under another sun

A cold now in full flow, and Lorraine beginning to feel a bit wussy too.  I lay in bed till late, confident that at least it could be a quiet day, but then I had to work on the podcast for a couple of hours. We got it out on time and Niall Campbell was a wonderful guest. I don't think I was on top form for this recording, but it is what it is, as penetrating philosophers of our time say. Just as I was writing the episode description, I got a call from Wynford who said Mum had fallen over in Edgware, while walking off to have a Christmas Dinner at the Church social club. He wasn't sure where she had been taken to. While I was hanging on the phone to Barnet Hospital A&E, Mum and a nurse called from Edgware walk in centre. Mum sounded okay. She'd slipped over in the heavy rain outside the music shop. Someone in the shop knew Wynford and called him, and he very kindly called me immediately.  The nurse explained that she had stitches, and would also need a scan just to ensur...

Beth off early for a procedure in hospital to do with her bile duct. This meant that we had Enzo for the day and night, as Beth needed time to recover. Enzo behaved in an exemplary way all day. We pushed him off to see Pat and Maureen. I managed a spot of shopping too in Seaford, while Lorraine and Enzo went to the Post Office. Spoke to Anton, who is with Camino. Spoke to Mum to suggest we pick her up next Monday. All good. Feeling coldy this evening, which made me cringe as Charlotte was particularly keen not to be exposed to bugs.  Beth's procedure went well, and James looking after her. Sweet how they both so missed Enzo, even after a few hours. Below Enzo and I looked lots at the tree today, which he loves. A bit of a serious face here.

Up and a few tweaks to the podcast before sending what I had to Robin. Then off to Brighton by train, and went to see Stacy. Stacy under pressure as everyone wants a haircut in time for Christmas. He had also shaved the wizard's hair and beared, I last saw him sporting. He did his usual perfectionists job on me. Then a spot of shopping in Brighton, and spoke to Mum. Home again, and Lorraine out as the OT was visiting Pat.  In my travels today, a note from the editor of Black Nore, accepting one of my lighter poems, called Viagra from Vancouver . It's a true story about getting a spam email from someone called Gwen, my grandmother's name, about buying Viagra from a pharmacy in Vancouver.  Gwen, something of a practical joker, had visited her sister in Vancouver.  I made off to Lewes, the Brewers pub for what I think of as the Poets' Xmas Party. Charlotte, SJB, Robin and Stephen. As I arrived, I bumped into Phil, Innis's mate, last seen at Innis's birthday party i...

Breakfast with Lorraine, then hopped on a train. Lots of blokes in smart casual garms on the train.  Turns out they were all off to the races at Plumpton. At one point there was a call for any medical personnel to report to one of the carriages, but nobody was helped off at subsequent stations, so I think it may have been some kind of a prank. Meanwhile Beth and Enzo, released from hospital, and fortunately the wee lad is far better today, after his adventures last night. Everyone relieved of course.  I continued to Hampstead where I met Mum at the tube station, and we repaired to the The White Bear. A nice drink with Mum, and some food. We discussed her coming down to stay with us for Christmas, while eating unusually tasty cheeseburgers. Very happy that she will not be alone this Christmas. Of course she is sad about Felix dying. She was telling me how kind Wynford had been, and he was even praying as poor Felix was put down.   We sat near the fire, and Mum drank red wi...

A relaxed Sunday. I did some early recording with Robin, and some editing later. Then Lorraine and I did some work in the garden. Our gardener Gerard bad been recently, and so surging outside was not accompanied by the usual feeling of being overwhelmed by all the things to be done. Lorraine was in her happy place. I joined in by clearing stuff out of the greenhouse, hacking through the ropey tomato and cucumber vines and emptied all the tomato pots into the compost, and encountered invertebrates such as an overly large spider and leopard slugs. Also the last handfuls of tomatoes. Not bad given that it is almost Christmas. I went for a walk in the afternoon. Leaving Lorraine happily doing things. Just as I was returning, Lorraine called to say she was zooming around to Beth and James's place, as Enzo was unwell. Poor baby was vomiting and going floppy, which was very worrying. Beth and Enzo were blue lighted to the Royal Sussex at Brighton, and stayed overnight. It seemed to be eit...

Saturday Lorraine and I went to look at carpets, and spoke to the carpet salesman until our ears wilted. They are very good in this local store, with a wide range. Came back with samples to see in situ, and think about stuff. Not as easy as it first seems.  In the afternoon Lorraine took Pat and Maureen to the Christmas party at Stratheden Court, they made them feel very welcome and clapped when they came in, which was all very lovely.  I went for a walk in the afternoon. Walking by the sea, which was quite calm, around sundown. The colours were gorgeous. The sea, reflecting the orange light, looked purple. Not seen that here in Seaford before.

Off to London this morning to meet Bob, as he put it 'under the usual lion' in Trafalgar Square. On the train I spoke to Mum, and very sadly she had to have Felix put down, as he was very ill. Wynford went with Mum to the vet, and was really helpful. I sent him a text to thank him. Mum obviously very sad. Bob and I had a lovely day. We lurked near the National Gallery, and a coffee, and then after going through the market that has sprung up on the edge of Trafalgar Square,  we went into the National to see a small exhibition by Joseph Wright of Derby. It was an example of Tenebrism, paintings showing people lit only by the light of candles, or in one case the light of a white hot poker, and everything falling back into darkness. A thin exhibition to be honest, and Bob and I knew one of the main exhibits which is in the permanent exhibition. But still fascinating and thought provoking. Then back into the Trafalgar Square where we bought two bratwurst hot dogs from a German sausa...

Off after a bit of editing of my conversation with Robin, to sit with Pat at 11:45. Sylwia was there, and is zooming back to Poland at the weekend. A long, long drive. Lorraine and Maureen off to Eastbourne for a hearing aid appointment.  Mum said the vets had asked for her to bring Felix in as soon as possible. She is trying to get someone to go with her tomorrow. I found Pat fairly perky, and I made him some tea and warmed up some beef broth. We watched one of those shows where they buy some tat and try to sell it on at auctions. I'd not seen the show for years, but the guy that presents it no longer wears a wig, making him almost unrecognisable. Soon Claudia and Jonas had arrived too. I made them tea, and after the carers had been, Patrick able to stand now fairly well for short times, and he was doing some exercises of holding up his leg and pointing his toes and so on. At 1:30 I slipped off leaving Claudia and Jonas with Pat for half an hour. I went home and joined some of my ...

A gorgeous clear skied day. Walking and listening to a Rest is History podcast about Jack the Ripper, and the streets of Whitechapel. In other news, Mum is very worried about Felix, and is looking to see if he is still covered by pet insurance.  We've invested in Netflix again, in time for Christmas. Watching Stranger Things.

Recording with Robin this morning, for the podcast. I ended up talking about Kay Syrad's book, which I have become intrigued by and Argonauts, by George Seferis. Nice to be recording with Robin again. then another walk, followed by some initial editing.  Lorraine off to the see Coílín our dentist, and spending time with Pat and Maureen.  In the evening I made off to The Evening Star to meet Messrs Hoibak and Hartley for a few cheery beers. I met these two, 55 years ago which is astonishing. A wide range of discussions, but all very cheery. After the Evening Star we went to the Green Dragon after an obligatory pizza in Fatto a Mano, and tonight it was full with people attending a pub quiz. Whoever is running that pub is doing a grand job.  Bumped into Spooner just after leaving the pizzeria. He had attended Yuk Man's funeral in London. Having not been back on LinkedIn I didn't know it was happening today. Spooner looked understandably sombre. I felt a bad I hadn't shown ...

A day with Beth and James and Enzo. We went off to The Long Man Brewery where there was a Christmas Fayre of sorts. I scoffed a very nice sausage roll, washed down with a half of Long Man's plum porter.  It was pleasantly Christmassy. Otherwise the normal sort of stuff. A chilli products stand, soaps with scraps of flowers in, a stand selling breads and excellent mince pies,  and the Long Man brewery shop,  full of geezers looking seriously at beers. We sat in a drafty former cow shed drinking coffee before zooming off down the narrow road to the Barn at the Friston forest visitor's centre, where we looked at more Christmassy stands, selling everything from Honey to festive baubles. In the art exhibition part, we met Adele and Mandy, who were exhibiting their artworks. Then Lorraine and I off to see Pat and Maureen. Maureen feeling a bit down, and we spent some time with them.  Beth and James and Enzo already at home when we arrived. Beth in Cinders mode beginning to...

Continuing to feel greatly bucked up, and looking forward to the day when I woke up. After breakfast, I helped Lorraine take an unused cot into the Climate Hub in the rain. Having done this I made off towards Morrisons, only to discern Lorraine yelping from afar as I inexplicably had her car keys in my pocket.  Home and with great care, proofread the six pages of my poems appearing in Poetry Salzburg Review next year. I added a single comma, and Wolfgang the editor had spotted a misspelling in a neologism, which is impressive. All this exactly the sort of thing a gentleman of letters should be doing with his time. I briefly pictured myself as an Edwardian Peter Kenny -- let's say 1908 -- poring keenly over the proofs while puffing thoughtfully on a briar pipe, while the staff were busy below stairs.  A bright lunchtime in a day of drizzle, so I wore my new Berghaus and waterproof trousers and walking shoes and surged out for a mild mannered walk about the edges of town. Not a ...

Over breakfast this morning, I received a note from Poetry Salzburg to say they are going to publish, the first part of Gordon Road, Google Street View , plus three of my free verse sonnets about memory, Mnemosyne Speaks, Death of an Accompanist, and Daguerrotype . Massively bucked up by this, especially by the acceptance of the Google Street View poem. Perhaps I am not an abject failure after all.  This news also helped to alleviate impostor syndrome when Robin and I interviewed Niall Campbell at 10:30. Niall proved not only hugely talented, but highly likeable too, growing up in South Uist, and now living not too far from St Andrew's where we have been a few times recently. His collection The Island in the Sound is magical . Then I met Adele at Seaford Station, and we zoomed off to Lewes, Adele even doing a bit of glasswork on the train, where we went to The John Harvey Tavern, where we met Frances and Deana. Ben and Sally sadly unable to make it. Deana hilarious, telling u...

Wore moderately smart clothes this morning, as yesterday I saw myself in a mirror in The White Bear looking a bit rubbish. Feeling smarter makes a difference. After a lovely breakfast with Lorraine, went to my desk to finalise my speculative missive to Shearsman. A sunny lunchtime, so I went for a walk, and later had a chat with Robin about tomorrow's interview, which we are going to do as a double act. While walking I called Carl, and spoke to him and Jayne who was also in the car. I was planning to visit him last month, and December is already busy enough so I said January. Lots of laughing as Carl ridiculed me as only your oldest friends can. Lorraine had been shopping with Beth, and in the afternoon Beth here with Enzo, so I had a chance to hang out with them. At one point Lorraine and Beth were out of the room and I was watching Enzo getting exceedingly tetchy lying on his back trying to pull down the toys that dangle from a little plastic arch over where he lies on his mat. B...

A steady rain, and fierce sea visible from Seaford station this morning. Breakfast with Lorraine, then off up to meet Mum at Hampstead. A fairly easy journey. Took one of my yellow book and sketched out some   practical next steps, and trying to get a grip. Last train a little delayed so I had to yomp up Arkwright road up to Hampstead. Met Mum slightly late, but we mooched down Flask Walk and then around to The White Bear which is now serving food again. The place empty. The new menu fairly unappetising, and the woman who runs it despite being quite friendly, was very pushy. Mum ordered a high quality sausage roll with fennel, and I had some risotto, which I had to send back as the rice was still hard and grainy. I ordered something else which was a bit meh. Mum unimpressed by the sausage roll's short and stubby shape, but was delighted by the Spanish house wine, and had three glasses of it. We like The White Bear. People began arriving as we were leaving, and there was a merry fir...

A quiet day to ourselves. Felt the urge for a housework frenzy which felt morally cleansing. In the afternoon we repaired to the studio, where we used one of the little breathing heaters, and Lorraine did some painting of her pottery pieces, including little holly shaped leaves, and I did some scribbling quite literally. Indoors again, and we cooked a chicken and roast, and watched a film called Finch, with Tom Hanks, which was a cosy kind of dystopian film. Not much cop, but Hanks is always watchable. Also enjoyed Chelsea holding Arsenal to a draw, despite having one of their players sent off. Below earlier Lorraine made a squash soup. The colour of the peelings was like sunshine on a chopping board.     

Some work this morning first thing, getting another poetry proposal together. Less depressed now, and able to countenance at least trying again. Met Lorraine for coffee at the Church Lane eatery, where I also had a rather paltry looking tuna melt. We noticed a large centipede walking across the floor, only to see it meet its end underfoot. Wished I'd scooped it out and taken it across the road to the graveyard before it met its maker. Then across the road to The Crypt, which had its Christmas of local artists makers including Adele and Mandy. Bought some Christmas things, and one of the exhibitors liked Lorraine's bag so much, she had to have a ten minute conversation with her about it. Then made off to Pat and Maureen's place. I sat with Pat for a couple of hours looking at the sea and chatting with the carers. One of them in a hijab, who Maureen calls Vee was very sweet and told me to just rest myself, when I said let me know if they needed anything. I said she should spe...

Lorraine off to see Dawn in Lewes this morning. I did fiddling about with writing, and spoke to Mum. Then and enjoyable chat with Robin about the next pre-Christmas episode. Nice to hear her news, a poetry reading in Chichester last night, Nick had just sold his grand piano, she'd pranged her new car in a multi-storey carpark. Chatted about the poems of Niall Campbell, from The Island in the Sound which we both like. Niall was born on North Uist. We need to get some questions together rapidly. In the late afternoon off to meet Anton in The Evening Star. He was fresh from doing an event, and was carrying a bag crammed with stuff, but included his dominoes. He thrashed me a couple of times. The first game a complete whitewash. He can even beat Martin, arch counter of pieces, these days. He'd popped over to see Camino a few days ago. Minus two at night apparently. And a power cut which saw them eating baked potatoes, and bacon and eggs cooked on a pan over the fire. We sloped dow...

Up early this morning. Tom arrived this morning, a burst of cheeriness first thing. He is down to see Pat and Maureen. I had to make my excuses, however and zoom off with Brian to walk in Friston Forest, with Marley the dog sprinting about with a stick in her mouth most of the time. Another gorgeous day, walking through the autumnal forest and its carpet of yellow beech leaves. Excellent and rather profound chat with Brian. While we were walking along he found his black case for his earphones, lost two weeks ago. Amazing he could see them on the forest floor. He said I was his good luck charm. Then we drove briefly to East Dean, where there was a small and very middle class market. He bought some venison. I almost bought some venison sausages as the prices didn't look too dear (arf). Then we popped back to see Yvonne, who had her grandson Sebastian with her. Last time I saw him (last Christmas I think) he was a baby, but now he is a little boy. I feel I understand babies a bit bett...

Up this morning and off to Friston Forest with Guy, and his two small and elderly dogs sporting day glow coats with handles on the backs so you could pick them up like suitacases. I told Lorraine that I was off dogging with Guy. A glorious crisp cold morning. Nice to get to know Guy a little better. He's very friendly and easy to chat with and I enjoyed our walk. Thanks to things like a nice walk in the forest, noticing that I am feeling more motivated, and cheerier. Arranged to meet people, to go for a walk with Brian on Wednesday, to see Anton on Thursday, to arrange a date with Messrs Hoibak and Hartley.  Lorraine spent much of the day with Beth and went to a Christmas Wreath pottery workshop this evening, which they both enjoyed. I sat at home and watched some documentaries about the end of civilisations. 

A glance at my phone revealed I had my first full state pension payment. Trying not to look at it as money for nothing, but cheering anyway. Looked at tax stuff with Mum this morning, and printed things off to send to her in a stamped addressed envelope. A walk, post office, and a bit of shopping. Decided to subscribe to Poetry Salzburg, PayPal glitched and I ended up paying twice. Sigh. More walking, then it rained but Bob called which was very cheering and we have booked a day to meet up soon. Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and then went to her physio and a walk with Beth by the seaside. Not much going on but my mood is improving steadily. 

A bit more lively today. Lorraine at home this morning, and it was nice to hang out. Visited the Government Gateway and found out a simple way to pay, and talked to her about that first thing. A little bit of writing and organising, this morning and a walk in the winter sun for me this afternoon, after Lorraine and I had the bright idea of cashing in our unspent Euros in the post office. Lorraine home and too tired to go out tonight. The Rebooters, nine of us, off to Eastbourne this evening by bus, to a pub called The Lamb. A nice old place. Missing Lorraine, but I had a good time. Brian and Yvonne, Adele and Patrick, Guy and Barbara, Steve, myself and Matthew arrived with Rumi the dog. One of the three allowable dogs.   Feeling low again, this evening but excellent company a pint or three of Harveys and a decent fish and chips perked me up.. Bussed back to Seaford, fond farewells to everyone. Steve and I sneaked off to the Union Club a place I am now a member for an absolute blood...

Beth's birthday, a gorgeous very cold but sunny day. Enzo five months today too. We drove around to Beth's place with some presents, and then we all drove off to Drusillas where we spent a few hours wandering about looking at creatures, and having a bit of a laugh. Enzo good as gold. Beth did very well and was feeling fairly okay. She has been amazingly resilient. We are all yearly members of Drusillas now, which means we can go as often as we choose. There's a little restaurant there too, and we scarfed baked potatoes, which on a cold day were a winner Home to Seaford. Lorraine and I drove straight to Maureen and Pat's house, as Pat had slipped out of his armchair onto the floor. We lifted him up again after some careful planning. I managed to pull my arm somehow in the process. Maureen a bit upset that she had just nodded off for a doze and woke to find him at her feet.  Lorraine and I did some shopping in Morrisons, then cooked a simple pasta dish for Beth and James ...

Beth and James at hospital all morning, with Enzo. Beth had lots of tests but has been released back into the wild, thank goodness. Didn't do my 10k paces today, and frankly felt a bit better for it. A peaceful day for me. Sylwia here this morning. I fiddled about doing a bit of writing. I also uploaded the photos of the Stone Age tool I discovered on a Facebook page devoted to that sort of thing. One expert said it was simply a stone, another regular poster called that into question. Learnt a new phrase today... Bulb of Percussion, a telltale sign that a stone has been hit and worked.   In the evening off to Steve's house, for the reading of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew . A delightful evening, and a fun play to read, although deeply problematic from a feminist perspective. We read it through, and then ate the delicious venison casserole Steve had cooked. A cheery evening, that manages to be both a good laugh with some mates, but also improving at the same time. Lorrai...

A cold start, and off to Edgware this morning. I discovered on the train that when I plugged in my laptop to recharge overnight, I failed to turn the switch on. I needed it to sort some things out for Mum. Feeling drained and depressed on the train, and was irritable all day. Once in Edgware and was walking towards Mum's place, it made me think of being in Edgware in my twenties, when times were colder. A chat with Rupa and Wynford, and Wynford's sister Linda. They are taking Mum to the pub tomorrow.  Mum drove us off to The Waggon. We met Steve there, who had kindly helped mum understand her tax form last week, and has set her up on the Government Gateway. However, this means that the authentication code to enter the Government Gateway is sent to Steve. I was unable to change Steve's number to mine in Mum's profile, as when I accessed it on my phone, I selected stay signed in for seven days. So I will have to trouble Steve again. However I bought him a large wine to th...

A gorgeous, frosty sunny morning in Seaford. Coffee this morning with Yvonne at Grumpy's cafe. Lots to discuss, then I strolled along the sea afterwards; a gorgeous sunny day. Lorraine off to her personal trainer, and getting some acupuncture. It seems to be helping her lots with knee pain in the night. To the dentist is afternoon. Coílín her usual sweet self, asked how Brian was straight off the bat, and I had to tell her he was in cat heaven, apart from a bit of a scrape and clean however me 'ampsteads are serviceable. Coílín asking me if I clamp my teeth while concentrating. I said I'm more of a drooler than a tooth grinder while asleep. In a first for me, I almost fell asleep while my teeth were being scraped. Walked home along the seaside, as the sun as lowering.  When Lorraine home from Pat and Maureen's place, we ate up our plated up dinners from last night, and we are speeding through watching the Star Trek series  Strange New Worlds , which is on ITVX, which is...

Up late this morning, breakfast then Lorraine did a spot of gardening. I stowed and cleaned the barbecue, a messy business. Steve called from the Waggon and Horses, as mum had taken her most recent tax letter to him to translate. Will pop up next week to see Mum and see Steve.  Afternoon, I went for a walk, bumping into Kate from life drawing, who had just done a portrait painting of Adele this morning. By chance Adele had sent it to me this morning, a strong resemblance and Patrick thinks it has captured her essence. She wondered if I fancied having mine done by her too. People tell me I'm no oil painting, but what if I were? Have been listening to a Great Lectures audiobook about the Occult. A series of lectures. It is superficial and is full of mistakes. I gave it a couple of hours. When it completely missed the point about how the I Ching works, I checked out. A bit tired after my walk, and boofed onto the gold sofa feeling drained and a little joyless.  Then to Stratheden...

Up early, as Lorraine had to take Beth to hospital. Poor thing has had an infected gall bladder as well as gallstones. An eventful earlyish walk.  Picked up a dozen or so pine cones from Seaford cemetery. Two workmen nearby looking at me as if I were crazy. A glance at poems this morning choosing one to show and tell in the Understory Conversation this afternoon. Emma shared a deft and wonderful piece of writing, weaving something unusual out of old family photos. Reading it was effortless. I feel on the other end of the sale, but good to have a sympathetic forum to share feelings of writerly gloom. Lorraine and I did a quick scoot in Morrisons. Home and I cooked.  Below, on my walk I found what I think maybe an ancient stone tool by the side of a field. I will show it to someone sensible online, but it fit my left hand very well and seemed to have a serrated worked edge. Also a photo of rape seed flowers in a field, holding the camera at knee level. 

A poor night's sleep. Woke up in the middle of the night certain that I had wasted my whole life writing poetry; that I had invented a machine to invite continuous rejection and failure into my life. Got up and had a cup of chamomile and asked the I Ching if I should just give it up. The hexagrams of my reading were  Treading  changing to The Creative. Essentially that I should not be foolhardy in my conduct and suggesting a time of creativity is coming, which cheered me up. I don't consult the I Ching often, but given that there are 4,096 possible readings to every consultation the fact that it always seems to supply such a precise and pertinent answer seems statistically improbable. I always come away from reading it as if I have had a dose of wisdom and feel generally much more philosophical about life. Back to bed, then up early and Lorraine drove to the flat and I followed shortly after on foot. Various people round today to check on Pat. Paramedics where there, as ...

Woke up in the spare room this morning, with Lorraine coming in to say hello. The baby slept like a baby last night, and Beth did too, and had colour in her cheeks this morning. Enzo adorable this morning, Lorraine getting in some cuddles with him, before driving them home then went on to see Pat and Maureen, and work her way through a long list of to-dos.  I had intended to submit a completed manuscript for a poetry competition, as today is the deadline but last week's illness put the kibosh on that. In a selva oscura  with my writing, and thinking about it just makes me feel hopeless. So... If in doubt tidy up. So I tidied up for hours, did laundry, shopped, cooked, and swept up the muddy clods of moss which accumulate outside our front door have been chucked off our roof by the pesky returning seagulls.  Went for a walk in a break in the rain.  Carl called, as I am hoping to visit him soon, and was talking about a night out in Liverpool. What could go wrong? Also ...

James drove Beth off to A&E this morning, with really bad stomach pains. It's a thing Beth has had a couple of times since pregnancy, which may be gallstones. She was released later in the day having had lots of tests, lots of painkillers.  So we had a day with Enzo. Shortly after Maureen called to say Pat had slipped out of bed again, but luckily the carers were just about to come. They made him comfortable, but paramedics had to come later to lift him back into bed. The bed is adjustable, and is low, and Lorraine had put lots of our little flat cushions on the floor, so Pat is literally cushioned if he should slip out. Ezno, and seemed completely happy to be with us. Lorraine is absolutely brilliant with him, and I loved playing with him, and he seems quite relaxed with me too which is nice. Having had little exposure to babies, they are far more interesting and loveable than I imagined. He is responding to the world now, and chuckling and smiling, especially at Lorraine, esp...

A late breakfast, drinking out of my Best Grandad in the World mug. I have yet to earn this accolade, but it's a lovely thought.   Lorraine caring for Pat and Maureen much of the day. I walked my bare minimum, which is ten thousand paces, then cooked one of my very herby chicken stews which turned out excellently. Also read a bit of Arthur Machen and contemplated my failures as a writer of poetry.  Another trip to Pat and Maureen in the evening, as Pat was a bit agitated. Home again and we discovered some sloe gin from last year, and had a nip of it. Wondered who had given it to us, until Lorraine said the writing on the label was her own. It was like a delayed present to ourselves. Watched some of Match of the Day, and repaired to bed. Chelsea won at least. Lorraine taking on so much at the moment, and I worry about her.  

Felt significantly improved, after a good night's sleep. Have more energy, and the gloom with this bug has also lifted. Managed a walk this morning, walking into town with Lorraine, who had to collect antibiotics for Pat. I went on to walk along by the sea, which was lovely and enlivening. Dramatic skies, and I snapped the shot below of some hardy swimmers clambering out of the sea after being in the little sauna on the seafront.  Spoke to Anton and Mum. Home and having finished my Arthur Machen book, took delivery of another one, The Great God Pan and Other Horror Stories, published by Oxford Classics. There is some duplication, of stories with the other anthology, but this has some key stories Penguin's  The White People didn't contain.  Also delivered were new walking boots, again I used Chat GPT to request the best walking boots for people with overpronation, and it suggested a reasonably priced pair from Merrell, who I've had two lots of shoes from before. But the...

Up in the night, as Pat had slid out of bed again. We drove around, and we pulled him back into bed. I experienced a bit of a sense of humour failure having to drag myself out of bed in high alarm at two o'clock.  We weren't there long, and apart from the lifting from the floor I kept to the other room not wanting to share my lurgy. Home and nerves still jangling, we found it hard to go back to sleep. Tired all day from the night's shenanigans, but I felt like I had more life about me. Had to miss the final drawing class of the year. But I felt that I was Turning The Corner. So much so that I walked in the garden and once around the block, which by the time I got home was quite enough. I dozed and read Arthur Machen all day, and really enjoying it.  Beth and James took Maureen and a friend to see Fiddler on the Roof. Maureen absolutely loved it, and it was a much needed-break for her. Derek and Jason spent the day with Pat, and they are zooming off first thing tomorrow. A b...

Marginally brighter today, and didn't sleep during the day. Mainly lying about like a slug in the afternoon. Certainly no walking. Sylwia gave me a little mug with Pete needs coffee NOW! written on it, which was very sweet of her. At my desk this morning but can't focus. A few emails though, one to the people who had rejected Gordon Road, they were quite nice about it though, so it is only civil to reply nicely thanking them.   Jason and Derek with Pat and Maureen today, having survived their horrendous journey. Lorraine at home for some of the day, but involved in all kinds of admin for them. I am enjoying reading though. I bought the physical book of Powsels and Thrums by Alan Garner, having listened to it as an audiobook.  Some of what he writes about his creativity I find very interesting. Began reading The White People and Other Weird Stories , by Arthur Machen. I bought the book a while ago and read a story or two from it, now can feast on the whole thing. Was listenin...

Most of the day in bed.  Trivial symptoms other than fatigue -- sore throat, ears, puffy eyes etc. The negative covid test made me feel a charlatan. Also feeling glum about my writing, and wondering what I should do with myself instead.    A text exchange with Keith this morning. Nice to hear from him. Lorraine at Pat and Maureen's this morning. A busy day for them, with Louise and Will coming in the morning. Meanwhile, the new bed Maureen had ordered for herself, wouldn't fit up the stairway. The local outfit, VR Flowers where brilliant however, replacing it with a different model later in the day.  Beth and Enzo came around in the afternoon. Beth doing an afternoon's work for her employer, while Lorraine had some Enzo time. I meanwhile slunk back into bed and was soon asleep.   Derek flew in from Finland, was collected by Jason at Heathrow. But they had a puncture on the motorway. It was some sort of a pool car or hire car, and for various reasons, they were i...

Feeling a bit unwell when I got up. A bit more editing this morning and had a chat to Mum. Around lunchtime  I began to feel overwhelmed by the job at hand, and exhausted and cold. Spent the rest of the day feeling unwell and rotting on the gold sofa with my microwavable bean bag. A few hours later I got a very pleasant email, rejecting Gordon Road. You can always rely on poetry to deliver its bitter pills when you feel lowest. The Gods laugh at the ambitions of poets. Lorraine and I ate the rest of the Bean Jar tonight. It was delicious. Lorraine had been busy with Pat and Maureen. Ken and Claire came over from Ireland for the day, getting up at 2am so they could spend the afternoon with them. Pat very pleased to see them, and slept well afterwards. Remained on the sofa watching telly with a decompressing Lorraine, until bed time. Bah. A waste of a day. Life is difficult enough for Lorraine at the moment without me being draggy. 

A relaxed morning, that Lorraine and I spent together pottering about the house, and having a slow breakfast. Lorraine also sewing jeans, and other bits and pieces companionably while I worked on the collection, and feeling like I am almost finished now Lorraine spent the afternoon with Pat and Maureen. I went for a walk along the sea, with my proper camera. Discovered there was a of helicopter training exercise winching crew members down to sea level and so on. I snapped away happily, but the memory card was still in my computer, and without my glasses I couldn't read the little message the camera kept giving me.  While walking I finished listening to my audiobook of  Powsels and Thrums , by Alan Garner. In every way an excellent book. I shall have to buy it in physical form. Beautifully written, discursive and full of profundity. Powsels and thrums are the scraps of cloth and oddments of thread left after weaving, a trade that had been in his family. Spoke to Mum briefly bef...

Once I was at the furthest point away from home on my walk this afternoon, it began to rain really heavily. I had a small umbrella with me fortunately, but still was soon soaked to the skin. It let up for a minute or two and I took a nice shot capturing the colours of the sea. I love it when the sky is darker than the sea. It makes me think of the paintings of Mark Rothko. As I was walking along, listening to my audiobook of Powsels and Thrums by Alan Garner. a crow was hopping about being blown backwards alongside me at about the same pace. Felt oddly companionable and a little magical.  While I was walking across the salts, it was raining again. A man shouting at me in distress. He'd opened the door of his car, and his dog had run out and disappeared. I stood looking out across the salts and could see no dog and walked around a bit to try to help. The man's despair, and the wild rain, made it all seem visceral and weird.  Like some scene in Thomas Hardy with the pathetic fa...

Slightly buzzy with ideas first thing, and had a quiet hour or so at my desk. Then breakfast, Lorraine having already had discussions on the phone with the consultant at the hospital. Loads of people in and out of Pat and Maureen's flat today, which was stressful for them. Occupational Therapist, District Nurse, carers, the person who delivered a hospital bed for Pat all calling around. So Lorraine there quite a bit, in between having an acupuncture session, for a much-needed half an hour focused on breathing and calmness. To Eastbourne Station like a  bus wanker , and then walked to the Hospital and back to collect Pat's corrected discharge letter, and a prescription.  Quite a long walk there and back, down boring main roads in Eastbourne. Waiting at Eastbourne I bought two eccles cakes which I had with Lorraine when I got home. Then later I took Pat's prescription round, and sat chatting with Maureen for a while, before Lorraine and Beth arrived with Enzo, to spread a lit...

Lorraine had a phone call this morning saying Pat was going to be released from hospital, and they would set off in two hours. Maureen was sleeping on the sofa downstairs, so we got up and Lorraine was around there with Maureen in good time. I'd got up early and had done  some writing, and had just settled back at my desk when Lorraine called in a panic saying the ambulance had arrived early, and she'd had to leave Maureen in the car to be with Pat. I walked round and helped an upset Maureen into the flat. Once we got everyone settled, and I'd made some tea, Lorraine opened the discharge letter and it was for a woman patient, with a similar surname. Lorraine called the ward. Beth, who happened to be in Eastbourne, was able to collect the right one.  When Beth gave Lorraine the letter had no mention of the acute and severe hypertension, which was the main cause of his admission in the first place. Lorraine has started an official complaint. She also talked it through with Su...

Breakfast with Maureen this morning. Then they drove off to Eastbourne to spend the day in hospital. The hospital, they said was incredibly busy and overstretched. But Pat stable. Very stressful for Lorraine and Maureen, and disorientating for Pat, who fortunately spent much of the afternoon asleep.  This gave me a bit of a free day of sorts, but I felt anxious and so it was hard to focus.  Therefore I followed Eno's advice about creativity: if in doubt, tidy up. A longish walk in the sunshine this afternoon, which helped. On my return, feeling a bit better, I began my Meta Book project, subtitled with deliberate pomposity 'being the chronological notebook of notebooks' in which I get all my past notebooks and fillet out anything in them of interest, and in the case of the one I'm just been looking at, what I was thinking about when I was 16 and 17, things like the colour green, stained glass windows, fossils, and spells using the moon, and other unlikely stuff. Girls, ...

A good night's sleep, then after breakfast Lorraine went around to Stratheden, having made an appointment with the doctor. However, Pat still unwell with little mobility, so he was taken by ambulance to hospital. Lorraine and Maureen spent all day with him. Apparently the hospital was unexpectedly busy. It seems Pat may have a chronic kidney infection among other things. He was given good treatment, and they lowered his blood pressure, started to rehydrate him and sent him for various tests and scans. He was kept in overnight, which must have been confusing for him.  Maureen and Lorraine who didn't get home till getting on for 11.  I'd made food earlier, but all Maureen wanted was a bit of garlic bread and a cup of tea.   After talking to Lorraine, I continued with my plan of going up to Hampstead to see Mum. On the Lewes train, I sat opposite two young men with painted nails, lipstick, mascara etc. who were having incredibly detailed conversations about the virtues of va...

Woken in the middle of the night by Maureen saying that Pat was on the floor. Outside, as we rushed off, we couldn't help but notice how bright the stars were. We were there in three minutes. Apprehensive when we were in the lift, but we found Pat had simply slipped out of bed. Maureen had wrapped him up warm. Lorraine and I got him up, no easy task, and tucked him back into bed. Back home again half an hour later, though it took both of us a while to get to sleep. The clocks fell back today, but our extra hour had been used up on alarms in the night. Lorraine and I married 12 years ago today. We agreed on no presents, but Lorraine gave me a card and a little blue glass heart. I got her nothing and felt ashamed of my disorganisation.  A cup of tea in bed for breakfast, and there was another call saying Pat had slipped out of bed again. So we zoomed around picked him up. He was stronger today and able to walk a bit. Lorraine and Maureen monitoring his blood pressure which is high. L...