under another sun

Feeling a bit unwell when I got up. A bit more editing this morning and had a chat to Mum. Around lunchtime  I began to feel overwhelmed by the job at hand, and exhausted and cold. Spent the rest of the day feeling unwell and rotting on the gold sofa with my microwavable bean bag. A few hours later I got a very pleasant email, rejecting Gordon Road. You can always rely on poetry to deliver its bitter pills when you feel lowest. The Gods laugh at the ambitions of poets. Lorraine and I ate the rest of the Bean Jar tonight. It was delicious. Lorraine had been busy with Pat and Maureen. Ken and Claire came over from Ireland for the day, getting up at 2am so they could spend the afternoon with them. Pat very pleased to see them, and slept well afterwards. Remained on the sofa watching telly with a decompressing Lorraine, until bed time. Bah. A waste of a day. Life is difficult enough for Lorraine at the moment without me being draggy. 

A relaxed morning, that Lorraine and I spent together pottering about the house, and having a slow breakfast. Lorraine also sewing jeans, and other bits and pieces companionably while I worked on the collection, and feeling like I am almost finished now Lorraine spent the afternoon with Pat and Maureen. I went for a walk along the sea, with my proper camera. Discovered there was a of helicopter training exercise winching crew members down to sea level and so on. I snapped away happily, but the memory card was still in my computer, and without my glasses I couldn't read the little message the camera kept giving me.  While walking I finished listening to my audiobook of  Powsels and Thrums , by Alan Garner. In every way an excellent book. I shall have to buy it in physical form. Beautifully written, discursive and full of profundity. Powsels and thrums are the scraps of cloth and oddments of thread left after weaving, a trade that had been in his family. Spoke to Mum briefly bef...

Once I was at the furthest point away from home on my walk this afternoon, it began to rain really heavily. I had a small umbrella with me fortunately, but still was soon soaked to the skin. It let up for a minute or two and I took a nice shot capturing the colours of the sea. I love it when the sky is darker than the sea. It makes me think of the paintings of Mark Rothko. As I was walking along, listening to my audiobook of Powsels and Thrums by Alan Garner. a crow was hopping about being blown backwards alongside me at about the same pace. Felt oddly companionable and a little magical.  While I was walking across the salts, it was raining again. A man shouting at me in distress. He'd opened the door of his car, and his dog had run out and disappeared. I stood looking out across the salts and could see no dog and walked around a bit to try to help. The man's despair, and the wild rain, made it all seem visceral and weird.  Like some scene in Thomas Hardy with the pathetic fa...

Slightly buzzy with ideas first thing, and had a quiet hour or so at my desk. Then breakfast, Lorraine having already had discussions on the phone with the consultant at the hospital. Loads of people in and out of Pat and Maureen's flat today, which was stressful for them. Occupational Therapist, District Nurse, carers, the person who delivered a hospital bed for Pat all calling around. So Lorraine there quite a bit, in between having an acupuncture session, for a much-needed half an hour focused on breathing and calmness. To Eastbourne Station like a  bus wanker , and then walked to the Hospital and back to collect Pat's corrected discharge letter, and a prescription.  Quite a long walk there and back, down boring main roads in Eastbourne. Waiting at Eastbourne I bought two eccles cakes which I had with Lorraine when I got home. Then later I took Pat's prescription round, and sat chatting with Maureen for a while, before Lorraine and Beth arrived with Enzo, to spread a lit...

Lorraine had a phone call this morning saying Pat was going to be released from hospital, and they would set off in two hours. Maureen was sleeping on the sofa downstairs, so we got up and Lorraine was around there with Maureen in good time. I'd got up early and had done  some writing, and had just settled back at my desk when Lorraine called in a panic saying the ambulance had arrived early, and she'd had to leave Maureen in the car to be with Pat. I walked round and helped an upset Maureen into the flat. Once we got everyone settled, and I'd made some tea, Lorraine opened the discharge letter and it was for a woman patient, with a similar surname. Lorraine called the ward. Beth, who happened to be in Eastbourne, was able to collect the right one.  When Beth gave Lorraine the letter had no mention of the acute and severe hypertension, which was the main cause of his admission in the first place. Lorraine has started an official complaint. She also talked it through with Su...

Breakfast with Maureen this morning. Then they drove off to Eastbourne to spend the day in hospital. The hospital, they said was incredibly busy and overstretched. But Pat stable. Very stressful for Lorraine and Maureen, and disorientating for Pat, who fortunately spent much of the afternoon asleep.  This gave me a bit of a free day of sorts, but I felt anxious and so it was hard to focus.  Therefore I followed Eno's advice about creativity: if in doubt, tidy up. A longish walk in the sunshine this afternoon, which helped. On my return, feeling a bit better, I began my Meta Book project, subtitled with deliberate pomposity 'being the chronological notebook of notebooks' in which I get all my past notebooks and fillet out anything in them of interest, and in the case of the one I'm just been looking at, what I was thinking about when I was 16 and 17, things like the colour green, stained glass windows, fossils, and spells using the moon, and other unlikely stuff. Girls, ...

A good night's sleep, then after breakfast Lorraine went around to Stratheden, having made an appointment with the doctor. However, Pat still unwell with little mobility, so he was taken by ambulance to hospital. Lorraine and Maureen spent all day with him. Apparently the hospital was unexpectedly busy. It seems Pat may have a chronic kidney infection among other things. He was given good treatment, and they lowered his blood pressure, started to rehydrate him and sent him for various tests and scans. He was kept in overnight, which must have been confusing for him.  Maureen and Lorraine who didn't get home till getting on for 11.  I'd made food earlier, but all Maureen wanted was a bit of garlic bread and a cup of tea.   After talking to Lorraine, I continued with my plan of going up to Hampstead to see Mum. On the Lewes train, I sat opposite two young men with painted nails, lipstick, mascara etc. who were having incredibly detailed conversations about the virtues of va...

Woken in the middle of the night by Maureen saying that Pat was on the floor. Outside, as we rushed off, we couldn't help but notice how bright the stars were. We were there in three minutes. Apprehensive when we were in the lift, but we found Pat had simply slipped out of bed. Maureen had wrapped him up warm. Lorraine and I got him up, no easy task, and tucked him back into bed. Back home again half an hour later, though it took both of us a while to get to sleep. The clocks fell back today, but our extra hour had been used up on alarms in the night. Lorraine and I married 12 years ago today. We agreed on no presents, but Lorraine gave me a card and a little blue glass heart. I got her nothing and felt ashamed of my disorganisation.  A cup of tea in bed for breakfast, and there was another call saying Pat had slipped out of bed again. So we zoomed around picked him up. He was stronger today and able to walk a bit. Lorraine and Maureen monitoring his blood pressure which is high. L...

Shocked to have tea brought to me in bed by Lorraine, who is using the two hour time difference to Greece to her advantage. She had found the purse she had hidden before we had gone away on holiday. It had taken two days of intermittent searching.  I made off to life drawing. We were drawing an older man. I found myself a bit more relaxed about drawing. I realise I've been through a patch of expecting myself to be better, and feeling a bit disappointed. I found I forgot about that, and just got on with it more today, and so I enjoyed it much more. Mellisa says I need to be more fearless in my drawing. She is right. Feeling extremely tired this afternoon. But made off to Brighton, using my free bus pass, to get a haircut. Still outbreaks of flags in Newhaven, and central Seaford. Denton Roundabout which was a nest of flags, now free of them thankfully. They go up, they get taken down.   Stacy in Gandalf mode today, long hair and beard. But did his usual perfectionists job on mi...

Sylwia here this morning. Her first time since the day Brian died, and she was traumatised by him fitting. She seems to be okay though. She is a very kind woman, and has been keeping an eye on Pat and Maureen while we were away. I, however, decided to keep the holiday vibe going, and mooched off to the Lanes Cafe with my laptop. A sign on the door: no coffee. The coffee-less cafe, like the gateless gate of Buddhism.  Their machine had broken, so I sat there with a proper pot of tea, and fiddled about trying to catch up. Later I was joined by Lorraine who had been doing Rhyme Time, and we shared some more tea and some spanakopita, which the cafe happened to be selling, and reminded us of Greece.  Felt like a treat to me meeting in a cafe. Afterwards I went for a very blustery walk, threatening rain along by the sea. Lorraine went to Pat and Maureen's place. I cooked and we had a chilled out evening, watching The Celebrity Traitors. Enjoying time on the Gold Sofa. 

Woke at 6am, and burst of energy, first thing and busied myself about the house.  A chat with Mum. Her  fire is now installed, which is great news. Lorraine off first thing to get acupuncture and see Caroline her personal trainer, and baby sat Enzo while Beth went to the dentist this afternoon.  My energy began to wane this afternoon. But I went for a walk, and later some shopping. Otherwise brain dead and no ideas. The flags continue, although many have removed, there are new ones. Did a little blogging but more to upload. Early to bed.  Below the scene on Seaford Beach looking towards Newhaven.

Up in the dark, a piece of toast and a cup of tea, last minute packing, then collected outside the bakery at 7:00. Leanne and Rahul already aboard the minibus. To the harbour near Gaios, half an hour before the Kamilia line boat left, so we stood about with our cases watching the sky lighten, with Venus bright  again. Leanne had give Lorraine som anti travel sickness gum. We boarded, and when given the chance, scooted outside to sit on the seating at the prow. The seats were wet but it was well worth getting wet bums, as we watched the sun rising over the Greek mainland, as we chugged north to Lefkimmi port in the south of Corfu.  From Lefkimmi, a coach to Corfu town port where we left our luggage, and as I'd found a bookshop online, 15 mins walk away in Corfu Town, we mooched off with Leanne and Rahul, to find it. It had looked massive online, but was actually small. I was hoping to buy some Greek poetry in translation, which I have done before, but they had no English langua...

A good sleep, and Lorraine brought us tea and we sat with the French doors open, looking out at the harbour and the hill, trees and houses across the bay. The day started cloudily, but by the time we'd eaten a slow peach and yoghurt, toast and cheese breakfast and had left for the nearby Mamari beach it was beautiful. The beach was almost completely empty, and utterly gorgeous. We swam together, then I did a bit of sketching, and reading George Seferis's brilliant poetry. Lorraine finished Mountains of the Sea , by Ray Naylor which she has been reading for a long time. Then she crocheted and we gazed dreamily into the distance. We're expecting rain tomorrow so we lapped up all the sun we could.  Photographing jellyfish -- not usual here -- in the shallows, but what came out was the beautiful look of ripples of light on the pebbles. I only noticed the jellyfish today, and it was then it clicked about the day before. We mooched back home, and Lorraine went to have a shower, I...

Our alarm set for 6:30 up and sorting ourselves out. I'd slept like a log so felt a bit better than the previous morning. I looked out of the window and saw the first flush of dawn, with Venus shining brightly. A nice buffet breakfast, then we checked out at 8:00 and were immediately taken in a minibus with the two other couples back to the airport where we hung about. Our fellow travellers, were all living London, Steve and Tony, and Leanne and Rahul. We liked them all immediately. Leanne is a designer, and had recently been doing some life drawing. Then off in the coach to down to Lefkimmi on the south of the island. A gorgeous morning, and lovely to be in Greece again. Lorraine had forgotten her travel pills so was focusing hard on not feeling queasy on the coach, and later the little Kamelia line boat. Sat inside on benches, luckily it was a smooth crossing, and Tony and Steve were talking to us all the way, distracting Lorraine from the general queasy business. Tony revealed h...

I woke up at 4:30, half an hour before we had to get up for a some breakfast and the trip off to Gatwick. A bit tired and a bit sorry for myself. But we met no problems, and simply flew smoothly to Corfu, with only isolated moments of existential unease. Nobody sitting next to Lorraine meant we had more elbow room. Very cheery stewardess.  Once through the airport, we were spirited off to the nearby Corfu Holiday Palace, with two other couples who were both pleasant. A few days ago we learned that the ferry times had recently changed, and we were too late to travel to Paxos. A 4 star hotel, and our room had a nice view down on the pool and the sea and the coast of the mainland. I crashed out for a nap, then once revived, Lorraine and I set off for a walk. There was a novelty funicular from the poolside which went down to the beach below. Walked around the coast for a minute, and found ourselves looking at Pontikonisi island, aka Mouse Island, and The walkway across the water to the...

My birthday. Sixty six. Thinking of W.B.Yeats, 'An aged man is a paltry thing, a tattered coat upon a stick, lest soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing for every tatter in its mortal dress.' So I shall try to maintain my gusto, not that I feel too aged, thankfully. And luckily, feeling a bit perkier than of late, and o longer catastrophising about having to abandon the holiday because of some appalling disease. Lorraine brought a cup of tea and presents in bed including a gorgeous handmade leather belt, and a stained glass window made by Adele of the crocodile from Punch and Judy. She'd also got me, on Mum's behalf, some knee pads which will be incredibly useful for scrambling about in the loft and other knee-based activities. Adele and Patrick also gave Lorraine some lovely art pencils and brushes for me. Many kind birthday messages during the day. Spoke to Mum too, before the big jaunt tomorrow.  Assorted packing and organising to go away tomorrow.  In the aft...

A bit drained and wet blankety but mostly cheerful. This afternoon the sun was at the exact degree of Libra as it was at the moment of my birth, and so invisible fairy dust was sprinkled over me.   Lorraine had most of the day at home, and she planted the Guernsey lilies she had got me as part of a birthday present, and even did some pottery in the studio this afternoon. It makes me happy when she feels relaxed enough to do that. I finished  Light , by M. John Harrison. Science fiction is not a genre I read much, despite loving it in my teens. This was superior SF though, complex but emotional, and highly readable, with some of it set in Chiswick. Once I finished that I started reading Confessions by St Augustine, and passed the point where my 1980s self had given up and his underlinings ceased. I might take it away with me, especially as the forecast for Paxos is somewhat rainy. Lorraine and I ate a tasty delivery meal from The Viceroy. Finally we have found a decent purveyor...

Sniffing this morning. I did a little writing, then went for a walk at lunchtime, to try to perk up. By the afternoon I was feel too meh sore throaty and lifeless to go to the Boot tonight to celebrate my own birthday. A bit of a drag, and also poorly timed as we are zooming off to Greece on Monday. However, was sent a recording by Chris of them singing happy birthday to me from the pub.  Some old scribbles and daubs on a wee instagram account here , as a sort of tidying up impulse.   I spoke to Mum this morning and called up the fire people to get a rough delivery date for her, which should be the week Lorraine and I get back. Sent Robert Hamberger the money for his book, and got a lovely note back from him. Also a meditative text from Brian. My new wallet arrived, which is a thing of beauty, and most importantly, green. Judging by the fact I have lost two train tickets on my last two journeys I certainly need it. Also texted the sweeps who cleaned Mum's chimney yesterday tha...

Noticed there was no Brian waking me up, and no cats to be fed at home for the first time in many years. After breakfast with Lorraine, my life drawing class. Getting to know some of the other classmates better, and it's all quite cheery. Not delighted with my drawings, and I find myself making the same mistakes. The model, Katie, was one we have drawn before but she was nice to draw, being a little older and more curvy who looks like Jane Austen. She was also sporting a broken wrist, gained after falling over wearing a clown costume, and had to go to A&E in it. Then a little walk, and joined up with the Understory folks, another interesting session. Then off to Lewes to go to the Needlewriters, where I sat mainly with Robin, Charlotte, and Stephen Bone. Stephen had been really ill lately, and can't smell anything any more. Janet and Jeremy both there.  Robert Hamburger was one of the readers, and I love his work, and I asked him to sign his latest book Nude Against A Rock ...

Up as usual. Lorraine off early to have breakfast with Beth and her new NCT pal Lucy. Brian miaowed soulfully when Lorraine left and I had to go and comfort him. Sylvia was here this morning, and after phoning Mum I decided to use my new bus pass and went off to Friston Forest for a walk. While I was waiting for the bus, I bumped into Beth and Lucy, with the babies off to Rhyme Time. After that I met Eileen Counsell again, and her husband. Eileen is a former professional musician, who is active in the local arts community, and a good egg. Lovely to walk in the forest, to green bathe and crunch on autumn leaves. I took lots of photos. A call from Lorraine who had been contacted by Sylvia. Brian had had another terrible fit, foaming at the mouth and had tumbled downstairs and hurt his leg. Sylvia was in tears when Lorraine found her. Lorraine stayed with him and we made a vet's appointment for this afternoon, and we went to the vet and took the hard decision to have him put down. The...

Up early and off to Friston Forest for a walk with Brian and Marley the dog. A lovely day for it, and I always enjoy chatting to Brian, he is a great listener as well as talker, and that is a rare thing. I really like getting to the bit towards the top of the hill where he prays and meditates. I just love the fact there is someone doing that there, and more that I know him.  Brian drove me home, and then I did a bit of writing, but also spoke to Ben and Mum. Ben was looking at the fireplace and says we might not need the fire I ordered, and his mate was a gas engineer. He is going to investigate. Ben has returned from a week away, and Mum is pleased he's back. We'll see what he suggests. In the afternoon, Lorraine and I off to Lewes to meet Dawn and Paul at the Depot. We had a quick drink with them, then went to see a film called Dead of Winter, starring Emma Thompson. Set on and around an icy lake, with lots of shooting. Emma saving the day. Most of the main protagonists, inc...

Up at seven, and working on the same new poem. Slow progress, but it might turn into something. Then breakfast, and spoke to Mum several times, and confirming the order for the fire had been placed, chasing chimney sweeps and so on. Apparently this is peak time of year for sweeps. Nothing from the first guy I contacted, so I contacted another who gave me a date weeks away. After some persuasion he said he could try to fit Mum in before. Later in the afternoon the first sweep called to ask if Mum was in so he could do it now, but by then she'd slipped off for a sanity break in The Waggon and Horses, so we missed the slot. No sweep able to commit to a time, but will pop by when in the area. One of the two will come good I hope. Catching up with terrible local news from the weekend. A small mosque in Peacehaven, not far along the coast towards Brighton, was deliberately set on fire on Saturday. Good news was that one of the would-be murderers has already been caught: a white local man...

Both of us feeling a oddly stressed first thing. I checked the weather in Paxos where we are going and the week we are there, storms are forecast. But the weather is always wrong this far out. Then we drove off to Edgware.   We picked up Mum, and drove quickly to the The Waggon and Horses where Mum had booked us a table. It was empty when we arrived, apart from one man looking at the football, but it soon filled up. I had a chat with the guy who is a bailiff, who talked to me about the death of Paul, whose old seat he had been sitting in. He said he had bought the odd Guinness and left them where he used to sit. Paul is being lamented as someone who listened to others, which is something to aspire to. We all had roast chicken with all the trimmings, which was surprisingly good, mum able to have  couple of wines knowing Lorraine was driving. Back to Mum's and we measured up the tray of the heater and ordered a new one on line to be delivered at Mum's place.  Then Mum ...

More fireplace business this morning. Off to speak to a man in a fireplace shop in Seaford, who was very helpful, and ended up telling me about his mother who he lost last year. He gave me some good advice. After talking to Mum and her showing me the fireplace with her iPad, it finally clicked that we could just get the plate and not need all the surrounds. I showed the man in the shop the fireplace, and he showed me where to measure what was there already to ensure we were going to buy the right size of plate.  Lift you off your feet wind today. I went for a long walk, and some of it by the seafront. Was jostled and shoved by the wind. Otherwise bright, and with a white sea, which looked excellent with the white clouds. A bit weary this afternoon after my buffeting walk, and dozed. I am definitely fitting better into my clothes and the persistent walking seems to be helping lots. Spoke to Toby this evening, after he sent me a podcast interview with Brian Eno. Later Lorraine and I ...

Woke up in the night feeling oddly doomy and discombobulated. I'd dreamt I was standing in Tanfield Avenue, in Neasden, where we lived for a few years on returning from Guernsey. In the dream I was an adult, and waiting in the living room. It was strangely empty however. Into it arrived two men, my biological father, and grandfather. One of them explained they had been delayed due to one of them having to look after a film star. They were both appeared to be the same age, around 40. I stumblingly introduced myself, and shook both of their hands, and they both introduced themselves as John (which was both their names in reality too). I said, where the hell have you guys been? As far as I can remember, I never dreamt about either of them before.   Got up early, did some writing, and then put all the garden furniture away as we are expecting 50mph winds tonight. Then spent a good deal of time looking at fireplaces. Also contacting a chimney sweep to do Mum's flue. I realise howeve...

Up early, and looking at a poem, before heading after breakfast to London, and this time I flowed like a young otter from train to train, arriving at West Hampstead Thameslink in good time, unlike Monday's attempt. Reading Light by M. John Harrison. Not far from the station an absolutely skeletal woman jogger. I wondered what trauma that made her keep running and, apparently, not eating. I felt my heart go out to her. I met Mum at Hampstead station. We snuck down Flask Walk and made our way to The Old White Bear, where we are now known. Mum was looking for the man she calls the parson, who I think looks like a preacher from a cowboy movie. (He wasn't there, but we bumped into him on the street and afterwards he said hello.)  I had taken my laptop and we began to investigate chimney sweeps, and coal effect gas fires and so on. Chat GPT is my friend here.  Then we had a spot of lunch, and a couple of drinks and a good chat. Mum and I looking at the colour of the walls. To me it...

Busy at Kenny towers this morning. I got up early and did a little writing, and after breakfast, Caroline round to give Beth a fitness session. Beth also off to the dentist leaving Enzo with Lorraine for a while.  After I returned from my walk, while learning how to befriend my brain thank's to Rachel Barr's book and taking in some of the mellow glories of Autumn, I found Enzo screaming his little head off. He soon calmed down with Lorrane's cooing,  but the sound is nerve jangling. Sweet how Enzo is so pleased to see his mum though. My bedtime read the last few days is Edward Thomas's book The South Country . A torrent of  description about walking in the southern counties of the UK. Though Thomas writes beautifully, it verges into purple prose from time to time. Somehow the book's form makes you feel that all walks blend into one another as Thomas ambles through the pre-first world war countryside. Almost hallucinogenic. I love his poetry, and this work has touche...

A cheery day, though I can't seem to settle to much in the way of writing at the moment. However, my passport was delivered today in record time. Obviously one of the so dark blue it's black UK ones, instead of the EU burgundy. Still mustn't grumble. Lorraine off to Carline for personal training, and then went off to try a spot of Acupuncture. The woman who gave it to her had a lot to say about spleens, and how the spleen doesn't like cold food. Listening to  How To Make Your Brain Your Best Friend , by the neuroscientist Rachel Barr as I walk. It is excellent, clear and and practical.  In Seaford Cemetery I was taking a snap of a path, when a woman driving through, stopped and asked if I was local. I guess she thought I was there to look at the commonwealth graves. I said I was and we had a friendly chat, and told me her family had lived here for years, and there were lots of her family here. Otherwise a lovely walk, a very warm autumn day. I am loving the idea I can ...

Up and breakfasted and off to see Mum. Just before Haywards Heath the driver announced there was a bad problem at St Pancras and to stay on his train and go to Victoria instead. Only a minute later we pulled into Haywards Heath and were all told to get off the train, as someone had died on the track towards Gatwick.  Both situations were going to be at least two hours to sort out, so I called Mum and told her I'd come to see her later in the week. I felt sorry for the dozens of dispirited people outside trying to get cabs to go to Gatwick Airport. I simply caught a bus to Brighton from around the corner. This journey soon became a misery as I was desperate for a wee and every stop in the middle of nowhere was a torture. Eventually hared off at Preston Park to the park toilets.  Then I walked across the park up to London Road station, where I discovered there wasn't a train for 50 minutes. Realised then that I had also lost my ticket -- the third thing I have lost in the last w...

Slept soundly and sprang up fairly early, and made off back to Lewes again. Excellently, we also picked up Beth and baby Enzo en route. James had a Very Important cycle race to watch. We met Innis and Rosie in a car park in Lewes, then walked along the river Ouse for a while. Innis pretty busy these days with his bird retrieval work, not to mention the coast guarding he is doing, often needing hours in the middle of the night. Rosie's job, which she loved, is coming to an end, and she is wondering how to deploy the skills she has learned.  Great to have Beth with us, and Enzo looking like the best dressed baby in the world. Nice to catch up with Innis and Rosie, and Pippi zooming about happily. Then we drove off to The Ram at Firle and had a happy couple of hours, eating a good Sunday lunch, and tucking away a few tasty 'Inclination' beers from Burning Sky, a brewery just down the lane.  Fond farewells with them all.  Thence home, and a bit of a doze. I then dragged mysel...