under another sun

Apart from a few emails and a chat with Rod, Ken's son, to discuss his wellbeing, and Ros in France, I did not visit Ken or Janet today. I was feeling run down with a closed up throat, and Lorraine has been worse. However, we did go for a short drive off to Trading Boundaries, driving through the countryside beginning to go tawny. We nosed about there for a while, looking at the interesting furniture, much of it imported from India. I of course particularly nosed at the beautiful Roger Dean prints. They are lovely things, and of course Dean had colonised my visual imagination since I was a boy. We sat outside having a coffee and sharing a cheese scone while a Jazz band inside slurred through standards like So What , and Take 5 and My Favourite Things . Both of us somewhat below par. I feel drained and without a creative bone in my body. However, one of the weirdest things about today was that my brain was taken over by Pat. I found myself lapping up the scores in the Ryder C...

Lorraine ill with a cough, little voice and generally ill.  She however insisted on driving me to the hospice were she dozed in the carpark, and spoke to Maureen on the phone. She didn't go in, not wanting to infect people. Ken, Hus and Caroline there already. Caroline sitting outside the ward had asked to speak to the nurse to find out what the estimate of how long Janet might have is. The nurse said she could not say, but comforted Caroline who got upset about the situation. I had a chat with Caroline and Hus and a cup of coffee outside in the sun, while Janet was having some care.  I went in to check on Ken and he had been curtained out of Janet's bed while she was having some treatment, so I wheeled him outside to join them. I popped in later, and found Janet on her own. So that's an enema, she said with a grim smile. We chatted for a bit, she is perfectly able to talk and answer perfectly cogently, as long as people speak loud enough. She is always on the brink of ...

So with all the agency work behind me, Janet in the hospice, Ken being looked after by his family, I was free to go to my stained glass class with a clear conscience this morning. Nice to be there, although it was a case of two steps forward and one step backwards, as I broke the corner off an irregular piece I'd spent ages nibbling. In the middle of happily doing the glass, I had a wave of anxiety, and went out of the room and had a panic attack, and felt very shaky for a couple of minutes. This follows the typical pattern for me, of dealing with a crisis and then feeling the anxiety later on. Luckily these days panic attacks are extremely rare for me, and I know how to deal with them. In a few minutes I was back in the class getting on with things and everything was fine. Chatting to Ben afterwards. I really like him. Then on the bus to Martlet's hospice to see Janet. Met Hus and Kim there, and Hus's brother. Good chat there just making sure that we were all on the same...

Another terrible night's sleep, and Lorraine with a cough and cold. All kinds of bad dreams, one involving my shadow , a disgusting version of myself. Another recent dream was being in a plane that because it was not able to fly high enough was skimming the rooftops near the Fulham Palace Road and was about to crash into the agency I once worked at near there. Up and slogging this morning first thing, but at least I had only one job to get done. Worked at this all day almost unrelentingly, till it was sent off late in the afternoon to mes amis in Paris. So the slog, temporarily, ends and I can focus on getting the Janet and Ken situation better managed. A sigh of relief, then I walked to Hove, albeit rather slowly as I have had one of those exhausting sore throats all week, and went to sit with Ken. Reem was there, making me laugh being entirely natural with Ken, and a carer who had dropped in. Reem and the carer left and I sat with Ken and we had over one hundred identical c...

Some of the pressure lifted today. I handed over the last bits of the job for my Paddington friends, who have been kind and understanding. This means that the impossible job of finishing both the Paddington work and the French work by Friday became possible. So after handing over, I spent the rest of the day slogging on the French work, by the end of the day I felt like the deadline tomorrow is now just meetable. In the morning the plumbers came around too and looked at the job, dropped off his invoice finally, and looked at our downstairs loo. I was surprised by Ken's son and his wife had to return home to the midlands today, leaving everyone scrabbling around to look after Ken. I said I'd sit with him tomorrow night. After pilates, an under the weather Lorraine drove us off to Martlets to see Janet.  Janet is on her own in a bare but pleasant room. She was too tired to talk much, so I just sat there holding her hand for ten minutes while she slept, Lorraine hold...

Up with the sparrows and working on the French brief, from just gone seven as yesterday. Hus phoned me at nine asking me when I was arriving to look after Ken. I had to tell him this was impossible today, which made me feel bad. Then on with the day's work from my pals in Paddington. I have told them about what's going on, and luckily this particular job is coming to an end soon. They are lovely people, but this particular project is one that even with an electron microscope I would not be able to locate any interest. This all ended around 6:30. But hurrah! No commute. Feeling under the weather today, and Lorraine coughing and tired when she got home. Luckily I had cooked a chicken curry and this turned out quite well, and we watched the other half of Back to the Future, which, I suppose, was mildly entertaining. Felt bad that I hadn't done anything on the Janet and Ken front today, but badly needed to focus on work, and just step back for a bit.  Rod and Claire are t...

Monday and up with the sparrows and working on my French brief for two hours till 9:30 whereupon I began my day's work. However the Martlet's nurse was coming around to see Janet this morning, and I felt I had to be there, so I taxied off there to be there for 11:30. Janet seemed bright today, and was sitting up on her newly delivered tilting medical chair. When the nurse arrived Janet was somewhat downplaying her symptoms. Janet asked Hus to take Ken for a smoke in the back, and Heather and I filled in the gaps a bit. Ray and Sonia dropped in too. I had to leave after the meeting, but I was pleased I had been there. Janet just wanted to hold my hand, before I left, but I had to go after a bit as I was feeling stressed about work. Home again, and hard work till sixish. Interspersed with calls from a very stressed Hus and others about Janet and Ken. I managed to screw a couple of minor things up as I worked too, which is unlike me and made me feel bad. I am oppressed by work...

Lorraine and I up and were at Janet and Ken's for 7:30 this morning, shortly after the overnight nurse had left.  Enthusiastic rain and very grey. Apart from a bit of food and drink for Janet, all quiet for the first couple of hours. And Lorraine and I did some work on the sofa, me on my latest French brief and Lorraine on school things. Then Theodora, a really nice woman who had been Janet and Ken's cleaner came, and gave the place a deep clean. The Age UK nurse came, and Lorraine and I got Ken up, gave him coffee, and Lorraine and I took him to the bathroom for a wash. I am copying Lorraine. Then Hus arrived and we pushed off at around 11:30, and did a spot of shopping, and then had breakfast.  Looked at some work briefly, and snoozed briefly and did not much of anything, as the day brightened up outside. Spoke to Mum and Toby. Then Lorraine and I hopped on a bus and made off to Beth and John's flat, where Betty had cooked a roast chicken, and vegetables, and John had b...

Wretched cats woke me at six, and I despised them for it. Back to bed after feeding them, feeling exhausted, and slept till 11. Lovely Lorraine bringing me breakfast in bed, including lots of fried tomatoes I had pilfered from Janet's garden yesterday. A bit of home lurking, and discussing what would happen to the Spare 'Oom, when we turn in into a wee workshop, and measuring walls and so on. I also called First Matie for a chat, which was nice as we hadn't spoken for ages. She has just installed a wood burner. Then off to Janet and Ken's and spent several hours there this afternoon and evening. I felt like I had hit a wall this morning, feeling tired and feeble, however, I snapped out of it when I arrived at Janet's house, which was thronging when Lorraine and I arrived. Rod, Ken's son, and Clare his wife, as well as Georgie and Madeline. Hus turned up shortly after us. Lorraine Hus and I had a long chat with Rod and Clare, to discuss what will happen to Ken,...

Up and sorting a few things to do with work out, and then I walked across to Evolution arts to do stained glass for a couple of hours. Feels a friendly place these days. Yvonne texting me suggestions for horse therapy names during the day, as I'd mentioned this was one of my current briefs. I spent most of my time happily  nibbling bits of glass into shape with pliers. I have accepted slow progress, and no longer strain at the leash, and as a consequence enjoying the class much more. There was classical music on the radio and I said that it was like a rehabilitation centre for people recovering from a mental illness. One of my new classmates said she was an occupational therapist, and this was exactly the kind of thing they did. Then zooming straight to Janet's place for one o'clock. Janet's nieces Kim and Heather had arrived, and Janet was very happy chatting to them. I liked Kim and Heather very much right away.  I spent quite a bit of time with Ken watching him smo...

Up and off in a cab to Janet's place. Got stuck in traffic, I asked him the Italian cab driver people were being horrid to him after the Brexit vote, and they weren't. We agreed Brexit was a stupid idea of course. In the real world the reality of this unworkable idiocy is beginning tell. Prime minister May humiliated in Europe today, and given some home truths by the French President Macron, that the people who had promised that Brexit would mean great things for the people, were liars and have all disappeared. I do feel sorry for May. She is in an impossible position. So arriving at Janet's, Betty was there having come early. After conversations Beth told me that Hus had yesterday I wanted to talk to Janet about going into a hospice. Luckily she quickly told me she did not have to be persuaded that this was a good idea. She had a particularly rough night last night. I asked her to think about it again, and an hour later when Hus was there we discussed it again, and she w...

So more working from home on dribs and drabs of things from my friends in Paddington. Also lots of conversations about Janet and Ken, and I attempted several times to call the social worker in the afternoon without success. Beth at Janet and Ken as a kind of girl Friday, spoke to Beth several times, as well as Hus and Lorraine and others. An evening's respite with Anton, after we met in the Great Eastern, we went to Fatto a mano pizza in its new outlet in the North Laine. Great to hang out and chat about everything, and drink the beers that needed drinking in a few local pubs. With Janet's situation it looks like I must shelve going to Guernsey with Anton, which is a great shame.  However we played a few games of Batman pinball in which both Anton and I scored enough points to get free replays. We parted company after an absolute bloody final in the ever faithful Batty, and I walked home, and went straight to bed.

Lorraine off to work, and I got up to start work, having lapped up the tea Lorraine brought me in bed. Stressed first thing, however, with the client changing overnight what time the morning's teleconference would start.  I was up far earlier, but only discovered everything had changed overnight and the meeting was underway, and I couldn't load the necessary software either. The rest of the day fine though, working for the agency. Also caught up on some emails relating to Janet, bill my lovely French clients, chat to mum and send off a few emails.  I also had a long chat with Rod, Ken's son. Mum's car has passed its MOT, although the number plate that she had refreshed with new paint had to be replaced. Also chatting to Betty about going to Janet's house tomorrow morning. A couple of short walks too. Lorraine having an evening governors meeting so home late. I watched a documentary about early humans and tried to draw designs for stained glass windows. I can...

Spoke to Carl this morning, asking his advice on the Ken and Janet situation. And spoke to Mum as I was walking over to Hove to meet Beth in Caffe Nero. A quick coffee there before buying Janet an Ice Chocolate Mocha and taking it round. Lots of people about today, Hus there as well as Ken's son Nick. Plus various nurses and carers visiting, and someone to take Ken out for a trundle in the sunshine on his chair. It was exhausting for Janet and Ken. Beth and I, in between talking to people, running various errands and so on, got a few things stuck the walls, such as key phone numbers, medications and a timetable to note who is coming when. I also spoke to the social worker. Very pleased to talk to the very chatty Nick, who is town crier of Axminster,  and discover he said he had no intention of having Ken far from him after Janet dies. A deluge of emails later from Ken's family trying to find ways to help. Hus now has to focus on getting work. It all feels somewhat overwhelmin...

Up a smidge before noon, having had tea and breakfast in bed. A few bits and pieces around the house, and then Lorraine and I bused into town to go to Marks and Sparks to buy some bits for Janet. Then we walked along the seafront to Hove, where we popped in for an hour. Hus, sleeping in the spare room, but Janet and Ken both up.  Janet in good spirits today and Lorraine helped her onto the chaise lounge that her mum Maggie, who I knew well, had bought her when she passed her PhD. By the time we had reached Hove the clouds had gone and it was a perfect blue sky. After seeing Janet and Ken, we went around the corner to Caffe Nero where we met Beth for a coffee and a catch up, before jumping on the bus home. There we discussed plans for reorganising one of the bedrooms into a studio, where Lorraine can do embroidery, jigsaws and so on, and I can do stained glass and art. It's part of a vision that is an alternative to sitting about watching TV in the evening. Sometimes TV must b...

Up fairly early this morning, I made breakfast and we had a spot of pottering about in the garden, which was immensely good fun. Then off to see Janet and Ken. Met Janet's pal Sonia there, and then  Spent some of the afternoon and evening with them. Janet had been up this morning, but was back in bed. A hospital style bed had been delivered, which can raise up and down. Lorraine and I chatting with them, and running various errands. Later Lorraine made food for Ken, and I emptied Ken's pee bag, which was a new experience. Ken chatting quite a bit, although asking us the same thing over and over. But he is still full of surprises, and his ability to remember songs and foreign languages is undiminished. He sang old music hall songs, including a song called, I discovered today with google, She was a sweet little dicky bird which concludes with the lines 'We parted on fighting terms/ she was one of the early birds/and I was one of the worms." Also he sang a song called I...

Lorraine working from home today with me, which made me feel much happier. I spoke to Hus who had some good news. The District Nurse was like a whirlwind today, she is going to get a bed at home for Janet, and much greater support now, thank God. I spoke to Janet at lunchtime, and she has asked me to sort some stuff out from her tomorrow, which I will do when I visit her. She was also pleased the District Nurse recognised the help that Hus and his girls had provided. Janet has been in bed now for two days. Working all day too of course, on the job with my pals in Paddington, but able to drift downstairs to see Lorraine and have a cup of coffee with her outside in the afternoon. Worst thing is that I thought I was working four days this week, but I learned at 5:20 that they want me tomorrow too, which means I have to negotiate time to do Janet's things in the afternoon, and miss my stained glass class again. Brian the cat released into the outside world again, looking a bit ...

Up early and working from home, but a very difficult day dominated by Janet even though I did not see her. She was unwell today. I had calls with Hus, Georgie (a friend of Janet's), and Rod, plus sent various emails. I am finding the experience stressful, as all the practicalities are new to me, people seem to be looking to me to know what to do, and obviously I feel very sad about Janet.  I feel as if I am wearing a heavy greatcoat all the time. Not much other news, other than having to work on stuff from my pals from Paddington. This was a bit fraught too as items I'd sent them hadn't been received, and I thought they were demanding another piece of work I had not yet done and so on.  I am writing about events in an internal conference of a pharmaceutical company. It seems so trivial at the moment. Brian seems much recovered, and flinging himself desperately at the front door when I opened it in an attempt to escape. Thankfully he seems much better. Calliope sitting o...

Up with Lorraine and the sparrows. Breakfast, and then dosed Brian up with painkillers by rubbing his gums. This a two person job, although Brian seemed unusually philosophical about it. He sits about like a smack head afterwards, and stares happily into space. By evening he was moaning at me about wanting to go out, and is gradually seeming quite a bit brighter. So working at seven in a bit of a frenzy to get stuff sent off to my friends in Paddington. They were kind enough to give me time to taxi over to Janet's house. Due to a glitch on the Taxi app, a second taxi arrived at my house while I was in the first. Driver two phoned me angrily, but I had none of it. I arrived at Janet's the same time as Hus. Long meeting with the palliative care nurse from Martlets, and the social worker.  I left feeling the wheels were turning. Janet has a tendency to downplay her need at crucial times, so I am pleased Hus and I were there. While everything wasn't completely sorted out, K...

So off to Paddington, feeling very yawny and tired. Slightly early arrival, so walked momentarily by the canal. A small part thickly carpeted by duckweed, and a man on a strange boat apparently designed to scoop stuff, like duckweed from the surface. Work fine, and nice to see some of the folks there. Took a vague brief this morning and then was then allowed to go home, as I had negotiated working from home. Worked in the afternoon at my desk. Meanwhile Brian taken to the vets this morning by Betty. He is very poorly indeed with they think, pancreatitis and is in lots of pain. He has not eaten in three days. Spoke to Betty about him and Lorraine.  However when Lorraine brought him back from the vets (he had to be put out for the tests as he wasn't having any of it) he made straight for his food and had a few mouthfuls. He has shaved bits, and I held him down gently as Lorraine rubbed some kind of pain killer into his gums. Hus called me this evening, worn out with looking aft...

My thoughts very much with Janet today. I had a call about them from their old friend Ros this morning. Lorraine and I called around to see her and Ken this afternoon, and we spoke to Hus and May. While we were there another friend of Janet's called Georgie called around. In the evening, I sent a note out later to several of Janet and Ken's friends and relatives with the latest news. They have requested 24 hour care, during a conversation this morning with the district nurse. After our visit, Lorraine and I went down to the seafront at Hove, where we sat on a bench listening to the sea for a bit in the sun. However and exuberant Hare Krishna parade terminated just behind us, in joyous singing and the distribution of fruit from a large cart. It was rather surreal, but made me feel suddenly quite cheerful. Odder was the life-size model guru they passed reverentially into the passenger seat of a car. It looked so real it could have given someone a nasty turn if found unexpectedl...

Up and after breakfast, worked on doing concepts for the French agency till one o'clock. All about Lyme disease in dogs, so I had to put myself in the shoes of someone who loves dogs. Feeling sluggish and with a general disinclination to do anything. Lorraine and I discussed going shopping, till Lorraine went shopping and I felt asleep for an hour on the sofa. In the evening Lorraine drove us off to Dawn's house in Steyning, we'd not seen her for ages. She has broken her elbow having stumbled on the scree on Ben Nevis, while walking there with her sisters and nieces. Then she had to be helicoptered off the mountain. Luckily there had been mountain rescue people ten minutes away, one of whom kept her warm in a tent and fed her her painkillers and jelly babies till the helicopter came. She has a nastily bruised arm and a plate in her elbow. Dawn now going back out with David, so lots to talk about over  Thai curry and plum crumble. I always enjoy being in Dawn's cozy ho...

Annoyingly the agency in Paddington were expecting me to work for them today, till around 10am. They did not, so I was able to zoom over to the stained glass window class. Spent a couple of hours there picking up the pieces of my window, and cutting new bits of glass. Ben had a new influx of students, plus the four I had been with last time. Had a quick coffee afterwards with classmates, or should that be glassmates, Chris, Yvonne (she of the father with a pet crocodile) and her pal who has joined the class, called Adele. Loved escaping into thinking about glass. Then I went to Janet and Ken's house and I spent the afternoon there till early evening, running various errands for Janet and just generally doing what I could to help. Janet had been in bed all day. Lorraine came after work, and warmed up some food for Ken, then drove us home a bit later when Hus arrived. There was a night care organised by his daughter May for the evening. Once home Lorraine and I decided to buy a...

Brian woke us up by vomiting watery stuff on our bedspread first thing this morning. Up early and working on the French work, brain working a bit better today, and I was able to send the  work off after lunch, to wait for feedback.  Unable to go to my stained glass window course this morning but emailed Ben to tell him I had signed up for it again. I slipped off the desk manacles, and went down to get a hair cut, and tried unsuccessfully to buy  yellow note pad with yellow pages in A4, which suddenly are not to be found. I got some on Amazon eventually. Even finding those was a bit of a job. I spoke to Janet at some length on the phone, but had to return home when mes amis had sent me some substantial feedback. Home and looking at this work with little enthusiasm till I had to accept that I would have to do it tomorrow.  Very pleased to see Lorraine when she got home. Both tired, we ordered a takeaway from Red Chilli and had a cheeky beer in the Park View while ...

Somewhat stressful day. Up early after a poor night's sleep and working on concepts, but finding it a real struggle, while feeling pressurised to deliver fast as I have now negotiated a bit of work for the next few weeks, but much of it can be done from home, which is a great news.  Spoke to Mason who was talking about helicopters, and texted Mum to say that Google was working. Went for a couple of short walks in the attempt to become less antsy. Lorraine came home early like the cavalry, and helped me become less stressful very quickly.  Part of it was worrying about Janet, and so Lorraine drove me over where we met Hus and his daughter Reem whose 21st birthday it is tomorrow. I spoke to the Martlet's nurse who told em that the GP and district nurse were all in touch. Lorraine warmed up some food for Ken and diluted Janet's morphine in water so it was easier to take.  After this we popped into see Rosie and Innis, and swapped Euros for pounds as Rosie is off ...

Quite motivated this morning, sent my children's novel off to a U.S. literary agent, entered Sin Cycle into the Magma pamphlet competition, among other stuff. Then walked over to see Janet in Hove, as there was a respite carer in to look after Ken. Janet somewhat tired, so she hopped aboard Ken's wheelchair and we trundled up the road to a restaurant called Third Avenue, where we had a bite to eat, and two glasses each of a non-alcoholic berry and crushed ice drink. Service was snailish, but we had a good chat, and Janet is wisely getting her affairs in order. Back at Janet's house we sat in the back room, as Ken and Janet shared a crafty cigarette. I saw that the tomatoes Janet had put in were full of fruit, and she asked me to pick them. She has always had green fingers, and her new little garden was full of  stripy, and red, and yellow tomatoes. When I picked them, the smell took me back to childhood. Janet gave me a big bag of them to take away. I hopped on a bus...

Completed an essay about waiting rooms (just a small part of the top secret waiting rooms project) which I mainly did to get my thoughts in order about the subject, and I also sent it into an essay competition which I have had my eye on. I've not written an essay as such for many a year. I think it turned out well though. Spoke to Lynne up in Paddington about another chunk of freelance work. While this is good news, I have my finger in lots of pies at present, so it will take some juggling. One of these is trying to arrange a few days walking in Guernsey with Anton. Having started work this morning at just gone seven, and having not stopped till three, I took myself out for a walk on the edges of Brighton for a couple of hours, up into the top of Stanmer Park woods, and round the far side of the Hollingbury golf course, listening to podcasts, one about the literature of trees, which I listened to in the wood. Then back to do a few bits of work, before cooking. Lorraine was ho...

Monday then, and Lorraine off to school for the inset day, before the children all pile in tomorrow. The alarm going off at six, and back into the new routine. I like getting up early and stealing a march on the world. So making what seems like a new start. A new list, which looks a lot more practical and balanced than the lists of summer. I spent much of the day working on my Waiting Room project, getting in touch with the French Bloke who has agreed to let me bounce it off him, as he has a large and different brain. I also billed mes amis in Paris, and made a few calls, including to Janet who I will see on Wednesday all being well. Off for a walk this afternoon around the edges of the golf course, not a massive walk but enough to stir the blood. I find you can have a short walk, but if lots of it is not on a pavement, this is more demanding. At the moment I am preferring walking outdoors to going down to the stuffy gym. When the weather turns wretched, I shall gym it a bit more. ...

Up and did some work today, as Lorraine was having to sort some stuff out too. Then we walked down in the afternoon to Grand Central where Louise Tondeur launched informally her short story collection, Unusual Places. It was quite an informal affair, though lots of poetry pals were there, Louise's wife Sarah Barnsley obviously, but also Jeremy, Charlotte, Robin, Stephen, Janet Sutherland and John McCullough among others. Lou read a very good extract from one of the stories, as young Zach encouraged people to buy the book. Lorraine and I did, naturally. Lorraine and I talked to Bob the husband from the husband and and wife team behind Cultured Llama the publishers. Then home, after this pleasant interlude, before we headed out again to have an surprise birthday bite organised by Klaudia for Anton. We met in a newly-opened burger joint called Patty and Bun. Anne, Anna, my excellent godbairns Klaudia and Oskar and L and I tucked into various burgers and had a cheery meal. Nice to se...

Up and at 'em, at least for a Saturday. Phoned Janet, who was tired after a poor night. I will see her next week. Lorraine and I had what we indelicately call a house poo, where we took sacks of rubbish to the recycling plant in Hove, and boxes of things to go to a Hove charity shop. Quite satisfying to have a tidy dungeon, into which we can now neatly store garden stuff that had been kept in the rotting shed we got rid of. Then back to Brighton, where I bought Anton a card and pressie. A lovely afternoon, and Lorraine sat finally lounging on her sun lounger, whose purchase had been within fifteen minutes of bringing it home before we went on holiday, the signal for the end of the drought. A really nice evening. Off to the Bath Arms to meet Anton, where we sat outside for a bit. We went off to have bite to eat in Indian Summer. He was perky having been to his cardiologist, who told him his valve looks fine, and he is now officially in good shape, despite having a pe...