to a nearby hotel to snatch a cheeky beer before I undertook the long schlepp home. Tired and braindead. Feeling fat and unfit too as I have only managed one long walk and no other exercise for a week. Will resume swimming tomorrow. In fact I will resume life again tomorrow. Hoping for a better night's sleep tonight. Plagued by terrible nightmares last night.
Walked into rain and strode by stormy seas this morning with a stormy heart. Walked for 8.5 miles and so wasn't too exhausted when I get home. I am run down at the moment emotionally and physically, and have been overworked too. Looking forward to escaping to Canada and staying with Toby and Romy for a bit. Nice evening with Anna, Anton and Brian. Little Oskar being a sleeping angel who woke up once and looked at me through the corner of his eyes rather disapprovingly. Baby Klauds full of love and kissing the baby rocking it and singing songs to it. Then kissing the baby and Anna and me and Brian. The little chair that Oskar sleeps in in the centre of the room was ringed with a tribute of toys which Klaudia had left for him. Infuriatingly Anton is looking distinctly thinner. He was parading about sucking his guts in and smoothing the front of his shirt. He said it was a two pronged attack as he had been baking lots of cakes with Baby Klauds for me to take away. Galling is what it i